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Old October 19th, 2008, 10:32
whisnant way whisnant way is offline
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Default The Eve to his Adam (Too young)

July 10th I lost the love of my life. even though I'm 22, I say that with a serious face. I usually say what I mean, and I know no man will ever measure up to him. He died 4 days before his 22nd birthday from neck injuries resulting from a mail machine he was working with in the mail room. He was smart, GORGEOUS (He was a model) and he loved me-no-WORSHIPED me. We worshiped each other. I received a call right away when he was in the hospital but ignored the call because I was on the phone with someone already. The next day I listened to the voice mail at work with his father saying he was in a terrible accident and call right away. I called and his female cousin picked up and broke the news to me. At work in the middle of everyone I fell to my knees and cried so hard I was about to swallow my tongue. I ran to his house to find his dad there, alone (Think this is bad? He lost his wife 9 months PRIOR! now his only son with her.) I wailed on the floor, and my parents came and took me home. The next day I came over and all his family were giving me crap about crying so much. I can't cry? They said it hurt the father when I did that but did they think I did it on purpose? The love of my life is dead! His witch of an aunt changed the plans. He was supposed to be cremated and his dad was going to give me some ashes but she somehow thinks she runs the show and made the dad bury him, and put his moms ashes inside the coffin. I overheard her telling my guy's half-brother that she tried getting the dad to date again even though his wife just died. And this is HER sister, not his!

At the wake, I was there and after being warned by everyone in their family not to cry (which is ridiculous) I sat front row just looking at him. He didnt look dead, which makes me lucky. Some people look dead and it makes things a tad bit harder. His fingertips were turning gray and his right eyelid was wrinkling up, he was about 120 and he was 6'3, very skinny. His aunt told me family only in the front row and my parents flipped out at her, I wasn't paying attention because I was in a trance looking at him (you all know what that is like)

In between the wakes, because I was there at both that day, the aunt was eating pizza in the front pew (can you believe that garbage!) and she took pictures of him. I got so angry I got up and left and slammed the chapel door behind me. when I looked back I saw white camera flashes through the chapel window. The next wake that afternoon a 6 year old girl was there (don't ask me why someone would bring a child there) and the woman pushed her towards Adam telling her to pray to Adam. The girl was on the verge of tears. I can't believe people.

Since Adam died I have come across some really rude people. Some people stopped talking to me because it "depresses them", men have hit on me after knowing. These men i thought were friends. I called the HR girl at my former job that I wasn't coming in and she said in a tired voice, "You'll find someone else, there is no afterlife don't believe in that crap. I gotta go talk to you later. [click]" I got fired from work because they couldn't accept the change for awhile. 3 months have passed and 2 weeks in I went into therapy, a bereavement specialist. I stopped crying every single day although I do cry ALOT. I have no regrets because I told Adam everyday that I loved him, and I spoiled him rotten and he loved every minute of it. See, although he was professional magazine model he never had a girlfriend, he never met a girl who understood him and his beliefs, but I did. I had numerous boyfriends but none were on my level of understanding either. Even though I am not a magazine model, we had a love like no other couple I know.

People keep holding my age against me saying I will find someone else. Now, this is EVERY single person. I am not like everyone else where I could. I am a firm believer that we have soul mates. I found mine and he died. So what do I do? Settle for the next best thing? No. I can live my life without needing a man. One girl told me I would find someone-no-that i NEED someone, meanwhile she gets beaten up by her boyfriend and wont leave (she has no ties to him) but won't because she doesn't want to be alone. Another said there's no such thing as a soul mate, there's millions of people out there you can love any of them. This is a girl who never stayed faithful to a single man in her life. I need to be left alone with that. My heart belongs to Adam. I'm a psych major and I can read myself pretty well, I have fun and not feel guilty, I check guys out and not feel guilty hehe. But my love has grown since he died. My therapist said within 3 months people who have been there for you start doing their own thing and ignorantly believe 3 months is enough to get over it. I have the flu and I was talking to this guy i thought was my friend. He said he'd always be there to listen about my grief with Adam. I had 2 flus back to back and any psychologist knows depression makes you more susceptible to illness. I merely told my friend depression does that and thats probably why I had it and he told me to shut up, that I'm pissing him off with my depression and that I want people to feel sorry for me. So, I have no one. If I cry at home my father tells me to get over it because I'm not letting Adam's "soul rest", whatever that means. My mother lost the love of her life at my age, he died from an overdose. I asked her in the afterlife what she would do, she said she'd look for him, and sayonara to my dad. She said she doesn't want to hurt me by doing that, I told her that I'm going through the same thing so not to worry. I've been watching ghost shows, programs on near death experience and so on, too keep my faith that I will see my baby again. I hope when I see him in old age I will be 22 again, because I know if we stay the same age, we're going to be the strangest looking couple on the block



I'm taking it badly, I kept his clothes and knick knacks in chests. I'm a pack rat and have no heart to let them go.

I think he gives me signs, that's how I take them anyway and it comforted me. If you think you get signs read up on adcrf.org, its a really nice site where people share experiences they had with people who died. Signs and stuff.

I have no one there for me to listen and I have resorted to paying someone to listen. My therapist said he is shocked that I have no support, and because of this my recovery is far more slower than the average survivor.

I feel like a prisoner in my own skin, I don't know how I'm going to live these 60 years without him.

This is my first post, I'm happy to be here. My name is Frances and I'm from New York.
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  #2  
Old May 11th, 2009, 14:00
chesterlee chesterlee is offline
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 25
Smile whisnant way

whisnant way i read your comments in other member posted i thought you are one of those people who only gives advise but now i know you have also a broken heart.

keep up the good work in helping those person like you. Dont lose hope my friend..

I want to share this to you. It's a inspirational real life experience. Click this link http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/husband-died.html it help you.

Good luck to you.. If you want to talk PM me simojt_leokristoffer@yahoo.com

Thank you ma'am
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  #3  
Old November 16th, 2009, 03:18
kate09 kate09 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
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Whisnant way, I read your story and it role down my tears. Its really heart breaking. My heart goes out to you. I m so sorry for your loss. I know loss of love is very painful. Its difficult to deal with this grief. You should go to grief counseling group for deal with your grief. I understand your feelings. But you can trying to move on. Time heals all wounds. My prayers and condolences for you. May God give you strength. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
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