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Old October 6th, 2008, 06:08
Kelly28 Kelly28 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 3
Default My Fiance has died

He was only 34. We were a perfect family he loved my daughter like she was his own and we had a son together who is only 2 and 8 months.

He only passed away on the 26th september but he was in intensive care from the 21st.

I can't really accept what has happened as it feels so out of the blue. I had had a chest infection a few weeks before and the doctor also wanted me to make an appointment for an asthma test. So when Daniel started wheezing on a night we thought that he was getting the same thing. On the Saturday morning he went to work even though he had been up most of the night coughing and wheezing. When he came home on the afternoon he seemed better but later when he tried to have a sleep he got bad again. I told him to ring NHS direct to see if there were any out of hour surgeries. The person he talked to said we could both have had the same virus and it triggered asthma in me and brought back his childhood asthma that he hadn't suffered from in 20 years. He didn't smoke and walked plenty so was fit and healthy. Anyway he had an appointment at A&E and the doctor dismissed the asthma theory and gave him anti biotics and steroids. He took the 6 steriods when he got back and 6 more the next morning and the anti biotics as instructed.

By sunday afternoon he had been up all night and could hardly walk for being breathless and was bringing up lots of brown phlegm. I rang NHS direct and explained that he was getting worse and he was feeling like he did as a kid when he has an attack and was unable to control his breathing. The nurse said she didn't want him in A&E where he could panic so she was going to get a doctor out but if the doctor couldn't make it they would ring for an ambulance cos there was no way he could drive. The doctor rang and didn't ask him anything just said go to A&E and when he said he couldn't drive she said get someone to take you. So my dad took him and Daniel went in while my dad was talking and he told me that when he got to the desk he could hardly stand or talk so they sent him in next. The doctor read the oxygen level in his blood and it was 93 so he gave him oxygen for 5 minutes and it went to 95 he told him that he still wasn;t happy about it but sent him away with an inhaler till the medicine kicked in but still didn't say the asthma had returned.

That night he was getting worse was in pain just walking up the stairs but we both thought once the tablets kicked in he would be ok. Once my daughter went to bed I brought down a matress for him cos he wanted to try sleeping downstairs. I pushed it into the room and he grabbed the end and pulled it and nearly collapsed. He said I think I need to go back to hospital because that has really taken it out of me. I rang NHS direct again cos with him seeing the doctor that afternoon I didn't want to "waste" an ambulance, they said the nurse would ring back within half an hour. He was waiting sat on the floor then kept saying come on come on so I rang 999 and within minutes the paramedics arrived. When he got up to sit on the couch he started moaning and looked really scared but the woman told him he had to calm down and gave him the oxygen mask. They were going to treat him there but she said lets go out to the van to do it so she told him to get his shoes on so they could go to the van. I wasn't talking to him at this point cos the woman was saying she used to live in my house and was joking and since there seemed to be no threat to him I was joking back. Thy walked out the house and i shut the door and ran up to tell my daughter not to worry and that they were sorting him out at the van. I came down and waited for them to come back in but it was taking a while so I looked out the window and the ambulance had gone. I didn't know what to do so rang my mam crying. She said she would try and get my dad who was on night shift and I started finding the numbers for the hospitals.

When I found him the nurse said you need to come in he is very poorly so I thought he would be on a ward with an oxygen mask. I couldn't get in touch with my dad and had to get the kids up and ready to take to my mams. Nearly an hour later (or less) we got in touch with my dad so I rang the hospital back and said I was coming now. She put me through to a Doctor who was asking me questions and I was thinking why isnt he asking Daniel so i said is he awake and the Doctor said I can not tell you anything because he is critical but there is a team working on him. I thought I would die there and then.

When we got there the nurse explained he had had an asthma attack which led to bronchial seizures and his heart stopped. They managed to restart his heart but were unable to give him oxygen straight away. I'll never forget seeing him only a few hours after I thought he was ok. There was a ventilater breathing for him and he had tubes all over, they put something in his neck down to his heart to send the medicine straight there. The nurse said they couldn't believe that the doctors at A&E had sent him away but when I brought it up to the doctor later he said no one was to blame.

We were told that night he had a 50 50 chance. The next day he was moved to ICU at another hospital where we were told a scan had shown brain damage but they couldn't say whether it would be minor or severe. They said because he could breath they thought he now had a 2 in 1 chance of survival and they were optimistic. That was all that mattered for me that he survived and then we could deal with the brain damage when he came round.

By the wednesday we were all confident he would pull through so his family went back home to get things in order as they are a 5 hour drive away. They hadn't been gone that long when the doctor came and said they still couldn't say he would survive. He said that the care he had recieved from A&E did need investigating. I sat with Daniel that whole day and he was unresponsive after been taken out of sedation. He started to roll his shoulders but I was told it was involuntary. By the end of the night his breathing had sped up so they switched the ventilator back on and put him back under sedation.

On the thursday night he was taken back out at 6 o'clock. By 7 he was unresponsive to pain and at 12 I saw them shine the light in his eye and knew that he had gone. If he could have come back he would have but when he had gone without oxygen it had been 20 minutes and it was to much for him. His brain swelled so much it cut off the blood supply on after tests on Friday morning he was prounounced Brain dead. The one saving grace was he was able to fufill his wishes to be an organ donor.

I can't believe it has now been 2 weeks since things went wrong and it hurts that he had that fear after he had twice been to hospital for help. I can't come to terms with it because I feel as if I should have done something but like him I assumed the doctors knew best.

The funeral is on Wednesday and then we have to contact PALS to see whether his Doctors were in the wrong. Part of me wants someone to take the blame but the other part of me doesn't want to know that if it wasn't for them he would still be here with his family today.

He was an amazing man and we loved each other and our children so much and I think one of the hardest things has been because we hadn't got round to getting married when he died I have been dismissed by everyone from banks to his work about money but that doesn't matter as it wont bring him back what really mattered was in the hospital I was appointed next of kin but when I went to register his death they only allowed me to do it as I was there when he died and when they were putting in his statistics they put him down as single and I broke down saying he wasn't but because we didnt have that bit of paper thats a marriage license it felt like what we had was ignored by everyone and that hurts me so much
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Old May 11th, 2009, 14:16
chesterlee chesterlee is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 25
Smile ouch

This is a sad story. Your husband try to fight his condition for you and to your children. He loves you all. But GOD has a plan for you ma'am. Don't lose hope. Try to look your 2 wonderful children. And get your strength from them..

I want to share this very Inspirational story to you ma'am. Click here and I know it will help you.

Good luck to you and to your babies...
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Old June 5th, 2009, 05:30
healing07 healing07 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 35

Its very painful story. I m sorry for your fiance. I understand your feelings and pray to God for their soul RIP. Be strong and think about your future life.
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Old June 30th, 2009, 19:24
Jimi Jimi is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: franklin WI
Posts: 4

I'm sorry for your loss.
Where do you live. I ask because where I live in Wisconsin, USA they would not have let him home with a low pulse 02 like that.

I lost my dear wife Nancy to a drunk driver almost a year ago and while I can't say it is better it is different. I hope you get through things OK.

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