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  #1  
Old June 3rd, 2013, 17:53
SoVerySad SoVerySad is offline
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Default Missing my sweet husband...

My husband of 27 years passed away unexpectedly from Sudden Death Syndrome around the end of March. He was an amazing man, my best friend from the time I was 15. The pain of missing him is so deep. We have two wonderful children, young teens. Seeing their anguish and not being able to fix it is so very hard.

I am so lonely for him and so scared of everything right now. I feel like I need to get myself better under control so I am giving more to our children right now, but I can't seem to find the strength. I am overwhelmed with having to learn to do so many things he did around the house, etc.. I think I finally accomplished all the paperwork I needed to do everywhere.

Some days I wish I could just sleep all day to get a break from the pain. Of course, the kids need a mom who is present and doing all she can to give them as much happiness as we can find. Any suggestions as to how to accomplish this when your heart is so broken and you feel so sad?

I am sorry for the losses that have brought each of you here and for all the pain you are going through.

Carol
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  #2  
Old June 3rd, 2013, 20:11
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 17:30.
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  #3  
Old June 4th, 2013, 06:27
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Carol and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband and wanted you to know that I have already said a prayer for you and your family to be comforted.

Everyone here knows what it is like to loose a loved one so please talk about him and tell us what you are feeling. Take each day as it comes. It is also very important to talk about him to your family and children. Celebrate the memories and his life with them as this does help.

I have urged others on this forum to continue to talk to our loved ones as we believe that they can still hear us. Spend a few moments alone with something like a photo or something that belonged to him and tell him what sort of day you have had. I know this sounds hard to do but it does help. You are stronger than you think you are.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #4  
Old June 4th, 2013, 10:12
Whitehorse81 Whitehorse81 is offline
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Dear Carol: So sorry to read about your late husband. 27 years is a long time and to lose him suddenly is a total shock to your system. I agree with Tom on the speaking to our loved ones that have crossed over. I talk about my husband to others as well as to myself. When you need to fix something, ask him how to fix it.

I see you have 2 children as well, and what a blessing you have been given. You have each other. Dont be afraid to talk about your husband with your children, they miss him as well and this will help you relive your memories of him.

The first year is a year of adjustment of life without your partner. It will be lonely and sad at times, but you will see those times become further and further apart. You will miss him dearly as time goes on but you will also move forward with your life and your children will as well.

May God bless you and give you strength for your pain.

Jacquie
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  #5  
Old June 4th, 2013, 16:05
gumek gumek is offline
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Default so sad

hello dear carol, so very sorry for your loss, its always so sad to see another broken heart here but along with our friends I offer a welcome to you, this forum has been such a godsend to us and I hope it will be for you too. carol love, I wish there were some words to take away your pain but they would just be words, you have come to a good place where you will be supported by friends who know and understand your pain and loss so please keep intouch if you can, come and talk whats on your heart, let your tears fall. in time the pain lessons but that's hard for you to take on at the moment, my lovely man will have been gone from us for 18 months this month and I find things are getting easier but if course we all have those days when it seems to all come back but then it passes. dear carol if it will help you we will remember you in our thoughts and prayers. please take care.

sending to you and your children, love and many hugs.

chrissie. xx
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  #6  
Old June 5th, 2013, 09:35
SoVerySad SoVerySad is offline
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Default Thank you...

Thank you each for your kind replies. The kids and I do talk about my husband frequently and sometimes with laughter. My husband was full of life, always with a smile, and loved to make people laugh. I know the kids really miss his light.

I appreciate hearing that it won't always hurt this bad, even though that is hard for me to believe right now. I also do talk to my husband. I believes he hears me. How I wish just once in a while, he could talk back to me. In all our years together, we never ran out of things to talk about. I think I miss that the most. (That and his hugs.)

Thank you again for your warm welcome and support.
Carol
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  #7  
Old June 6th, 2013, 12:42
Halina Halina is offline
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Dear Carol,

I'm so very sorry for your loss... I can feel the sadness...

It's strange, with children: Having that responsibility seems almost impossible to cope with on top of your own pain, fear and confusion. And yet, it is the same responsibility that might help you create a new life - because they still need you and give you a reason to create the best life you can under the circumstances.

I think it's so very important though not to be too demanding of yourself in that respect. Give them - and yourself! - what is most important right now and what is possible and realistic right now. Right now, you cannot give them happiness. But you can give them your presence and that you do. Just like they give you theirs.

By the way, when, many years ago my brother died, he left 6 children. It was a terrible time for the family and I'm sure his wife felt just like you. She certainly couldn't make the children happy back then - all she could do was try to build a life for them, one day at a time. Along the way things stabilized somehow and eventually all the children grew up to be rather happy and loving people. So, one day at a time...

Are there other family members and friends to support you and your kids in the process? Any chance that your kids can visit them for a day or two at some point (provided it's a place where they would love to spend a couple of days), just to give you a little bit of time to be with your own feelings without having to control yourself?

Many warm greetings from Denmark,

Halina
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  #8  
Old June 9th, 2013, 17:58
SoVerySad SoVerySad is offline
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Thank you for responding, Halina. I am realizing that I need to reach out more to friends and family to help me with the children some - to take them places or go with us, etc, so they are around others who aren't as deeply sad as I am right now. I thought they might offer to do so, but they really haven't. I know everyone is very busy with their own families, but I think the kids need to be around others more right now. So, perhaps I just need to ask.

Thank you again,
Carol
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  #9  
Old June 10th, 2013, 02:02
Halina Halina is offline
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I think that's a great idea, Carol. As you say, people are busy with their lives and even if they might want to help they don't know how exactly. If you ask them for specific support it makes it easier for them and for you. Let us know how it works out!

Warmly,

Halina
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  #10  
Old June 10th, 2013, 15:52
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 17:31.
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