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  #1  
Old November 16th, 2012, 20:01
dragoreme52 dragoreme52 is offline
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My husband passed away 6 months ago from cancer. He fought it for 2 1/2 years but the cancer took over. This man was my best freind, husband,soulmate we did EVERYTHING together!! I thought it would get easier but with the holidays approaching it has gotten worse!! All I do is cry , work and sleep. I joined a grief group it makes me more depressed to see us all crying.He loved the holidays, he would dress up as Santa and pass out candy canes to others taking chemo or at the hospital. He was such a loving caring man!!!This was my second marriage and we had been married for 10 years when he passed. I can't seem to function without him and I feel so alone!!! I have 4 beautiful kids but they are all married with families of their own. They come by on weekends and call me during the week to check on me but I still feel alone!! I miss him sooooo much!!!
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Old November 16th, 2012, 21:00
sdk sdk is offline
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Dear dragoreme53,

You have come to the right place. Everyone here has been where you are and some of us still are. People on this forum will always be here for you whenever you need to cry or just talk. I have been coming here since march 2012 afer my husband died in january and it has saved me on many levels. Take care.

Sheryl
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Old November 16th, 2012, 22:11
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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HI DRAGOREME53 i am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband and to a dreadful illness as well which is so heartbreaking there are many on here who have lost their loved ones to cancer we know the devistation the journey you went through trying to hold it back and find a cure it was a nightmare and we understand and hold out a hand of friendship to try and help with the grief you are going through i know life seems unbearable without him you have to find the strength and courage to go through all this pain with the help of family and friends you will find your way but for some time the days will be up and down talking is one of the best ways in getting through and all of us on here are good listeners so come and talk to us never feel you are on your own because we are here
love hazelxxx
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Old November 16th, 2012, 23:21
dragoreme52 dragoreme52 is offline
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Thankyou Hazel. They keep telling me to talk about it and it will help but it is so hard! All the good times seem like they are forgotten and replaced with all the pain and suffering and hurt we went through these last 2 1/2 years. I had to make the decision to take the breathing tube out and that still bothers me...even though our doctors told me there was no hope. When they took the breathing tube out about 10 minutes later, he woke up and ask what everyone was doing there. The then told us he was going to die in 30 minutes (which he did) and that he loved all of us. He looked up at me and said "I love you". He then stood up and I felt like I had made the wrong decision taking the breathing tube out! His heart rate was 210 and his oxygen was 8%, the doctor said he was surprised that he could be so coherent!! Everyone tells me he is not in pain now but that does not help this empty spot left in heart!!!!
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Old November 17th, 2012, 02:40
gumek gumek is offline
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Dear dragoreme52, was so sad to read your post today, so very sorry for your loss of your beloved. I'm always saddened to see a new widowed sister here with us but I offer you a warm welcome. As hazel and sheryl have said you have found a good place to come and talk and not be judged, may you find some comfort from ones who understand. A few of us have also lost our loves to cancer and know of the emotions we all went through from the first day of tbe hellish nightmare. Dear friend if you have a faith may I say how my faith in tbe lord has carried me through, its almost one year now, giuliano went home 7th dec 2011 and coming to forum has been a god send, we are more like a family. If I may, I would encourage you to come and talk often and please allow your tearsto fall. My prayer dear one is for you to be comforted and strengthened for this journey of grief. Love and hugs. Chrissie. Xxx
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Old November 17th, 2012, 06:51
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi dragoreme 52 the good memories don'tcome to the forefront of our thoughts for a while specially when we have been through so much it's the illness that goes over and over our mind all we went through and it feels as if our loved one is still suffering the grief is twofold we have to overcome all the trauma of cancer the battle scars are deep it's only when we can accept they are not suffering anymore and stop thinking we could ever have changed the outcome that we can just grieve for the loss of our loved ones without going over the what ifs and whys
the turning off the machine was the last act of love you did for your husband he knew you loved him and would know you were there to fight his corner for as long as it took but he also had faith as you loved one another you would make this loving difficult and heartbreaking desition when all hope was gone try not to beat yourself up over it in some ways we all had our switches to turn off more drugs to ease their passing but we released them from an incurable pain they are all at peace in heaven
you say nothing helps the ache in your own heart it's only been six months you have to in time start filling that empty hole with life again and that can't be done for some months and for some years it's different for everyone but there is always hope for some happiness in the future
always here for you love hazelxx
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Old November 17th, 2012, 08:14
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua dragoreme52, Welcome to the forum I am sorry to hear about your husbands lost battle with Cancer. Its a horrid illness and watching our loved ones go through it is very painful.

Try not to think about the last few months and his actual last moments on earth, think rather about all the good times you shared with him. It is important to talk about him with family and friends, and if you find that difficult then do it here. You are among friends and we all want to help you through this if we can.

Please keep talking to us.
May God bless you
Tom
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