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Old April 21st, 2012, 19:29
SarahJane19 SarahJane19 is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1
Default My boyfriend died one week ago

My boyfriend hung himself last Friday *night, he wasn't found untill Sunday. I feel like my heart has exploded in my chest, I'm 20 and we've been in an *relationship since I was 14 even when ever we broke up we still stayed friends n couldn't go an hour without ringing or texting, I hadu induction day for college today and I couldn't handle being there, he rings me to wake me up every morning, and talks to me untill I fall asleep, he broke up with me 3 weeks ago, we got back together and he was so angry and aggressive so I ended it, we still spoke for the week, then on Friday night I went to bed early when I woke up I had loads of missed calls and texts from him saying he loved me more than anyone and wanted me to have a good life then I had voicemails of him asking would I see him. I rang him back straight away, but it was to late. His mother and sister are asking why wouldn't I see him. My heart is broken in pieces, I have never lost a close person, I got a pain in my throat. I loved and cared for him so much, I thought I was going to be with him always. When will this pain go away. My parents keep trying to hug me and ask me am I ok when they do I just cry and I don't want that, I don't Want to take this pain any longer, I just don't want to wake up in the morning *
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Old April 21st, 2012, 20:02
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144

hi sara jane i am so sorry for your loss this will be a lot for you to cope with and first of all you must not feel any blame for this your boyfriend made a terrible choice in what he did it was his action and his alone depression hits people hard and it's very very sad they go into a state where no love or family is considered or can help them whatever your relationship was with him and i know you really cared for him love can't make some overcome this depression unfortunately it's never one thing it's a combination of many feelings that throws people into despair
don't let his mother and sister make you feel worse remember they are suffering more than anyone they are in deep grief and shock and will not realise saying to you why didn't you answer the phone messages will add to your own grief and recovery from all this of course you would have answered if you knew what was going to happen hindsight is a wonderful thing you didn't know no one did the clock can't be turned back so stop all the if onlys
it will take you some time to get over this the pain i'm afraid will stay for a time your mum and dad are there to support you but if you feel you need more there are councellors for young people that will help. keep his memory and love in your heart cling to your family and your friends for all the support you can get and gradually the pain will ease thinking of you tonight love hazel
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Old April 22nd, 2012, 06:33
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534

Shalom in Yeshua SarahJane19, I am so sorry that the death of your boyfriend has caused you so much pain and grief. No that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.

What Hazel has said to you is right. Its not your fault, your couldn't have changed anything so please don't feel that you have to do anything other than mourn him.

I know you don't want to cry but it is the body's way of releasing all that painful emotion. Lean on your parents and receive their comforting. You will shortly feel emotions of anger towards him which is also quite normal. Just take each day as it comes, and be kind to yourself. You are just as much a victim here as he is of his mind.

May God bless you
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Old April 22nd, 2012, 18:07
dawn21 dawn21 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 29
Default sarahjane19

Dear, Sarah jane im so terribly sorry for the loss of your boyfriend you must have a multitude of emotions going around in your head at the moment and no doubt questions that you feel you wont get answers to but you really mustnt blame yourself for a minute.we cant be responsible for others actions but guilt of thinking we could have prevented the person that we loved from duying is sadly a big part of the grieving process I tortured myself and still do because my fiance was diabetic and had suffered a bad hypo ( low blood sugar) during the night when I was staying over and he got so bad we had to call the paramedics and then five days later he died of a heart attack and I wasnt with him when He died and I blamed myself for not waking up sooner because i was convinced that the heart attack was linked to the hypo and I never got the chance to say goodbye because I didnt see him that night and Im sure for yourself that must be hard for you too. But take comfort in the fact that he will know how much you loved him and still do and he wouldnt want you to blame yourself he really wouldnt, he must have been in a dark place and we cant ever be inside someone elses mind so be kind to yourself. You have a mum and dad who love you and a loving support system from family and friends is what you need right now even if you dont realize.Cry ,rant, and do whatever you need to do to work through your pain its a hard process to go through and my heart goes out to you. Look after yourself thinking of you, Dawn
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Old April 23rd, 2012, 18:19
Clarabelle Clarabelle is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Outside Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 65

Dear Sarah Jane, my heart goes out to you for all the awful feelings that you have going round and round in your head. Please, talk to your mum and dad. They love you and they'll be out of their minds with worry about you. Your boyfriend was in a state of mind that you can't imagine and it was not your fault in any way when he made that choice. He's at peace now, I know it's hard for you to believe that but you must try to hold onto that thought. I think that you should ask your doctor about counselling- honestly, it helps, even just to have someone to rant at and get rid of the helpless and angry feelings and it takes a long time.

You'll find lots of love and support here- we've all suffered a loss recently too and we all feel that we have a lot of unfinished business with our partners- there's never a good time to let go and we're all devastated and can offer you empathy. Please, just accept that all the feelings that you have are normal and lean on us. But your parents most of all. You're the most precious thing in their lives.

Love, Clare x
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Old April 24th, 2012, 11:08
gumek gumek is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 746

Hello sarah love, i am so sorry for your loss,Ican't give you any words of comfort to make the ache in your broken heart to go away. You have had a great shock and if talking,crying, ranting will help you then please keep intouch with the friends on this forum,who will listen and cry with you. There is always someone here on line reading the posts, so there will always be a friend who cares. Please keep talking and crying, it will hurt love,I'll not pretend to you that it will be easy, don't bottle it up. Please remember we are here for you.

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Old May 5th, 2012, 14:45
Marjatta Marjatta is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 98

Hi SarahJane,

My thoughts and tears are with you too. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now. The shock alone would be devastating. Your broken heart must hurt so very much.

You have a long road ahead, but you are not alone. And it won't always be this terrible. That, I promise you. Please do reach out and accept comfort and support from those around you who love and care about you. Never mind those people who say things they don't mean when they are in terrible stress and grief themselves. Grief does very strange things to people's emotions. It makes them lash out at the innocent and try to find reasons that just aren't there.

Please let us know how you're doing. We care.

"Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there." ~ Author Unknown
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