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  #1  
Old April 16th, 2012, 11:13
sdk sdk is offline
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Chrissie,
Just read your last post about coming to new york. It is very funny. I was just thinking this morning, how nice it would be for all of us to be able to get together, have a glass of wine, give each other a hug and just talk about our loved ones. Being on this forum, I feel like we have been friends for a long time. Jim and I were in the process of planning a trip to the UK this spring. Maybe it is something I will consider for the near future. Have you guys ever been to New York? Jim was in england 45 years ago with his first wife. I have never been there.

Sheryl
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  #2  
Old April 16th, 2012, 11:54
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi sheryl in all our grief isn't it a wonderful thing that we all found a shoulder or many shoulders to cry on on this site there are friends here i love and have never met and if you ever come to the uk you will be welcome here love to you hazel
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  #3  
Old April 16th, 2012, 19:25
Clarabelle Clarabelle is offline
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Sheryl- I'm in on the trip to see you with Chrissie! I think that we could really support each other and share bittersweet stories about our men, who are probably up there dreading the idea........or have they planned it this way? Love, Clare xxx
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  #4  
Old April 17th, 2012, 05:27
gumek gumek is offline
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Hello Sheryl, how are you love? Yes wouldn't that be fantastic if we could do that some day. My hubby has family living on Long Island, sadly we never got there, you know what Italians are like, there everywhere!!!. I read your post to, sorry it was either to Roo or Rostco, sorry love we have all been busy helping each other it's a bit like Caseys Court, but wonderful to be standing with each other at our darkest hour so to speak. I am still thinking of you daily, there was so much pain in your post love, my heart aches for you. A thought came to me about our tears, how maybe they are prayers when we just can't find the words to cry out, maybe we are saying to God what we need to say in order to begin our long painful journey to that place of healing? I have had some difficulty at my church at the moment, don't get me wrong, I love them and they are standing with me and helping me. BUT I keep hearing things like, "as believers we shouldn't greive like others do, and we shouldn't accept sickness, lack of faith sort of thing" and sometimes I dread going cos I know that if I hear this I will feel guilty. I have approached the elders about this but they can't understand can they until they experience it for themselves? Every time I hear the one about sickness, the thought goes through my mind of how Giuls believed with all his heart that God would heal him, and I must add that this kind of talk had caused me offence, you know like it's insensitive, we begged God to take away the sickness and it's like a blow to my darlings memory, does any of this make sense? I know that I will have to move on some day, but I can't just ignore all that Giuls and I went through together, two years of treatment, struggle, heartache, not being able to say things incase the truth hurts, secrets tears so the other wont see, I could go on and on couldn't I. I know that you understand that, Sheryl cos you have been through a nightmare with your Jim too. I simply forgive them and ask God to place more compassion and understanding in their hearts cos one day it comes to us all, this greif and loss, none of us can escape it. God didn't say that life would be easy, but He did promice to go through it with us. Thats my comfort Sheryl, He's there with us all. And my precious man and yours are now completely healed, no more sickness and pain, so He did answer our prayers, didn't He?

Sorry love I wanted to keep this post happy, there is plenty of time for sadness, as I send this you are pobably still in your bed, when daylight does come, try and have a good un, will speak soon I hope, we haven't forgotten you.

God bless and a big Hug xxx chrissie.
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  #5  
Old April 17th, 2012, 06:30
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi i hope you don't mind me replying to your message to sheryl i read it and thought been there as you have all the private tears i used to walk out sit in the car and cry my heart out so he wouldn't see darren thought he would survive there was never any talk about not beating it even though the doctors gave him 6 weeks at the beginning you can't talk to them about defeat or treatment not working even though you try to pretend to yourself that they are not getting worse the day before he died the stupid nurse said to him your wifes not coping because i was angry with them about their lack of care and thats the only time we ever mentioned to one another about our feelings i said to him you have enough to cope with without me breaking down all the time i cry in private i am just trying to do my best for you i know we can be angry with god i remember falling on my knees to pray please take me instead i am older than darren he was 48 at the time and i felt so guilty but god took him faith doesn't mean that we shouldn't grieve like someone with no faith at faith gives us comfort but grief is grief pain is pain loneliness is loneliness there are no grades of feelings because we have faith and love is love so let it go in one ear and out the other they are lucky enough not to know our devistation but i suppose they mean well just think to yourself when they say these things you have no idea
when someone dies if there is nothing to feel guily about we look for something and i thought i have nothing as every day of our lives i adored him and my life revolved round him everything i ever did over all these years was for him but today i feel guiltyi took vows before god and was married years ago and stayed married because of my vow up until my life was in danger
this is nothing to do with his family and my battle with them but i feel guilty i didn't take those vows before god with darren why?just because i said stay with me because you love me if i could turn the clock back this is the only thing i would change
when a loved one dies suddenly people have said to me it's worse as there would have been things you could have said to them before they departed and you arn't given the opportunity but they are wrong in illness especially the battle of cancer you avoid saying things to one another it.s far too painful and the only thing you cling on to is hope and faith it's too soon to erase from our memory the nightmare hospital visits i never knew how to put one foot infront of the other to go into the doctors room you could just tell by their face on entering and you would feel like screaming and running away but you had to sit ther and listen to hell
yes God did listen as our loved ones are in no more pain their battles are over and as we try to deal with our own grief god was good as i felt alone until i came on this site by pure accident and found some wonderful friends and i no longer feel alone hazel

Last edited by hazelharris : April 19th, 2012 at 20:46.
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  #6  
Old April 17th, 2012, 07:16
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua my sisters in faith, after reading this thread I cannot help feel a little anger at the insensitivity of some people. I cannot understand why people cannot just support you until you feel able to cope with the loss of your husbands.

Weeping is fine and is part of the process. Didn't Yeshua weep when he heard that Lazarus had died? He had compassion for his friend, you have compassion for each other and your husbands, and there's the key. After the trauma you have experienced, sharing with each other will be good for you and aid in the healing process.

Ignore those who tell you you should be doing this or that, you will know yourself what is right for you, and tt is a delight to see you making plans for the future with each other.

May God bless you all
With much love
Tom
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  #7  
Old April 17th, 2012, 08:45
gumek gumek is offline
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Hello Hazel love, iv just come back onto the forum, Yes love, to all your points we go through every minute with our loves as they go through every agonising second. People in the church mean well don't they? One dear elderly lady saw me one sunday rocking back and forth in my seat, i sometimes do this when in prayer, she placed her arm around me held so tightly and whispered to me, " they don't understand what your going through dear, it hasn't happened to them" I tlod her I love you for that darling, thank you. No one knows do they? I have been talking to a friend about these things just today, that we couldn't say to our loves because we had to each keep on our positive masks firmly in place at all times. I now say to my church family, " today i am not prepared to say that all is well just to make you happy" but I love you and thank God for you for being here for me. I am the sort of person who tries to look for the funny side of things, and cos I think that God has a sense of humour He tries sometimes to cheer us up. I probably have posted this one before if I have I'm sorry for repeating meself.
I like to sit on the floor by my bed and rest my head on the edge as if my head is resting on Jesus's lap. thats where I chat with Him. I was crying so hard face down onto the bed, tears, dribble(sorry) and other stuff, ok sorry again. I heard a very soft voice in my spirit saying, " Lord we can't comfort her", there is a scripture that tells us that God collects all our tears, OK so far? then this little voice said, " now blow your nose", you see that made me laugh out loud, thats His humour, He don't collect the other stuff.

Hazel love, you have helped me so much today, thank you for answering that post, we are all here helping each other and it is so comforting to me that you know exactly what I went through with Giuls cos you went through it with Darren. Before I go for now love, I need to say this, I have not heard one word from the cancer support team, Its just that we hear of all the after support the cancer sufferers familys get after they die, well I must have been out when they rang. Still praying for you love, one right now.

Anyway, will chat again soon love. I'm here almost all of the time, have managed to eat something today, like Roo,I drink lots of hot tea.

Luv and big hugs

chrissie. XXX
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  #8  
Old April 17th, 2012, 10:55
gumek gumek is offline
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Shalom Tom, Iv'e just come back in, going to the Gym, been a sad-happy day, I will chat with you later about the comments in my court so to speak. They don't mean to hurt they just don't know what this is like. And yes My Yeshua, He knows cos He feels it with us dosn't He? You know Tom when we all communicate with each other on this forum it's like our hearts are connected, don't have a clue what I meant by that, just weird and wonderful.
We were laughing a day or so ago about us all having these job lot mirrors, we look a bit scarry at the moment,. I managed to eat some food today though not hungry. Giuls wouldn't like it if he knew about the junk i eat sometimes, but he can't know now, can he?

Will try speaking to Clare later tonight, see how she's doing, she dosen't live far from my brother in Scotland so when I get up there hope to meet up.

Well for a change this is a shot one, thanks Tom, speak again soon. Please keep me in your prayers, please ask Him to hold on to me.

hugs chrissie.
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  #9  
Old April 17th, 2012, 16:55
gumek gumek is offline
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Hello Tom, yes He did, Yeshua is so so wonderful and we are not always so. I'm sure that medical staff and clergy all mean well but all of our humaness just gets in the way dosen't it. I don't blame anyone for in this world everyone seems to be rushing here and there, no time for eachother anymore, It is to be expected. Thank God we all have time for eachother hey?

God bless Tom

hugs chrissie.
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  #10  
Old April 17th, 2012, 17:07
gumek gumek is offline
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Hello love, yes I know, Please try and let it go, i'm not making excuses for them but the system is failing they are all running around like headless chickens. We were under a new hospital in North Kent, can't name it, the first year we couldn't fault them but everything changed last year, some patients in some areas are being refused treament cos of the cost and great cuts have been made. But this dosen;t soften the blow does it? We all want the very best for our loves don't we? I know that this has hurt you so so very much Hazel, can I pray for God to help you to let it go? Anger hurts us not those we are angry with. You are a lovely lady, I have read all your posts you are so full of concern and compassion for others, I don't know you love but i love ya, don't let these people cause you any more pain than you already are having to cope with. Write them a letter, have your say, then please try to let it go, I don't want you to have to cope with anymore Now, please don't shout at me will you? Speak soon.

luv chrissie. xxx
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