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  #1  
Old April 14th, 2012, 23:51
roo roo is offline
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Location: Devon, England
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Default Raw empty and sad.

Hello all, I've just found this forum as I was searching for something to help take away the pain.
Yesterday morning my partner of 33yrs lost her battle with cancer. I sat and held her hand as she went and I've been blubbering ever since.
Since then every room every window sill every cupboard every drawer reminds me of her.
The home is full but empty, if you understand me.
I am now totally alone, no family and having recently moved no friends.
I've cooked and cared for her for what seems to be all my life, but now nothing. I spent so many hours each day caring for her that each day was full, now nothing.
I keep looking at the clock but every second seems to be an hour.
Anyway, sorry for my ramblings. Everyone take care.
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  #2  
Old April 15th, 2012, 06:07
Clarabelle Clarabelle is offline
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Roo- my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. You've come to the right place here, to talk to people who have similar experiences to you and who will do our utmost to send you comfort. There's nothing I can say that can take away the pain of what you're going through today, or tomorrow. But I'll think of you and say a prayer that you will cope, although what else can you do?

Everything will have memories for you and you will find that the slightest thing will give you a painful jolt and set you off again. It's 4 months since my husband of 25 years died and I'm still finding grief in the oddest places.

The Government website will give you all the information that you need of a practical nature. For the first couple of weeks, I found that there were so many arrangements to be made and so much to sort out that I was able to cope most of the time. But you must cry when you feel like it and not feel that you have to hide it. I'm sure that you will get support from friends even if they're not close by- after all everyone knows that they'll have to face this one day and no-one expects you to be strong.

It doesn't get better but you learn to live with it, Roo. Keep talking on this site and you will find that you will be offered comfort and may eventually be able to offer comfort to someone else down the line.

God bless, will say a prayer that you get through today.

Clare x
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  #3  
Old April 15th, 2012, 07:40
roo roo is offline
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Clare, your words are precious to me at this moment. Thank you for taking the time to write.
She battled cancer for 6 years without a word of complaint. Even though I knew this was inevitable I just seem totally unprepared. She had endured so many hospital and hospice treatments that I assumed this was just another one. I bought her back from the hospice and she slept. The next morning I had difficulties in waking her so she was taken back in.
She died the following morning. The cancer had gone into the liver.
I can't eat, sleep or think. What a mess.
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  #4  
Old April 15th, 2012, 13:41
gumek gumek is offline
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Hello Roo, welcome love, I am so sorry for the passing of your precious love. I can't say any words at this time that will help you. But that all the people on this forum have been through and are going through all the pain that you are going through, we are all here to listen to and encourage one-another. Please don't give up, keep on talking there will always be someonr here to listen.
I and others will remember you in our thoughts and prayers and are standing with you. Please keep intouch

chrissie
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  #5  
Old April 15th, 2012, 14:04
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi roo i am so sorry for your loss to have lost your wife after a long battle with this terrible illness is heartbreaking for you i know what you have gone through and what your suffering. at the moment some words that i can say to you will not mean anything to hold on to all the love the two of you shared together as this will give you strength as your emotions are numb there is no way we can ease your grief but be here for you.the 6 years with this illness is devestating alone with all the endless hospital visits and desperate attempts to find that cure it turns your whole life into a nighmare as you try to deceive yourself that they are getting worse you have a lot to overcome and i know your wife had enormous strength to have endured all of this and your love gave her that try to feel her love and strength in this time she was blessed to have had such a loving husband as you were also blessed in a love that will always stay with you she gave you love it's yours to keep forever
crying and sitting there looking at the wall lack of energy touching things round the house not wanting to go to bed because you can't sleep they are all normal things in grief talk to her tell her how you are feeling she will here you and i know from experience it does help love hazel
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  #6  
Old April 15th, 2012, 15:30
roo roo is offline
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Hazel and chrissie, thank you both so much for your help.
I feel very self indulgent asking for and taking help without giving anything back. So please bear with me and I hope that I can perhaps help others in the future.
I cannot stand my home any more. Its quiet,silent and empty and so cold. I think the cold is me because I can't eat.
Anyway tomorrow is another day. Thanks again and take care.
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  #7  
Old April 15th, 2012, 18:46
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi roo it's not self indulgent asking for help we have all been there and to some extent still are we know how much you need our help and in a lot of ways it is helping us in our grief to help others we all seem to be holding one another up i know what you mean about the house i used to sit outside our local tescos in the evening just watching all the people going into the shops instead of going home i felt like i was outside the world looking in i would be in a room full of people yet felt alone when in the house i couldn't turn the television on or read because i couldn't concentrate on anything is there anyone in your family that you can ask to come and stay with you for a while people are usually glad to be asked and most people if they can will be glad to come and support you people may advise get things sorted out then get away for a while it has been said to me but i couldn't and i know everybody is different in how they find a way to cope but i found it better to face up to the house if you can did your wife love that home if so you are in a place that she loved and that may give you comfort your doctor can get you councelling it does help many people especially if you have no friends in your area to talk to thinking of you this evening love hazel
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  #8  
Old April 15th, 2012, 22:42
roo roo is offline
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There is nobody else Hazel. So far I have gone out both nights to get away from the silence and to sit amongst people. I sit in a pub and ponder. I know its not the answer but it does deaden my grief.
Like you I cannot watch the TV and I've always loved reading but now I can't.
I've now have a radio on constantly even in bed to take away the penetrating silence.
I can't sleep so I'm up from about 1am which makes the day even longer.
Today being the first 'working' day since her death I must address contacting people to return equipment she had on loan and the funeral director.
I am very grateful for your support it makes a big difference to me.
I'm now looking for a fast forward button to speed up next few weeks.
Take care.
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  #9  
Old April 16th, 2012, 02:33
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi roo i don't know if you are up yet or not just to say i am thinking of you this morning i saw the time of you post i know what it.s like through the night not being able to go to bed i did wait a while to see if you replied they will probably take a few days to collect equipment and its going to be upsetting to see them take it its not bad to be sitting in the pub you may make friends there are probably a few in there who have been through it all if it.s a busy pub in ours they all meet together you must try to make the first step when your ready and just chat to people there about anything i will talk to you again later to see how you are try and keep busy if you can but don't push yourself too much it.s early days and if you want to sit in and think of her all day do that but put the radio on and make sure you eat something i want an update on what you have eaten today when i next get in touch and if you don't eat anything i will get your address off you and get a pitzza delivered and if you have never eaten one of those before it's like eating cardboard so beware
your wife's love is with you it didn't go anywhere because she is not here her love sits beside you to give you courage to carry on today it sits in your heart where it will stay forever
hazel
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  #10  
Old April 16th, 2012, 03:26
gumek gumek is offline
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g-morning Roo, just seeing how your doing, i concur with Hazel, you have gotta eat, have you? We will all turn up if you don't. Thats scarry.
Remember we are all here for you and eachother.I'm saying a prayer for you.
Speak again later.

chrissie.xx
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