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  #1  
Old March 1st, 2012, 21:41
sdk sdk is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: goshen, new york
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Unhappy privacy

Tonight I was looking for something in my husband's draw and in his jewelery box. All of a sudden I started to cry. I felt like I was invading his privacy. Everything of Jim's is just where it was the night he got sick back on November 13th.Since he went into the hospital and never came home nothing is changed from that night. I still have his pills on the kitchen table that he would have taken the morning of November 14th, It sits right next to his picture. Has antony else had this experience?
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  #2  
Old March 2nd, 2012, 00:09
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Default sdk

It's a tough night... There will probably be more as the days come and go by..

It's hard because there are going to be reminders everywhere through out your home that will set you off.

I took me almost 8 months after my wife passed before I could go into our walk in closet. Just seeing my wife's clothes hanging there and I was a mess for hours afterwards. I finally had to get my friends over to help me get the closet taken apart and donate her clothes. But I couldn't do it It was the finality that I couldn't face..

just hang in there it's just a bad night as I said.. there are going to be a quite a few more of those coming..

Just remember to breathe and take things slow.. the waves of pain and sorrow will pass. It's gonna be alright.


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : March 7th, 2012 at 17:11.
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  #3  
Old March 3rd, 2012, 19:04
Marjatta Marjatta is offline
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Hi Sheryl,

Yes, I absolutely had that experience. I totally felt like I was invading his privacy and that it was disrespectful, but there were certain things that had to be done.

His family and I sort of split up the tasks, and one of mine was to delete his email accounts, online memberships, etc. Each time I went to one of his email accounts, I felt like it was just plain wrong. Just because we shared our passwords didn't mean that either of us would ever dream of logging into each other's email accounts, unless specifically asked to do so.

So yeah, it felt weird and stressful and just plain wrong to be doing that.

Sheryl, I hope you keep your husband's stuff around for as long as you want to. Keep it forever if you need to. Whatever feels right for you is the right thing to do. If seeing all his familiar things helps you feel closer to him and comforts you, then it's all good. Keeping those little reminders like pill bottles and such would give me comfort, I think, or at least for as long as I needed comfort from those things.

I had to move out when my beloved died because his children now own the house. There are SO many things I wish I could still see around me on a daily basis, but I can't, and that makes me sad. (I did manage to sneak out his baseball cap and ratty old pillow though! LOL) His hat now hangs from a door knob in my new place. Somehow it just feels right being there.

Yes, I definitely can relate to the "privacy" thing. I felt like that too.

Marjatta
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  #4  
Old March 6th, 2012, 18:52
hamilton hamilton is offline
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Well said both of you as usual. I kept some things of my wife's but the kids (ours and hers from prev marriage) took most of it and that was so hard, even little things I wish I had like some of her jewelry (not expensive ones even), a few clothes and little things I bought her like one of her fav t-shirts, a fav dress of hers I liked, even when you mentioned cooking I wish I had some of her fav cooking utensils etc. Things with no real value except for the memories attached to them. I never'd think they could mean so much and can't imagine how most of it would mean much to the kids, but they wanted it and I didn't feel right saying anything. Plus I still have our home. I'd be lost without it.
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  #5  
Old March 17th, 2012, 12:31
gumek gumek is offline
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Unhappy chrissie

Yes I have had this happen to me too. I am so sorry for your loss of your precious husband, nothing can prepare us for this. May I tell you of my loss, my lovely man, Giuliano passed on dec 7th last year, our loss, you and I, has caused us both such heartache hasn't it dear one? Like yourself I can't cope yet with his things being moved. A couple of days before he passed away he asked me for some of his sunflower seeds that he could still eat, the cancer stopped him from eating and drinking. I still have the small bowl still containing some of the sunflowers that his hand touched. I can't bare the thought of throwing them away and my family have noticed them still there, they say nothing though, they just look at each other. I have no idea when I will be able to remove his clothes and I sometimes spray his cologne on myself for comfort.

This is very normal I think and we can't hurry grief on, we are allowed to take as long as we need so go gently with yourself and if we can help each other just by sharing.

If I may say a prayer for you now though, that God will carry you through this dark valley, not one tear is wasted, He cries with us and feels our pain, may He find all the pieces of your heart and glue them together with His love.

Chrissie. xx
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  #6  
Old March 18th, 2012, 19:05
sdk sdk is offline
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Unhappy

Chrissie,

thanks for the kind words. My dear Jim has been gone 9 weeks today. I sometimes call his cell phone and wait for the voice mail just to hear his voice. Every day I ask him to come back just for 5 minutes so I can talk to him. I need to know from him directly if he is O.k., if I am going to be able to make it on my own (we were married for 32 years) and if he his not mad at me (I turned off life support). Someone suggested to me that I see a medium to be able to connect with my husband. Has anyone ever tried this?
I see a therapist to help me get over the guilt and sometimes it helps. She also suggested I go to a berveament support group. Has anyone been to one and has it helped? I miss my husband so much and the tears and sorrow seem to be worse as the weeks go by. There are some days when I just scream and am mad at the world. It is so painful and hurts so much.

Sheryl
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  #7  
Old March 19th, 2012, 08:07
hamilton hamilton is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sdk View Post
Someone suggested to me that I see a medium to be able to connect with my husband. Has anyone ever tried this?
No and I strongly recommend you not waste your time or money. They are frauds preying on vulnerable people, just like the "alternative medicine" quack cure-all snake oil people.

Quote:
I see a therapist to help me get over the guilt and sometimes it helps. She also suggested I go to a berveament support group. Has anyone been to one and has it helped?
Yes and yes it did. I suggest you try it, you have nothing to lose. Also consider one on one counseling, some places might even offer for free.

Quote:
I miss my husband so much and the tears and sorrow seem to be worse as the weeks go by. There are some days when I just scream and am mad at the world. It is so painful and hurts so much.
I can relate sheryl. In fact I'm there too. I'm so sorry. Hold on, just take it a day at a time.
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