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  #1  
Old December 10th, 2011, 14:54
Patrice Patrice is offline
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Default Moving past the sadness..

I lost my husband, we were married for 24 years and he was the love of my life. I am not alone my heart goes out to each and everyone of you..It has been 2 years and I decided I was ready to start dating..I have been seeing someone for a month and I am not sure if I am ready to go down that road..I have been experiencing overwhelming sadness to the point that I cry for no reason only when I am alone. Is this a sign I need to slow down and wait for this feeling to pass before I continue dating..

Last edited by Patrice : December 10th, 2011 at 15:06. Reason: Added important info.
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  #2  
Old December 10th, 2011, 16:10
hamilton hamilton is offline
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I doubt you are crying for no reason. Either the loss still hurts too much or you maybe feel guilty going out with someone else. Can't say. But it's been 2 yrs and while of course it will always hurt some, you should be past the intense grief stage so I hope that is not it.
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  #3  
Old December 10th, 2011, 18:34
cljm cljm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrice View Post
I lost my husband, we were married for 24 years and he was the love of my life. I am not alone my heart goes out to each and everyone of you..It has been 2 years and I decided I was ready to start dating..I have been seeing someone for a month and I am not sure if I am ready to go down that road..I have been experiencing overwhelming sadness to the point that I cry for no reason only when I am alone. Is this a sign I need to slow down and wait for this feeling to pass before I continue dating..
Patrice,
No matter the time or circumstance of the loss, it will always remain apart of you. A 24 year marriage to the love of your life---oh how fortunate you were !

It is good that you are getting out once again....life is for the living, and it would be my thinking that your husband would want you to feel the goodness and joy of life again---would you not want the very same for him ?! Sadness is surely certain to come upon you from time to time----the memories and remembrances of what you had shared and lived in the past. Crying is a way of cleansing ourselves....allowing ourselves to remember and feel the void that will forever be there. But, to move on is good too---it is a must if we want to live our lives to the fullest.

Only you can know when the "time" is right....and, even in the early stages, any stage for that matter, at times sadness will come to you. Let it come freely an unabashedly----for you are FEELING once again. Make the changes when you are ready, and Welcome the changes in your life---

My very best to you !

"For every Joy that passes, something Beautiful remains"
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  #4  
Old December 12th, 2011, 10:09
Patrice Patrice is offline
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I believe it is because of the holidays and the fact that he isnt here with me. I thank each one of you that has responded, it has helped me understand why i am feeling like this and I know he would want me to move on, I know I have to keep thinking positively that life goes on around me..I would have thought the first year with me crying everyday would have gotten the sadness of his death out of me..I am going to only try to think of the happy times we had together and put them where they need to be in the past..Thank you again..Best to all..
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  #5  
Old December 12th, 2011, 10:27
cljm cljm is offline
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Patrice---

Every heart broken can be mended.....but though mended, it will always bear the scar of once being broken.

When I think about this----I believe it is so true. Anyone that has lived has had scars upon their heart---it is because they FEEL.....they have lived through the emotions and feelings of the trials and tribulations of life. We should actually welcome this "chipped" and "mended" heart as apart of our lives. It tells our story of who we are and what we have been through.
The past, the present, and what we can do for our future.

To find and to truly have inner peace within ourselves, we understand that it is not because we have not suffered those trials and tribulations of life, but that we have indeed found inner peace in spite of them.

My very best to you as you embark on this new experience and opportunity.
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  #6  
Old December 13th, 2011, 10:55
hamilton hamilton is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Patrice View Post
I would have thought the first year with me crying everyday would have gotten the sadness of his death out of me..
Again it is a question of degree. I doubt it will ever be TOTALLY "out of you" but you should sooner or later be able to have it under control and not cry too much, certainly not every day, and it should be tempered with the happiness of good times shared and the people who are still in your life. Basically the pain should get smaller and less acute or sharp. Just hope that you are not getting "stuck" in intense grief. I am frankly but it's been too soon so I am not (yet) concerned.
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  #7  
Old December 24th, 2011, 19:47
Marjatta Marjatta is offline
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Hi Patrice,

I like what you and the others have said. I'm nowhere near the moving on stage yet, but I imagine just developing feelings for someone else (because they stir up emotion) could also stir up other emotions, like sadness, for example. I think the death of our loved ones makes us a bit more sensitive to every emotion we feel.

If and when I am ready to move on, I think the hardest thing for me will be trying not to compare the new fellow to my soul mate. I know that our relationship was special and unique and that no one will ever take his place in my heart. At the same time, I think our hearts can expand infinitely to include others and that our capacity to love has no limitations.

I hope you are getting through this holiday season okay. You're not alone ... you have all of us here with you!

Take care and God bless,

Marjatta
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