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  #1  
Old July 13th, 2011, 13:45
William64.5 William64.5 is offline
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Default Missing My Wife

After a 12 year fight with Cancer my wife of 43 years moved on to be with the Lord. It has been a little over 1-1/2 years and I am still verry lonely. Even though my wife stated several times that she had no regretts of our life together; I still feel guilty for not doing more for her. When she was sitting with her mother, her mother told her about seeing her late husband and mother. Pauline responded that "It was OK to go to them and that she loved her. The same suggestion was made to me by the chaplin at the hospital where Pauline was. I tried so hard to say that to her but the words would not come out. The thought not giving her the comfort of knowing that it was OK makes me feel so gilty of being selfish. Mabey it is shame.
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Old July 13th, 2011, 16:02
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua William, my, 12 years fighting cancer, she must have been a strong woman.

You are not selfish at all. Most of us would cling to every moment we could to keep our loved ones with us, so please don't feel guilt about not saying those words to her. The truth is after 43 years together deep down you already know that she was aware how you felt and that she still loves you 'just as you are'.

We are taught to talk to our loved ones as they can still hear us. She will be praying for you and trying to tell you not to worry about how she passed over, so talk to her. The years here on earth are a matter of seconds in the next life, so she will be joyfully waiting for you to come to her, and you will see her when she comes to take you home with her!!

May God bless you
Tom
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  #3  
Old July 13th, 2011, 16:52
William64.5 William64.5 is offline
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Thank you, Tom for those thoughts.
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  #4  
Old July 13th, 2011, 20:05
mjunicorn mjunicorn is offline
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William: Do not feel guilty, she knew that you would be OK and that the Lord would help you through. I lost my husband of 29 years this past April. I know that he is watching over me and I bet your wife is also. Try to get up every morning and thank God and ask him to help you through the day. I also find that if I remember the good times and laugh, it helps

My prayers are with you
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  #5  
Old July 14th, 2011, 15:06
William64.5 William64.5 is offline
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Thanks for caring.
The memories that pop into my mind give me joy but when the moment is over it seems that the memory is another reason I miss her. I think that I need to get out and meet someone that I can do things with and share with. But, I am afraid that it will lead to more heartach and pain.
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  #6  
Old November 5th, 2011, 17:32
Redfoxx Redfoxx is offline
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Default Redfoxx

My life-mate of 37 years was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer 3 and 1/2 years ago and because it was so far advanced she chose no treatment. All she wanted was one last Christmas with her family and she got it. During this time she was the strong one and I was the weak link. We both could not put our support in word although she did apologize (believe it or not) that this is not the way she expected things to turn out as she wanted to be the one to look after me. She entered hospital and I stayed with her virtually 24 hours a day, sleeping in the room at night and taking only short spells away while my two children stayed with her. Eight days later, I was spelled off by my children, went home and lay down on the bed. Twenty minutes later my son came in, woke me up and said that his mother had passed. The guilt I felt for days after was so great that I did not want to go on living. I had failed her by not being strong for her in the prev. six month; I had not opened up to her on the certainty that we were facing on her impending death and to make matters worse-I was not there to hold her hand when it came time for her Spirit to leave this Earth. I forgave myself because I knew that she had forgiven me all along this road and I loved her all the more for it. There is no blame in this and we have to accept that for what it is worth. Cherish her memory; I go to sleep each night 3 years later and I conjure up different wonderful moments that we shared all of those year and believe me there are many. I can see her in my thoughts at this time and I would give up everything I own just to have her enter my dreams for one minute and allow me to hear her voice just one more time. Stay strong and don't give in. Things will get better; just give it a chance.
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  #7  
Old January 18th, 2012, 11:03
William64.5 William64.5 is offline
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Default 2 years with out her

Thanks for your story. I know what I have experianced is not unique or different. Today is the second aneversry of her passing. How long does the emptyness and loneleness last? I, like you, every night pray that I could meet her in my dreams for a little while. Just to hold her and hear her voice one more time.
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  #8  
Old September 7th, 2012, 18:26
Redfoxx Redfoxx is offline
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Default When does it end?

William- it has now been 3.5 years since Mary passed on and awhile ago I met my cousin who had lost his wife to cancer 7 years previous. I asked him when does it start getting better and he answered " It doesn't; it just becomes more bearable". There is no timeline when we lose our true love, our anchor to life, our friend and sparring partner. I truely believe that this is a testament to the strong and enduring ties we had with that other person. I, for one, have faith that we (our spirits) will meet again and until then we must find the strength to just carry on down the Road of Life. The capacity to recall memories of our past lives together is a two edged sword- happy to recall many scenerios from marriage thru building a life together but at the same time, a provoker of tears and heartache in wishing for a life that we know we cannot go back in time to repeat. I ask God's Blessing on you and to allow you to find the inner strength within you to deal with this loss. "Ask and it shall be given onto you". I believe and I pray that one day, that hole and pain in your chest that is currently the size of your heart will slowly diminish and allow you to conquor each new day. God Bless.
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  #9  
Old September 27th, 2012, 19:07
heavenlygirl heavenlygirl is offline
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I am so very sorry for your losses. I agree with the statement that it doesn't ever get easier - you just learn a new way to cope and find a different kind of happiness. But you never truly get over the love of your life.
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  #10  
Old October 2nd, 2012, 04:32
Rayzsvt Rayzsvt is offline
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William, my wife has been gone now for seven months. It still feel like yesterday. I cry every night missing her. I hope that our spirits will join later. I have no words of wisdom but to stay strong as she would want you too. I know that they are looking over us as we carry on. I am a hugger my friend, So here is a hug.
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