Suicide and Grief

[Calypso]

When I make my first visit to a family that has been bereaved, I always ask about suicidal ideation. I explain that there's a huge difference between sometimes wishing you could join your loved one or fleeting thoughts about wishing one just wouldn't wake up in the morning and actually starting to make plans to go through with killing oneself.

Somewhere along the way, I picked up a great quote from a bereaved spouse. He and I had discussed suicidal ideation before, and he had admitted it was a problem for him. He was in therapy. When I asked him if he was still thinking about killing himself, he said, "Let's put it this way. I'm not going to jump out in front of a truck. But if a truck jumps the curb and heads in my direction, I'm not gonna try treal hard to get out of the way, either." What a wonderful, down-to-earth way to describe the difference between passive and active suicidal ideation.

[SageMother]

"Let's put it this way. I'm not going to jump out in front of a truck. But if a truck jumps the curb and heads in my direction, I'm not gonna try treal hard to get out of the way, either."

I had to laugh when I read that. What a great way to remove any question about what was going through his head.

[jemoelle]

I have to admit that I have thought of ending it before but luckily enough I was able to think of my daughters and other loved ones and what a terrible thing they would be left to deal with...I couldn't bear the thought of them having to suffer and me not being here to help them as they grew older

[bwhite]

I was fairly suicidal in my high school years though I never went far enough to end up in the hospital. I would find myself standing at the edge of a 40-50 foot cliff and realize that, with my bad luck, I'd break every bone and live to tell about it.
I am still suicidal in my depression but have been on medication for 10+ years now to control that (we won't go into the bad days or the times I forget my pill...). When I'm in that state the only thing that really goes through my mind is that my kids deserve better than me. I don't know what keeps me from stepping over the edge but I know it's a quick step and not easy to step back once you've taken it.
I just go day by day and hope that the bad days don't get worse than they are now.

[Taggart]

I wish you daily strength in dealing with that, bwhite.

Your post reminded me of hearing of a young man who jumped off a cliff, only to break his back. They found him dead some time later, but he seemed to be huddling to try to keep warm. That is such a tragic image.