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  #1  
Old December 23rd, 2012, 15:45
verysadhere verysadhere is offline
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Unhappy How do I do this?? I am so sad.

I don't know how to be happy and I am tired of this aching depression. I feel so alone. I just need help from those that fully understand this experience. I was with my boyfriend 7 years and we lived together for 6 years. He passed almost 3 weeks ago at 34 years old. He was feeling stressed out and must have decided to get high as he suffered from the disease of addiction. And this relapse was his last. He was missing 5 days. I searched everywhere and filed the missing persons report. My last call was to the Medical examiner. I am the one who had to make the fateful call to the detective that found his body as he had been listed as a John Doe. I am the one who had to call his mother, And I am the sole person in his life and he was my life as well. We shared this apt. together and I am surrounded by memories and his things. He was my best friend more than anything. The loss of his presence is the most lonely thing to ever have to feel. I think about what he went through and where he was when he passed, I question and pray is he at peace with his passing so young and in such way? And God I can't stop thinking what if....what if any of the events beforehand could have spared his life if done differently? I know these thoughts are pointless and only bring about more pain but I cannot help feeling any of it. I feel so alone. I need someone who can help me through this. Someone who knows what this certain type of loss is truly like to go through. I don't know how to do it. I have support but they all live far away. As I said, all we had was each other. I need to find people I can relate to somewhere and incorporate them into my life. I figured I can start here. And hopefully venture out into the world and gain real-life support where I live. I look forward to any help at all. Thank you and bless you all.
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  #2  
Old December 23rd, 2012, 16:22
gumek gumek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by verysadhere View Post
I don't know how to be happy and I am tired of this aching depression. I feel so alone. I just need help from those that fully understand this experience. I was with my boyfriend 7 years and we lived together for 6 years. He passed almost 3 weeks ago at 34 years old. He was feeling stressed out and must have decided to get high as he suffered from the disease of addiction. And this relapse was his last. He was missing 5 days. I searched everywhere and filed the missing persons report. My last call was to the Medical examiner. I am the one who had to make the fateful call to the detective that found his body as he had been listed as a John Doe. I am the one who had to call his mother, And I am the sole person in his life and he was my life as well. We shared this apt. together and I am surrounded by memories and his things. He was my best friend more than anything. The loss of his presence is the most lonely thing to ever have to feel. I think about what he went through and where he was when he passed, I question and pray is he at peace with his passing so young and in such way? And God I can't stop thinking what if....what if any of the events beforehand could have spared his life if done differently? I know these thoughts are pointless and only bring about more pain but I cannot help feeling any of it. I feel so alone. I need someone who can help me through this. Someone who knows what this certain type of loss is truly like to go through. I don't know how to do it. I have support but they all live far away. As I said, all we had was each other. I need to find people I can relate to somewhere and incorporate them into my life. I figured I can start here. And hopefully venture out into the world and gain real-life support where I live. I look forward to any help at all. Thank you and bless you all.
hello verysadhere, so very sad to read of your loss of your partner and for the tragic circumstances in which he died, i can offer no words that will remove your pain but to offer a sad welcome to forum where your story will be read and you will be supported by friends who understand the grief and shock that you are going through right now. there is never a right time to grieve but this time of year is especialy painful and my heart goes out to you. if it will help you, please come here to talk even over the holidays some of us will be here and looking in from time to time, you dont have to carry this alone although you feel completely alone, if you need a shoulder to cry on you will find one here. i'm sorry i haven't the words you need to hear, but am here to listen. i will remember you in prayer to be held, carried, comforted and strengthened, please allow your tears to come. if you have friends and family to be with please allow them to help too. i pray for you to find peace my friend.

sending you many hugs and love.

chrissie. xxx
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  #3  
Old December 25th, 2012, 11:29
oslogray oslogray is offline
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I lost my husband of 15 years (dated for 4 before that) 10 weeks ago in a car crash. We have a four year old daughter and a two year old son. I completely understand your pain. I often tell people there is no "getting through" this, only learning to live with the facts. I have moved into a zombie mode, I don't cry as often, but then again I don't feel much of anything right now. I have also played the "what if" game and there is no answer. My only advice is to do anything that you think would have made him smile: play his favorite song, eat his favorite meal, anything that brings back a happy memory.

Ps. I does not matter how he died, the lost of someone that you shared your life with carries the same pain.
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  #4  
Old December 26th, 2012, 05:05
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua verysadhere, I am sorry to hear of the death of your boyfriend in such circumstances. Know that I have said a prayer for you to be comforted.

It is so important to talk about him. I know you have no-one in the town that you live so please talk here. Tell us about him and share you feelings with us. Nobody here will do anything other than offer you warmth and encouragement, as we have all been where you are.

Please dont do the what if's.....just focus on the happy memories your shared and talk to him, silently or out loud, it matters not as he will hear you.

You haven't found this forum by accident so please share with us.
May God bless you
Tom
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  #5  
Old December 29th, 2012, 20:04
pw5599 pw5599 is offline
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I have 3 daughters who all have had the same boyfriends for several years and I can understand how devastating it would be. It does take time to heal, all you can do is let that time pass and cry alot. It helps. You may have had the suggestion to see a professional grief Councillor and that is something you should do sooner than later. Nobody should go it alone during such a horrible time in one's life. Venting here helps too, you're amongst people with similar experiences.
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  #6  
Old December 2nd, 2013, 20:51
Ctd82213 Ctd82213 is offline
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Default Verysadhere

Quote:
Originally Posted by verysadhere View Post
I don't know how to be happy and I am tired of this aching depression. I feel so alone. I just need help from those that fully understand this experience. I was with my boyfriend 7 years and we lived together for 6 years. He passed almost 3 weeks ago at 34 years old. He was feeling stressed out and must have decided to get high as he suffered from the disease of addiction. And this relapse was his last. He was missing 5 days. I searched everywhere and filed the missing persons report. My last call was to the Medical examiner. I am the one who had to make the fateful call to the detective that found his body as he had been listed as a John Doe. I am the one who had to call his mother, And I am the sole person in his life and he was my life as well. We shared this apt. together and I am surrounded by memories and his things. He was my best friend more than anything. The loss of his presence is the most lonely thing to ever have to feel. I think about what he went through and where he was when he passed, I question and pray is he at peace with his passing so young and in such way? And God I can't stop thinking what if....what if any of the events beforehand could have spared his life if done differently? I know these thoughts are pointless and only bring about more pain but I cannot help feeling any of it. I feel so alone. I need someone who can help me through this. Someone who knows what this certain type of loss is truly like to go through. I don't know how to do it. I have support but they all live far away. As I said, all we had was each other. I need to find people I can relate to somewhere and incorporate them into my life. I figured I can start here. And hopefully venture out into the world and gain real-life support where I live. I look forward to any help at all. Thank you and bless you all.

My heart goes out to you. No matter the circumstances of death, it is a terrible loss to bear. And I'm truly sorry for the loss of your boyfriend and for your pain. Our stories have very similar circumstances, so I can relate to you in many ways. Your boyfriends death was an extremely traumatic experience and I understand why you struggle with the what ifs. It's true that those thoughts change nothing of his outcome, but it's not as easy as wishing the thoughts away. I've struggled with the same in dealing with my boyfriends death. I know what it's like to go over and over and over circumstances and wonder what would have happened if I would have handled things differently. Addiction is such a sad thing because it not only contributes to the end of the addicted persons life but leaves their loved ones who are left behind to question our own choices in how we could've better helped them to overcome the addiction. My boyfriend had an illness that ended his life, but also struggled with addiction. And it's just a difficult thing to handle for the ones who loved them and who grieve their loss. But no matter what our loved ones struggled with, they were very special people who we loved deeply. It sounds like your boyfriend was everything to you. He was your "person". Your life. And moving forward in life without him is heartbreaking. I feel the same loneliness. It turns your life upside down. There's just no easy fix. But I do know that I've felt relief in these forums in sharing with others who are going through their own losses. I've received compassion, understanding and advice from the people here and I hope it helps you as you go through the loss of your boyfriend. I will pray for your heart to be comforted. And I know that dealing with the trauma of your loves death can bring back terrible memories that are haunting. Try to also think on all the good times, the happiness, the love, the joy you shared. I've tried to do that myself lately and it's helped me. The more I think of the love and gift of that love in my life, the less I think of the painful memories. And I hope you will be comforted by the love you shared. Hugs to you.
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