I can't begin to express my thanks for your blessed words of support. I really paid attention to what each of you have said, and have also explored other areas of the site.
I started a blog to my son. The URL is http://www.letterstocharliethomasfrommom.blogspot.com
. I can't begin to tell you how this has helped me. Last night I actually went to bed at midnight and slept peacefully. It was killing me that I was not receiving my daily phone call from him, but instead now I can go to my blog and just talk to him.
I had two chance meetings yesterday with two mothers that have lost children. One was at birth and another was when her daughter was 15. I honestly believe God caused those chance meetings. I am sure we all agree that right at first we are in such shock that a part of our mind is in such pain that we don't truly comprehend that other's have walked in our foot steps. Those meetings shocked me into the reality that losing a child comes from all kinds of walks of life. None of us are immune.
I have been told that I am to compassionate for my own good. That I get my heart stepped on by being to good to people. I ignore that because I feel as if God gave that gift to me. I can say that by losing my son, I have become even more sensitive to other's needs. I have learned to differentiate from the takers and the real deal. I have always tried to find something good out of even the worst of life's harsh blows. If this is my lesson then I have truly been blessed.
After the holidays, I am going to start making throw size quilts from his clothes for special people in his life. It will be a mission of love and a way for me to make sure his special friends and son have something truly meaningful from him.
I know that this post is upbeat, but am also aware that I am nowhere near being healed. I am very proud of these small victories. I know that is how I am going to get through this. God is carrying me and will continue until I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet again.
Prayers, hugs and blessings to all.