Hi mum of twin angels,
I can't imagine your pain, nor offer you much relief. Like gumek said, there are no words, sorry just doesn't cut it at times like these. I hope you have started to heal, and I wanted to share some things that helped me grieve.. Every day I wrote a letter to my loved one I lost. I kept a journal full of letters, I told him what happened to him, in case he didn't know, all the events surrounding his death, how it made me feel.. Sometimes I just told him about my day. They were full of wishful thinking and wonder ifs. This helped me because I'm a little closed off with my family, I'm 23 and the youngest of 6 siblings and can't bring myself to talk to them about my feelings. So it was a way for me to get them out of my head, even if it was just on paper I started to believe he read them. I told myself that no one could understand my pain but him, so who better to talk to then him. It allowed me to get angry, upset, cry, all without throwing my feelings at other people, I was going through my emotions with him, even though he wasn't there to respond, it just felt better to get it out without feeling vulnerable around other people.