Shalom in Yeshua bayou316, I am so sorry to hear that the death of you wife Vicky has impacted on you in this way. Please know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.
It is so important to talk about you feelings. Sod the 'John Wayne stiff upper lip thingy' go to your family and talk to them and let it go. You cannot bottle this up it not good for you and it wont get better until you do.
I am no medic but I do think anti-depressants only add to the problems. Doctors issue them far to easily. If you were on them before your wife died then please ignore what I am about to say. 'You are not ill you are grieving, and no chemical pill will change anything for you. You are 'sad' not depressed there is a difference.
If you cannot talk to your family or friends then please do it here. We all have the same thing in common, and you will find lovely caring souls who will listen and offer help and guidance. So please let it go and get it out.
May God bless you