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Old June 11th, 2007, 13:13
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 53

Thanks for starting this thread. I mentioned in another thread that I had an early term miscarriage. One of things I've always wanted from life was my own child and I was so thrilled when the test finally showed two lines! I craved strawberry milk and cheddar chex mix! I, of course, set up an appointment to see the doctor and they confirmed the pregnancy and then set me up with prenatal vitamins. Told me my due date was February 13...I thought how cool a Valentine's day baby. This all happened right around Father's day so to tell my parents I signed the Father's day card from us and baby. They were shocked, concerned and a tad disappointed because we weren't married yet but the date was already set for September. I guess I never realized how getting pregnant was a high risk because of my heart condition. I had asked my cardiologists before when I was younger and none ever seemed too concerned but that changed. Still I wasn't daunted by this news. The same evening I had told my parents I started to cramping and back pain. I was bothered and a bit cincerned which turned into panic when I started bleeding. My husband and I went to the hospital and was told it was highly likely I was miscarrying but they wouldn't know for sure for a couple days. I finally got the call from the doctor saying the pregnancy hormone levels were extreamely low and did in fact have a miscarriage. I went in for one last check up to be sure there wasn't anything left behind.

It hit me harder than my husband. He already had two children in other relationships. I think deep down I knew this was my only chance. Every Valentine's Day I remember the child that could have been and think of how it would be, what color eyes it would have had, and how our lives would be different. I do take a little comfort in the saying "things happen for a reason". My life has changed so much since then and now with me in heart failure and awaiting a heart transplant I know I would not have the ability to stay up with a six year old. I also hold on to the hope that I'll get to meet him or her when I leave this world.
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