The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums

The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums (
-   Loss of a spouse or partner (
-   -   husband died 3 weeks ago cancer (

whitedove October 1st, 2011 20:03

husband died 3 weeks ago cancer
This is the first time have done this wrote on a site. Seems strange but not,
Melanoma cancer is what took my husband from me. I am so sad but angry today, we both fought this terrible disease together. Me always looking for a way to stop it, trials,drugs,moving to another country where they have had some sort of success with a certain drug to overcome it. It was Melanoma cancer the worst one of all cancers. He is no longer with me or our children,for the last 2 years this is all I did and now there is nothing.He died at home and that I am grateful for as I cared for him,and he would not have recieved the same care if he was in a hospital. I have kept all the paperwork reports, appointments, operation results, I am going to write a book about his journey, somehow I know I am going to do something to help others fight this disease make people aware of what to do so they do not get it. To see the person you love go through the motions day after day and myself is very tiring,and mentally draining. I can not believe in the year 2011 that there is not a cure. People are blind if they say it wont happen to me.

emurray612 November 13th, 2011 21:08

from liz
hi there i was so sad to read your post. my husband also died just last week november 5th. he's been ill for a long time years, with chronic liver disease, and was rushed to hosp 3 weeks ago and a scan showed his bowel had ruptured. he needed major surgery for this but wouldn't have survived it due the state of the liver. it was awful when the hosp dr told us both there was nothing more they could do. they put him on a strong morphine drip for the pain, just to make him as comfortable as possible, but this put him virtually in a coma for the last week or so. i felt so helpless as you must have done. i am glad you cared for your husband at home. i wanted the same, and i feel i failed him in this way, but the way he had been admitted to hospital as an emergency, and on the 24/7 morphine drip, it was impossible for them to send him home to me. but i was there sitting with him as many hours as poss day or night apart from sleeping when i could.
please feel free to pm me ... how old are you and him? i am almost 50 and my husband was 66, but i loved him so much. i'm finding that just talking to him softly aloud helps. i'm new here too, so perhaps you'd like to read my posts from just today. much love going your way from me, liz x

whitedove November 23rd, 2011 09:28

Hi Emurray612,

I am 47 my husband had just turned 48. He had a small mole in 2004 removed
was given the all clear. In 2008 found a lump in his groin docs did a scan it was cancer it was back. Removed all lymph nodes in left leg which was the same side the mole was on. No chemo no radiation was offered, was monitored for 12 months no scans done for the follow up not until 12months on the dot. Was given the all clear, it was now jan 2009 every was great june 2009 the GFC happened he lost his job. I told him dont stress you will pick up another 2 weeks later got a new job and it was better than the one he had. In Sept 2009 found another lump in his groin again same side sent to Brisbane for PET scan went back hosp on Melbourne Cup Day November 2009and we were told cancer was back it had spread you have 4 to 6 mths to live.
We could not believe it no chemo would fix it Melanoma cancer is the mother of all cancers to get. We quit our jobs made the most of what we had and travelled Australia. All the time wondering when and what was going to happen, the doctors would not tell us how it was going to pan out as they are not allowed to as every person is different. In July 2010 he had a gran mal seizure it was in his brain we were so scared. Doct operated all went well he had radiation for the 1st time on his brain. Our 2 13yr olds were so scared they now realised that dad was actually sick. In Feb 2011 has another gran mal seizure it is back in his brain again,surgery once again and radiation 6 days in a row. The hospital we have to go to is 5 hours from where we live so we would leave our kids with friends and go to the hospital ourselves. At times we would be there anything from 2 weeks to 4 weeks. During all of these operations there was also the 3 weekly drives back to the hospital for check up after the first brain tumor op in 2010. After the second brain op in Feb my husband was never the same he changed he was now very scared where as before he would say I think they have it all wrong I dont even look sick. In April 2011 we on holiday on the coast he could not walk slept alot and did not want to eat much. We cut holiday short drove 4 hours to the hosp they did a scan it had progressed more it was now very large in his bowel he had a lot of pain. In May 2011 docs did bowel surgery but it was not able to be removed and there was more tumors than seen on the scan they did a bypass closed him up. After 1 month in hospital we came home. He was loosing a lot of weight he went from 80kgs to 34kg when he died. In July 2011 he had another gran mal seizure it was in his brain again flown to hosp in Brisbane after surgery being cancelled 6 days in a row. I told them we have had enough we are leaving and we walked out. I told them if you want us ring us you have the number.We were away from home for a month in total. We came home respite nurses came every second day to visit He was ok for first couple of weeks then one day he had a chat with a nurse that came to visit he had asked about dying. He could now not walk without me carrying him and was not eating all. We had fathers day at home he slept most of it and on the Monday nurses brought a hospital bed to our house it was the most scariest day as I now knew it was close. I had to give my husband morphine and there was another drug i cannot remember it at the moment. They put in a line which was 24/7 and I had to top him up when he was in more pain. On the Friday we watched dvds of our holidays with our children and some close friends he died at 7.10pm that night. Before the funeral people took him from our house I rang the friends that were there earlier in the day they came round. We all raised our glass for a 1 last time drink with my husband before he left.
I miss enormously I call for him every nite when I go to bed I look at the stars and talk to him. But he is not there, there was a night I felt that he sat next me as I felt a breeze and my hair moving and a weight on my hip. I sat up called out his name he was not there I did not see him.
I will talk later

IFeelHopeless November 28th, 2011 14:24

I'm sorry to both of you for your losses and that you get all the support you need in this time of grieving.

hamilton December 3rd, 2011 16:59


Originally Posted by whitedove (Post 7565)
I am grateful for as I cared for him,and he would not have recieved the same care if he was in a hospital.

To see the person you love go through the motions day after day and myself is very tiring,and mentally draining

Thank you for this. I did similar and was glad I could. And it was very very tiring. I beat myself up sometimes for not doing more or being better about things like being upbeat or trying more or better ways to make her smile and just be emotionally supportive. Not that I wasn't or didn't do any of that, but I was not as good about it as I should have been or she deserved for sure. I was just not so much physically tired (we used to hike a lot and I still did) but mentally so.

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:02.

Copyright 2017 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at