View Full Version : my husband died
September 11th, 2009, 12:05
My husband died in a motorcycle accident two weeks ago. I have two kids, 16 and 12. He was my very best friend and we did everything together. I want to die and be with him. I have never felt such complete, consuming pain. All I think about is my inability to live without him.
October 28th, 2009, 06:25
My husband died also two weeks ago 11th October 2009 in a motorcycle accident which wasnt his fault. I am struggling to come to terms with him gone and Im not sure that I have the ability to continue on with this pain.
I could not end my life but I really cannot cope with the pain and the thought that he is never coming home.
How does one move on from this.
November 14th, 2009, 01:23
And me also. My husband was killed by a hit and run driver on his way home on his motorcycle on August 19, 2006. We had been married for 33 years and our children 17 and 20 at the time. We were together since I turned 19 years old.
Worse yet, the driver was a nurse from Washington state. I can say that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I miss him today just like I did the morning I found out what had happened. I was at my moms visiting her outside of Tucson and my son called me the morning after when the police came to our home to inform us. There are so many memories of our lives together, the fun and trips and just riding with friends we did on the bike. It has a sidecar that I rode in from California to the Nevada border one Memorial Day weekend - including pillow and blanket. He was my best friend - and not always the easiest one to get along with either - but I always had hope and saw things in him I don't think he saw in himself.
I built my whole life around this man. When I go to a home improvement store, I can't get to the car even now, without tears. I miss him so much and am surrounded by everything that was his - but without him.
I walked in the garage one day and just broke down - realizing this isnt what life is supposed to be about - all this stuff we surround ourselves with - it is about relationship and sharing ourselves with each other - but we are so easily deceived and caught up in the day to day crap - that doesnt matter anyway.
I think if there had been a sickness - at least we would have had some time to prepare or come to some kind of grips with what was happening. But so suddenly - with no warning - and having his death happen on the bike - I was unable to help him, or be there with him - but I had dreams some good and some not so good - but I do know that I felt God told me that when he did die that He took him- and it was like so fast - just a swoosh and up and up in the night sky he went - I did find that very thing in my Bible - which was also awesome - Jesus said to someone - will you be taken up into the sky? or go down to the depths. That was a mind blower -
I do know that if ever I do meet someone else - though the chances of that are very slim - that they will have to understand that I know something they may not - time is too precious and we don't know from one moment to the next if our "person" is going to be there-so no b.s. - treating each other lovingly, truthfully and as the very special human being we are to each other.
I always prayed for my husband - and at first when he was killed I thought - everything I had hoped for is gone - but then I thought how do I know that everything I had ever prayed over him - didn't come to pass?
I found a love letter I had written to him 16 years ago recently - I told him how important to me he was and that I wanted to be with him forever, that we would grow old and tired together - for as long as we may have. The last comment hit home hard - I never dreamed ever that our time would be cut short.
I can say that seeing your post - obviously gave me also a forum to say some things - but think how much we blessed them to have loved them so deeply, we know that by how great the loss is we feel. This is the 3rd year - and I still don't know how to "get through" it - one foot in front of the other - sometimes I laugh and remember the good things - like when I patch a hole in the wall - use his drywall knives to spread the mud and when I paint it - blam - can't see the patch - and I say "and you thought I wasn't paying attention to what you were doing!!"
I ask God to please give me the wisdom to do the right thing - and to please give me "heavenly preception" to know what to do at all. I know exactly what you are going though. It does get less painful with time, but it is always a wound - but, I do know that having lived with this tragedy gives us insight and compassion for people that many dont have. We are forever changed.
sorry for going on so.........
November 14th, 2009, 03:07
First, I feel so sorry for your loss and its really hard time for you. I know life is very difficult without our life partner. Its difficult to deal with this grief. I understand your feelings. But don't think about die. I pray to God for you and give you console and strength. My deeply condolences for you.
November 19th, 2009, 11:00
My husband Rob died on his motorbike on October 10 th and I too am in this horrendous place. How on the earth do we go on I don t have a clue. Rob was 48 and the love of my life, been together since I was 15. We shared 27 years of marriage and the birth of 4 children, who now have lost their lovely dad, my youngest only 13 how wrong is that. The accident not his fault and been lied about just makes it all the more painful. The only advice I can give is some I was given by my aunt who lost her son and husband and she said to just take baby steps, an hour not a day at a time. I have been to my doctor 6 times now mainly because I feel I m losing it all the time but she assures me its normal grief and just prescribed something for the anxiety and insomnia, they help a little. Surely for us all it will get better, I know Rob would not of wanted his family in this state. Bless all of you and keep talking its all we can do .
October 18th, 2010, 09:47
to all of you, I feel so much pain for you. I lost my soulmate of 11 1/2 years on September 3rd to breast cancer. She was working in August and gone in September. It was like she stepped off a cliff she went so fast. She and I loved our Harley rides so I can relate. Like you Cheryl nothing seems to help. I have been reading the bible and sometimes it helps but really all I want to do is die so that I can be with her. Maybe time will help but for now all I'm doing is breathing in and breathing out. I know JoAnn would not want me to feel this way as she loved and lived life to the fullest. I feel your pain. May God bless your heart and take the burden from you.
January 19th, 2011, 16:47
i am glad to have to join this group, been reading the threads and i identify so much with you all. for the moment, am just full of hurts and kinda guilt for myself being here and not being able to be with my husband who passed on 2nd of dec 2010. when i wake up, i cannot help but think of the nurses and doctors decisions and actions at the hospital, the worst thing that could be had by someone grieving like me is putting blame on the medicare system. i know people can only that i am distressed, but i made myself stay with him all the time after his operation which i really think should had not happened in the first place
i am grieving not for myself but i cannot help thinking that he did not receive the right diagnosis and treatment from the doctor-in-charge, as if the patients in the hospital are just case studies
in other words, he deteriorated at the hospital, a place to which he had never been. he refused to stay when the emergency doctor forced him, he just wanted to go home with antibiotics, i blame myself now also for listening to the doctor and convincing him to stay so he could get better
April 1st, 2011, 06:35
walked in the garage one day and just broke down - realizing this isnt what life is supposed to be about - all this stuff we surround ourselves with - it is about relationship and sharing ourselves with each other - but we are so easily deceived and caught up in the day to day crap - that doesnt matter anyway.
May 17th, 2011, 17:58
The pain does finally dull after some time but it is hard. I lost my soul mate of 25 years to a drunk driver hit & run (later caught) and I still miss her everyday after 2 1/2 years. Thursday would have been our 27 year anniversary.
I just don't get it sometimes
June 30th, 2011, 20:11
It is really sad when you lose someone especially if they are your life partner. I could not imagine the pain I would go through if the same happens to me. But with each loss, you gain something new. Maybe it would not be something material, but it maybe a lesson. A lesson that tells you that nothing is permanent in this world and that you mau have everything and just lose them the next second. Keeps your feet on the ground.