View Full Version : Feel like chatting?
May 24th, 2008, 10:35
Grief is so hard. Sometiemes just want to chat to ease the pain and make life a little lighter. Don't know if anyone's around this Memorial Weekend but if anyone feels like chatting, that's fine with me. Hey, Gina any plans this weekend? For the first time in 2 months, I do not have any definite plans. Feels good! Family functions, birthdays, occaisions so stressful so this year and overwhelming. I can choose what to do today other than housework. It's a sunny day and 72 degrees. Doesn't get any better than that. I'm so happy you felt that sign from your grandma. It's still morning on Saturday so I'll wash my hair and decide what to do today. I know you're a night owl, Gina so if you're around later or tomorrow I talk to you then. Oh, by the way I found another group that offers some chat along with grief help. I know both you and I were helped so much in this forum. Thought maybe I'd share this group with you. It's called Dailystrenth.org. There's a subgroup for motherless daughters. Thought I'd try it. Anything to help along this difficult journey of grief. Hope everyone has a good Memorial weekend!
May 25th, 2008, 01:01
Rachele, I want some of what your sipping on. You sure sound like your in a good mood. That's okay, so am I. I have absolutely nothing planned for the rest of the weekend. The kids are with friends so it's just me & hubby, & he's not feeling well so he's been sleeping most of the day. It's been heaven. Although, my hubby has a friend that can't stand & he's been calling all day. I haven't answered though. I should be upset, the Red Sox lost, but they'll come back tomorrow. I found what I'm getting my mom for her b-day in July. I saw a coffee mug with the Red Sox when they were celebrating their championship & they will put her name on the back of one of the jerseys. She will love it.
Speaking of b-days, I need your input. A friend of ours lived upstairs with his mom but he was killed on the stairs going to his apartment on June 10, 2006. His b-day is July 1st & we planned a block party that year to celebrate it. Every one wants me to keep doing it & it's getting close. I have given a present to his mom every year to open when we do the cake. The other ones I did something with pictures of him. What should I do this year? I can't think of anything. HELP!
May 25th, 2008, 13:17
To tell you the truth, I wish I was sipping something. I'd be under a palm tree facing the water on the Carribean. Just happy I have nothing on my calendar this Memorial Weekend.
How awful that young man that lived upstairs from you died such a tragic way. How nice that you got the neighborhood together for a party but what an undertaking that must be. You asked for some ideas, well what did he enjoy, any hobbies? The obvious is his birthday so close to 4th of July. Could do a theme like that if you havn't already or a leau theme. I get some great ideas and party things in the Dollar Tree if you have one near you.
May 26th, 2008, 23:09
Mike was a clown, he always made you laugh. I'm not looking for a party theme, we just kind of have a cookout. The first year, we got permits to block off the street. We had food, drinks, music & even a moon bounce for the kids. I had a picture of him put on t- shirts for everybody & the same picture was on the cake. What I am looking for is a gift for his mom. I did pictures & kind of like a memorial in a frame, now I want to give her something different this year. I believe that us moms deserve some recognition on kids b-days, we did all the work.
Planning the party is tough, but I want to do it for Mike & his mom. She gets a little emotional, but she enjoys seeing how much he was loved.
Anyway, how was your holiday? Mine was quiet & relaxing. The kids were gone, the dogs drove me nuts, but they finally settled down. The Red Sox games are late because they are on the west coast. We're winning. Finally.
May 27th, 2008, 20:56
Hi Gina, sounds like the block party is fun and nice in honor of Michael. My weekend too was quiet, stayed home with the kids. Did a cookout yesterday with them. For once, nobody invited me anywhere and was glad for a change. I've been so partied out these last couple months with family functions, birthdays etc. My daughter has a birthday coming up and then were going on vacation when school lets out. Going to Virginia to see the sights there and maybe Busche Gardens. The kids would like that. Time just goes so fast. My mom will be gone a year in August. I so hard. Feels like a bad dream that she is gone. Going to Mini-reading night in 2 weeks to see what message I get this time. Anyhow, that's it. Talk to ya soon.
May 28th, 2008, 22:49
I like it when it's quiet. I can't wait till everyone goes to bed then it's my time. My daughter came home from school today & she has been in bed sick all day. My mom just got over being sick, I guess there is a bug going around. As long as my husband & son don't get sick it's fine. Men are big babies when they are sick. Went to the cemetary today. I can't get used to seeing his name on the stone. I know that first annivesary is tough to get through. Although after that there are no more 'firsts' which tends to make things easier after you've gotten through that. Kind of like, you know you got through everything once already & you know you'll get through it again. The last Christmas I spent with Grandpa, he was in the hospital. While I was there I kind of thought that would be the last Christmas with him. My mom did too. Anyway, you'll do fine that day. Have you thought about maybe having a family dinner or something? That way you all don't have to go through it alone & you could celebrate her life & remember the good times you had together. That would be a nice way to honor her. Just remember I'm here if you need me. Talk to you soon.
May 30th, 2008, 11:20
Hi Gina, thanks for sharing your thoughts. For the one year anniverary, I was thinking too, of going out for a family dinner to ease the pain a little. I'm all alone today and thought it would be great, only to find I'm consumed with thoughts of my mom. Why did the doctors let her die? and Will I die early like my mom? Mom was 65, and her mom died at 62 from different things but still makes me wonder. Do I have less than 30 years to live. I know it's not healthy to think that way but it enters my mind sometimes.
Anyway, are you going anywhere interesting for the summer? My vacation trip is only a few weeks away. I'm looking forward to it. I go June 18th. Hope I can enjoy myself a little.
May 30th, 2008, 23:26
I ask myself the same question. Why didn't the Dr. operate? Grandma had a stent put in about 5 years before she died. I have researched TAA & know they operate alot, but why was she there all day & we didn't even get a call telling us what the problem was, we thought it was osteoporosis. They knew & she suffered all day. If they didn't operate she was going to die anyway so why not take the risk & possibly save her. I don't know what the odds were, but they couldn't have been any worse than the outcome that we have been dealing with. With your mom it was a 'freak accident' meaning that it shouldn't have happened, but things happened that snowballed. Grandma live to be 83, her mom died at 46. Grandpa had 3 sisters, 2 died in their 30's. He outlived them all & Grandma outlived all but her youngest brother, 10 years younger. I think it all comes down to how well you take care of yourself.
Anyway, I'm not going on vacation, I think it's too soon after grandpa & I'm still trying to help mom get through all the things that need to be done. My uncle is no help. She amazes me at times. She tries to do everything herself & I have to argue with her to get her to let me help. It's frustrating.
I have more to say, but I'll save it for tomorrow. I'm going to bed. Night.
May 31st, 2008, 15:20
All those what if's Gina. I know when you ask if only they did not operate on you grandmother and if only my mom went to a better hospital they would diagosed her, and cared for her. I have to correct you about mom's being a freak accident. The story is that the doctors couldn't be bothered with my mom's case. They ignored several calls that she was in distress and in my mom's case time was of the esscence. She should have been in ICU 2 days sooner and she wasn't. They did nothing for her in those days but allow her to deteriorate and die and that's what hurts me the most. I can't get her back.
I having a hard 2 days with my dad and sister. There is nothing more I can do but worry about myself and my own family. It's so hard, you know how it is with your family troubles.
I hope in you're not going on vacation you will at least do some fun things for you and your own familly. I think it's important for us to not get overconsumed in the drama of our familys'. Take to ya soon.
May 31st, 2008, 23:15
Oh, I thought your mom passed from one of those one in a million complications. Now I understand. Those 'what ifs' are driving me crazy. I just don't see why they didn't try to operate, she was dying anyway. After she died, I called her dr. to ask him a few questions, but he never returned my calls. I am still angry about that. Then to top things off, the last day with grandpa in the hosp. my mom & I found out he was working on him too. Unlike all his other drs., we never met him.
As far as doing something this summer, I don't plan on anything, but something always comes up. I prefer to just enjoy the days, unlike when my kids were little & we were out every day. I'm still recovering from those days. My anniversary is June 8 & I'm trying to figure out what to do for that & then there is the birthday party that I'm supposed to plan so June is pretty busy. July I will just relax.
June 2nd, 2008, 11:25
Gina,I know how upsetting that is about doctors ignoring calls. My mom would still be alive today if her doctor did not ignore the calls the nurses made. I have so much anger over the lack of care and concern they had for my mom.
You know my wedding anniversary is on the 6th, this Friday. Probably just go out for dinner, maybe a movie too. Will see. Have to see if someone can watch my kids.
How are you otherwise? I hanging in the best I can. So hard. Mom's on my mind daily. Have to do things to break up the day and just get through it. Wish the pain of loosing her would decrease. Not sure that will happen any time soon. The 1 year anniversary is nearing in a couple months. Hugs, my friend.
June 3rd, 2008, 00:52
I'm hanging in there too. Sometimes my emotions short circuit. Retarting the grieving process over while still grieving for Grandma is like confusing. Sometimes I feel guilty because I'm handling Grandpa's death better than Grandma's. Maybe because he had alot of problems, even though he was still very active I just had a feeling. Or maybe I'm just numb. Sometimes I just don't feel anything anymore. In my experience, after you hit that first anniversary it gets a little easier. Not much but a little. I hope it's that way for you. I'm here if you need me.
Okay, on to the other things I had to say last time. I told you how some of my cousins & my mom & grandpa used to have breakfast the 1st Monday of the month. They did it because grandpa loved it. They continued to do it in his memory which is nice. Today they met & my aunt & uncle came. Well my mom told my aunt that she was welcome to come to the house anytime & see if there were any mementos she wanted, but if my uncle went over she was having him arrested. I didn't think she would do it, but I'm glad she did. My grandparents didn't raise any of us to be greedy & selfish like him. Sometimes I would like to think he was switched at birth. They always said they didn't want any fighting after they were gone, Grandpa even said it in the hosp. when we found out he was going to die. My mom feels bad about that but I told her they know how he is & I'm sure they understand. I loved my uncle but I never liked him, you know what I mean? Right now I'm not sure I even love him after all he's done. Which makes me feel bad, but I can't help the way I feel.
What a coincidence that our anniversaries are so close. Maybe it's fate. I hope you get a sitter. I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore, although my neighbors will keep an eye out. They're teenagers, I don't trust them as far as I can see them. I remember those years. They were great! That's why I have spies. I won't ruin it for you, you'll find out soon enough.
Okay, it's getting late. Talk to you tomorrow.
June 3rd, 2008, 21:53
Gina, I am so grateful to have had you to talk to over these last several months. I guess we're the last of the Mohegans still around here. I don't know if some people have moved along in their grief to acceptance or what. But anyway, nice to have you here.
I understand how aggravating it is to deal with relatives who are so insensitive and uncaring. I have some of that going on in my family currently. The story is my sister is having a function and forgot to send invitations to a few cousins. Long story short, they got there invitations but now they're insulted and my aunt said none of them are coming. Whatever! That's really petty crap! Don't they understand what my family has gone through with the sudden death of my mom? Guess not. So be it. I don't care anymore about stupid drama.
I do plan to do something for my anniversary. I'll find someone in my family to watch the kids. There good kids. I got time before those crazy teenage years you're going through come about. Oh, I'm going to mini-reading night too on Friday. I let you know if anything good comes out of that. Talk to you soon.
June 4th, 2008, 00:24
Rachele, I feel the same way. I'm so glad we 'met'. I think alot of people left because there isn't alot of traffic here. Sometimes there aren't any new topics, but that's fine with me you & I seemed to have clicked so we always find something to talk about.
My mom talked to the lawyer today & he said she could keep my uncle out & there is nothing he can do.
His wife is more family than he has ever been anyway. Last summer we were all at grandpa's house & they had just looked at a house they were interested in buying & it had an extra room. Out of the blue SHE asked grandpa to come live with them. My uncle wasn't too happy about it. I just get so mad about it. My grandparents were good to us. They bailed him out of jail for not paying his child support more times than I can count. They weren't happy about it, but they did it. I think it bothers me so much because I don't have any other immediate family.
As for being invited to family functions, we don't have many, but everyone usually shows up. My husbands family has something going on all the time, but I'd rather not go. His mom drives me nuts. She actually told my kids when they were little that they need to watch me when I make his food because I'm poisoning him. She was recently diagnosed with dementia but she did that before any signs of it. She just didn't want us together. I have no idea why. We got married by a justice of the peace & his mom & sister actually came to stop the wedding. They were late. Most of his family, he is one of 11 kids, has something to say about another one so there is always alot of drama. Consider yourself lucky that the drama your family is experiencing is minor compared to all the stuff his family causes. Trust me it is not pretty.
Any bad feelings your family has will pass. Don't stress over it & if you start to worry you can laugh at my situation with my in-laws. I do, they are nuts. It's like the Hatfields & McCoys all in 1 family.
Alright, tall to you tomorrow, it's getting late.
June 7th, 2008, 20:51
Hi I'm back,
Last couple days got busy for me. Anniversary was good, just dinner. Today I had a function to go to so I hope to take it eassyyyyy tomorrow. So hot here, well into the mid 90's. Not used to it yet. I wanted to wish you, Gina a Happy Anniversary tomorrow. I hope you and hubby have a good day.
This week is going to be busy for me, as school winds down with class parties for both kids and daughter's birthday the end of next week. I'm having a little party out for her friends and cousins. The following week I get ready for vacation.
Everything has happened so fast this year and I had more family functions than ever. I don't know how it happeded all at once. I has been so hard to get myself prepared for all these functions. I'm usually very organized but this year was too much for me with my mom dying and all. I'm hoping for a quiet July and August.
June 7th, 2008, 23:45
Glad you're back. Sounds like your annivesary was good. I meant to ask how many years have you been married? It's been 12 for me, 15 yrs. together. Long years. Very long. Too long. (Just kidding, although they have been long).
I don't want school to end. My kids are too old for camp so they hang around alot. Driving me nuts in the proceess. Why is it they get louder as they get older? My daughter yells all the time. And they go deaf too. They could be sitting in front of the T.V. & I can hear it across the house.
Did you forget that I don't live too far from you, I know it's hot. I put the A.C. in today. There is no way me & my asthma can deal with this heat. The dogs wanted to go out all day long, I don't know how they can stand it. It's getting late. Talk to you tomorrow.
June 8th, 2008, 20:33
It's been 15 long ones for me. Hope your anniversary went well today. My kids are usually good until they fight with each other. That's aggravating but sometimes it makes me laugh to myself. It so weird watching two little people scream and fight with each other but I guess they learn that from all us grownups. I don't look forward to the teenage years at all. It's crazy now. I thought it was crazy during our time but not by longshot now. I don't evny you, Gina. I relaxed mostly today. I get so sad walking in my daughter's room. There are memories of mom everywhere. Dolls she gave her, musical things and mom would haved loved the way it looks. It's sad I can't share those things with her anymore.
June 8th, 2008, 23:54
My day was peaceful. Until the kids came home. I miss the days when they were little & used to argue. They were cute. Now they go for blood & are incredibly obnoxious. I should own stock in Tylenol the way I take them. My son is 15 & immature for his age in some ways. He really tries to annoy his sister, if only he put as much effort into school. He'd be a PHD already.
As soon as it got hot my refridgerator did too. I really don't want a new one. This one is only a few yrs. old & I love it. It's huge, all the shelves roll out even in the freezer & there's a light in the freezer too. I have to see if it can be fixed.
Why is it so hot? 2 days ago I was wearing a sweater & now I want to crawl out of my skin. That's why I like the winter.
I'm worried about my cousin. He's really stressed out. He's been trying to pay all the bills by himself since grandpa died. He's working constantly & barely makes ends meet. My mom is helping him a little because his father is good for nothing & his mother isn't much better. Grandma raised him after his mother threw him out for her new husband. He was 12. Poor kid. Grandma even told him that when they were gone his parents wouldn't help him. She also told him my mom & I would be here for him. She was right. I hope he's okay.
I really need to go on a diet. I am gaining alot of weight. Any advice?
Okay, it's getting late. Talk to you tomorrow.
June 9th, 2008, 19:39
There is always someone in a family that is so self-absorbed and clueless about thier responsibilities. We have one in ours' too. It's sad what is going on with your uncle and your cousin. Sounds like your cousin is the adult here. It's good that he has you and your mom to care about him.
As far as weight goes, I'm fed up with mine. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. Think it's since having the kids, I just eat fast, on the run and it's all carbs. I have no one to blame but myself. It's just stinks to have the body I have now. Plus, next week I got to get my bathing suit on for vacation. Nothing I could do about it now. Gonna just try to enjoy as much as I can. But I do need to work on this diet stuff. Get the carbs down and start walking or something. I'm with you on that. Talk to you soon.
June 9th, 2008, 23:54
My mom went on the atkins diet & it worked for her. Actually she was too skinny, but after she got off the diet she gained almost twice what she lost. I was never skinny, I am built like my fathers mom, broad shoulders & wide hips, but I am bigger now than ever. I can't stand it!
As for my cousin, today was his birthday. His mother ruined it. After grandma died she really started to spend time with him, now that grandpa is gone she is trying to control him. She is too late. He's 26 yrs. old, she can't be his mother now. I want to tell her off but that will just upset him. I don't know what to do.
Talk to you tomorrow.
June 11th, 2008, 21:57
Yea, I think it probably will upset him if you tell her off. People can be so clueless. I can't stand when people are like that. I just don't get them. How, why. How people like that can sleep at night when I'm up thinking of how to contribute to the lives of others in a positive way.
My weight is such a disappointment. I've found myself for the first time in my life feeling like I can't do anything about it. Never felt like that before. I'm afraid I might have accepted it and I don't want to. I guess it's just not a priority in my life right now. Can't bare to gain anymore weightthough. I'll really get depressed then on top of the grief I already feel about my mom's death. Well got to wake up early so I'm gonna say goodnight, Gina. Talk to ya soon.
June 11th, 2008, 23:59
She is just evil. The day he came to live with us, she knocked on the door, yelled something, threw his suitcase in & then physically threw him in too. All because her husband didn't want him around. It's true what they say, what goes around etc..., now she is in a loveless marriage, her husband cheats & is an alcoholic. Any way the day she brought him to us was the only time that I ever really wanted to hurt someone. I'm not a violent person, but I was willing to be that day. Grandma stopped me. He has an appointment to see a therapist tomorrow.
I know what you mean about the weight. I can't stop eating. I don't have to be hungry & I still eat. I think maybe it's nerves. Do you know what I mean?
I am going with mom in the a.m., to start taking some of Grandpa's stuff out of the house. Dale (cousin) doesn't need all the reminders, he's still living there. I think we're just taking his albums & stuff like that. Grandpa spent hours putting music from albums on tape. He loved to dance, especially line dance. I have tons of photos of him (the only guy) among lines of dancing women. Grandma didn't dance to much she would watch. Anyway tomorrow is 3 mos. since he died. I'm gonna need a pep talk.
Okay, gotta get up too, talk to you tomorrow.
June 12th, 2008, 20:47
Gina, As you always have, just do something nice in honor of grandpa. It will make you feel close to him. You've been so creative in all your ways of honoring your loved ones like talking to them and making collages. I think that's great. I don't talk out loud to my mom. I think I'm unsure if she really hears me, so I don't. I sure hope they are watching over us.
Sounds like your cousin's mom I believe you speak of, is a real character and not in nice sense. I can understand how all that could really make you steam you. It's so unfair to you cousin. He's lucky to have good family like you on his side.
I'm looking forward to a break and a vacation from all that's gone on this year in my family. Next Wednesday, June 18 th I go for 5 days. It's sounds so good right now. Can't wait to escape for awhile. Well, that's all tonight. Hugs, Rachele.
June 12th, 2008, 23:14
His mom & dad (my uncle) are both nuts. It just makes me so mad that she didn't bother all those years & then she comes back & now she is doing it again. She wants to control him. He's 26 yrs. old she should have tried to take control a long time ago. She actually caused a scene when she was visiting & his girlfriend showed up. Enough about that, it just gets me angry.
I'm going to miss you when you're on vacation. Who am I going to chat with?
Okay, I'm really tired tonight so I'm going to stop here. I'll be back tomorrow.
June 15th, 2008, 20:46
Had an extremely hectic and tiring weekend. Went to dad's today for father's day,after cleaning my house for vacation. Grilled and prepared food there,why my one sister watched. So much for help. It hits me everytime I go over to dad's, that mom is truely gone. For now, it is so quiet and I'm the one preparing food, setting the table and cleaning up. I don't even know where everything is, so I search around and get more and more sad that mom is not around. It's so hard for me to be at his house without my mom. Then, dad's woman friend was coming over. Good thing it was late and time to go. Saw her but just asked how she was and said we had to leave so kids could get up for school. Don't know how this relationship will turn out. Have a gut feeling he will be with her for the long hall. What will I do then? If I accept her, I'm afraid she think she can just take over our family. She's nervy like that. Well enough of that. Can't wait to spend time with hubby and kids on vacation. Hope it will be a good time for us.
June 16th, 2008, 00:11
Your sister sounds like my uncle. My mom does everything while he watches. Other than that, how was the day? Did dad have a good fathers day?
Okay on to his 'friend', is this the same one? Have you tried telling her how you feel? I think maybe you should try to accept her, for your dad. Let her know how you feel but just try. I know how hard it is, but maybe there is more to it than what you see. I mean, maybe dad's afraid to be alone. When you spend your life with someone & suddenly they are gone it's hard to imagine being alone. I know the situation is bad, but you're going to lose the battle for now, eventually he will come around & realize his mistake. Like they say 'pick your battles'. In time you will win the war.
We went to the cemetary today with flowers & a Yankee balloon. I can't get used to his name on the stone. I guess it's not real to me yet. I think my mom got a sign today. She was home watching the Red Sox game & the T.V. volume went up all the way & it wouldn't go down then the channel changed. We always teased Grandpa when he went to her house because he always messed up the remote. She had to call me after he left to tell her how to fix it. I just wish I would get one.
I've had a busy weekend too. A friend of ours got shot Friday night, he's okay but I was trying to find out how he was all day Saturday. I'm going to end here, I'm tired. Talk to you tomorrow.
June 16th, 2008, 17:59
That's nice Gina, you brought a Yankee baloon for grandpa yesterday. I know it's hard seeing the name on the stone. Same here for me. I still sort of feel disbelief about the whole thing with mom. Anyway, worse news came my way. My sister found out dad gave her an engagement ring. I can't say I'm surprised, since he moved so fast from the beginning but I thought he would at least wait till after we got through her 1 year anniversary in August. Just so much pain for me and my siblings, coping with her sudden death, and seeing my dad who was with my mom for 40 years, dating and ready to marry someone else. I really don't know how I'm going to cope with it. It's so complicated. My dad is in such a financial mess and I think she has contributed to that getting him to charge things for her on his credit card.
I'm gonna try not to think to much about it right now, I want to enjoy my vacation with my family. Take care Gina. Talk to you when I get back, Sunday or Monday.
February 11th, 2010, 16:44
Hello everybody how are you all.