View Full Version : What do you tell the patient?

April 4th, 2008, 20:52
When my grandpa was in the hosp. his heart stopped beating twice. When we got there the dr. told us he wouldn't make it through the night. While we were trying to deal with this in the hall, the dr. went & told him he was going to die. I am still furious. He died the next morning, but I keep worrying about what he was thinking about for 24 hours. Am I wrong for thinking they should not have told him. It was peaceful, his heart just stopped, but what were his last hours like? Please tell me what you think, I know he had a right to know, but I don't think I would want to know.

April 4th, 2008, 21:26
That's a hard one, Gina. As fearful as I am of death, my heart probably wouldn't be able to take the news. However, I think I would like to know so I could say my goodbyes. I truely felt cheated of that in my mom's case because the doctor's didn't tell us anything. She was orally intibated and unconscious the last 24 hours of her life, which haunts me every time I think about it. I would have loved to have told her how much I loved her when she was awake. Death is so painful, no matter how it happens.

April 4th, 2008, 23:06
Rachele, that is just my point, we said our goodbyes (@ 9 a.m.) thinking that he would be gone soon. My mom got a call that night that he took a turn for the worse (@ 9 p.m.). He held on until 9:05 the next a.m. What did he think of that whole time?
You & I are both terrified of dying which makes me wonder what was he thinking about. He always let us believe that he was okay with his death, but I am not so sure that that was what he thought it would be like. Meaning he thought it would be quick, like a massive heart attack, not sitting around for 24 hrs. waiting. I just hate thinking he was scared & alone.

April 5th, 2008, 18:05
Was your grandfather alone during the 24 hours from the time they told him or was someone there most of the time? You know your grandfather, do you believe he was ok with dying? Some people are, although I believe everyone must have some period of fear but some also have acceptance. Maybe your grandfather was accepting of his impending death. Be careful not to project your fears onto someone who may not have those fears. There was one thing in your earlier posts where you said your perceived him at the end to die peacefully. Hold on to that thought. That's important. Your grandfather and my mom had opposite scenerios. My mom died before died any of us knew what was happening. I think she, my mom didn't know she was dying but I can't say thay for sure, as I said the night before I saw fear in her eyes. Your grandfather, on the other hand was told he was dying and lingered longer than expected. Maybe he stayed longer for a reason. It's so hard for us left behind to think how they felt. The truth is we don't know. I know how it hurts and I'm hear for you.

April 6th, 2008, 00:01
He always said he was ready when the time came, especially after Grandma died. I can still hear him saying "It was supposed to be me", at her funeral. I think he was BEFORE he was faced with it, but I am not so sure how he felt when the reality of the situation set in. I think anybody who has to sit and wait knowing that death will be there within a few hours has to be scared. The uncertanty of what lies ahead has got to be terrifying. Too answer your question about him being alone, he was alone for awhile. My mom decided we should leave because we were crying & he was getting upset. We didn't want to put any more strain on his heart & they were going to give him morphine so he would sleep. I know this may sound silly, but I used to make barbequed chicken wings for him, he loved mine, he kept asking me to make them. Anyway, I didn't make them for a long time, but I made them the day before he went to the hosp. & brought them to him. He had already eaten so he was going to have them the next day. He never did. I kept saying to my mom that he didn't even get a chance to eat one. I feel guilty about that. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I have done other things for him that I should feel good about, but those damned wings are what bothers me. He had been to the hosp. 7 times since December, he was even in for x-mas, but he always ended up fine. I guess that is what I expected this time too.