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barbiern
May 20th, 2014, 07:47
I lost my wife Cheryl one year ago this week. And while some people think that I have completely gotten over her loss, nothing could be further from the truth. Only by the grace of God and with a lot of pain have I regained some sort of normalcy. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I miss her terribly and will never forget her. Cheryl will always be in my heart and she has changed my life forever.

hazelharris
May 20th, 2014, 13:56
hi nick that's the usual response from people a year is a long time to those who do not mourn to us it's only moments i suppose in the future however long our lives we will always get days hard to bare without them days when we just find solace in our memories and other days we cope a lot better and learn to be happy again i will light my candle today for Cheryl with thanks for her life i do this for all my family of friends on here and i hope in some small way it might lighten your pain thinking of you hazel x

IMU1111
May 20th, 2014, 21:51
I feel and understand this last year you have had to experience as I have been right there along with you experiencing something similar yet different. No one can understand your feelings and where your mind is. However as time goes by things change even feelings but the thing that remains constant that is the love you will always share with her. She will always be with you especially on these days.
My heart goes out to you both

russ
May 22nd, 2014, 12:00
im just starting out on that year pal as michelle only died a couple of months ago now , I have to admit im struggling quite badly at the moment although I do have days when everything just seems normal then she,ll just pop into my mind , as people have said just take it a day at a time but it is so hard and for me personally I really cant imagine my future on my own without her
keep your chin up and if you can give me any pointers on how to deal with things then id be grateful
cheers russ

hazelharris
May 23rd, 2014, 03:14
hi russ i am so sorry for your loss of your beloved wife i understand all you are going through i know those words will mean nothing really because we are all in our own grief and we have to deal with it and learn to cope in our own individual way It does help to talk to those who know your pain and if you ever need someone to talk to we are here for you there isn't as many friends on here as a few months ago but there are still some good people on here who will talk to you listen and just be here if you need a friend you can also pm me if you need to chat We can't take away your pain thats impossible the pain is because we love them we have to find this way of going forward and control this aching in our hearts so we just feel their love it all takes time thinking of you hazel

barbiern
May 28th, 2014, 09:19
hi nick that's the usual response from people a year is a long time to those who do not mourn to us it's only moments i suppose in the future however long our lives we will always get days hard to bare without them days when we just find solace in our memories and other days we cope a lot better and learn to be happy again i will light my candle today for Cheryl with thanks for her life i do this for all my family of friends on here and i hope in some small way it might lighten your pain thinking of you hazel x

Thanks Hazel

barbiern
May 28th, 2014, 09:33
im just starting out on that year pal as michelle only died a couple of months ago now , I have to admit im struggling quite badly at the moment although I do have days when everything just seems normal then she,ll just pop into my mind , as people have said just take it a day at a time but it is so hard and for me personally I really cant imagine my future on my own without her
keep your chin up and if you can give me any pointers on how to deal with things then id be grateful
cheers russ

Hi Russ, for me family and friends have been very important. And while not absolutely necessary, I also went to a grief counselor. Our lives have changed forever. But I have learned that in time things do seem to get back to normal. Well, at least as normal as they can be without your soul mate. For the most part, I have gotten over the crying stage. That only seems to happen very rarely, like on the anniversary of Cheryl's passing or her birthday. Michelle has gone on to a better place and for those of us left behind, we will all be re-united in God's time. I also found that going to church helps tremendously for me. I know it probably doesn't seem like it now, but things do get better. Hang in there and think of all the good times that you shared together.

russ
June 3rd, 2014, 14:03
thanks for that and reading your replies does help
I have to admit im really struggling at the moment both physically and mentally , ive lost a lot of confidence and interest in things I usually do
I feel totally alone although ive got my kids round me , is this normal ?
cheers russ

hazelharris
June 3rd, 2014, 16:27
hi russ yes this is very normal being alone in a crowd sometimes we think we are going crazy with grief as the stress and heartache changes us in a lot of ways sometimes it takes a long time to get some semblance back to who we were but grief will take time and you have to accept this go through all these different emotions that has to be experienced before you can start to pick up the pieces of your life again .This lack of confidence is something that shocked me especially after trying to be so strong for a long time the change wasn't like me at all i still find it hard to drive far and i used to drive all over the country i don't know why this happens i suppose it's something to do with the unthinkable has happened to us and we now get scared about everything especially our health and our families being safe The normality of our life has gone and is too painful at the beginning to carry on doing the same things as before watching tv music hobbies holidays the're unbearable for most of us without our loved one sharing it with us so we avoid doing these things but there is nothing to fill that void so you must search for different ways things to do that will help you cope I don't know the ages of your children if they are grown up make sure you talk to them don't close up to your emotions you have to get through this together if they are young and you need help ask your family for support i am here for you if you need to talk Russ believe me it does get better with time i know many will have said that to you already and those words don't mean much when your feeling such despair but take the days as they come do what you have to do to get through it all a time will come one day when you learn to smile again michelle needs you to find this acceptance a peace in your life knowing her love is always with you will give you courage to find happiness with your life in the future thinking of you hazel

russ
June 4th, 2014, 01:28
thanks hazel and it really does help reading your replies , I for one have always struggled to open up to people but been able to write your feelings down is easier
once again thanks !

Jodilynne
June 13th, 2014, 20:02
Hi
I appreciate everyone's honesty. I lost my soulmate may 31. He had liver cancer and I was his caregiver for the last 5 weeks. He was my rick, my love, my best friend basically my world. This week there have been times I thought I was going to go right out of my mind. My family and friends have been great. I do hate when some one says and they don't mean any hs by it, but when they say I don't even know what I would do. Hello, do you think I know what to do. Other than that I have a great support network. I am 45 and we were together for 8 years. I did more in those 8 years with him than most fo in a lifetime. I list, lonely, sad and so empty. I can't even sleep at home. I have no regrets about if we didn't say enough to each other. I was able to be by his side for the last 5 weeks 24/7. But, I am mourning him and taking care of him. It was a honour to be able to care for him. I was by his dude when he died. I was able to talk to him for 7 hours, he was surrounded by do much love. But, I miss him. I miss out life. I miss his presence. He suffered the last few weeks but I think I am still in shock he is gone. I think I really thought he was going to turn a corner. Hex was okay the morning he died. We talked. I don't know everyone says we had a beautiful love story. I don't get why it ended so quickly. I get a lot out of reading peoples comments. Helps me not feel so alone, but I still miss him. I try to get out everyday for him because he told me to live my life and bring into the world some lessons he taught me. He was my world. I miss him with very fiber on my being. Thank you for letting me ramble. Hopefully someone will identify with my pain. Jodi

hazelharris
June 14th, 2014, 02:43
hi jodi i am so very sorry for your loss and i know the despair you are feeling the loss of a loved one is an unbearable pain and i;m so sorry for your heartache i am sorry i can't write much to you at the moment as i'm late for an appointment and if you come back on here today and no one has replied it would be awful so i'm sending you a big HUG and will reply to you later thinking of you love hazel x

Jodilynne
June 14th, 2014, 07:41
Thank you! I appreciate you reaching out. I hate waking up in the am. It's just so hard and unreal. Some moments I think how will I do this, I want my life back with him and then I remember my life with him changed months ago. Funny how the brain can block things out.

Raychael
June 16th, 2014, 09:43
I cannot believe that you have written exactly what I am feeling on the death of my Husband Paul aged 48 on April 17th this year.
We were inseparable and went everywhere and did everything together and I'm lost without him. I am trying to carry on with life but am finding it so hard. I'm trying to be strong for everyone else and only cry alone. I'm not a great one for talking about my feelings but life's a bitch and being a widow at 41 sucks. Raych.x

Jodilynne
June 16th, 2014, 20:38
Sorry for your loss. I still cannot believe I living this nightmare. Bill was my everything. We balanced one another. Everyone says what a true love story we had. We truly made each other happy. Certain times of the day I feel like okay I can do this and than bam it hits me and I cannot believe out life together is over. I look around my apartment and see all his stuff and think I wil never get rid of h. He is still such a part of me. Cam I ask how your husband passed. Bill was sick with cancer. To be honest I don't even think I ever accepted he had cancer nevt mind that he died from it. They say it gets easier, but I don't know if it ever will. How can you get over the one person who completed you. I just don't know.

hazelharris
June 17th, 2014, 04:58
hi jodi i am so sorry for your loss and hearing your beloved Bill passed after suffering the awful cancer my heart breaks even more for you as i know how much despair this gives to those who care for them and love them I think when they have passed to heaven whatever illness they may have suffered the grieving is twofold we obviously grieve for their loss and we have to grieve for what both went through with the hell of the illness it's a lot to get over as you look back to all the trauma hoping praying and fighting for survival was hell and threw us into utter despair we have to heal ourselves from this pain
it takes many months of tears and i once described it like being in the pit of hell you have to go through many stages of grieving to even start pulling yourself out there is only one way to get through it all and thats to face it head on all the emotions from day to day as they change very gradually eventually some days get better than others and you start to try and live again there is no timescale we are all different and it will take as long as it takes don't let anyone tell you different or pressure you you have to get through it in your own way this great big void that they have left has to be filled with something else nothing can replace them but when the time is right we have to start adding other things into that hole to make out lives bearable a lot of the time we can't do the things we used to do with them it's too painful so other interests can help doing something you always wanted to do and never got round to join a club meet new people and always lean on your family for support At the moment you can't see your way forward for the tears i know that you feel your world has ended but you will get through it remember he needs you to be happy because he loves you his love is always with you i send you a hug to say i understand and will be here for you if you need to talk love hazel xxxx

hazelharris
June 17th, 2014, 05:14
hi raychael i am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband even more heartbreaking to hear he was so young It's not going to help you trying to be strong for everyone you have to let all those emotions out scream to the world if you have to you have lost the man you love let them all hear and see your despair let them see your tears they are there because you love him and keeping all that pent up and crying alone won't help you obviously we have to put a certain act on to young children but even they have to know it's ok to cry, you can open up your own thread on here and write down your feelings and all that has happened it will help you to get it out to people on here who understand and care you can say whatever you like or read other peoples threads who have suffered the same everyone who talks on here is our friend we care sending you a hug and please remember you and your husband are still binded by love and will be for eternity and with his loving you you know all he wants and needs now is you to find a way to cope and be happy in the future love hazel xxx

Jodilynne
June 17th, 2014, 06:31
Thank you hazel for your words and the understanding. Every night I go to bed thinking great I made I through the day, I can do this. Then I wake up in despair and think how am I going to do this? We did do many things together so it is hard to do any if them alone. The hardest one is we used to walk the beach all the time. Winter, spring, summer or fall. We had just moved across the street from where we walked. It brings such pain to see such beauty that we onced enjoyed and now I can't. I miss him with every breath. I am houngvtobatrendca young widows group. Maybe that will help. I don't know I ask god for help every day. Baby steps I guess

hazelharris
June 17th, 2014, 09:02
sometimes music and poetry help get us through the day so i have posted this beautiful poem that touched me i hope it may give you some comfort too going to the same places we walked together even shopping is tough as we remember they were always beside us in these places only time will make us feel contended that we can go there without this pain and the tears and just have a feeling of not what we have lost but what we had and what remains in our hearts that says we are loved and always will be memories were made like walking on this beach you both loved to be stored forever giving you his presence when you need to smile or be comforted xx

walk within you by nicholas evans

if i be the first of us to die
let grief not blacken long your sky
be bold yet modest in your grieving
there is a change but not a leaving
for just as death is part of life
the dead live on forever in the living
and all the gathered riches of our journey
the moments shared, the mysteries explored
the steady layering of imtimacy stored
the things that made us laugh or weep or sing
the joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring
the wordless language of look and touch
the knowing
each giving and each taking
these are not flowers that fade
nor trees that fall and crumble
nor are they stone
for stone cannot the wind and rain withstand
and mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand
what we are we are
what we had we have
a conjoined past imperishably present
so when you walk the woods where once we walked together
and scan in vein the dappled bank beside you for my shadow
or pause where we always did upon the hill to gaze across the land
or spotting something reach by habit for my hand
and finding none feel sorrow start to steal upon you
be still
close your eyes
breathe
listen to my footfall in your heart
i am not gone but merely walk within you

Jodilynne
June 17th, 2014, 11:50
That is beautiful. I hope I can get there one day