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baglady1st
April 1st, 2014, 23:35
My question is will I ever stop hating the first of each month? Every one that passes marks another month since my dearest husband passed. I'm wondering if he had gone on any other day, would I feel differently? The fifth of the month can slip by but not the first.

cal821
April 2nd, 2014, 11:00
I can say in total honesty that in time as you move along in your journey.. The first of each month will not hit so hard.. Time will help.. but unfortunately it will take some time.. I have spoken to other widows at different anniversary marks from losing their dear spouses and the general consensus is yes time will ease that heart wrenching pain from the anniversary date of your dear husbands passing..
May I make a suggestion? Maybe try doing something in memory of your dear husband on the first of each month.. maybe take a long walk outside if the weather permits.. or try a dinner out and raise a glass in memory.. or you could try lighting a candle and keep it burning on the first of each month in memory( Let you husbands love shine through the light of the candle on that day) ( But please make sure you keep the candle away from anything flammable if you try that.. open flames cannot be left unsupervised regardless if it is only one candle) Sorry but I mention the candle with caution because of that. Or maybe plant a tree or flower in the garden, flower box or pot..
The reason I suggest this is that it can be a great cathartic release if you focus on the precious memories on that day that brings so much sadness to your heart at this moment.. If you shift your focus from pain to something that reminds you of a happy time it will help you heal in this process of grieving and grief. Its unfortunate to walk this path I know but in time the flow of life will bring you some peace in your heart...


I hope that these suggestions may help you..

I wish you peace for your shattered heart

Cal821 ( Dave )

HannahD
April 5th, 2014, 06:45
I do the same thing on the 23rd of each month. I find I dread the day and will focus on the loss even more. I've tried to train my brain to think differently but it doesn't seem to work. It doesn't help that I grieve deeply each day for my husband and as the day approaches I only grieve more.

I like what Cal suggested with planting a flower or plant. I think I will do this and as I tend to it there will be a growing of love. Replacing the sorrow. In time the plant will flourish and become strong. As we hope for ourselves.

Wishing you peace in your heart.

Hannah

baglady1st
April 6th, 2014, 00:06
I just found out that my husband had a much larger family than I knew of. Part of me is so tickled that I have new people to meet and speak to and part of me is saddened that in 18 years I didn't know about most of them. I hope that something beautiful comes with the meeting of a family rarely spoken of. The fact that they acknowledged both my husband and I as family, we are off to a wonderful start.

hazelharris
April 6th, 2014, 02:25
thats brilliant news what a lovely surprise i hope when you meet your family all will go well and you make some lifetime friends that will make a difference to you and bring some needed joy and happiness to your life xx

baglady1st
April 7th, 2014, 23:24
Hoping you are right. My goal it to seek them out and discuss everything.
the good, the bad and the ugly. My niece so far is incredible. I hope the others want to meet me. Blessings to everyone.

Clarabelle
May 3rd, 2014, 07:34
I'm sorry that you've had to join us all on this journey. Honestly, it does get a wee bit easier with time and distance...or maybe it's just that you learn to cope because you have no other option. Somehow the 1st is a significant date for every month- I understand totally what you mean. Other dates are just that..days that pass you by. All I can say is that you always can find some comfort here from someone else who is on the same journey. Lots of love, Clare x

baglady1st
June 3rd, 2014, 23:02
Thank you everyone for your lovely suggestions and words of encouragement. My husband lets me know when he is watching which
helps with some of the emotional pain. I'm quickly heading towards a year
since he passed and I am going to do something special for him. Peace to everyone and may all our journeys bring us back to our spouses. :Heart:

baglady1st
October 10th, 2014, 21:29
This week on a social media site I saw a sweatshirt stating."I'm not a widow. I am a wife. My husband awaits me one the other side.." I love this and ended up purchasing it. It is my guess it may make a few folks uneasy but oh well. I've been saying something like this all along. Now everyone will see it.