View Full Version : "Dear Survivor"

March 16th, 2014, 17:00
I had read this many years back..I thought I would post and share for the newly bereaved here on the forum..

Dear Survivor:

It is said that death is part of life; that it is the other side of
birth. I believe that death can also give meaning to life, a meaning
that may escape you now while your grief is fresh and raw, but which may someday bring a special quality of peace to your spirit. As terrible as
your loss seems now, you will survive it even though that may seem
unbelievable right now. Once that happens, you will have touched upon a
new and incredible inner strength.

But for now you may be a mixture of thoughts and feelings. Despair,
longing, anger, guilt, frustration, questions and even understanding,
tumble over each other, striving for but not quite reaching
comprehensible sense and shape. You seek relief -- you need to heal.
It is a journey, and you must work on it.

And so, cry.
The pain is real, but the tears are healing. Often we must struggle
through an emotion to find the relief beyond.

And so, talk.
Talk to each other about your loss and pain. Don't hide or deny real
feelings. Tell others that you need them. The more you deny something
or address it in silence, the more it can claim destructive power over you.

And so, search.
Over and over, you will ask "Why?" It is a question you must ask.
Though you may never find an answer, realize that it is still important
to wrestle with the "why" question for a time. Eventually, you will be
content to give up the search. When you can willingly let go of the
need to question "why," it will lose its hold over you,
but it will take time.

And so, speak.
Speak as often and freely of your loved one as you need to. He or she
will always be a part of you. Not to speak of the deceased denies his
or her existence. To speak of the deceased affirms his or her life.
Believe that in time, the pain of loss fades and is replaced by precious
memories to be shared.

And so, grieve.
This time of sorrow can be used to draw a family together or pull it
apart. You may be one who needs to feel and express guilt so that
eventually you will gain a more balanced view of your actual
responsibility. You may need to give yourself permission to feel and
express anger even though you think it's inappropriate.

And so, grow.
We know we cannot control all that happens to us, but we can control how
we choose to respond. We can choose to overcome and survive it. When
we choose to grieve constructively and creatively, we come to value life
with a new awareness.

And so, become.
Become the most you can become. Enter into a new dimension of
self-identity and self-dependence as you come to love others more fully
and unconditionally.

In letting go of love, we give it freedom to return to us. Become all
that your loved one's death has freed you to become.

And so, accept.
Accept that in some strange way, his or her death may enable you to
reach out with a new understanding, offering a new dimension of love to

I believe in a loving God Who is with us, offering strength, guidance
and solace as we struggle with our anguish. I believe as we regain
balance and meaning in our shattered lives, we can come to see that
death can indeed bring a new meaning to life. This is my prayer for all
of us.

by Eleanora Ross

As always I wish you peace for your shattered heart.

Dave( Cal821 )

March 17th, 2014, 08:46
hello dear dave, thank you for this today, its so very true, the pain will and does lesson as time passes and we never stop remembering those that we loved so much and thought we would never recover from losing them.

for those dear ones who aren't at peace in their hearts as to where their loves might have gone to, please be at peace in the knowledge that they have returned to the place we all came from, some of us call it home and they await for us to come and join them one day when its our turn to be gathered and bought home too.

for those dear ones that are so everwhelmed with despair, you will one day find the pain lessons and wake up to a new day, a new beginning, this I promise you. on the 7th December this year it will be 3 years since my hubby went home and I have been given the grace to let him go, to grow and do all that he has to do in the next realm, he still hears me when I whisper his name and he never left me till I was ready to cut the silver cord.
I cried so many tears and one day God gave me a vision of me in a small boat with no oars, on a huge lake surrounded by large mountains. I asked Him what this was, He said, these waters are your tears and every drop is precious to me, so much so I will gather them all and I will wipe every tear from your eyes one day. He will do the same for you too dear friends, so please hold on in there, there is a rainbow at the end and healing will come in its allotted time.

thanks again dave.

chrissie. xx

April 1st, 2015, 10:11
bump up for a re-read

June 20th, 2015, 13:35

Thanks for posting these wise words.

The word "survivor" is especially pertinent because it truly is what we are. When someone we love to the ends of the Earth passes away before us, we lose our anchor and nothing in life makes sense anymore.

It is a long, arduous process that can either teach us amazing lessons or destroy us completely. We have to choose the right road ... the road to love, hope, gratitude, and faith ... or the wrong road to despair, anger towards others, loss of faith, and self-destruction.

Reaching out and expressing our grief to others gives it validation and allows us to lean on them when we need them the most. Surprisingly, many people (even those we didn't think would) will rise to the occasion and grieve with us for our loss. Let them in, lean on them if they give you a shoulder, and listen to their words of comfort. This is all a part of the human experience, and we need each other now more than ever.


July 6th, 2015, 13:58
wonderful post from dave i have reposted x

July 12th, 2015, 06:57
That was really a beautiful statement, Dave. I will copy that and re-read it when I feel really down and depressed. Again thank you.

October 21st, 2015, 08:18
re posted x

March 23rd, 2016, 18:00
bump up for a re-read

June 5th, 2016, 12:08
bump up for a re-read

August 8th, 2016, 08:37
bump up for a re-read

December 7th, 2016, 16:24
re posted x

October 2nd, 2017, 16:32
bump to the top for a re-read.. Hopefully this will help those that are reading it.

I wish you peace..

December 26th, 2017, 15:50
bump up for re-read

June 20th, 2018, 08:52
bump to the top for a re-read

July 10th, 2018, 11:16
bump up for a re-read

August 15th, 2018, 13:57
Thank you again for posting this, Dave. :)