View Full Version : Three month mark...
June 22nd, 2013, 16:51
Yesterday was 3 months since my husband passed away. In a way, I can't believe I made it this far. I can see small signs that I am moving forward, despite not wanting to move away from what I had before. I know my kids need me to do so, so I am pushing on.
The pain is actually greater right now, though. I literally cannot think about our future right now, because it hurts so much to think of all my husband won't be here for. I feel very alone and imagining this loneliness for years to come threatens to swallow me up sometimes.
I actually had more health complications and ended up back at the hospital, but they are treatable and I am following all the doctor's orders because I need to get better. The stress and grief is just taking its toll, exacerbating the medical issues. Thankfully, my medical providers have been very supportive.
I am hoping each of you are getting along as best as can be.
June 23rd, 2013, 18:16
June 24th, 2013, 06:24
I empathise with you, it was 3 months on Saturday since my Fiance passed away so I totally understand what you are going through. I can't believe that I have made it this far either. Unfortunately for me I wasn't married to the man that I wanted to be with. We were getting married though this August and I am filled with dread everytime I think about it. My Fiance never got the chance to become a husband and father. I have a 5yr old son that keeps me going and I try to plan a lot of things in advance so that I'm not "stuck". I find that I dwell on a lot of things if I don't have anything to do. Things certainly haven't got easier for me, I always think about what we could have been doing now, planning, dreaming for. I have lost the identity of myself and I don't know what to do with myself anymore.
I would have loved to have given you some kind words of encouragement but I feel exactly the same as you. The only thing I can say is that you're not alone and keep chatting on this forum, I found that it really helps.
June 24th, 2013, 18:58
Thank you for your reply, Jannie's Daughter. I am tucking that poem away for keeping. I honestly am so grateful for having the love and security of my husband for so long. The pain of missing him is just so deep.
My emotions are everywhere right now. I know that my kids need me to find our way to happiness again and I know that is what my husband would want as well. I feel guilty that I cry so much and honestly feel hopeless most of the time. But I do feel I really am trying, so I'm telling myself that is the best I can do right now.
I hope, in time, to get us to the spirit of that poem. I know it would make my husband happy. We do it in little ways - enjoying a few things he enjoyed in his honor rather than feeling guilty for enjoying something he no longer can. It is bittersweet, of course.
Thank you again for your reply.
June 24th, 2013, 19:08
I am so very sorry that your fiancÚ passed away before you even had the chance to be married. Oh, it makes me so sad for you, dear. Why life has to be so hard, I just don't know.
Thank you for sharing that keeping things scheduled helps some. I'm trying to get more things scheduled for the kids, although I admit that going out isn't easy for me right now. But I know they need it, so I appreciate your suggestion.
I'm sending you hugs of support, especially as August approaches. It is so hard to let go of those plans and dreams we had, isn't it?
June 24th, 2013, 20:49