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rq1969
March 31st, 2013, 20:05
My love my husband my friend my soulmate lost his fight with cancer 3 weeks ago.we were only together for 12 years.I moved country left all behind to start our life together cause it felt so right. Every corner in the house we had done up together.now I look around and nothing has a meaning, and suddenly I find myself attached to the place cause it holds all the memories and I am afraid to let go at the same time i want to runaway.we didn't have children and I am not working at the moment cause I dedicated every moment of that last year since he got diagnosed in spending every moment with him.I have family visiting which kept me occupied and soon they'll be gone.I am so afraid of the loneliness waiting ahead.I don't know what to do.I am heartbroken.I feel I have stopped and the world is going fast around me.I miss him so much,his smile,his smell,his eyes our talks our walks.I just feel pain and cold inside.often I wished that it won't be too long to be reunited with him.I don't even have dreams all I have is his picture beside me.life is cruel.

Mart
April 1st, 2013, 05:18
Rq1969
Hello your not alone on this site many of us have been cursed by that horrible disease that has taken our loved ones , I lost my wife 11 months ago and miss her every second of the day we were together 33 years since she was 16
She was 49 when she passed away , we know just what your going through and the pain your feeling every morning you open your eyes that's if you sleep
Time will help you cope but the pain stays , take one day at a time x
Take care love mart

sdk
April 1st, 2013, 06:22
Rg1969,

So sorry for your loss. For me it has been 15 months since I lost my husband from a massive stroke. You have come to a place where everyone knows exactly how you feel and what you are going through. right now everything is new and raw for you, so take it one minute at a time, eventually it will become one day at a time. Let yourself feel what you feel. Its ok. Keep in touch.

Hugs,
Sheryl

Whitehorse81
April 1st, 2013, 09:45
So sorry for your loss. It's very new to you and your probably beginning to panic about your future. Your feelings are very normal and no one knows how long you will feel this way. This is a huge adjustment for you and its scary.

I am so afraid of the loneliness waiting ahead.I don't know what to do.

Try not to focus on what lies ahead. What are the things you love to do? Keep doing them. It sounds like you enjoy working on your house. Finish up a project you have put off. Take this time for you...

I tell people, I am alone but not lonely and you can be as well. Look within yourself.

Bless you,
Jacquie

Halina
April 1st, 2013, 10:34
Rq1969,

I too am very sorry for your loss.

Having moved country myself, I know how big a step that is, and I can imagine how that too affects your experience of loneliness, meaninglessness, homelessness in the world.

By the way, the fact that you have moved country because of your husband doesn't necessarily mean that this is the only reason why you are where you are. Perhaps you will find out you want to move back and perhaps you will find out that you want to stay. I'd suggest that you don't make any decisions just yet with regards to your future (not unless you have to). Right now all that matters is here and now and moving through the emotional challenge.

Many warm greetings -

Halina

pw5599
April 2nd, 2013, 09:43
Yes, the big ugly C word. It also took my wife of 30 years at age 50 and it is so cruel to be asked to watch while your soulmate degrades from that disease. But in many ways those last few months I spent with her, caring for her each day is so precious. I too dedicated those months to her and left everything else behind. Now I find it's hard to resume my previous life.

We lived in this house for the past 20 years and it holds so many memories of which I now find comforting...most days. I've heard to never do anything drastic for at least a year. I know eventually I should leave it behind but now I cant imagine doing that. It would feel like another loss and I couldnt handle that.

I still have 2 of my 3 adult daughters living with me so I'll continue to provide as much of a home as I can for them. Once they carry on I may feel the need to as well but for now, I'm staying put here in my comfort place.

All we can do is to try and find peace for at least some of the time. The rest should be dedicated to working through the grief to resolve it. I've been reading some books on grief and have found it's very important to work through it to resolve it. It's never a good thing to bury it or ignore it. It hurts but let it work through you and in time we will be able to live with it and recall those better days without too much pain.

I wish you well.

mike429
April 2nd, 2013, 15:58
I to know many of the feeling you are having. I lost my wife to C just over 5 weeks ago and it feels like yesterday. We were together almost 22 years and married almost 20. She left me with the two most beautiful girls anyone could ask for. I feel stuck too. Not sure weather to stay or go. I hope the pain will ease in time and i'll be left with the wonderful memories. Right now its hard to see any future without her and like a lot of us I have thought of joining her but I know how many would be hurt and she wouldn't want me to join her that way.
I hope some day we will all be able to carry on and find happiness in the rest of our lives. Know one plans for a life like this but I guess we must play the hand we are delt. Life definitely isn't fair.
Good luck in all you and I hope some day we can all smile again.

rq1969
April 4th, 2013, 03:51
Thank you all for your kind thoughts. Times are still so hard. When I wake up and don't see him there, don't have him to wish him good morning, hug him, and same at night.tears keep rolling down.friends and neighbours have been wonderful, but the emptiness is overwhelming. For all going through this I wish you strength.it is not easy.

Clarabelle
April 8th, 2013, 13:39
Hi rq1969,

Just keep in touch with all of us who feel the same emotions that you do on here. With a lot of time you gradually start to feel you can go on. Some days will be good, others bad and this goes on for a long time- I'm at 16 months and still yo-yoing, not so badly as at first, the terrible bouts of grief are getting further apart. Anything you think of or feel is normal but take your time and wait a while before deciding on your future. Take care, lots of love, Clare x

cal821
April 9th, 2013, 12:15
Hi rq1969

Our worlds are incomplete our families are broken when we loose our spouse.

When I hear someone complain about their spouse I get so upset. I just want to say "Be grateful that they are still here for you to complain about."


I am afraid to say that it takes so damn long to find 'HOME" again. After we feel we have lost our way....

But it will happen. In Time

I am going on 5 years now, and there is a new normal.

But you will have to go thru this awful process to find it.

This is your time to be sad. Sadness like no other....

I am so sorry you all are having to go thru it now. Just try to hang in there and try to go with the grief. Unfortunately it is very transformative... it will change you .. steel you.. and strengthen your resolve to survive.. even when you just want to give up..

I wish you peace.

Cal821

Halina
April 9th, 2013, 12:21
Hi Cal821,

How come you're saying "Unfortunately it is very transformative...". To me transformation is a very positive process (and concept)...
Would you care to explain why you feel transformation is unfortunate?

Kindly

Halina

gumek
April 9th, 2013, 13:40
hello rq1969, so very sorry, we all stand together in this unbearable pain, none of us could have ever known could we? there are no words that i could add to what has already been said, please remember you are not alone, you will be given the strength to get through this, allow your tears to fall it does ease the pain for a while, you just can't see thiis right now but you will get through to the other side, all we can do is take a day at a time. we are all here for you.

warm love and hugs
chrissie. xx

cal821
April 9th, 2013, 18:11
Hi Cal821,

How come you're saying "Unfortunately it is very transformative...". To me transformation is a very positive process (and concept)...
Would you care to explain why you feel transformation is unfortunate?

Kindly

Halina

Halina ...I wish not to hijack rq1969's post or thread by responding to you query . To answer your question the transformation is unfortunate in the pain and suffering it causes. It something we can all do without.. but in turn you cannot have one without the other. Please feel free to read my threads and you will understand what I mean.

Thank you

Cal821