View Full Version : The hardest things

December 9th, 2012, 18:44
I think the hardest thing is coming to terms that there is nothing anyone can ever do to change the fact that their gone. Its been 6 weeks now and i just like to write my feelingd on here even if nobody reads it i just feel better having written something. The acheing for him is unbearable even when i would stay at my mums for the weekend u used to miss him like mad but now im never going to have him again or speak to him. I just want to hold him. I feel like my right arm my soulmate my backup my world has gone. Who will protect me who do i gossip with who do i laugh with and who else is there to trust compleatley. I miss him and i just want him to come back so i can love him i miss my little family. I miss him

December 9th, 2012, 19:23
hi ellief we all here read the threads you can always come on here say how your feeling write it all down and get it out and we will be here for you talking always helps i'm so sorry i know how your hearts breaking inside and your scared of the future and your lonliness without him is unbearable try to hold it all together you have to try to carry on and find strength and courage i know you said your family helps you try to share with them all your feelings to get through the days there is no easy path to follow grief has to be given time i am thinking of you tonight and i send my love and a hug to you so you know i understand what you are going through and care very much
love hazelxxx

December 9th, 2012, 19:59
hi ellief,

Sorry for your loss. This is definately the place to come no matter how you feel or when you feel it. My husband is gone almost a year and the lonliness is still intense and the wanting for him to come home is still there. But we have to learn to get up everyday and breath deeply and find the strength to get through the day and somehow we all do. You can alsways came here to this forum and we will help you gain that strength.


December 10th, 2012, 01:56
hello ellie love, so sorry for the pain your going through, it is awful. as hazel and sheryl have said, come and talk here, we get to read the messages in time, we are here for you. oh if only we could press a button and the ache go away, we have to go through it and forum has helped us all to get through it. dont worry about what to say on here just say what you need to.
dear ellie since comig here we have learned that or loves can hear us when we talk with them, he will hear you. we are all here for you. i'm sending you many hugs, im saying prayers for you to be comforted, held and strengthened.

love. chrissie. xxxxxx

December 10th, 2012, 12:23
So sorry to hear yet another heart has been broken and another soul mate has left , it's like a roller coaster ride you have your highs and then lows , I have found the lows don't come as often as they did and its been 8 months for me since my wife was taken with that horrible disease C , it is so hard without them
And I can relate to everything you miss about them Helen was my world for 33 years , keep strong love mart x

December 10th, 2012, 14:12
It will be 7 weeks tomorrow since my Steve passed suddenly. Like you say the pain is so intense it is hard to bear. One minute I think I can cope the next I am in floods of tears. I can picture him on my mind and just cant believe he wont ever walk back through the door. You remember things you did together and things they used to say and it seems impossible to think all of that is now just a memory and some days I think if I didnt have kids I would just go and be with him because living without him seem an impossible task :(

December 10th, 2012, 15:49
hello teresa your message today is heartbreaking,i am so sad for you for all of us. although it is one year on for me,as yet i do still have a way to go. some of us here have been traveling this road longer but out of the blue suddenly there it is again, we see something, hear a song, a smell and here we go again. today all the big bill renewals came in, car, house insueance that sort of thing and that horrible sick feeling arose up in me as i remembered this time last year, giuls was the bill person and i remembered the shear panic i felt, that inner voice saying YOU WONT BE ABLE TO DO IT ON YOUR OWN. i have family but for their own reasons left me to get on with it, and i have, my husbands family abroad as yet have not been intouch as its the year, thought they might at least send a card but no, now us broken hearts are so very easyly hurt so i just have to shrug it of and move on. but after friday infact saturday evening i was heartbroken all over again
i was wanting so much to turn the corner and realised i need more time to heal. i'm saying all this dear friend because i still believe that all of us will come through and be stronger people for it.
we miss them so much, their laughter, smiles, hugs, strengths but for me i have to daily talk to myself in that this will pass, we just cant see it as yet.
i'm not sure if we will ever get over losing them but we will start to live again, one day, sooner rather than later. take care dear love.


chrissie. xx

December 10th, 2012, 17:44
Can't believe it's already been 8 weeks. He went so fast and unexpectedly...We are doing ok, learning to adjust to our new life.
He keeps sending me signs - the smell of his cologne when no one has been near his chair, his possessions lying around in clear view, while for weeks they were never seen in that spot...If someone was telling me this 9 weeks ago I'd be raising an eye and thinking they were beginning to loose it.
Put up the Christmas Tree this weekend, it was hard, tears were shed ...

December 10th, 2012, 18:06
hi love, yes its still so very raw for you and puuting up the tree took some strength, i said a prayer to my hubby, i said please no matter how busy you get in that place, please dont be far from me. some say thats stupid, well matbe so but it helps me through the sad times and is a comfort. god bless.

chrissie. xx

December 10th, 2012, 18:28
I am right there with you, Ellie. This is the nightmare that never ends. I find myself crying "Just come back, David. Please just come back." It's ridiculous because I know he can't and won't, but the thought of never seeing him again kills me. Every little thing that happens -- something funny, something annoying, good news, bad news -- my first thought is to call, text or e-mail him and I can't. And it freaking SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think about our plans -- something so mundane as our plan to one day ride our bikes to New England to see the fall colors -- and we won't be going and I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm 46 years old. David would have been 43 on December 20th. I've been in several long term relationships. None of them were bad, but none of them were RIGHT. Why did the RIGHT one have to end????

The guilt is getting to me. Why did I let him take the bike that night? Why didn't I make him MOVE more while he lay there paralyzed? (The lack of movement caused a blood clot in this PERFECTLY healthy man.) Why didn't I SHOW and TELL him more often how important he was to me when he was here???? Somebody please hit the rewind button. :(

I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, not that it helps, but there are people out there who get "this pain" you are going through Ellie. I'm sorry for your loss. For all of us.

December 10th, 2012, 19:03
Yes, the nightmare does not seem to end, even after 11 months. The wanting them to come home, to feel their faces, their arms around us does not seem to go away. The tears come so easy and so often and I have found the crying does not always help. Before all this happened if I cried it took away the hurt and had a cleansing effect. Now it doesn't. But at the same time we all here have to go on if not for family and friends but most important for ourselves. I believe now that Jim hears me and is with me all the time. I talk to him when I am in the car, across the kitchentable, in a store and especially in bed at night. That helps.

Hugs to everyone,


December 11th, 2012, 18:10
Thanks everyone its just soooo frustrating!! Ive been left with a 2 year old to raise on my own and even though i did everything before i just feel like ive lost my back up i dunno! Im angry at the world im angry becoz xmas is coming im angry that im so young im just angry angry angry my son gives me the only reason to smile. It just gives me comfort to rant and rave on here! X

December 11th, 2012, 19:47
Dearest Ellie,

Keep ranting and raving on here. we are all here for you.



March 28th, 2013, 03:52
I can relate to everything you said. I have lost everything in losing Jason. My best friend, comic relief, hugs, kisses, encouragement, and so much more. It happened so unexpectedly that there was no chance for last words. Oh what I wouldn't give for just a few minutes to thank him for our life together.