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shay
October 12th, 2007, 14:08
He was just diagnosed with brain and lung cancer a few months ago. They tried to do radiation and chemo, but it wiped him out and almost killed him. Just before he was diagnosed, he was outside in the heat working on cars, which is his favorite thing to do. In just a matter of weeks...He can't even walk anymore. I go to their house at least once a week to spend time with him and my grandmother, who I feel even worse for bc she is watching her hubby of 40 years die and can't do anything about it. I feel so helpless when I am there with them. I just don't know what to say or do around him. He's gotten a little better. He was kind of losing his mind and would tell me to do weird things, like moving the pillows he was laying on across the room on a table. And he would do weird things like gnaw on a roll of toilet paper. He doesn't do those things now, but I still don't know what to do around him...

travelforever
October 12th, 2007, 15:46
Hi Shay,

Yes it is so difficult to see your grandfather and your grandmother suffer like that. It is wonderful that you visit them as much as you can. Hold back your tears and try to remember the good things with them. Perhaps, speak to hom about the past, his life, friends, work, etc. Sometimes bringing up happy occassions can make him focus on that rather then things that may not make sense to you. Be strong, especially for your grandmother. Have her participate in these conversations also.

shay
October 13th, 2007, 02:05
That's the thing. I think I'm in denial about it. I haven't cired about it at all. I talk about the funeral and all, but I don't think it has really sunk in. It's really hard to talk to him at all, bc he lost most of his hearing with the chemo. He can't hear anyone unless they are in his ear yelling. And it's really hard for me bc I'm soft spoken. The past 2 days, he's been dazed and confused. I feel guilty that I don't know how to deal with it all. :(

xavvy5
October 13th, 2007, 10:31
Shay its a really hard thing to cope with. My husband helped his grandmother nurse his grandfather for over 3 years after a stroke, it is really hard to watch someone deteriorate. My only advice is to spend as much time together as you can, because his time will come, but when it does you will have those "moments" no matter how silent, speechless or whatever they are, they are still moments you shared together.

You can only try and prepare for the loss, but all the same grief will be there when the inevitable happens, just go with it and let it flow, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will make your way through it :)

DCMerkle
October 14th, 2007, 11:58
Shay,
Just by you being there is more of a help then you can ever imagine. Like has been said already, just spend the time with him, talk about things that he would be familiar with and yes, include you grandmother. See if she has any friends that she could spend some time with. She'll need some time away as a break.

DCMerkle

riskey58
October 14th, 2007, 15:27
I would have to agree that just being there with them will not only help you but will help your Grandmother. I know that times like this are not easy please just take it one day and a time. Thinking of you.

shay
November 13th, 2007, 22:16
Well, he finally died about 2 weeks ago. I finally cried when they put him in the ground. My grandmother took it better than any of us. She is so strong.