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View Full Version : "Widow Brain" A must read for the recently Widowed


cal821
June 8th, 2012, 13:29
I want to bring up in discussion a problem we widows/widowers face in the begining after our loss of our dear spouse... it is called "Widows Brain"

Widow’s brain” is a real thing. A living, breathing, thing. It affects all people who experience such a traumatic loss. It beats you down and leaves you helpless and confused during a time that leaves very little room for such things.


Several articles I had read define widow’s brain as “ side effect of grief caused by your brain trying to protect you from the pain. Unfortunately, it causes you to pretty much forget everything....

It is why we suddenly stop speaking mid-sentence-we can’t remember what we were talking about/saying. . . it is why we quizzically stare around a room-we have no clue what it is we came in the room for and often times don’t remember how we got there in the first place. . . basically, it’s grief-induced amnesia.”....

I’d say that’s pretty accurate. It’s the inability to make even the simplest of decisions; to remember a thought even from just 30 seconds ago. In the beginning I can’t tell you how many times I had walked into a room unable to remember why I went in there.


How many times I had opened my mouth to say something only to have absolutely no idea what it was I wanted to say. I had even walked away from my car in a parking lot while it was still running. Twice.

As if grief and loss wasn’t bad enough, “widow’s brain” leaves you feeling like you have almost no control over the pieces of your life that remain. " I used to be so organized.... So ready.... So on top of everything..... Is probably a common train of thought for all of us when this happens..

And probably the worst thing about “widow’s brain” – it prevents you from being able to recall your memories. Even the one’s you want to remember. I couldn't even tell you how many times I ended up in tears in the beginning because I couldn't remember what my wife used to call something, or what her reaction to a situation had been.

There were so many details about our life together that I simply could not remember, no matter how hard I try. And that sucked. Losing your spouse is difficult enough; why take away the widow’s ability to recall facets of their life together as well? It’s almost like the things that made “us”, “us”, are gone now too.


Have you ever felt like this or had this happen?

*** You stop mid sentence when you're talking to someone because:

1. you get side tracked by something such as:
a. background noise/happenings
b. your own thoughts
c. scattered emotions and feelings
d. all of the above, all at once

2. you completely forget what you were saying

3. you completely forget your entire point

4. you, even sometimes, forget what the conversation is even about.
And it's worse than just your normal "oh shoot I forgot what I was saying." Much worse...

You misplace pretty much every single thing you have at some point....
Again... this isn't your ordinary "I can't find what I'm looking for" situation. This is probably the number one thing that botheed me the most. I literally felt like I was losing my mind. I had misplaced my keys several times, I had 'lost (or misplaced, I don't know yet)' at my first checks, I misplaced my camera, that paper I was JUST looking at.... And the list goes ON AND ON AND ON!


And it's not JUST misplacing my things. Oh how I wished it was JUST misplacing a few things here and there.. No, it's misplacing them and then finding them in the most random and strange places.... Those kind of places that you go, "when did I even open that cabinet up?" "At some point in the future you will laugh at this about yourself believe me!!"

And what's worse? I had seriously horrible memory gaps. Again, like amnesia. Sometimes I could remember point A to point B... but point B to point C??.........
Don't even try to ask me what I was doing, where I was at, where that glass of water that I just had in my hand two seconds ago went.... Talking about my very first misplaced check - I honestly do not know what happened from the time I left the house to the time I arrived at my own home. can't recall a bit of it. Who knows the place that I went right after I got home. Who knows where I set down that check. Did I have it in my hand while walking home? Was it in my pocket? My wallet? My Jacket? I don't know.


I would sometimes walk into a room, or specifically the kitchen, look around and wonder why the heck I was there. In the kitchen example... I will be standing with the frige open... and then it's like I'd snap out of a 'dream-like-state' and wonder HOW the heck my feet just carried me from my position on the couch to the open refrigerator door. . It's like I was in a daze when it happens.

These things are VERY common that widows/ers do in the beginning ... and people who are grieving in general do. We glide through life... just try to sustain. It's often times a fog going day by day and sometimes in the beginning I didn't remember half of the things I did the previous day.


Hopefully this will help you who are suffering from " Widow's Brain " and understand this is a common theme for us.. But it will pass in time so don't be alarmed..........


I wish you hope & peace


Cal821

hazelharris
June 8th, 2012, 14:28
thanks dave for telling me about widows brain i thought it was old age creeping up on me hazelxx

gumek
June 8th, 2012, 15:47
hey, i'm laughing so much it hurts, i thought it was jjust dippy old me, i'm still looking for the sat-nav, have been in conversation then suddenly, what?
dave did you find yourself walking around the house like a lost troll then caught site of yourself in the mirror? ahhh!!! I'll have a think about all this and put a tread or two on forum, hold on, what was i saying?

chrissie. xx:D :eek: :p :cool:

Oonagh
June 8th, 2012, 18:29
Hi Cal,

thank you for that, my mum is going through exactly that situation now, bless her. She keeps putting it down to old age ( like Hazel :)) but I keep telling her I was just the same when Drew passed away.

I can remember my stepdaughter brought a casserole for us both to eat, several days after Drews passing, and I popped it in the oven to heat up. When we were ready for it I opened the oven door and found that I hadn't turned the oven on, so it was fish and chips instead that night :) The worst thing I found was when the guy came who was taking the funeral, and so wanted to know things about Drew. I couldn't remember much at all! My brain was mush and I knew that there was lots to tell him really, but I just couldn't bring any of it to mind. My stepdaughter was with me fortunately, and she helped a lot, but I really wanted to share some of the funny stories about him, over the years, and couldn't. Just at the time you need to remember, you cant! Of course, now I remember lots of things :)
It is a horrible time and I identify with all the things you mentioned Cal. I got my words mixed up, stopped in mid sentence because I didn't know what the hell I was talking about, gabbled a lot, and then when it was important to talk to someone, I couldn't string a simple sentence together. I remember I kept apologising to people and saying 'I'm sorry, I'm not with it at all today, just bare with me please.' It's like living in a fog, very unreal and confusing.
Thankfully it does pass with time, but I think it's a very good idea to mention it as it can be quite bewildering and you think you're 'losing it', when it's just a natural thing happening.

Hugs, Gail.

hazelharris
June 10th, 2012, 18:43
what is it called dave when the mind is muddled i,ve forgotten

cal821
June 11th, 2012, 14:04
I think it is called Befuddled or woolly-headed lol for me it is just bewildered lol:D

sdk
June 11th, 2012, 15:20
I think we all need to get a big package of post its and writing down things.
Yesterday I bought a package of chicken and left it in my car all night and had to throw it out this morning. I also was supposed to have my car inspected (we need to do that once a year here in the states or your get a ticket ($150.00).
It does feel like as my mother used to say "If your head was not attached you would lose that to."

Sheryl

gumek
June 11th, 2012, 17:46
I think we all need to get a big package of post its and writing down things.
Yesterday I bought a package of chicken and left it in my car all night and had to throw it out this morning. I also was supposed to have my car inspected (we need to do that once a year here in the states or your get a ticket ($150.00).
It does feel like as my mother used to say "If your head was not attached you would lose that to."

Sheryl

a saying here sheryl is the lights on but no ones home. hugs xxx chrissie.:D

cal821
June 11th, 2012, 17:53
(LOL) Chrissie:D

whitedove
June 12th, 2012, 08:27
I want to bring up in discussion a problem we widows/widowers face in the begining after our loss of our dear spouse... it is called "Widows Brain"

Widow’s brain” is a real thing. A living, breathing, thing. It affects all people who experience such a traumatic loss. It beats you down and leaves you helpless and confused during a time that leaves very little room for such things.


Several articles I had read define widow’s brain as “ side effect of grief caused by your brain trying to protect you from the pain. Unfortunately, it causes you to pretty much forget everything....

It is why we suddenly stop speaking mid-sentence-we can’t remember what we were talking about/saying. . . it is why we quizzically stare around a room-we have no clue what it is we came in the room for and often times don’t remember how we got there in the first place. . . basically, it’s grief-induced amnesia.”....

I’d say that’s pretty accurate. It’s the inability to make even the simplest of decisions; to remember a thought even from just 30 seconds ago. In the beginning I can’t tell you how many times I had walked into a room unable to remember why I went in there.


How many times I had opened my mouth to say something only to have absolutely no idea what it was I wanted to say. I had even walked away from my car in a parking lot while it was still running. Twice.

As if grief and loss wasn’t bad enough, “widow’s brain” leaves you feeling like you have almost no control over the pieces of your life that remain. " I used to be so organized.... So ready.... So on top of everything..... Is probably a common train of thought for all of us when this happens..

And probably the worst thing about “widow’s brain” – it prevents you from being able to recall your memories. Even the one’s you want to remember. I couldn't even tell you how many times I ended up in tears in the beginning because I couldn't remember what my wife used to call something, or what her reaction to a situation had been.

There were so many details about our life together that I simply could not remember, no matter how hard I try. And that sucked. Losing your spouse is difficult enough; why take away the widow’s ability to recall facets of their life together as well? It’s almost like the things that made “us”, “us”, are gone now too.


Have you ever felt like this or had this happen?

*** You stop mid sentence when you're talking to someone because:

1. you get side tracked by something such as:
a. background noise/happenings
b. your own thoughts
c. scattered emotions and feelings
d. all of the above, all at once

2. you completely forget what you were saying

3. you completely forget your entire point

4. you, even sometimes, forget what the conversation is even about.
And it's worse than just your normal "oh shoot I forgot what I was saying." Much worse...

You misplace pretty much every single thing you have at some point....
Again... this isn't your ordinary "I can't find what I'm looking for" situation. This is probably the number one thing that botheed me the most. I literally felt like I was losing my mind. I had misplaced my keys several times, I had 'lost (or misplaced, I don't know yet)' at my first checks, I misplaced my camera, that paper I was JUST looking at.... And the list goes ON AND ON AND ON!


And it's not JUST misplacing my things. Oh how I wished it was JUST misplacing a few things here and there.. No, it's misplacing them and then finding them in the most random and strange places.... Those kind of places that you go, "when did I even open that cabinet up?" "At some point in the future you will laugh at this about yourself believe me!!"

And what's worse? I had seriously horrible memory gaps. Again, like amnesia. Sometimes I could remember point A to point B... but point B to point C??.........
Don't even try to ask me what I was doing, where I was at, where that glass of water that I just had in my hand two seconds ago went.... Talking about my very first misplaced check - I honestly do not know what happened from the time I left the house to the time I arrived at my own home. can't recall a bit of it. Who knows the place that I went right after I got home. Who knows where I set down that check. Did I have it in my hand while walking home? Was it in my pocket? My wallet? My Jacket? I don't know.


I would sometimes walk into a room, or specifically the kitchen, look around and wonder why the heck I was there. In the kitchen example... I will be standing with the frige open... and then it's like I'd snap out of a 'dream-like-state' and wonder HOW the heck my feet just carried me from my position on the couch to the open refrigerator door. . It's like I was in a daze when it happens.

These things are VERY common that widows/ers do in the beginning ... and people who are grieving in general do. We glide through life... just try to sustain. It's often times a fog going day by day and sometimes in the beginning I didn't remember half of the things I did the previous day.


Hopefully this will help you who are suffering from " Widow's Brain " and understand this is a common theme for us.. But it will pass in time so don't be alarmed..........


I wish you hope & peace


Cal821

Hi Cal821
Yeah I do this all the time I have left stuff in the car at the shops had to go back to get it. Even gone to the shops to forget what on earth am I getting here cant remember. Driven my car round and round a roundabout forgetting where i am supposed to be going, even driving the car with people in it and ending up some place else even the kids have said to me where we going with me saying I cant remember you tell me. Its scary at times, I have even put things in the wrong place clothes in the dishwasher and the dishes in the washing machine turned them all on walked away later on wondering what the hell is that noise only to check it all out looking to make sure no one else is around and crying then laughing and then swearing at myself for being so stupid. Yes the brain does not cope well with grief and either does our heart or soul my is broken beyond repair I feel. You see I had to end my husbands life with morphine I know he was in pain but in the end I did it every day I live with that vision it is hard road to recovery as a carer even life after. No one is there we struggle on our own pick ourself up push ourselves to the limit pretend every thing is ok. But our hearts are broken I at times find it difficult to breath wonder why Im even here. When is this ever going to end this sorrow when will i ever be happy again this is the brain doing overtime when we dont want it to.

cal821
June 12th, 2012, 10:28
Hi Cal821
Yeah I do this all the time I have left stuff in the car at the shops had to go back to get it. Even gone to the shops to forget what on earth am I getting here cant remember. Driven my car round and round a roundabout forgetting where i am supposed to be going, even driving the car with people in it and ending up some place else even the kids have said to me where we going with me saying I cant remember you tell me. Its scary at times, I have even put things in the wrong place clothes in the dishwasher and the dishes in the washing machine turned them all on walked away later on wondering what the hell is that noise only to check it all out looking to make sure no one else is around and crying then laughing and then swearing at myself for being so stupid. Yes the brain does not cope well with grief and either does our heart or soul my is broken beyond repair I feel. You see I had to end my husbands life with morphine I know he was in pain but in the end I did it every day I live with that vision it is hard road to recovery as a carer even life after. No one is there we struggle on our own pick ourself up push ourselves to the limit pretend every thing is ok. But our hearts are broken I at times find it difficult to breath wonder why Im even here. When is this ever going to end this sorrow when will i ever be happy again this is the brain doing overtime when we dont want it to.

Whitedove Iam very sorry you are suffering with so much pain.. I also am very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband..

I have a question.. Please don't take offence to it.. Is counselling available or affordable for you? Why I ask this from reading your posts.. My heart goes out to you.. to be in the position you were with your husband's pain and suffering in his final hours.. That combined with the guilt, frustration,never ending grief it must be horrible for you... I think from what I have been reading it sounds like this is not just a normal case of grief and it is alot more complex and runs even deeper... This is not saying any form of grief is not strong or harsh.. But it sounds like you are also showing signs of alot more complex or compound grief... and speaking with a professional if you haven't already might help you.. Therapy in any form whether it be talking.. writing.. counselling... is extremely benifical and would help with your pain and sorrow..


I advise this very carefully due to the backlash from a lot of people who think therapy is just "Bunk"... But I'm a firm believer if there is an option available you can always exercise the choice of using it to help yourself.. I just hate to see anyone continue to suffer... and I know first hand how horrible Survivor guilt is and can directly relate to your pain..


I hope I haven't offended you with my questions...


Take care


Cal821

sdk
June 12th, 2012, 18:02
hello whitedove,

i know exactly how you feel. I turned off my husbands life support after he had a major stroke and complications. He was in the ICU for 2 months, had gotten better and then took a turn for the worse. Our minds after being caregivers for so long when our loved ones were so sick, our minds seem to always go back to that place no matter how we try. I go for therapy and the therapist always tells me to try to think about all the good times. Every time i try all the weeks in the hposital, the pain, the tubes, the medication just can creep into my head and the tears start to flow. It could be in the house, at work in the car or a store.
This forum has been a life saver for me. Everyone can understand and once a while we even get to laugh.

Keep reading, it really helps and keep talking to us.

Hugs,
Sheryl

hazelharris
June 13th, 2012, 04:02
hi dave i hate the word widow
in canada you may have not heard the story our primeminister david cameron took his family to the pub the other day when they returned home they found they had forgotten their 8 year old daughter they left her behind
so couldn't we call it cameron brain instead
i suppose not as people in the future may not remember
love hazelxx

hazelharris
June 13th, 2012, 05:28
hi sheryl and whitedove we were just talking about all this yesterday when our loved ones come to mind usually as soon as we wake up in the morning it,s the illness that comes first as it,s the most terrifying experience of our lives gradually in the future i hope we will have the good memories come first they are the special things we need to cling on to i know darren wouldn,t want me to think of him this way remembering the illness your councellor is right we have to train our minds when the bad thoughts are there to think of the life before and it will make us smile againl
whitedove what i found so sad in your thread was your feeling of killing your husband with morphine it never entered my head as we had to give darren this for a year you didn't kill your husband with morphine what you killed was the pain
it's more an act of love as without morphine our loved ones would have been screaming in pain no one wants to give this as it scrambles the brain but think if this drug wasn't available or costs £1000 a shot you would have sold your house and possesions to free him from pain
in your love for him you found the strength to do what had to be done not easy i know it,s probably all part of this illogical thinking with our widows brain blaming ourselves for things in such heartbreaking circumstances
it's the same as turning off the machine sheryl an act of extreme love to know our loved one has already gone to a better place release them and say ggodbye
when we are in such pain ourselves we put our own feelings aside to be with them always in their need with our comfort and love we do our best
love never shows itself more
hope your days get easier know you are in my thoughts love hazelxx

cal821
June 13th, 2012, 14:43
hi dave i hate the word widow
in canada you may have not heard the story our primeminister david cameron took his family to the pub the other day when they returned home they found they had forgotten their 8 year old daughter they left her behind
so couldn't we call it cameron brain instead
i suppose not as people in the future may not remember
love hazelxx

Hazel we can call the absentmindedness anything you wish.. Yes widow/er has a harsh Connotation to it doesn't it...

How about Broken Soul we are broken souls.. What do you think?

Cal 821 ( Dave )

Oonagh
June 13th, 2012, 14:50
Hello Whitedove,

I know how you mean regarding the morphine, as I too had to give it to my husband when he was dying. After a few days of wondering why Drew was totally on another planet, bless him, it turned out that I had been giving him way too much morphine along with his other medication, of which there was loads! I felt so guilty and never told anyone about it, just got on with giving him the correct amount, but we carers were under so much stress and totally exhausted, along with heart-broken at watching our loved ones go through such a horrible experience, that it's not in the least surprising. I still felt guilty about it after my husband passed away but I know I did my best for him and I'm certain he knew it too. Yours will understand that you did your very best for him too, so please, try not to blame yourself too much. Guilt only makes our situation worse and we've all had enough to cope with without making it any worse for ourselves. I'm seeing a counsellor and she's very good and helps me enormously, so I can highly recommend it if you think it might be what you need.

God bless, and sending hugs to you, Gail .

hazelharris
June 13th, 2012, 16:12
hi dave broken souls is a much better term than the word widow we should use that now
sorry gail i thought your name was oonagh i remember the pharmasist giving us the morphine at the start of darrens illness and gave us it to administer at 100mg instead of 10mg and if darren hadn't have noticed before taking it it would have killed him another one for the list of incompitence love hazel

sdk
June 13th, 2012, 21:10
Hi to my dear friends,

I also like the name broken hearted. that is exactly the feeling. Reading all these posts I can just picture all of us going through the same feelings, emotions, guilt and utter sadness watching our loved ones in pain, thinking how we wish we could take them pain from them. I know that every night when I am talking to Jim I tell him that if he had lived I would have taken care of him no matter what. I would have fed him, bathed him did what ever I needed to 24/7. At the same time I knew he would not have wanted to be in a wheelchair and have someone taking care of his every need. At times I think I don't care as long as I could still touch him and kiss him. As the tears fall on the computer I know we probably all feel the same.

well, good night my dear friends. hope tommorrow will be a better day

love and hugs

Sheryl

hazelharris
June 16th, 2012, 13:11
the widows brain was at it again today i have a fluffy white coat i wash it and just give it a shake before i wear it today i went to the cash and carry wearing my coat a friend of mine who works there shouted over to me why have you got two pegs on your shoulders hazel yes i still had the pegs from the washing line on my coat
then i went to work had balloons to do blew up 40 for barclaycard then realised i was looking at the wrong date in the diary and i had already done these a month ago
released them with all our names on them didn't leave anyone out even had gails dad and scotts dad down as i don't know there names
love from widows brainxx

hamilton
July 3rd, 2012, 19:28
I've had all these things but long before I ever lost anyone and haven't noticed it's changed much. Guess I had enough already. :) Best to you all, have a good 4th

hazelharris
July 4th, 2012, 04:06
hi hamilton thanks for the reminder
hope all our dear friends in america have a wonderful celebration today
love hazel and all of us in the uk canada and round the world xx

annamarie
September 21st, 2012, 09:51
My first visit and someone writes about what is going on with me! I was in a fog for a few months now I'm starting to have battle with my mind and heart. I lost my love in May and thought I was preparing myself - well, how wrong I was. Other losses in my life have no where come close to the loss of my Love of forty years. I am confused and almost afraid to start thinking about reality. So here I am. Looking for support from those who have been or are going down this path. :confused:

cal821
September 21st, 2012, 10:00
Annamarie..

You have made a small step of many in working towards helping yourself by coming here. This is a place of Kindred Spirits .. where you can read.. write.. rant.. rave.. and never be judged for it.. First off I want to extend my deepest condolences in the loss of your loved one... Loss is something we all share here.. please find comfort you are not alone here.. and there are many of us here that are at different stages in the grief/mourning process..

Talking or writing about what is happening in your life...and the pain and sorrow you are feeling will help you by giving you a cathartic release little by little it helps to open the channels in your pain and sorrow and helps you heal.. To be able to speak with those who have walked a similar path is something that also helps in moving down the path to ultimately working towards.. understanding of your loss.


Please feel free to stop in an let us know how your doing.. There is always someone here on line 24/7 and usually posts are responded to rather quickly..


I wish you peace when the pain and sorrow are raging in your heart... and clarity of thought in the insanity of this process of grief/mourning that we all face..

Cal821

hazelharris
September 21st, 2012, 15:03
hi annamarie i am so sorry for the loss of your loved one after 40 years you can hardly remember a life before you met it must be so heartbreaking for you there are many of us on here that have lost our dearest loved ones and here to support you through these terrible times the grief will manifest itself in many different ways each day a different emotion and each day hard to bear as we miss them so much you say you were preparing yourself for the loss so i expect he was seriously ill for some time illness in itself with all we go through is difficult to deal with as well we remember all the hell we went through with them nothing though prepares us for losing them as we all live in hope and pray the day never comes if you need to chat to us on here you will get all the support as we know your pain we offer you our friendship and comfort you are not alone
love hazelxx

gumek
September 21st, 2012, 16:19
hello annemarie, welcome, so sorry for your loss of your dear husband. you have come to a good place, you will find support and kindness here fro friends who are on that sad path of bereVEment, your not alone . and also we have had those (what is going on moments) or widows brain. i think we all get to the point in this grief when we have to take stock of our future lives, and thats so scarry its it? there have been moments when i have almost freaked out at this thought, i have found this very difficult, but can i just say annemarie, don't let anyone tell you how you're should be doing this transition, they will come out of the woodwork and the best thing is to tell these bullies to back off, they don't have a clue of how hard and painful this is for us to do, the strength willl come, you will get there, we all will, when ready.

40 years is a long time annemarie to be with your love, it will take a while to adjust, giuls my hubby and i were together 37 years, 34 of them wed and i can honestly say that nothing can prepare us for losing them, hazel and i both lost our loves to cancer and wached them suffer, we all have to deal with that too, we will all come through this dark valley of tears, we will find a way, we al will have joy again, one of these days. happy to meet you annemarrie,please keep in touch, take care, may god give you his comfort and peace.

love chrissie. xxx

benzo
October 13th, 2012, 09:30
Thank you Cal. This helped me a lot. I lost my husband a month ago on September 13th, and I thought I am going crazy. almost all you said happened to me. Thank you!





I want to bring up in discussion a problem we widows/widowers face in the begining after our loss of our dear spouse... it is called "Widows Brain"

Widow’s brain” is a real thing. A living, breathing, thing. It affects all people who experience such a traumatic loss. It beats you down and leaves you helpless and confused during a time that leaves very little room for such things.


Several articles I had read define widow’s brain as “ side effect of grief caused by your brain trying to protect you from the pain. Unfortunately, it causes you to pretty much forget everything....

It is why we suddenly stop speaking mid-sentence-we can’t remember what we were talking about/saying. . . it is why we quizzically stare around a room-we have no clue what it is we came in the room for and often times don’t remember how we got there in the first place. . . basically, it’s grief-induced amnesia.”....

I’d say that’s pretty accurate. It’s the inability to make even the simplest of decisions; to remember a thought even from just 30 seconds ago. In the beginning I can’t tell you how many times I had walked into a room unable to remember why I went in there.


How many times I had opened my mouth to say something only to have absolutely no idea what it was I wanted to say. I had even walked away from my car in a parking lot while it was still running. Twice.

As if grief and loss wasn’t bad enough, “widow’s brain” leaves you feeling like you have almost no control over the pieces of your life that remain. " I used to be so organized.... So ready.... So on top of everything..... Is probably a common train of thought for all of us when this happens..

And probably the worst thing about “widow’s brain” – it prevents you from being able to recall your memories. Even the one’s you want to remember. I couldn't even tell you how many times I ended up in tears in the beginning because I couldn't remember what my wife used to call something, or what her reaction to a situation had been.

There were so many details about our life together that I simply could not remember, no matter how hard I try. And that sucked. Losing your spouse is difficult enough; why take away the widow’s ability to recall facets of their life together as well? It’s almost like the things that made “us”, “us”, are gone now too.


Have you ever felt like this or had this happen?

*** You stop mid sentence when you're talking to someone because:

1. you get side tracked by something such as:
a. background noise/happenings
b. your own thoughts
c. scattered emotions and feelings
d. all of the above, all at once

2. you completely forget what you were saying

3. you completely forget your entire point

4. you, even sometimes, forget what the conversation is even about.
And it's worse than just your normal "oh shoot I forgot what I was saying." Much worse...

You misplace pretty much every single thing you have at some point....
Again... this isn't your ordinary "I can't find what I'm looking for" situation. This is probably the number one thing that botheed me the most. I literally felt like I was losing my mind. I had misplaced my keys several times, I had 'lost (or misplaced, I don't know yet)' at my first checks, I misplaced my camera, that paper I was JUST looking at.... And the list goes ON AND ON AND ON!


And it's not JUST misplacing my things. Oh how I wished it was JUST misplacing a few things here and there.. No, it's misplacing them and then finding them in the most random and strange places.... Those kind of places that you go, "when did I even open that cabinet up?" "At some point in the future you will laugh at this about yourself believe me!!"

And what's worse? I had seriously horrible memory gaps. Again, like amnesia. Sometimes I could remember point A to point B... but point B to point C??.........
Don't even try to ask me what I was doing, where I was at, where that glass of water that I just had in my hand two seconds ago went.... Talking about my very first misplaced check - I honestly do not know what happened from the time I left the house to the time I arrived at my own home. can't recall a bit of it. Who knows the place that I went right after I got home. Who knows where I set down that check. Did I have it in my hand while walking home? Was it in my pocket? My wallet? My Jacket? I don't know.


I would sometimes walk into a room, or specifically the kitchen, look around and wonder why the heck I was there. In the kitchen example... I will be standing with the frige open... and then it's like I'd snap out of a 'dream-like-state' and wonder HOW the heck my feet just carried me from my position on the couch to the open refrigerator door. . It's like I was in a daze when it happens.

These things are VERY common that widows/ers do in the beginning ... and people who are grieving in general do. We glide through life... just try to sustain. It's often times a fog going day by day and sometimes in the beginning I didn't remember half of the things I did the previous day.


Hopefully this will help you who are suffering from " Widow's Brain " and understand this is a common theme for us.. But it will pass in time so don't be alarmed..........


I wish you hope & peace


Cal821

cal821
March 13th, 2014, 09:35
Bump to the top for those new to the forum to read..


I wish you peace

Cal821

HannahD
March 14th, 2014, 12:05
Thanks for the posting Cal. I know I have been experiencing this since the passing of my husband. I find myself doing just what you spoke of… not knowing what I said or was doing 30 seconds before.

To Annamarie

I am sorry for your loss. You will find comfort here. Many are very helpful and will understand your pain.

Warmly,
Hannah

GinaA
March 15th, 2014, 10:46
Your post about the widow brain is so accurate for newly bereaved but I also think it can go on much longer than that. They say never to make major decisions the first year after a loss. I don't recall even living the first year. I went through the motion but have very little recollection of how I did all that I did.

It went a longer period of time for me. I even went to the doctor to see if it was adult attention deficit order. Lol. They prescribes me something and sent me on my way. I wasn't looking for a medication fix so I dove deeper in my own grief that I didn't work through the past three years. My focus was my children and never me and I had to realize this the hard way. I still feel like mush and know I have to work hard to keep taking one step forward and write everything down.

My best to all of you!
Gina

hazelharris
March 15th, 2014, 10:56
i'm just wondering if the brain ever functions again like before it took me over half an hour of searching this morning to find out where i parked my car

sdk
March 15th, 2014, 11:30
I dont think it ever ends. If I dont write things down I forget, but the funniest part is I forget where I wrote it.

Sheryl

hazelharris
March 15th, 2014, 16:32
hi sheryl how are you getting on just lately you are always in my thoughts i'm glad to hear i'm not the only one that has to write everything down i never used to have to write lists i also tell people not to interrupt me in mid speech because i always forget what i was talking about i.m sure this grief has affected our concentration and memory on mondays i always pick my daughter up on the way to work and i drove all the way there got in my shop then realised i had forgotten to pick her up i just say its widows brain xx

baglady1st
March 19th, 2014, 22:47
I couldn't agree more with the definition of Widow Brain with an exception for myself. I remember my husband and I's entire life together pretty completely. I remember him taking his last breath and the pain I felt. Pretty much everything after that was widow brain or as I called myself, a wobble head. Let's not even talk about forgetting thoughts, items, even how to pronounce words. It is still happening after 8 months. Losing items makes me insane after awhile but it is nice to know I'm not the only one. I was forced to move about 850 miles or so away from our home because my mind was going fast and so was my health. My things were being slung or broken or just left and there was nothing I could do about it. That was then. Now I'm trying to gain more control over life in general. Thanks for posting that. It explained so much.
Blessings,
Maria

gumek
March 20th, 2014, 01:07
has anyone searched for ya glasses with them stuck on ya head? i still do that.

love hugs and blessings to all.

chrissie. xx:Don't-tell-Anyone:

baglady1st
March 20th, 2014, 22:20
Everyday several times a day. :smile:

hazelharris
April 9th, 2014, 12:37
bumped up to reread

Clarabelle
May 3rd, 2014, 07:29
I think that this could also be filed under "getting older...." !!! Too much to remember and think about!

hazelharris
July 14th, 2015, 17:51
as i am nearing my leaving the site i have been reading over some threads that have helped me and on this one have been transported back to a time of such friendship yes we were all sad but we did find some laughter amongst the tears and this thread shows the site as it's best when people reached out to one another .We are all seeking something when we are grieving this site isn't about religion although there are times some of us need that comfort to know we will see our loved ones in heaven when this site is at it's best is when we find that hand of friendship and there is someone out there that cares and understands Through the saddest times in my life i even found laughter on here and most of it was from PMS but i thank my friends wherever they have bravely gone forward to for those days x

Marjatta
July 30th, 2015, 10:06
Thank you for being here for me during my journey, as well. xoxo

Bobslp
April 30th, 2016, 16:26
I haven't read all the posts in this thread because I have a hard time concentrating. I think it will help me as will this forum. I am composing my story but it's hard to relate so I write a little and save it then add to it. It's hard sometimes to feel connected on a web forum but I think this one is special. I hope we can connect and maybe I can get some relief.
Bob

cal821
May 1st, 2016, 11:55
Hi Bobslp,

I hope you can find some respite from this site. You are in a realm of kindred spirits. So write when you are ready, or just read, think.... There is always a cohesion of experiences here as you read on here and can relate to others.. I'm sorry for the loss that has brought you here. But maybe you will be able to find a foothold to steady this spin your in right now. I wish you peace for your broken heart.. and as unfortunate as the experiences of those on this site are. They will help you to develop tools of your own, to help you cope with your loss if you so choose it.

Cal821 (Dave)

Bobslp
May 9th, 2016, 09:52
I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to this site sooner. There has been much going on in my life and as y'all know so well, the changes can come quickly and are not always organized.
My mind works in overdrive most of the time anyway, since my wife crossed over on Feb. 27, it has seemed turbocharged.
I get a good feeling about this site and hope I can add as well as benefit.
I will be back later, learning new mindsets is hard. Nobody likes change but a wet baby......
Bob

hazelharris
May 10th, 2016, 15:05
hi Bobslp i am so sorry to hear that your wife has passed to heaven i hope you are coping with your grief it does take time. Although there is only two of us now offering our help, the forum is not as busy as when Dave posted this but we will be here to help you if you need us and hopefully more may come to support you .Please don't think you are being ignored as we don't come on here daily anymore but there are many wonderful posts on here especially by Dave that will help you .You can either start your own post, writing things down is very beneficial in grief or post on here we will get back to you and either of us will be happy to reply to a PM if you need private advice that you don't feel able to write as the pain may be too raw at the moment to share openly .We do understand the pain of grief and you will find a hand of friendship to support you, together we pull one another through some dark days you are not alone because on here we care Hazel x

cal821
September 10th, 2017, 11:39
bump up for a re-read