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roo
April 14th, 2012, 22:51
Hello all, I've just found this forum as I was searching for something to help take away the pain.
Yesterday morning my partner of 33yrs lost her battle with cancer. I sat and held her hand as she went and I've been blubbering ever since.
Since then every room every window sill every cupboard every drawer reminds me of her.
The home is full but empty, if you understand me.
I am now totally alone, no family and having recently moved no friends.
I've cooked and cared for her for what seems to be all my life, but now nothing. I spent so many hours each day caring for her that each day was full, now nothing.
I keep looking at the clock but every second seems to be an hour.
Anyway, sorry for my ramblings. Everyone take care.

Clarabelle
April 15th, 2012, 05:07
Roo- my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. You've come to the right place here, to talk to people who have similar experiences to you and who will do our utmost to send you comfort. There's nothing I can say that can take away the pain of what you're going through today, or tomorrow. But I'll think of you and say a prayer that you will cope, although what else can you do?

Everything will have memories for you and you will find that the slightest thing will give you a painful jolt and set you off again. It's 4 months since my husband of 25 years died and I'm still finding grief in the oddest places.

The Government website will give you all the information that you need of a practical nature. For the first couple of weeks, I found that there were so many arrangements to be made and so much to sort out that I was able to cope most of the time. But you must cry when you feel like it and not feel that you have to hide it. I'm sure that you will get support from friends even if they're not close by- after all everyone knows that they'll have to face this one day and no-one expects you to be strong.

It doesn't get better but you learn to live with it, Roo. Keep talking on this site and you will find that you will be offered comfort and may eventually be able to offer comfort to someone else down the line.

God bless, will say a prayer that you get through today.

Clare x

roo
April 15th, 2012, 06:40
Clare, your words are precious to me at this moment. Thank you for taking the time to write.
She battled cancer for 6 years without a word of complaint. Even though I knew this was inevitable I just seem totally unprepared. She had endured so many hospital and hospice treatments that I assumed this was just another one. I bought her back from the hospice and she slept. The next morning I had difficulties in waking her so she was taken back in.
She died the following morning. The cancer had gone into the liver.
I can't eat, sleep or think. What a mess.

gumek
April 15th, 2012, 12:41
Hello Roo, welcome love, I am so sorry for the passing of your precious love. I can't say any words at this time that will help you. But that all the people on this forum have been through and are going through all the pain that you are going through, we are all here to listen to and encourage one-another. Please don't give up, keep on talking there will always be someonr here to listen.
I and others will remember you in our thoughts and prayers and are standing with you. Please keep intouch

chrissie

hazelharris
April 15th, 2012, 13:04
hi roo i am so sorry for your loss to have lost your wife after a long battle with this terrible illness is heartbreaking for you i know what you have gone through and what your suffering. at the moment some words that i can say to you will not mean anything to hold on to all the love the two of you shared together as this will give you strength as your emotions are numb there is no way we can ease your grief but be here for you.the 6 years with this illness is devestating alone with all the endless hospital visits and desperate attempts to find that cure it turns your whole life into a nighmare as you try to deceive yourself that they are getting worse you have a lot to overcome and i know your wife had enormous strength to have endured all of this and your love gave her that try to feel her love and strength in this time she was blessed to have had such a loving husband as you were also blessed in a love that will always stay with you she gave you love it's yours to keep forever
crying and sitting there looking at the wall lack of energy touching things round the house not wanting to go to bed because you can't sleep they are all normal things in grief talk to her tell her how you are feeling she will here you and i know from experience it does help love hazel

roo
April 15th, 2012, 14:30
Hazel and chrissie, thank you both so much for your help.
I feel very self indulgent asking for and taking help without giving anything back. So please bear with me and I hope that I can perhaps help others in the future.
I cannot stand my home any more. Its quiet,silent and empty and so cold. I think the cold is me because I can't eat.
Anyway tomorrow is another day. Thanks again and take care.

hazelharris
April 15th, 2012, 17:46
hi roo it's not self indulgent asking for help we have all been there and to some extent still are we know how much you need our help and in a lot of ways it is helping us in our grief to help others we all seem to be holding one another up i know what you mean about the house i used to sit outside our local tescos in the evening just watching all the people going into the shops instead of going home i felt like i was outside the world looking in i would be in a room full of people yet felt alone when in the house i couldn't turn the television on or read because i couldn't concentrate on anything is there anyone in your family that you can ask to come and stay with you for a while people are usually glad to be asked and most people if they can will be glad to come and support you people may advise get things sorted out then get away for a while it has been said to me but i couldn't and i know everybody is different in how they find a way to cope but i found it better to face up to the house if you can did your wife love that home if so you are in a place that she loved and that may give you comfort your doctor can get you councelling it does help many people especially if you have no friends in your area to talk to thinking of you this evening love hazel

roo
April 15th, 2012, 21:42
There is nobody else Hazel. So far I have gone out both nights to get away from the silence and to sit amongst people. I sit in a pub and ponder. I know its not the answer but it does deaden my grief.
Like you I cannot watch the TV and I've always loved reading but now I can't.
I've now have a radio on constantly even in bed to take away the penetrating silence.
I can't sleep so I'm up from about 1am which makes the day even longer.
Today being the first 'working' day since her death I must address contacting people to return equipment she had on loan and the funeral director.
I am very grateful for your support it makes a big difference to me.
I'm now looking for a fast forward button to speed up next few weeks.
Take care.

hazelharris
April 16th, 2012, 01:33
hi roo i don't know if you are up yet or not just to say i am thinking of you this morning i saw the time of you post i know what it.s like through the night not being able to go to bed i did wait a while to see if you replied they will probably take a few days to collect equipment and its going to be upsetting to see them take it its not bad to be sitting in the pub you may make friends there are probably a few in there who have been through it all if it.s a busy pub in ours they all meet together you must try to make the first step when your ready and just chat to people there about anything i will talk to you again later to see how you are try and keep busy if you can but don't push yourself too much it.s early days and if you want to sit in and think of her all day do that but put the radio on and make sure you eat something i want an update on what you have eaten today when i next get in touch and if you don't eat anything i will get your address off you and get a pitzza delivered and if you have never eaten one of those before it's like eating cardboard so beware
your wife's love is with you it didn't go anywhere because she is not here her love sits beside you to give you courage to carry on today it sits in your heart where it will stay forever
hazel

gumek
April 16th, 2012, 02:26
g-morning Roo, just seeing how your doing, i concur with Hazel, you have gotta eat, have you? We will all turn up if you don't. Thats scarry.
Remember we are all here for you and eachother.I'm saying a prayer for you.
Speak again later.

chrissie.xx

gumek
April 16th, 2012, 02:31
Gmorning Hazel, are you alright love? still thinking of you too. Clare and I chatted on the phone yesteday, it was great to be able to talk about our men and laugh and cry. WE said it would be great to all go visit Sheryl in new york, the authorites would have to notified, us let loose on the streets of New York. Still here for you.

hugs chrissie. xxx

roo
April 16th, 2012, 03:55
Hazel and chrissie, you have both made me laugh and cry. I cannot leave this site as its the only method of commutation I have with anyone, so thank you both very much.
Hazel you are right about the equipment, I spoke to them this morning and they said about 10 working days. That makes the pit I am in a little bit deeper.
I appear to be unable to talk to anyone without blubbering. I cried when asking for the equipment to be picked.
I cried when cancelling an appointment she had coming on this Friday.
Today I will return her unused drugs and later I'll probably go to the pub again. I just cannot bear to be in here when it gets dark.
I cooked for her for over 30 years. I loved cooking. I can't even boil an egg now.
Yesterday I ate a burger in the pub, the first thing for 48hrs. It went down well, so you can cancel the raid armed with pizzas.
Take it easy you two, and many thanks again.

sueblue58
April 16th, 2012, 06:39
Hello Roo
I can remember the early days after my other half died, so clearly. It is the hardest - coming back to an empty house - seeing their bits and bobs all over the place. The first few months - you just feel numb and go round on auto pilot. I retired early to look after him so after 35 years have had to get used to being on my own. I felt I had lost my 'purpose' - I cared for him and that was my purpose. I have no family locally but do have a good support network . My mind was like a tumble drier in the beginning. I sold my car because it reminded me of trips to the hospital , then I realised I had taken away my means of independance. I was going to put the house on the market but didnt as it was just too soon. It was truly horrendous, I wont sugar coat it. Two weeks after his funeral I had my birthday then a month later Christmas. Yuk. Gradually I started to clear stuff out and donate alot of stuff to charity shops. Then one day I walked into the bathroom and his flannel was still hanging there. It had been there for months , I just didnt see it. I just sat on the floor and howled.
You mustnt beat yourself up and although it is the hardest thing to do, take each minute , each day as it comes. I read alot of bereavement books which helped me and visited some good sites on the internet. I so miss having him hold my arm when we walked anywhere , he said he would never leave me and I believed him. I sort of blamed him to begin with then realised it was something beyond our control.
Keep in touch , you are not alone, Sue

Suffering breaks our world, like a tree struck by lightning- splintered, shaken, denuded - our world is broken by grief, and we will never be the same again. What will become of us is a mystery.

roo
April 16th, 2012, 07:55
Thank you sueblue.
You have hit the nail on the head with this, 'I felt I had lost my 'purpose' - I cared for him and that was my purpose'.
Same for me. Washing her, dressing her, cooking for her, just everything. As the days went on she was more and more unable to do things for herself.
How can I be so thick. I was watching her deteriorating over a long time but its still hit me like a train.
I've spent all day today trying to sort things out with different people like Death registry etc and then 5 minutes ago a letter came through with an appointment for her on the day before her funeral.
I know its just crossed wires but it already feels like a long time since her death. It actually was only Saturday.
Anyway, take care and look after yourself.

gumek
April 16th, 2012, 08:42
Hello Roo, just checking, glad to see that you have eaten something, don't forget to drink lots of water and hot drinks, you can become dehydrated very quickly. I hope you don't think i'm being flippant Roo, through all the tears a little smile every now and then will help you, honestly love it will. In another post you mentioned the crying whilst explaining things on the phone, well just to say that that is normal so don't worry about it, people on the other end of the phone understand. When I had to do all the phoning for the collection of hubby's stuff it was a nightmare. I was blessed to hsve some friends who were at my side the whole time, if thats not the case for you, well remember one of us will be here or catch up asap and Lisa will be helping you too. Go easy on yourself, speak again soon, keep talking.

hugs chrissie.Just said another one for you.

hamilton
April 16th, 2012, 09:02
Hi and I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mentioning taking care of someone and having that large void caused me to think about my situation where I basically have no one now (not close to family etc) but I do have three dogs (!). 2 are very small so they don't take up too much space and all but they have forced me to continue getting up in the morning when I don't want to and take care of them and basically do some ordinary day to day things. Just thinking you might want to consider getting a pet, even if just small dog or cat-? I know it's only a pet and hardly a "solution," but just having a warm body around and someone to take care of could really help.

hazelharris
April 16th, 2012, 11:31
hi roo i came home early today and i was thinking about you and how we may help hamilton is right about a dog and it was one thing i was thinking about and i know everyone isn't a dog lover but the love and companionship you get with a dog is very very special i feel mine have saved me and when you take them out people always talk to you there's a crowd at our local park that meet every morning and neighbours that i didn't even know stop to talk when a dog is with you and there is still a lot of pubs that will let you take them in with you i know for you it is too early to think about this i bought my minnie and barney 5 weeks after darren passed away and i am so glad i did just think about it for the future
the other thing you may do especially as you are on your own in all churches and all faiths there are some wonderful people talk to the vicar or whoever that will come to see you about your wifes funeral tell them you are alone and how lost you feel in a caring community there are wonderful people that may be there for you
i know somethings are hard to do you always have to take that first step yourself to ask for help to make new friends and myself as a woman it's hard as to go into a pub where we worked on my own is not the done thing but two weeks ago i took the courage to go in there on my own go up to the bar order a drink it was difficult but i did it and i'm glad i did so many people came up to me and said if ever i want to go out just go up and join in with them they are small steps to a different way of life
i thought a few weeks ago my life was over thats it i have no joy in my life any more everything in my life i did with my partner how can i ever carry on but you like me will find the strength in time
HAVE YOU EATEN TODAY hazel

sueblue58
April 16th, 2012, 12:20
Hi Roo

I felt like a spare part for ages after Andrew died. He wasnt that mobile - afflicted with stiff knees ! I used to do his shoes up for him. We had a running joke - I used to say 'Assume the position' and get on my knees to sort out his shoelaces. he always had to hold on to my arm when we walked anywhere and a chap from church saw me the other day and said 'I didnt know you could walk that fast' as when I am on my own I do tend to walk very quickly. You are very early on in 'The journey' - how I feel for you. I got really frustrated that I couldnt communicate with Andrew, I thought somehow he must be 'somewhere ' and we would chat. I feel like I have a big sign over my head pointing to me and saying 'Saddo, on her own'. In reality people dont take any notice. I joined the gym to try and keep reasonably fit and nobody takes any notice of a middle aged female puffing and blowing on the treadmill. I hope and pray the funeral goes as well as these things can. Where are you in Devon, I lived in Plymouth for a few years when I was a child. We moved to Herts as all my brothers had left home - now many years later I am here and none of them are near ! Such is life. I dont 'do' cooking, Mr Marks and Spencer is keeping me going. Andrew was the chef - one of the last things he said to me was 'make sure you eat properly'. Not very deep and meaningful but he always had my welfare in his heart. Its tough when you lose the 'person in your corner' - he kept my self esteem from plummeting more times than I care to mention. i look in the mirror and wonder who that tired woman with dark rings round her eyes is - then I twig - its me ! Keep in touch - love never dies, never.
Sue

cal821
April 16th, 2012, 13:03
Roo...

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss of your beloved wife.


Everyone here has offered up fantastic advice for you.. So I don't know if there is much I can offer other than that.. Maybe in a while you look into volunteering... maybe in a while after things have settled down a bit.. Volunteer some of your time at a old folks home or at a city shelter. It will help you take your mind off your pain for a while.. Helping others does make you feel a little better and gets you focused a little quicker ... I understand that everything is raw and your life is total chaos at the moment.. Just think about it... It may help you in a while to get out of the house .. But in the mean time be gentle with yourself.. try to keep eating and try to sleep ( all this of course is easier said than done)... Keep talking about what you are experiencing daily... this place is a fantastic as an outlet where you can read , write, rant, vent, cry.. and you will never be judged for it.. You are in the realm of kindred spirits..

Things will slow down in a while when you can catch your breath again..

I wish you peace..

Cal821

roo
April 16th, 2012, 13:28
chrissie, I'm drinking about 20 cups of tea a day at the moment. I once again went out to the pub and actually ate 2 burgers this time. I know its not the answer and I know I must buck up but I simply cannot eat at home. I have no hunger at all whilst I am in here.
Anyway I only drink a few pints and then come home early to plough on through arrangements for the funeral.
I contacted the district nurses today to see if they wanted the boxes of dressings and things that were used for my better half as it seems insane to throw sterile unused things. They went far beyond the call of duty and one dropped in knowing I was a mess and spent time talking to me. That was very important to me. Thank you Cathie.
I am totally on my own and your support chrissie is so very important. Thank you, I owe you one.
hamilton, thank you so much for helping me. We were both dog lovers and were determined to get a pooch when things settled down. I couldn't for a long time because of shift work but when I left that she became ill and the trips to hospitals became endless and it would have been so unfair on any pet to leave them alone for so long. We would go the the local beaches just to watch the dogs on the beach during winter as they were pure entertainment. When things settle down in about 4000 years I will most certainly look into that. At the moment it would be wrong for anything to be in contact with me. Thank you.
Hazel, once again thank you. I was watching two dogs in the pub today just laying around and seemingly content. I need to pass this immediate numbness and hopefully settle into a slightly lighter numbness to go down this path but its what I want.
I have eaten 2 burgers today thank you. I think I have become sick of them already but they were/are life savers currently. Well done on your trip to the pub. Take care.
sueblue, thank you again. I too am a fast walker and then evolved into the fastest wheelchair pusher in the West. I spent hours on my hands and knees picking up things that had been dropped and putting on shoes etc. A minor inconvenience that now seems so pitiful.
I can't 'communicate' either. I guess its not that simple. I don't want to think about that at the moment. The reasons for not be able to disturb me.
I live in Torbay. I was in Plymouth for years in the 70,s as a young lad and it started my love for Devon.
We must have bought our mirrors in the same shop as the tired man with rings around his eyes is ME. Thanks again. Take care.

roo
April 16th, 2012, 13:49
Cal821, thank you very much for your contact. I like the idea of volunteering. I have done it before and only stopped when cancer struck home. I will definitely look into that. In fact whilst typing I have remembered that on our first visit to the hospice we were told that 'petting dogs' often came in and did we care. Care! We looked forward to it every day but sadly not one ever turned up. Now that's a plan for the future.
You said at the start of your message. 'So I don't know if there is much I can offer'. How wrong you are. Just typing hello would have been good for me to see, you went beyond that.
Thank you and take care.

tom-fisherman
April 16th, 2012, 15:22
Shalom in Yeshua Roo, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your wife through cancer. Know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.

There are now three pages of concern from my brothers and sisters for you on this thread. How wonderful is that!! From complete strangers. Restores your faith I hope. I cannot add to the wonderful advice you have had from my friends only be good to yourself and eat to keep your strength up.

I will keep you in my prayers.
May God bless you
Tom

gumek
April 16th, 2012, 16:15
Ok Roo, your doing good,try and sleep for a while if you can. We will all be here same time tommorow. nite nite love.

chrissie.

gumek
April 16th, 2012, 16:18
shalom Tom, just checked in to see how roo is doing all our prayers are keeping heaven busy.

god bless

chrissie.xx

gumek
April 16th, 2012, 16:20
Hello cal, you doing OK?


chrissie.

Clarabelle
April 16th, 2012, 18:20
Hello again, Roo, I hope that you're finding the strength to cope with the awful business of all the arrangements. I've been thinking about you for the past couple of days. God bless. Clare x

roo
April 16th, 2012, 21:33
Thank you Tom, yesterday was a very important time for me. I felt weepy tired, fed up so dreadfully alone that I was struggling to find a reason for anything. But I walked into the house in the evening turned on the computer and came on here. I then read comments from people who in the space of 2 days have helped me so much that I got absorbed with replying to them and I don't feel so lonely now.
Don't give up on me now people. You are my strength at the moment and I will never forget that.

roo
April 16th, 2012, 21:45
Clare, I am finding making the arrangements a struggle at the moment. Today I will pick up the death certificate or whatever it is called from the doctors. I then am unable to register the death until Friday because of some computer problem. So all the people I had arranged to meet after today with the certificate will have to be recontacted to change dates ect.
Its important for me to take at least one step forward each day or I can't see any point. I desperately don't want to **** up these arrangements as I want to do things right for her but I also feel like screaming at the madness of it all. Thank you Clare, take care.

roo
April 16th, 2012, 21:48
chrissie, thank you. I hope you are sleeping soundly. My day has started but I've always been an early bird. Take care everyone.

roo
April 16th, 2012, 21:58
Clare, my previous post shows 4 stars in place of the word I used. I thought, I hope that the word was 'm e s s' up. That is what my brain said anyway. I will shut up now. Take care.

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 03:39
gmorning Roo, still here love, none of us are going to forget you. You will be able to sleep more sometimes, you get so tired in the end that you kind of crash and if you try and eat at least one meal a day, that will help too. We are all hear for you Roo and each-other, all people are connected in this world and we all feel one-anothers pain. Sometimes we might give practical advice and others a laugh or two and others no words just tears. I reckon Roo that tears are unspoken prayers, does that make any sense? What have you planned for today? remember if things get too hard, get on-line one of us will be here. It's a typical spring day here, sunshine, rain and gails, I looked in the mirror today, you know the job lot we all bought? Ahhhh!!!. Oh well never mind, can't be helped can it? Keep on going love, speak again soon.

Big Scarry Hugs.

Chrissie.xx

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 03:46
Hello to all out there today. I wont say all our names but have taken us all to the heaven in prayer, please say one for me. Lets all keep going, lets all cry those healing tears, lets all pour it all out, lets keep on talking.

You all have a better day than yesterday, have a laugh too, avoid those mirrors this is only tempory, were all going to do great in the end.

Big Hugs xxx

chrissie. PS I know I'm daft, but it helps. xxx

roo
April 17th, 2012, 04:22
Morning chrissie, its not going well today. To many things have caught my eye and the world record blubbering session has been broken.
I have to go to the hospice this afternoon to pick up paperwork and no doubt that will rip me apart again.
So far I haven't spent a night sat at home and its unlikely that I will tonight.
Sorry I'm sounding so miserable but at least the only way is up.
Big hugs to you as well. Take care. Roo.

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 04:48
OK love it's going to be difficult for you, not going to say that it wont,is there a neighbour, someone that can go with you love. If any of us were near you we would all be there right beside you,we are with you in spirit. Please keep on talking, someone is always here, keep intouch, don't worry about the tears let them come, go with the flow. Keep drinking ya cups of tea and try and eat something, you will need your strength. Lisa is with you, close your eyes and see her in your minds eye, I have a beautiful picture right now Roo, you are sitting on your bed and you have your head pressed into her, her arms are wrapped around you and her head is resting on yours, recieve her love Roo. I am praying for you now love.

Hugs and tons of love

Chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 17th, 2012, 05:46
hi roo how are you today you do sound a bit better those beefburgers in the pub are doing you good or is it you didn't have to eat the pitzzas we were going to send you if today is slightly better don't get depressed if later on you slide back down again it's very much an up and down thing more down than up but you are doing ok
i have a day off today and i have to do some more painting but i couldn't start until i sent you a message to see how you are this morning
so the computers down somewhere so you can't get things done as planned they can never resort to doing things by hand when these machines break can they has the vicar been to see you yet i am glad you had a very caring nurse come to see you and sit and talk to you we are all here for you if you need us
speak to you later love hazel

hazelharris
April 17th, 2012, 11:28
hi roo get the kettle on it's 5 o clock get something to eat how has your day been have you got anything at all sorted today i have only taken off 3ft x 3ft of paper off the wall it's stuck like superglue i wish i had never started this job my puppies are running around with bits of paper all over them i shall have to take them out for a walk soon i wish i lived in somewhere so beautiful like you to walk them
just stopped in the middle of this message to talk to my son and it's a good job i thought to send you a message before going out we have just had a hailstorm i could have been out in that so you saved me from it
i don't suppose you will be able to read just yet its a lack of concentration nothing seems to register in the brain i used to read a book every couple of days and i longed to be able to read a book it's a form of escapism isn't it i suppose it's all according to the types of books you read 6 weeks ago i managed to read a couple of books i had bought for me for christmas it was such a joy to be able to read again like i said before we get small steps foreward and you will in your own time in the future
suns shining now must be our loved ones looking in on us must take the pups out love hazel

roo
April 17th, 2012, 11:53
Chrissie, I've got the first stage of the paperwork. It crippled me because the nurses were so sympathetic and that starts me off again.
I bought a suit today as this morning I tried on my old one and it just didn't fit anymore.
I then went home, immediately felt bad and so went out for a pint. I'm now back, tea in hand and trying to waded through the muddle.
Without doubt its home that's hitting me hardest. Is it the same for you?

Hazel, the burgers saved my bacon (so to speak) the threat of the pizza still makes me smile.
I started off very early today and felt better but that quickly descending into a huge pit and this morning was perhaps the worst yet. I feel better now.
Tomorrow afternoon is the funeral director followed later sometime by the Minister/Vicar.
The weather here is bizarre, very strong sun followed by violent squalls of hail then heavy rain, all in the space of several minutes. I did see a spectacular rainbow over Brixham harbour earlier.
I miss my books and escapism is the perfect word. But I haven't touched one since Saturday my brain will not allow it.
Time for another tea.

Keep up the good work you two, I now depend on you. Let me know If I can help at all.

hazelharris
April 17th, 2012, 12:33
hi roo i want you to know you are not alone i wish you lived near to me becase believe me i would be standing on your doorstep with a hotpot in my hand and the others would be beside me with (itallian food nodoubt )we will help you through this funeral even though we can't be there it will probably not be until late next week i know your other friends will be reading this and will want to help you in this way at the time of the funeral we will all wherever we are stand and say a prayer for you and your wife take two small things with you to hold in your hand one thing that belongs to your wife hold on to it it will symbolise all her love that she will be sending to you to give you strength take a small pebble off the beach hold that in the other hand that holds all the love from your friends here that will be praying for you i hope you do this and it will give you comfort and when you get home we will be waiting for your return
i know thats not at the moment but the thought of going through her funeral all the waiting is a dreadful time
have you made any friends at the pub yet you said it is difficult to communicate with people go up and talk to the person with the dogs say you may be thinking of getting one yoursef it will be an icebreaker people like to talk about their dogs they are all only human like yourself some are good people perhaps some are suffering as yourself you just never know hazel

roo
April 17th, 2012, 14:57
Sorry Hazel, I saw this post much earlier and just stared at it. I kept going back to the hotpot bit. Thanks, I have eaten in my house now. Perhaps not a giant leap for some but I couldn't cope with it before.
The funeral is Tuesday morning. I cannot think any further at the moment.
I am surrounded by stones and crystals all bought over 30 years by my missing half. Some will be going with me to this funeral now.
The pub I went into earlier tonight was completely empty, I was quite content to sit there for a couple, but no, I did not speak.
You take care, I am now off to dream of hotpots. Thank you.

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 15:24
Heloo Roo I have managed to get out today, yes being in the house alone is horrible and yet I feel I have to be in somehow, i was told that can happen, we sort of expect to find them here, you know? like they went out to shops or something, its survival mechanism( sorry terrible at spelling) this passes in time I'm told. You have lost some weight then? to be expected love, we either stop eating or eat junk or stuff our faces till we throw up. On the 21st Jan 2012 it would have been our 34th wedding annaversary, I planned to stay in bed with a few bottles of good wine and the biggest box of chocs I could find,I wouldn't mind, I hardly drink the stuff. I even wrote the card I had planned to give Giuls and I found the card that He had for me, he had written a message in it too, he knew he was going, so he wrote the message as if he had already gone, saying I'll see you soon.That he would love me forever. and wait for me. It's OK. I can talk about it now, it was and is very special to me, I will always have the cards on the mantle piece and I still have the silk rose that was given to me at his funeral. I didn't stay in bed in a drunken stupor, I was rescued for the day.

Enough of me Roo, so you saw the nurses and they were helpful, that's good love. Now did you manage to eat today? can't keep buying new siuts can ya?
I wish that I could say words that would give you peace Roo but you know that ain't possible, they would just be empty, you have to carry on, we are all here for you. The tea is good, that's my life saver. You know how all us lot of weeping wrecks would all give each other the biggest hugs in the whole wide world if we could, so I send to you now friend a great big Ug, did ya get it?. Keep on talking, keep on crying we are all joining with you. Speak soon love.

luv and ugs

chrissie.xx

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 15:31
Hello Hazel, just read your post to Roo, I love your puppies all covered in wallpaper, cungers up a great picture. Hope your OK love. Can I just apologise if I have mixed up posts, there are two hazels, if I haven'e thats Ok, if I have soory love. Speak again soon.

Bigs hugs Chrisssie. xxx

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 15:33
Sorry Roo, the funeral, This is a hard one, will be adding to your prayers.

chrissie.

hazelharris
April 17th, 2012, 15:35
night night roo chrissie if you read this can you write us all a prayer that we may all say together on tuesday hazel

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 15:43
Yes Hazel. Dear Lord, we come to You now in great need of Your help and peace. Lord we place all our worries, cares and fears into your hands and Lord we place ourselves into Your loving arms. Please hold us through this night cos we can be so so lonely, please tell our loves that we love them and miss them. Please keep us and those we know and love safe through this night and ever more thank you Lord . Amen

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 15:44
Nite Nite Hazel, roo and all, I send to you great big hugs.

chrissie. xxx

hazelharris
April 17th, 2012, 15:46
that is lovely chrissie i shall write it down and hope we can all say this prayer for roo at the time of his dear wifes funeral
there isn't 2 hazels for some reson i came up last week as hazel harris so i have 2 blogs i don't know why that happened love hazel

gumek
April 17th, 2012, 15:48
Ok I'm glad about that, Do you know what time the funeral will be>

hazelharris
April 17th, 2012, 15:57
no roo hasn't said yet but i am sure he will tell us i want him to feel we are all with him at the funeral as i don't think he has much support i hope roo can also share with us his wifes name so we can add this to our prayers i think a few think there are 2 hazels how this happened i do not know but at least you all know now
how are you today i think all day how everyone is your right i want to give everyone a hug i would love to make everyone feel better but i can't
i wish i lived near roo i would go into that pub and give him such a big hug love hazel

roo
April 17th, 2012, 22:52
Hazel and chrissie. Thank you both very much.

Her name is Frances. The time is 1030am. I am hoping this afternoon's meet with the funeral director clarifies things for me. I know I am looking into a deep pit on Tuesday and I wanted to speak at the funeral but its looking very unlikely as its difficult to keep it together.
My computer is playing up badly so if I suddenly go quiet don't panic. What a time for this!
I'm already on my second cup of tea. Third cuppa now.
The prayer is special chrissie thanks, I have copied it, I hope thats ok?
Today I shall try to get things together for the death registry on Friday, I will then have to find the funeral directors to pass on some green slip they need. By delaying me in sorting this out they have upped the stress but there is nothing I can do about it.

Thanks again chrissie and (both) Hazels. Big hugs back. Take care.

gumek
April 18th, 2012, 02:47
Hello Roo love, how you doing? Did you manage to get some sleep last night?
Roo there are a lot of us who are standing with you, the Lord keeps bringing you to mind, your not alone, please be comforted in that dear friend. We are all keeping you before the Lord in prayer and remember that Frances is also watching over you. 3 yrs ago my fridge stopped working and I told it to start again in the name of Jesus, and it did and is still going, The repair man said, " I don't understand why it's still working" you see they don't make the parts for it any more, it's over 20 years old.The reason I'm telling you this is , to speak to your computor, it might start to work properly again, worth a try love. Keep smiling through ya tears, drink more tea, and try to eat a little something, the threat still stands. Take it one little steps at a time.

hugs chrissie. xx

roo
April 18th, 2012, 04:30
Morning chrissie,
I have slept a bit and eaten a bit. I am forming some kind of acceptance in my mind to what happened to Frances.
Over the last few weeks I had noticed that she was unable to sit upright. She would lean to the right wherever she sat. I knew she had numerous tumours along her spine and that the disease had suddenly gone in overdrive.
I simply cannot write out what other things happened. But right until her last week I managed to get her out in her wheelchair and we spent many hours along the seafront in glorious weather which she loved.
Without doubt another horror was on the horizon and it all pointed to her becoming totally incapable of moving freely at all which was the one dread she had.
So, I know in my heart that this particular nightmare she was spared. She was very active mentally almost up to the last day, and physically she was spared a long haul. I don't know if that makes sense. But it comforts me.

I have found a poem on the Internet which I believe to have been written for cancer sufferers who have passed away whilst you are holding their hand. I intended to read this out at the funeral but I can't even read it out on my own in the home without it hurting to much. So I will ask the Minister to read it for me.

You take care and hugs back. XX

gumek
April 18th, 2012, 04:51
Hello Roo, so so sorry, Frances sounds a lovely lady and precious wife and friend. You did great Roo for holding it all together for her, this was agony for you. I don't know if this will help you love, but i wrote it all down in a letter, I wrote mine to God saying all that I needed to get out, and I wrote a letter to Giuls, I was shocked at the stuff that came out of me, not there yet though but the journey gets a little less and easier every day. I wish that we could all get answers as to WHY all this happened to our loves and to us, cos we were right there in it with them weren't we? I think we all go through the stage of, " Why couldn't it have been me instead?" Some of us even begged God to take us instead of our loves, my love did so so want to live, they all did and we all had such plans for our futures didn't we. I'm sorry Roo please refresh my memory you have a daughter? If so how is she coping love? I may be getting a bit mixed up, sorry love if I have got this wrong.

I know that we keep nagging about eating, but you will need strenth. Will your family be staying a while with you after the funeral? They will want to help you and they may seem a nuisence, you will want to be on your own, but let them be there for ya, they will need to help for their own greivings sake.

Well look remember will are all still here, you are constantly popping into my head, so I just say a quick prayer. You are not ever alone.....Hugs. chrissie.

hazelharris
April 18th, 2012, 05:01
morning roo i know what you mean when you said Francis was spared a worse and prolonged end where she may have lay for weeks and months not able to move at all it does happen to a lot of people and that would have been even worse than it already was you can see your loved one slowly getting worse and you refuse to believe it think your immagining it but then it gets to a terrible realisation i know with darren his suffering got bad towards the last week it's heartbreaking when it kicks in that the end is near and as much as i loves him i asked God to take him to end his suffering i never gave up hope until the last day but i knew the battle was over he had suffered enough and it was time for him to go home to God
you must have taken Francis out when we had that lovely hot spell a few weeks ago it was a good week of summer weather and you both must have had some wonderful walks in the sunshine so God was good in so many ways for you both you were bought together all those years ago your paths may have gone in different directions if you hadn't met but you did and your lives were filled with love for one another(say not in grief that they are gone but in joy that they were)i know all this doesn't help at the moment to say this to you because your life will have to be different now but you have to take all that love and all your memories and carry them in your heart as you try and go forward
if you want to share with us your poem we would love to read it but if you want to keep it personal to yourself that is fine also
thinking of you roo hazel

roo
April 18th, 2012, 07:04
chrissie,
'Why couldn't it have been me instead?' How true that is. I was a few years older and we both thought that I would be the first so I got a will some years ago and wrote out instructions for her on how to deal with the bank, insurance etc as she hated things like that. I least I'm happy she was spared this grief.
No children, and I will know no-one at the funeral, the few people coming are connected to Frances which is why it is becoming so confusing trying to organise things. I am pleased that things are getting 'easier every day' for you, it is no more than you deserve. Take care and thanks. xx Let me know if I can help you.

Hazel,
We were both haunted by some of the poor people in the hospice but in particular with the ones unable to move. It must be dreadful.
'i asked God to take him to end his suffering i never gave up hope until the last day but i knew the battle was over'. Exactly the same for me. Much as my memories are shoddy this will never go away.
You are right about our time together, we traveled a lot and walked and walked and walked and loved it. Its positive to think this way and it will make it easier walking along the old routes alone.
I will write the poem after the funeral if I remember. You will probably hate it but it hits me for some reason.
I hope everything is going well for you and please let me know if I can help at all.
Take it easy Hazel and take care.

gumek
April 18th, 2012, 07:46
Sorry love, wish that you weren't so far away,would be there for you, we all would.

xx chrissie.

hazelharris
April 18th, 2012, 10:18
hi roo don't forget what i said to you on tus you will not be alone the momento in one hand holds your wifes love and the pebble in the other holds the love from your friends here who will be all with you in spirit and we will all be saying a prayer for you at the same time you must let us know what time the funeral will be and i pray you will feel our love transending to you
i love all poetry i used to write a lot years ago and i will love to hear the poem that will be said i'm sure it will be a loving tribute to Francis
i was a few years older than darren and you never dream that they will be taken first he was 50 and had 2 years of chemotherapy before he died you walk in fear to the chemo suite and look round in disbelief at all the people there and think it's an epidemic you always know there are people out there suffering with this but until your confronted with it yourself you never fully realise and it hits you
we all did our very best for our loved ones and i so admire you for all you did for Francis women are usually able to cope better than men with this role as carers as our lives usually revolve with the main caring aspect of life that is why i have so much admiration for you francis was blessed with having such a loving husband i know all you did for her was out of love i hope you feel her love with you to help you through this traumatic time love hazel

roo
April 18th, 2012, 13:23
chrissie and Hazel, thanks again.
I have met with the funeral director and she has taken some pressure off me. She, bless her took the time over the phone just hours after Frances's death to listen to me weeping and trying to explain what had happened. She gave me time, sounded caring and waited for me to recover. I was a mess. I phoned around after that but quickly returned.
Today I have got a baby Acer and a baby Golden yew, they will to be planted for my memory in the garden in celebration of Frances. I have always loved being in the garden and Frances always enjoyed sitting and watching.
Hazel, the chemo units were a trial. They made them the best they could but I noticed over the years more and more people turned up for treatment and it simply couldn't cope with the pressure.
Tomorrow is the Minister. I'm hoping that he will release the pressure a little more.
The pebbles are remembered. The threat of a pizza still chills me. The contact from you all is precious.

Thanks again and you all take care please.

gumek
April 18th, 2012, 13:42
Hello Roo, you don't have to answer all love, just stick a post to say your OK.
Try and slow down a bit tonight if you can love.

chrissie. xxx

roo
April 19th, 2012, 00:11
Still here and finding the radio at night a great comfort. Morning to you all and let me help you when I can please. Take care Roo xx

hazelharris
April 19th, 2012, 03:41
morning roo glad you are getting comfort from the radio it's a bit of noise and distraction isn't it off to work today weather is miserable here another hailstorm yesterday but it's still nice walking in the rain i hope you get out somewhere today thinking of you hazel

gumek
April 19th, 2012, 07:37
Shalom in Yeshua Tom, hope it's OK to ask for a little help, I seem to have hit a wall, feel completely empty, can't read and amswer posts, having trouble talking to God, don't feel that I can do anything,only cry. I know that G has gone but the truth is only now sinking in that I can't see him or touch him anymore and it is killing me. can't talk to my church they don't understand, and they are right in saying that as believers we simply call on God and abide in Him, that's what i have been doing, i just don't know what to do anymore.

Everything is in place now I have my will all done and letters to everyone so they know what and where everything is and I'm asking God to bring me home. This ache is just too much, I have tried to listen to and help our friends on the forum, cos I believe that when we help others we help ourselves. I can't stand this loliness any longer without my love here I can't go on.

I would ask you to please pray for me, for God to take this pain away, my heart can't take it you see. I know that He loves me and means only good to me and not harm me, but this. chrissie.

roo
April 19th, 2012, 08:55
I've sending you a private message, please read.

tom-fisherman
April 19th, 2012, 10:54
Shalom in Yeshua my sister, I am so sorry you are having such a bad day. I didn't pick up your feelings from your daily e-mails as you sounded so positive.

I am mailing you now.

May God bless you
Tom

sueblue58
April 19th, 2012, 14:46
It is rotten coming into an empty house. Andrew was always standing at the sink in the kitchen or pretending not be asleep on the settee. For the first couple of months I used to come in and sit on the sofa and just cry. He did the cooking and always used to say with a smile 'a womans work is never done'. I did all the arrangements for his funeral as there was only him and me. In some ways it worked out better because I could choose what hymns and readings we had. A friend offered to come with me but I felt as I had seen him through to the end this was the last thing I could do for him. I can so remember the rawness of those early days. I can feel the pain coming through your posts - I know I am only a couple of steps ahead of you in this journey. As for the weather, we had hail, rain, thunder and lightning. I went to a reunion of some ex workmates this morning. There was a chap there I hadnt seen for over 20 years and he said 'You havent changed a bit' which was a huge fib but the nicest thing anybody has said to me in months.
Hope you get on alright with Minister - remember do what you want to do.
Bye for now, Sue

dawn21
April 19th, 2012, 17:41
Hi roo, im so terribly sorry for the loss of your wife, there arnt any words that can make you feel better at the moment because the pain is so intense and you must feel like you will never be able to smile again but im so glad you found the forum, everyone is so kind here and everyone understands. I agree with Hazel on the counselling I myself am in the process and have found it helpful but had to wait 8 weeks so if you think it may help I would look into that soon, your doctor would help with where to go im sure and some of the counselling groups like cruse(if your in England) do group sessions as well if you feel like you would benefit from personal contact with people who have experienced grief as well. Its hard to eat and sleep but you need some goodness in your body to keep you well just some soup or something to keep your strenghth up as grieving is emotionally and physically draining. Its four months since i lost my partner and Im still very up and down its a long process but there are sprinklings of days that are ok, dont be hard on yourself just take small steps its all normal how you are feeling right now, your wife loved you and you loved her and she will be with you we all talk to our loved ones it really is a comfort. You take care, best wishes dawn

hazelharris
April 19th, 2012, 18:06
hi roo how are you this evening chrissie is fealing a bit better she has just sent a message what have you done today have you been for a walk we did have
little bit of sunshine here i have been out this evening only for a couple of hours you see just another small step i went to see an old friend she is the same age as my eldest son but i have been friends with her for years she lives in australia and she is here on holiday i have only seen her twice in 10 years but it seemed like yesterday.i'm only telling you this as a few weeks ago i couldn't have gone each time we are able to do something however small it's a step foreward i know your grief is new and you will not be able to see a light at the end of this dreadful tunnel but i want you to see very very slowly we can recover to have some quality in our lives
i wish you could feel the love i get from my puppies i know you will have one some day and on those long walks you will not be alone it will be you and your dog and your wifes spirit will both be beside you
thinking of you roo love hazel

roo
April 19th, 2012, 23:54
Sue, home is the problem for me, the utter silence, nothing to clear up, the constant reminders from clothing to yet another letter for her. I still have been unable to turn on the TV or read but I know I'm raw and its still very early. I will plod on. Take care.

Dawn, I think this forum is counselling. Its making me think about things instead of burying the thoughts and I'm getting comfort knowing that I'm walking in other's footsteps. I can't share the pain as it's mine only but having contact with others and talking about it is very precious to me, thank you.
Eating can only be ready made meals. I don't think I have ever bought these before but I'm incapable to face cooking just for myself at the moment. Thank you for your contact and take care.

Hazel, I have walked and planted some memories for Frances in the garden, today I'm dreading, as at last I can register her death but then I will visit her and that will be a killer. No puppy could survive me at the moment as I would crush it with a desperate hug. But I will almost certainly head down that route when I have healed a little. You take care please and give those puppies a stroke from me. Take care.

gumek
April 20th, 2012, 02:22
Hello Roo, just a call in to see how you are and to say thank you for your kindness and ya call, I still am feeling ashamed of myself, i am normaly a rational person, i think that we want to tell someone, just someone of whats going on inside of us, it's a silent scream,,if that makes sense love, you know, you tell your close friends and family in so many words and it's like water off a ducks back, it just goes over their heads. I have two close friends, i shouldn't be saying this but it has upset me so i will just mention it, lets just say that on those occasions of despair i have phoned them, cos talking calms our aching hearts and they have not answered the phone, i knew that they were in, this makes you feel even more abandoned and alone. They say that it takes a crises to find out who ya real friends are, don't they?All ya prayers worked i slept deeply last night, thank you.

Are you OK today love? Will you be able to tell us all about Frances one day in the future, you know, your journey together all the good days and the sad ones, cos thats what we all need isn't love, just to know that someone cares enough to listen, realy listen.

Just put a note up to say how your doing, had a good chat with God this morning, took you all to Him, He wants you all to know that He is with us all in this messy life, He does luv ya, His name is Jesus, Lord, Yeshua, friend. Last night He was the one who held ya close in His arms.

BIG Hugs

chrissie. xx

gumek
April 20th, 2012, 02:28
Hello Hazel,alright love? Just wanted to say thanks Hazel for your luv and concern, i just lost it for a while, but ok now. Sent a post to Roo, i'm very upset with meself for being so stupid, the silent scream came out, if that makes sense love. You OK today love? Will speak later. luv ya.

Chrissie. xxx

gumek
April 20th, 2012, 02:42
Shalom in Yeshua brother Tom, just to say everything is OK, fell apart like a cheap suitcase, no excuses though. Had a long chat with the Lord,He just listened as He does, always so lovely, took everyone to Heaven with me last night in prayer, He loves all our forum friends so so much, He said to tell um all, He held us all in His arms last night, slept like a baby, now the silent scream has been kicked out, so to speak. Tom I know what i'm talking about may not make a bean of sense to anyone else. Please say to Karen i'm not normaly this bonkers, normaly just bonkers. Sorry i have to not be so serious, God has a sense of humour, He made us didn't He?

Have a blessed day Tom being about our Fathers bussiness.

Big Ugs

chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 20th, 2012, 04:28
now i know why i had the best sleep i have had in a long while chrissie
morning roo how are you today my cousin sent me a beautiful yellow rose to plant in the garden for darren and it's called keep smiling isn't that lovely i know there are a lot of roses with beautiful names like rememberance etc but i thought that is lovely i haven't heard of that one before now i've got to find a place to put it
chrissie and sheryl have just said we are all going to light a candle on tuesday thats a very moving thought not only all our love but all our light as well
the sun is shining here today i hope it is where you are it lifts the spirits a bit when we go out for a walk and the sun shines on us doesn't it
let us know how you are roo love hazel

roo
April 20th, 2012, 09:52
Hi chrissie, good to hear from you again. Well, I've done it. The certificate and I've visited Frances. A weepy day but I feel I've done the best that I can for her.
I've picked a couple of songs for the service and written a few notes for her.
Now I have to wait until Tuesday. A day that will kill me.
Without you and the kind responses from other's on here I wouldn't have got this far. Even the District nurse called up today to see how I was.
Don't give up on me yet, I feel very fragile but regaining strength.
Thanks everyone. Roo

gumek
April 20th, 2012, 10:14
Hello love, we are all still here. Yes it hurts, your doing great, keep on going, is it poss for you to go for a walk now, kick the dust so to speak. Tom is still praying so hard for ya Roo, we all are, you are not alone, Frances is so so proud of you love, we all are. Keep intouch.

Ugs

chrissie.

gumek
April 20th, 2012, 10:16
Hello again darling, you keep going too, I'm stronger because of all of you.

ugs ugs

chrissie.xx

roo
April 20th, 2012, 12:15
Hazel, just looked up 'Keep smiling' and its gorgeous. Also looks like a healthy strong rose. Its the one flower Frances liked to sniff and she also loved the smell of sweet peas.
Thanks Hazel your support means a lot to me but I still quicken my step when passing by a pizza shop.
I've not walked today as everything I did needed the car but tomorrow I shall get out.
The service is 30 minutes long which is 29 minutes longer than Frances wanted, she always insisted on no fuss, a cardboard box and nothing else.
I'm just hoping everything goes well.
I've done my best now.
Take care. Roo.

Clarabelle
April 20th, 2012, 13:32
Roo- I've been talking to Chrissie. We're all thinking of you so much. We wish that we could be there to support you and we will be, mentally.( re your earlier message:I wouldn't have thought you would say anything else but a polite word!) I hope that you're coping with the practicalities. This bit is for your wife. After, that's for you and we're all here, holding up each other. We need you too. And just when you think it's a bit better, off you go again. There's no rhyme nor reason to the things that start you off. I think that you just have to accept that everything is "normal" in grief. Thinking of you this weekend. Clare x

hazelharris
April 20th, 2012, 15:59
hi roo you are right there is no better smelling flower than a sweet pea they are beautiful i don't know if my new rose has a perfume some roses don't i will have to wait and see
went to lunch today and had new york chicken and if you ever stop eating again forget the pizza i will send you this chicken dish you will be begging me to get you the cardboard pizza instead
you coping in the house any better yet i hope having the radio on gives you a bit of companionship it's just good to hear a bit of noise in the house isn't it i know you will not be able to read again yet i have just picked up the books again recently but what books do you like i want to hear if we like the same
i watched a very distressing documentary early morning as i have a job going to sleep it was dreadful i asked my daughter if she watched it and she went into histerical laughter turns out it was a film
thinking of you this evening i hope you are coping and i send all my love to you hazelxxx

roo
April 20th, 2012, 21:30
Morning Clare, sleep eludes me as usual but I can get by on a couple of hours. I'm still plodding on with the 'practicalities' but making headway.
I feel low this morning but there is nothing I can do about it just do my best.
I hope the sun shines today as I'd like to get out and walk and walk. In fact the rain will do.
I'm going to have to start cooking again. I didn't realise the hideous quality of the ready cooked stuff.
I hope you are well and feeling okay, wishing you a good weekend.
Take care. Roo.

Hazel, I've never heard of New York chicken but you have to stop scaring me with food or I will get a phobia :)
The house is okay during the day and I think I'm lucky its not darkest winter as the nights are a trial. I still don't watch TV but perhaps a lot of that is because there is so much rubbish on it anyway. Radio is on 24hrs a day and no reading so far.
The book I was reading before Saturday was 'The siege of Malta 1565'. Books are going to be a problem in the future as Frances has what seems to be hundreds on astrology and self medication and they will have to go, but no rush for that. What books do you read?
I hope you are well and wishing you a lovely weekend. Take care. Roo

roo
April 20th, 2012, 21:33
Chrissy, I'm already on my second cuppa, wishing you a peaceful weekend, take care Roo.

hazelharris
April 21st, 2012, 03:05
hi roo i had a verybad night last night woke up in the middle of the shouting my head off iy's the first time i woke up and had really forgotten darren was no longer there and i turned to see him and the realisation hit me i wanted to crawl back into those couple of seconds when i thought he was here with me
off to work now anyway alright this morning get out for that walk
you will find this a coincidence especially as i asked you about books my uncle wrote a book never sent it for publication it is called the seige of malta i would one day like to go there to see where he was in the war
speak to you tonight love haxelxx

gumek
April 21st, 2012, 04:01
Morning Roo, just a quick note to say hello and see if your OK, did you manage to sleep? Have you had some grub? This computer is still playing up so thought I'd post now in case it blows up for good. If the sun is shining there maybe a walk? We are still all here for ya, keep talking, don't worry about the tears there good too. Keep intouch.

Big ugs

chrissie.xx

roo
April 21st, 2012, 08:47
Hazel, I think that there was something in the air last night, I also have had a grim sleep and being tired just makes things a bit down.
I've had long walk and will be going out shortly for another and a pint. I haven't been to Malta since the 70's and loved it. You uncle was a brave man, they were bad days when he was there, but they prevailed.
Hope your day at work was good, now take it easy and look after yourself. Take care. Roo

Hi chrissie, you better get your computer fixed as you are needed! I think I have now fixed mine but to be honest I don't know what I'm doing but perhaps I shall be lucky. I'm off for another walk, I'm trying for total exhaustion today with a pint on top.
Take it easy and take care. Roo.

hazelharris
April 21st, 2012, 14:11
hi roo how are you this evening have you been for your drink just had a chinese meal i couldn't be bothered to cook i feel i don't want to go to bed after last night although i feel alright now i read a lot of history books a friend has leant me the man who broke into auschwitz not a book to cheer you up but one everyone should read i'm also reading a book about the war of the roses one of many i have read i always seem to read 2 at a time
i shall have to go to malta but i don't suppose there is much left there from all those years ago i have never been abroad i hope you don't find it morbid but i want to go to the 1st world war graves to show my respect to all those fallen men and i suppose a few women
only telling you all this for a bit of chat to try and get your mind a bit off of your daily struggle missing francis can you look up the rose for me to see if it has a perfume or not if it doesn't i can plant a sweet pea next to it
i have just had a thought if everyone else thinks it will be alright i would love to plant next to darrens rose a flower that might have meant something to each of my new friends beloved that the plants may grow side by side just how we have all helped one another and stood side by side i must ask chrissie clara and sheryl
thinking of you tonight roo love hazel

gumek
April 21st, 2012, 14:24
Hello Roo love, you will get bad nights sometimes, keep trudging on.


Big ugs

chrissie.xx

gumek
April 21st, 2012, 14:31
ello Hazel, you alright love, busy day but got a bit sad at Bluewater shopg centre today, it was packed with lovers holding hands and families and groups of friends, I was upset I'm afraid I felt so so alone and out of it. Got what I needed,came home had a good cry, ate me poached haddock (comfort food) and a small pot of apple crumble all from Marks.About to have me coffee, yes coffee Roo, one a day, Twenty cups of tea. Speak soon Hazel have a good day tommorrow. Luv ya.

Big Ugs

chrissie xxx

roo
April 21st, 2012, 20:37
Morning Hazel, I achieved my first aim of going to sleep quickly but I can't stay asleep unfortunately. So another long day ahead for me. I shall cycle later and maybe garden.

Your rose should have a strong perfume, it sounds like a cracking plant and recommended by everyone. A lovely idea planting for others. Whats your garden like?

I've always fancied a trip to the WW1 graves, I've read several books of those times and it sounds like a nightmare. I know can you walk along some of the old trenches to try and get an idea of the madness of it all.

I'm find that time is resting heavily on my hands now, I haven't found a substitute for the hours of caring that I did buts its too early for me to take on other things..............I think. The truth is I haven't got a clue what to do.

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday and I hope you had a restful evening
Take care. Roo.

Morning chrissie, I hope you have had a decent sleep. I also have one coffee a day and about 20 cuppas. I have my coffee after my shower and tea's throughout the day.
I've never been to Bluewater but heard of it. The town centres around here are dieing because of out of town shopping areas with free parking and nearly every day a shop or pub closes. The Council then in its wisdom puts up car parking charges to strangle the few shoppers left.
What are you planning to eat today chrissie? I'm going to try a chicken casserole packed with veg as my eating has been poor recently.
Anyway I hope to speak to you later, take care and be good to yourself. Roo

hazelharris
April 22nd, 2012, 04:25
morning roo sorry tou didn't sleep very well no nightmares again for me thank goodness but i still had a bad dream so your going out on your bike today that will be lovely hope the weather stays nice and you don't get caught up in a downpour
i'm picking up with the decorating today where i left off days ago
my garden isn't wonderful i made a big effort 2 yrs ago when darren was first ill re turfed put the pond in that i had bought a couple of years earlier and when darren s 1st chemo ended he found the strength to put some decking up near the pond an apple tree at the bottom my mum and dad bought me before they passed away so each year it's like them sending me apples 4 corners of flowers and rockery at the bottom facing an alotment now its full of dog toys high jump tunnel sand pit
you will find a different outlet an interest or club you can join in the future but it's too early like the dog to think of any of theses things yet you just have to try and keep your spirits up i'm the opposite to you and chrissie 20 cups coffee 1 tea
birdsong by sebastian faulks best book ever and it's about ww1
thinking of you today roo keep busy keep eating and keep that radio on for company love hazel

roo
April 22nd, 2012, 04:50
Morning Hazel, 'birdsong by sebastian faulks', I have it but it is unread and will remain so for some time until sanity returns.
Your garden sounds good lets hope you get some time to enjoy it this summer.
I'm heading off to my closest beach. I was looking at some photos this morning and saw Frances in her wetsuit last year. It was cold, the sea was colder she was ill but determined to go into the sea. She only did it once. I'm heading back there to collect a pebble.
I hope your DIY is better than mine, I tend to lose patience with it.
Anyway, take care and be good to yourself. Roo.

gumek
April 22nd, 2012, 11:49
Hello Roo. you sound positive love, I know I hate that saying too, the casserole and veg good idea, as is the gardening. And yes now that we all have this time on our hands so to speak, yu know? after looking after our precious loves, it is so so hard, thats half the trouble isn't? Oh I wish we could put a call out for captain james kirk or Spok, and have us all beamed up to a lovely pub somewhere or a field of bluebells, or even another galaxy, oh sod it anywhere.

Still here, still greiving, still taking it one day at a time, still remembering you in me prayers.

Big ugs chrissie.xx

roo
April 22nd, 2012, 13:11
chrissie, I've taken one foot forward and several back. I've been unable to cook, and no gardening.
On the 14th I made a mistake. I came home in a the deepest pit known to man. Everywhere I went I kept seeing Frances's fleece, its was her favorite. I then threw it. Everyday after that I couldn't stop thinking of it.
Today I dug it out of the bin.
Its back on the hook, It was too soon.
I would love to beam up as well, just so share our pain and talk about it, and hopefully a laugh or two.
My thoughts are with you as well. I share your grieving but all of us together will help.
Tomorrow is a another day. Take it easy and take care.
Roo

gumek
April 23rd, 2012, 02:05
morning roo,how are you love, have you managed to get any sleep? Frances things will cause you to cling to them, wev'e all done and are doing it, I still have Giuls top that he wore the day before he died, still has his scent on it and when I have been in despair i just hug into it till i calm down again. I'm told that in time all these things will pass. None of us can bring you any words of comfort at this time Roo, we are just with you, please know that love, if you need to talk, cry, rant, wer'e all still here OK?

You don't have to answer this, but just say a general Hi so we all know your OK.

Hugs

chrissie.
xx

roo
April 23rd, 2012, 02:20
Morning chrissie, I'm still here, I've been cleaning the home and trying to make sure that I'm ready for tomorrow.
Just plodding on. How are you? Take care. Roo.

gumek
April 23rd, 2012, 03:27
Yes I'm OK sort of, bad night though, yu know can't stop missing him. Going out soon for a couple of hours, I started to clean the house on saturday, just thought oh stuff it, the dust can wait another day. Some of my church family will be thinking of you tommorow love. Its realy daft this one, but I keep seeing us as we were 30 years ago, i keep going over our time in Auss with his parents and visits to friends barbies and the beaches there so white and 90 miles long and hardly a soul on them. O dear God, why? Roo just like yourself and all of us on this forum all we wanted was our mates and us to make old bones together didn't we? I wish God would take the pictures from our minds of our loves when they were so changed by the illness. Now they are whole and completely healed but we still have the memories don't we. Sorry love, i'm crying with you taday, and I don't have anything funny to say.

I read anothers post on here yesterday, how his wife died and it nearly killed me with grief for him, thank God we can share this ache with each other.

Still here for ya, take care.

chrissie.xx

roo
April 23rd, 2012, 06:39
Chin up chrissie, we must carry on. Thank you for the support of your church party. The weather is matching my mood today. Her equipment has just been collected as well. Its good they have gone but my mind is linked so much with her and her zimmer etc that its yet another reminder.
Any way Aus sounds gorgeous, I've never been there. Our memories are precious to us and must use them to think of the happy days, there is nothing wrong with that.
So cheers to us all on here, be strong and we will get through this together.
Take care everyone. Roo.

hazelharris
April 23rd, 2012, 12:50
hi roo thinking of you all day make sure you get a pint tonight to help you sleep our candles are ready i hope you will feel all our love with you tomorrow love hazel

Clarabelle
April 23rd, 2012, 17:06
Hi Roo, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow too, with my candle lit for Frances and for you. It's a hard day to get through but God somehow gives you the strength to get there. Will be with you in Spirit. God bless.

Clare x

hazelharris
April 23rd, 2012, 19:57
hi roonearly2am got up couldn't sleep so i came on to see if you were upGod will give you the strength to see through the day a day not just for mourning but a day to celebrate the life of Francis and thank God she was here with you for all those wonderful years a life that was very special she will never be forgotten as her love is carried in your heart it will be there forever love hazelxxxxx

gumek
April 23rd, 2012, 20:12
Hello Hazel, couldn't sleep either, just sent a mail to clare, how are you love?
I have been having a chat with Giuls, felt like he wanted me to tell him all thats going on, told him about the floers Hazel, in your garden chrissie.

gumek
April 23rd, 2012, 20:14
Hello Roo, none of us can sleep, thinking of ya, tommorow. chrissie.

roo
April 23rd, 2012, 22:19
A restless night for many of us it seems. I got up a 3am. The sky outside is clear and starry and I feel a bit stronger today.
I shall do my best today, I am very grateful for your support it does mean a huge amount to me.
I can't think of anything else I can do. I speak to Frances in the home and I've told her that I'm doing my best.
So chrissie, Clare and Hazel, its going to be a long day but I'm following in well trodden footsteps. All of you take care and thanks again.
Roo

roo
April 24th, 2012, 01:34
I'm ready now but far too early as anticipated. Frances had a bag that was with her in the hospital, hospice and at home.
Inside is a tiny prayercard. It says,
"We can be sure that nothing will ever separate us from the Love of God".
Rm 8 38-39.
I showed this to the Minister and he will be reading it later.
Take care you lot please. Roo.

gumek
April 24th, 2012, 02:41
Morning Roo, you take care too, be there with ya in spirit taday at 10.30.

chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 24th, 2012, 03:30
hi roo saw we were all up late hope our messages have all reached you this morning the day will soon pass and you will sit this evening knowing you did your best for her you will show courage and love and deep respect to a wonderful wife francis you will think to yourself afterwards how did i get through the day but Gods guiding hand will be there beside you remember it's not goodbye francis left with you all that love you shared over the years it has not gone but stays in your heart will guide you through life she will be with you through all the good and bad days she will be walking beside you until you meet again in heaven love hazelxxxxx

sdk
April 24th, 2012, 06:45
Roo,

Thinking about you today and always.

Sherylxxx

hazelharris
April 24th, 2012, 12:45
hi roo how are you i don't know if you will feel like coming on the site tonight all our candles were lit i said it was like hands across the world to give you comfort my candle was lit all day from 10 30 onwards until i came home i think i might light another one here at home will speak to you later if you are on line love hazel

gumek
April 24th, 2012, 14:25
Hello Roo, played some clasical music for frances today, burned a rose smelling candle to her, clare phoned and we cried together for ya. Today is without any doubt the worst that you may ever have to go through, We were all there again, with you. I wish I could say that is will be easy for you, well it will be one day. Can't take it away from ya but we are all here for ya.

chrissie. xxx

Clarabelle
April 24th, 2012, 16:20
Hi Roo. I've been thinking about you all day. Lit my candle for you and then phoned Chrissie and as she said, we cried for your loss and thought about what you would be going through, together. Sending you lots of love, Clare x

roo
April 24th, 2012, 22:45
I doubt if I can thank you all enough for your support. You have all given me strength, but the biggest thing you have done is taken away the bitter pill of loneliness. I feel very grim this morning I must admit. I am coming to terms with my situation and I don't like it.
Yesterday I woke up early to clear skies. With the dawn the sun shone, and it was a gorgeous morning. I waited until the first rays hit the Golden yew I have planted for Frances and then took a small cutting that went with me to the funeral. I had in my pockets a small rubbing stone that Frances used, a pebble from our closest beach that we both loved and a prayercard she carried with her.
I did feel support and I did feel a strength and I thought of you all. Thank you all so much. District nurses, Cathie and friend turned up and again gave me strength and support, some parts of our NHS are just beyond words.
As I left the funeral the rain started.
I don't like today so far. But its a combination of having drunk to much, slashing rain and realisation that now I am totally isolated. It will get better.
I'm giving you all a big hug in my mind and will never forget you. Please contact me if I can help any of you.
Take care. Roo

gumek
April 25th, 2012, 03:03
Morning Roo, were not going away from this place just yet, and will be here for as long as you want us to be, the day will come as time goes by when you will move on, we all will and if you have days when you want to say get stuffed, we won't get offended. Prob be even worse back. Just letting ya know that it's best to keep talking, sharing,and if it will help you in some way love. I can't say. have a great day to ya, but do the best ya can, alright?

big hugs chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 25th, 2012, 11:45
hi roo i'm glad i sent you the message early morning and you were able to receive it i saw it was so early i wished i had stayed up later to talk it was good the nurse came some of them are exceptional it's part of what nursing should be about caring and she definitely is a very kind carer have you done anything today i expect that yesterday is going over and over in your head but francis will be very proud of you how you coped i can't blame you for having the few too many pints iv'e had a few too many ciders in the past helped me sleep but i don't get on well with the headache the next day so i just have one now on a sat night i hope you arn't going to stop sending us messages yet we need you and you will need us for a little while i send my love to you let us know how you are love hazelxxxx

roo
April 25th, 2012, 14:14
Thanks Hazel, I'm not going anywhere yet. I've had a bad day and I hope I haven't heaped to much grieve on chrissie shoulders as I've just got stuck a bit today.
I've been out AGAIN, and soothed my mind. But I'm home, I've EATEN and hoping got a decent sleep tonight.
Thanks for your contact. I do tend to get up at 3 or 4 and it was a pleasure to read your message, thanks.
You take care and be good to yourself please. Love from wet and miserable Devon and me. Roo

hazelharris
April 25th, 2012, 18:14
hi roo just incase you get up in the night this message is from wet and miserable nothmpton to wet and miserable devon glad you managed to get out today it's now 12 and i am having a wallpapering break i hoped to get it finished tonight but now i've sat down it's hard to get started again
been out bought the carpet and it's coming tomorrow so i need to get on are you still eating the takeaways if you need any tips to cook easy foods let me know i will send you a private message with loads of tips i was a chef until recently can't have you living off rubbish food for much longer
if you can start to read again in the future get birdsong out you said you have it it's the only book i have ever read and when i got to the last page i read it again 4 times in all
just a bit of idle chat for you tonight roo i know the nights are worse than the daytime i have only just been able to sleep better although i don't go up until i'm exhausted no good is it lying in bed awake i send my love to you hazelxxx

roo
April 25th, 2012, 23:25
Morning Hazel, Birdsong is on my Kindle and it will one day be started but I just can't get there yet.
The biggest change is my misery at cooking. I must have cooked many thousands of meals but now feel guilty at cooking. I'm changing day by day and must sort this out as the ready cooked meals are gross.
I need hot and healthy and quick but my mind is closed. I'm going to work on this today as I have to go and buy some stuff.
Well done on your DIY, I understand the working until dropping ethic. Idle hands are not a good idea at present.
Take it easy and take care. Roo

hazelharris
April 26th, 2012, 08:12
hi roo how are you today glad your getting to work on the more healthy food you could get a stock pot and make a stew enough for a couple of days the problem i find is everything is in large packets or buy one get one cheeper it annoys me we only want one at a cheeper price all the supermarkets are like this went to bed at 4 started to make mistakes so i gave up carpet came before the papering was finished i'm just finishing it off now hope you have been out today we could do with sunshine to lift our spirits thinking of you love hazelxxx

sdk
April 26th, 2012, 18:01
Hi Hazel and Roo,

I am also finding food for one to be a hard concept. I am still buying like Jim is still here and I end up throwing food out. I buy of ready to heat meals because especially on the days I work I am not in the mood to cook. I used to love to cook and sometimes miss it, but right now if I am not cooking for Jim I really do not want to cook. I also use paper plates and plactic utensils so I don't have to do dishes. I am also eating wrong when I do it. I have to start watching what I eat and go back to eating healthy. I have high blood pressure and high cholestral and need to watch my sodium and fat intake. I was so used to doing it when Jim was alive because he had heart and kidney disease. But know its like who cares.
I am trying to keep busy and I just thank god for my grandaughter. She has really helped me to smile once in awhile.

Take care both of you,

Love, Sherylxxxxx

hazelharris
April 26th, 2012, 21:12
hi roo how's your day beeni'm just going to bed 3am didn't realise it was so late sheryl i know it wasn't said to make us laugh but the paper plates etc really made me laugh what a thing to think of no washing up it's ingenious why didn't i think of that i told roo to get a stock pot you can cook it in the evening and you can make enogh for a couple of days don't think the paper plates will hold it though
finished my papering roo i was getting fed up with it on the very last piece i dropped the scissors they bounced off the floor flew through the air landed on the paper and slashed it so i had to re do that piece so i was glad to get it finished bathed the pups tonight thats why i'm so late they are so fluffy it took ages to dry them
hope you are getting a better nights sleep will speak to you later god bless hazelxxx

roo
April 26th, 2012, 22:38
Morning Sheryl, something that would never have occurred to me is a problem with eating. But we both associate cooking with our missing loved ones. It has become a problem for me which I will try to deal with today.
Hazel's idea of a stock pot is a good one. Throw everything in and leave it, no precise times. Neither of us can get the strength we need without proper balanced food and I understand the 'who cares' as well.
Well, I care for you and others on here, I just don't care about me at the moment so we have to lean on each other.
I also smiled at the paper plates and I can understand that as well. My cooking and washing up was part of my caring but I no longer care.
Today we will get stronger, take care please. Roo xx

Hazel, well done for the DIY, I've been looking at puppies on the Internet and dreaming about getting one some time in the future.
I've made contact with a local NHS link that organises walks in the local area as I need to break out of here and SPEAK occasionally.
I had to go and cancel Frances's bank account yesterday. I'm obviously still fragile as that bought the pains on.
I will be cooking, I have too. Dreadful sleep and its so quiet around that I just went outside and heard a gnat break wind about 4 fields away.
Take care and give those pups a stroke from me. Roo xx

chrissie, I hope you are well and keeping busy, I've started to listen to a bit of music, I have the radio on all day but mainly on 'talk' shows. I'm getting the impression that this computer will be not lasting much longer as some very strange things are happening with it.
Take care please. Roo xx

gumek
April 27th, 2012, 03:03
Morning Roo, just read ya post, you are doing better than you think, it is very early days, you can't rush this stuff, it has to take it's course. I like it that your looking for a puppy wuppy, sorry, i bet theres one waiting for ya with ya name on it, pets are definatly a gift to us. What are your plans for today? got some sunshine here at the moment, strange weather though!

I was out most of the day yesterday, made a difference and I slept well last night but had this strange dream again, Giuls was alive again, come back so to speak and we were at the hospital, all the flipping treatment again, i felt that helpless feeling again, people in my dream were telling me to take the hospital to court and I was going through his clothes and couldn't find his coat. Giuls was not like he used to be, very sad, i woke up crying and missing him so so much. I have been warned that these things may happen, but i felt right back at square one again, does this make any sense. I know that he has gone from this realm to another and I will see him again one day but that pull is still so strong. Sorry love, you have enough on your own plate. Sometimes the old devil likes to torment us, takes memories and twists them so to speak. Out again today and tomorrow spending the day with friends haveing a chinese takeway a good film and a laugh. They have left me mostly to get on with it, so to speak, did wonder if they cared much at one point, they said that they can see and hear that I'm coping well. I need them though, like i need all you lot, me own family just let me get on with it too.

Enough of the pity party now, Roo you have a better day than yesterday wont ya? Get that baby ball of fluff soon, will speak soon i hope.And you are helping me/us as much as we are all helping you love, OK?

big hugs

chrissiexx

gumek
April 27th, 2012, 12:18
Hello sheryl, yu OK? still thinking of you. Chrissie. xxx

gumek
April 27th, 2012, 12:22
OK love, don't forget the puppy. We are all still here, oh and nearly forgot, we will all come knocking when we need you to help us. OK?
chrissie. xx

roo
April 27th, 2012, 12:54
Hi chrissy, I've not had a good one today. The weather is glorious and I went for a long long walk but everywhere I tread has been done by us both.
To many bloody memories. A bit down to put it mildly. The only good thing is that she did not have to put up with this absolute silence.
I hope your day went well and I'm sorry to be a miserable git. I need to eat and sleep and try to get back in control.
Best wishes and please take care. Roo.

hazelharris
April 27th, 2012, 13:08
hi roo how are you today everyone is telling me you are seriously thinking of a puppy make sure you get one that is right for you they all like walks so will be a companion for you you will NEVER regret it they are a lot of work getting them house trained muddy paws grooming but it will keep you busy and the love you will get unconditional from a dog .the people who also stop to talk to you as well when you have a dog i've met so many people on dog walks people who love animals are the very best and as you will meet more people you will always find one good soul who will look after it for you if for any reason you have to go away for a few days anywhere i am only saying that if it's a worry for you as you are on your own. roo sooner the better if you have made the desition i got mine after 3 weeks mind you i had just lost henry 4 weeks before darren died
jacket potato quick way prick it wrap it in cling film 4-5 mins in microwave turn 4-5 mins again( cooked )then you obviously can put anything on it tin tuna and mayo beans and cheese etc quick meal for those of us that don't want to cook at the moment and nutritious
how have you been today are you still out for a pint our hearts go out to you roo you know you are in our thoughts and prayers love hazelxxx

hazelharris
April 27th, 2012, 18:36
hi roo this is your night time call as i know you stll get up in the night hope the day comes soon when you are able to get a good nights sleep we are all saying a prayer for a relation of chrissies tonight a young girl miriam who is suffering cancer and is in a bad way she is 11 i hope you will say a few words tonight to give her and her family comfort
just to say thinking of you tonight roo i send my love hazelxxx

roo
April 28th, 2012, 00:40
Morning Hazel, I have slept well for once so I guess the walkings helping.
I will be going shopping later and baked pots are on the list. I know it sounds stupid but they had never occurred to me. I think I'm still in shut down.

chrissie, thinking of you and miriam and the family and if my prayers are worth anything they have them all.
Take care you two and everyone else. Roo xx

hazelharris
April 28th, 2012, 03:17
morning roo good you slept better thinking of you have a good walk and shop today off to work late as usual hazelxxx

gumek
April 28th, 2012, 03:32
Morning love,hope your OK, weekends are difficult though.Thanks for sending a few up for little mimi, that flipping cancer is no respecter of persons no matter what age, is it? My friend says to say thank you.
Glad your alright Roo, as alright as you can be and going to get grub in, thats good. Just had me bowl of muesli, bit late today, woke up early, had a chat with God then fell asleep again. Hairdresser coming today at lunch time, then i'm off later today to friends for chinese, a funny film and hopefully a good laugh. We all so desparatly need some lightness in our lives, gotta take it when we can, theres always plenty of time for tears isn't there?

Try and enjoy ya day, one day at a time, I hope you find that puppy, I still keep laughing when I picture Hazels puppy, minnie running around with a nappie on wondering, what the .............. is this thing.

Speak soon, take care.

chrissie. x

gumek
April 28th, 2012, 03:33
Morning Hazel, have a good day, thanks for mimi's prayers, no more news yet.

chrissie. xxx

roo
April 28th, 2012, 14:03
Hi Hazel, I've EATEN well today, and got a few things done. I've resolved my reading problem by using Frances's Kindle with my books and that feels right. Hope your work went well.
Take care of your yourself and the pups please. Another night out for me but I'm still home early. Thanks again. Roo xx

chrissie, still thinking of mimi, I can not tell you what I think of cancer. I hope the food and film went well, you deserve it.
I've got some waterproof trousers today so nothing will stop me walking the lanes and coast now.
Take care please and I hope you sleep well. Roo xx

gumek
April 28th, 2012, 15:24
Great stuff, speak tomorrow.

chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 28th, 2012, 19:14
hi roo just ashort message to see how you are tonight haven't done much tonight watched the telly hardly ever watch it but i did instead of all this tidying up after the decorating feeling lazy the place is in such a mess will get started on it all tomorrow saw programme advertised about a hoarder you could hardly get in his house for all the mess looked round the room thought they could come and film all this round me not much different
i keep forgetting one or two jobs that darren used to do at night feed the fish lock the door turn off the heating turn off all the lights the other night i woke up the heating was still on it's still hard to get into a different routine hope your day has been ok i don't know if you are still getting up at 4 you said you have slept better i hope you get a good nights sleep
you will need those waterproofs with all this bad weather but now you have bought them perhaps we will get a heatwave i send my love to you tonight you are in my thoughts and prayers love hazelxxx

in

roo
April 29th, 2012, 00:08
Hazel,morning, a grim old day and its going to mean a long trudge in the mud today.
Hazel, be good to yourself, you seem to be working,working and working.
What do you think of Labradors? The two pooches I have always wanted is a border collie and a lab. I know they need huge amounts of exercise but that they will get. Anyway its still a pipe dream.
I keep forgetting jobs that I've done for years and heating was one of them the other night.
Take it easy I hope to speak later. Roo xx

Morning chrissie, how did it go? How are you feeling? I've noticed that I have to guide myself in my thinking and have to stop myself on some things. Its self preservation everything is too raw so I don't go there yet.
Each day I'm unlocking another area and allowing myself to sort something else or do something. Pitiful I know but that's how I feel.
Still thinking of mimi and I hope you are looking after yourself.
Take care, Roo xx

gumek
April 29th, 2012, 03:38
Morning Roo,OK love? yes you will have to go through all this stuff to be able to come through to other side, and it's good that you are talking about that, it means that healing is taking place, but still early days. I recieve daily notes from an org called Greifshare, this last few days has all been for guys, how men tend to bottle their emotions and stuff, its not a good thing, leads to probs further down the line so to speak.So go for it, I wish that it could be an easy road, but alas, it just can't. But remember love, we all know it too, so we are all together in this, does that make any sense?

Yesterday was a very good day, spoke to some dear friends who blessed me heart, went to friends for curry in the end, had a good ole laugh, makes all the difference. My friend is dissabled, can't move about too much because of pain in her body, pain killers only do so much, but she is one of the most positive people I have ever known in my life, she swears like a trooper, as tough as ya can get, but never complains. If ya need an honest answer, sh'es ya girl.

What will you be up to today? Don't forget to keep in touch, keep on talking and let those hot tears flow. Roo I know that I sound all better so to speak and I am getting there a little at a time, but I still miss my lovely ole fruit, I miss even his telling me off when my firey red hair got out of it's pram. I miss those dark eyes that filled up with tears when he saw or heard of anothers troubles. I miss his lovely cooking and his loud laughter that seemed to come from the depth of his soul. But you know what Roo, its' their just being there, and the cuddles. We could go on and on with our lists couldn't we love, for me, well going over these things had helped me to accept the loss and the changes that are to come in our lives without their physical presence, I'm probably making no sense am I? I do believe that our loves are safe in that other place, and we will all see them again, it dosen't matter what we think or if we believe this or not, that can't change it, it is just so. While were here on this world one thing we are gaurenteed of is heartache, we just can't avoid it, oh how I wish we could.Have I said too much love? sorry if I have.

Hope to hear from you later, off to the fellowship and worship now, meet up with friends, a beautiful month old baby boy is being dedicated to God today, we only baptise adults not children, they are African and so there is a shared feast after. No news on mimi yet.

God bless you, PS, one of my fav places to walk with God is on the beach on a rainy day.

Ugs

chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 29th, 2012, 06:45
hi roo thanks for your reply it's not all work was to get up early and go through the house like a tornado but went to bed at 4 and didn't wake up until late as far as a dog is concerned lots to consider i have alwasys had labradors love them but they are very strong if they are not trained properly yhey are very intelligent loving dogs my cousin has always had border colies and has always had a good dog study the pups when you go to see them don't get one that looks timid or shy there the ones we usually say that poor lonely one in the corner i''ll have that but if there nervous it is an indication that they always will be look on the internet loads of tips there there is also the cost to consider and your age all pedigrees are expensive my best dog was a cross lab and mastiff so a cross breed they say has less problems wether thats true or not i don't know the bigger the breed the more cost of food the longer the fur more hairs around the house and longer to dry them. i bought cockerpoos as everything crossedwith a poodle hardly sheds any fur and i know i am getting older and a big dog will be too strong for me. another thought can the dog go on your beach there are too many restrictions in a lot of places that are unfair on dogs rehoming is an option but be aware some may have psycological problems some are in the pound just because their owners have passed away though look on a site 'pets 4 homes' it's where i found my two i know this is for the future as you feel your not ready yet think what type of dog is right for you there is a dog out there somewhere who is waiting to have all your love
roo i forgot the heating again last night went to bed late just settled down heard the heating on so i had to get up again i will have to try to get into a routine at least you have what we would all love a walk on the beach come rain or shine thinking of you today i hope you don't feel so alone with all us here on the site caring for you hazelxxx

gumek
April 29th, 2012, 16:04
Hello Hazel love, ya had a good day, have yu been busy decorating and sorting out those pups? Yu still not sleepng till late? Phoned Roo today, he had been out walking, prob for miles and was going to cook a huge y-pudd.
Still finding it hard, early days yet ain't it? I just wanted to say thanks for all your prayers love, no news on mimi yet, that is hopefully good news. If I hear, I will let you know. Have a good nights sleep if ya can and chat again soon, I haven't heard from Clare, hope she's alright. God bless.

big hugs

chrissie. xx

hazelharris
April 29th, 2012, 17:51
hi roo and thanks for your message chrissie bit down in the dumps today you know what it's like alright for a while really hit me today for some reason read my first thread don't know why and thought i'm a lot better than then and then i thought i suppress my feelings by trying to feel numb to the situation and as soon as i think of darren and what i have lost i think of something else to stop the pain had a good cry over the gravy and then felt a lot better hope your both ok speak tomorrow love hazelxxx

roo
April 29th, 2012, 23:50
I think we all had a bit of a low yesterday. On top of everything else the weather has always had the ability to effect moods. Yet again I have woken to slashing rain and high winds, its not good.
Hazel, the type of pooch is not that important to me and a mix of everything is fine as long as its happy. I appreciate what you are saying about food costs and strength. Most beaches close to dogs on 1st May but there are little coves and deserted areas everywhere where its not effected.
I walked and walked again yesterday and the waterproof trousers have already paid for themselves, but I couldn't walk out the gloom.
So I am sorry for being a miserable git. But today is another day and I will try hard. It gives me a great comfort to know I have you on my side and I will support you in any way I can. When I dare, I shall endeavor to help others more.
Take care Hazel, Roo xx

Thanks chrissie, again. No doubt you could sense my gloom from a long way away. At least I am sleeping a lot better than I did and I now eat a lot more.
You mentioned earlier a friend who is disabled but so so positive. I have to remind myself of people like this to put my own pain in order. I am lucky in so many ways and I'll concentrate on that.
I have been fortunate in speaking to a few people whilst I sit in the pub and most people are decent folk and it helps to get rid of the isolation.
What will you do today? I'll get out and about and I'm going to see if I can volunteer for something. I don't care what much. Just something to help and eat up the hours.
Take care please and I hope to speak later. Roo. xx

gumek
April 30th, 2012, 03:50
Morning Roo, did you eat all ya y/pudd? At the moment the sun is shining here, me back yard is full of birds singing their hearts out, I reckon their singing praises to God and enjoying all the nourishing food thats come from all the rain. What r ya up to today? I liked the idea about volunteering and glad that you are making new friends in ya local, this takes time to do but I bet there are souls there looking to find companionship too, someone to talk and laugh with, ya know?

Today I'll be taking my friend to the gym then go for coffee, NO pastries though, tut tut. I'm hoping that the computer will be delivered today, my hairdressers hubby is going to help me get it all set up, please pray that I don't blow it and meself up trying to use it, nightmare!!!

I asked in prayer for the right puppy wuppy to come your way, there is one just waiting for ya, try and have a better day than yesterday, hope this warm sunshine is there too, hope it lasts but if not get ya gear on and go for it, hey? Those stupid tears will come and when they do we must let them, they will get us through this dark valley to the other side, I said hello to all our loves this morning when I took all of us to heaven in prayer, though it feels like He ain't there at times, but He is love, He is and He does care for us all, honestly He does ya know?

Got to go now, will speak later, try and take a step at a time love.


Bug higs

Chrissie, xxx


Big Hugs

chrissie. xx

roo
April 30th, 2012, 14:12
Hi Hazel, tried your quick baked pots today and thanks very much for that. Ten minutes and I was eating a hot tasty food. The first pots I've had for some time. Never underestimate that little tip!
I've checked out my local rescue centre for pooches today on the internet. Its still too soon but I'm just searching around.
I hope your day went well and that your finding some peace.
I think we all have to suppress something everyday. Then slowly we can deal with it all. Your not alone and lean on me if it helps because you have given me a lot of strength.
Take care Hazel and I hope you have a peaceful night. Roo xx

chrissie, my Yorkshire pud was the worst I have ever cooked. It was flat but the size of a small car. I ate nearly all of it anyway and then slept.
I didn't know you were getting a computer today, I hope it all goes well. I'm no boffin on it but know its a fantastic link to the outside world.
I got the sun around 11ish and managed to cut the lawn and its so refreshing to get some heat. Then walked and had a pint.
I hope your day went well and you are okay.
Take it easy and don't worry alone. Look after yourself please.
Roo xx

hazelharris
April 30th, 2012, 17:22
hi roo thanks for your message feel a bit better today the sunshine helps been thinking today of selling the caravan i don't think i will be able to tow it it will cost me too much ringing everyone up to warn them i am on the road i will lose a lot of money i suppose as it's a new caravan and like cars the newer they are they devalue a lot
now your yorkshire pud you either used the wrong flour not enogh egg or your oven wasn't hot enough i make the best in the world so everyone tells me plain flour only 2 med eggs for 4-5 ozs flour add milk beat to a cream consistency if large pud slightly thinner for individual and a pinch of salt make sure your fats sizzling before you put it in the oven update next time you make one
you managed to cut the lawn mine is too long and is so wet i will have to wait for a lot of sunshine before i can cut it pulled up some weeds at work though
we will miss chrissie for a few days i hope she will cope alright without talking to you for a few days in the mean time roo you will have to put up with the rest of us we will be all waiting on thur for her to come on line
hope your day has not been too bad and youv'e been out for a pint i am so glad you have been talking to the locals if i was down there i would run a pub quiz for them been doing them for over 20 yrs until jan sleep tight roo love hazelxxx

roo
April 30th, 2012, 22:20
Hi Hazel, the sun transforms a day for me. Yet again I have woken to pouring rain and wind, not a good start.
You have made me laugh re the caravan towing. Everything devalues and I also coming to terms with selling some things although not on that scale.
You should be able to get a good idea of the selling price from on-line sales and that may clarify your mind on the scale of things. At least the time of year should be good.
I've cooked some mean Yorkshire puds in the past but frankly my senses were out of line when I did that last one and used about 9oz of flour, never mind.
I dithered yesterday on whether to go out or not as it can't gone on, but in the end I went. However I'm more content now to walk and have an occasional pint than simply drinking to dull the nerves.
Its the support on here that keeps me going and I do mentally feel better even with a dreadful sleep.
I hope your day is good today Hazel and that the sun shines on you.
Take care. Roo xx

hazelharris
May 1st, 2012, 04:32
hi roo have a good day if you can a couple of pints at the end of the day hurts noone and you can get company there helps you to sleep as well walking you can get lost in your own thoughts and i think thats good love hazelxxx

roo
May 1st, 2012, 15:04
Hi Hazel, hope it all went well today. I walked my legs off and in some lovely sun. Climbed over many trees that have been blown over and sat and had a couple of pints. Now home and tired.
Take it easy Hazel and give the pooches a hug from me. Take care Roo.xx

hazelharris
May 1st, 2012, 17:37
hi roo i have a vision now of you walking along the beach every day i'm glad you make the most of the day even in the rain there seems as much enjoyment walking along in the rain as in the sunshine glad youve got some waterproofs though have you made contact with a few people in the pub each time you will get to know them better until one day you realise they are your friends
when darren and i were on holiday we used to see so many go home because the weather was bad but we used to go out in it and say it was a nature walk as all the creatures come out in the rain you don't see in the sunshine
2 more days until chrissies back i'm just hoping she is ok i worry about everyone if i don't get an update
i have made up my mind to do the lottery this week used to spend 1a week on a ticket for me and darren on a sat and i haven't done it since he passed away and if i win before i do all the good i want to do with it i will pay for us all here to come together wouldn't that be wonderful there would be more tears no doubt that will be my new dream
i send my love to you tonight and i hope you are able to sleep a bit better i now have 3 days off work i have given half my shop to my son now who has kept it all going over these past 2 & half years my hearts not in it like it used to he has the enthusiasm i lack hazelxxx

roo
May 2nd, 2012, 00:16
Morning Hazel, chrissie is okay and will soon be back with us.
I've seen a lot people beaten by the weather in the last few weeks and return home early, its a shame but in this Country at this time of year I often call it 'Ten coat' weather as you can experience every variety of it in just a few minutes.
I do the lottery, more than habit than thinking of the future but I like your dream as well.
I don't wake up with enthusiasm any day, but once I'm up I try to fill it as best as possible. Its important for me to keep active as just sitting brings back too many memories. Without doubt, endless walking is bringing me a level of exhaustion I need right now.
I've been growing some sunflowers from seed for weeks that Frances wanted and they need to go outside, just hoping the frost keeps away.
What will you be doing for the next few days?
Take care Hazel, hope your days go well, Roo xx

hazelharris
May 2nd, 2012, 03:16
hi roo i'm up early today not 6 15 like you but 8 o clock waiting for them to come and fit stair carpet they didn't turn up yesterday i don't know if they will be able to get it past darrens car as it's flat and can't get it started then i will sort out bills to pay i just throw everything in the drawer think i'll cope with it another day i have to visit 3 people that i sometimes call in on to see if there ok occasionaly 1 my mums best friend who is 92 her son looks after her lovely lady from tyneside origianlly very straight talking which i like and would still clip me round the ear if i needed it it's sad her other children never visit when i was a child it was a lovely happy family i would always be at the end of her queue of children for a plate of chips 2nd irish lady mary who has a lovely sense of humour i used to work with her at the college3rd my best friend pat who i lost 3 yrs ago her daughter i always make sure she is alright but she is ok now and has just got engaged she has just come back from devon a few weeks ago so i shall pop in i have loads of people i know a few i can go and visit but my closest friends after darren, pat and ian i lost within 6 wks of one another
unfortunately minnie has come into season early nothing is safe in the house it's made barney jump on anything that moves so my daughter has rescued minnie and we have swapped dogs for a while i now have her harley a pom who barks a lot so poor barney is for the chop i can't risk pups as they are brother and sister nothing else planned theres always a lot to do but i put it all to the back of my mind to do another day then forget your doing well roo i know it's very hard for you and it will be a long time before you can adjust to this different life but francis will be proud of you the way you are handling it all when you feel able and if you want to you will have to tell us about francis she was a very special lady to have had such love and devotion from you i hope you feel her love with you on your walks thinking of you today love hazelxx

roo
May 2nd, 2012, 13:52
Hello Hazel, I thought it was going well today, I cleaned, gardened worked my socks off and then got a letter that just burst everything.
So I walked and walked again, the weather could not have been better but its not clearing my cloud.
I sat in the sun overlooking a harbour and a spaniel came and sat next to me.
The owner, lost her husband 5 years ago and got this pooch only 1 year ago, and I learnt a lot from her.
So another day and and I think the answer for me is rapidly heading down the pooch route.
I hope you are well and your trips went okay. Your putting bills in a drawer for later are pure Frances. She was a nightmare for trying to hide things.
I'm hoping you are having similar weather to me and that things are getting easier for you.
Take care please and be good to yourself. Roo. xx

hazelharris
May 2nd, 2012, 14:56
hi roo didn't get a lot done today went to marys she was out carpets done fetched minnie back jo's dog never stopped barking so randy barney's back home rang the vets no answer internet went down for a few hours and payed one bill rates couldn't find the electric and a gas bill came in the door so it's in the hope it will go away drawer and ive just burnt the saucepan thought the gas was off
dogs know who to run to don't they you got comfort from him and his owner that was good
sorry your letter was bad news for you if you need to talk send me a private message i'm always here to listen a shoulder to cry on i'm sorry i don't have all the answers but i do care how you feel thinking of you love hazelxx

hazelharris
May 2nd, 2012, 17:52
hi roo bit worried about you tonight hope your ok thinking about you love hazelxx

roo
May 3rd, 2012, 00:10
Morning Hazel, the dawn of another day. Looks like the grotty weather is coming back. Thankfully I managed to sleep and got through another night.
I think the area you live can have a large bearing on recovery. Although idyllic its soulless, it was to have been a jump off point for us, a place to gather our senses and explore the surroundings before we would move elsewhere.
Sadly it is not to be.
I will move on but not for long time.
Let's hope today is more constructive for both of us. Sort that drawer out Hazel:D
Good luck with Barney and take care please. Roo xx

hazelharris
May 3rd, 2012, 04:06
hi roo sent you a private message today hope you feel all our love and chrissie will be back today if she finds out how to work her new computer xx

hazelharris
May 3rd, 2012, 18:08
hi roo no news from chrissie yet i wonder if she is still trying to work out the new computer or perhaps it didn't turn up the day they said it would usually happens how has your day been i was busy at work i have to work tomorrow as well so much for 3 days off sat i shall go in for a couple of hours only makes a change to have most of sat off i have some balloon decorations to do
bought a flying cherub chandelier todayfor my cherub bedroom but i may put it up in the hall
glad your sleeping a bit better i have as well i go up a bit earlier turn on the telly for company fall asleep and wake up in the middle of the night wondering whats happening when i hear the voices
made up my mind today to write to cancer research to see if i can do anything to raise money for the rare cancer darren had apparently when i spoke to them last year begging them for any trial drugs they said no one seems to give to unknown primary cancer which darren had everyone does for breast cancer which isn't a bad thing as their progress sometimes helps the others they also said there has been no progress in 15 years for pancreatic cancer which my friend ian died of so about time i did my bit
thinking of you tonight love hazelxxx

roo
May 4th, 2012, 00:15
Morning Hazel, I can be sympathetic for chrissie trying to battle a new computer, its never easy. But she will prevail.
Every day is a sorting day for me. Today I plan to get rid of two old bikes that have remain unused for years.
Yesterday I replanted a tree I had earlier planted for Frances. Something about the position of it just plagued me. Now its moved, its right and I'm happy.
You sound busy as usual, its good to keep on your toes and getting things done.
I supported cancer research for many years, but stopped supporting them about a year ago as I felt they had lost their way. I will say no more.
Take it easy please Hazel and take care. Roo xx

hazelharris
May 4th, 2012, 12:46
hi roo how's the day been i've been busy at work today makes a change darren and i supported our local hospice and mackmillans for 8 yrs say no more and after receiving my heartbreaking begging letter had no reply from cancer reserch either but i feel the need to do something so i will look for a wirthwhile cause connected to cancer that i may be able to help in a small way
i like plymouth even though i was robbed there been there a few times took the ferry over to cornwall liked torquey until they closed down my favourite fudge and flapjack shop ever walked over to burr island that is close by or i think it is my calculations are not very good as i never did the driving i was the very bad navigator got us to wales once when we were heading for ilfracombe
no news from chrissie yet i don't know wether to ring her she left me her phone number once when i was down will think about it for a couple of days
hope your keeping well and eating better thinking of you this evening love hazelxx

roo
May 4th, 2012, 14:28
Hello Hazel, chrissie is okay and will be back when she plows through the mysteries of a new computer.
Your navigation sounds similar to Frances's, she would often point to a junction after we had passed it and said we need to go there.
I have got rid of some things and made a little progress. Again walked for hours and its definitely doing me good, at least it tires me sufficiently to sleep well.
Looks like you have traveled around this area and I hope you do again.
My eating is so different from just a few weeks ago but, its getting there.
I hope everything is well with yourself and work rest and play is okay.
Take care please and I hope you sleep well. Roo

sdk
May 4th, 2012, 18:16
hi hazel and roo,
haven't been on the forum for a few days because i ended up working 4 days this week. i was supposed only work 2 days a week but there has been so much going on in school that i havebeen working alot more. in some resp ects it has been good for me because the school i am working in is where Jim worked for and we talk about him all the time. I am exhausted and it has help me sleep a little better. Roo, walking sounds like it has really helped. I love to walk but after breaking my foot it hasn't allowed me to walk to far without pain. This week I finally put on real shoes instead of the sneakers but by the end of the day my foot really hurt and was swollen. It has only been 4 months since I broke it and the physical therapist told me it could be months for it to stop hurting. I have started to walk on a treadmill for 10 minutes and i walking through the pain. hopefully by june i will get back my to my exercise program. that should help.
i can't believe that it is going to be 4 months on sunday that Jim is gone. I still sometimes think he is just away and will be coming home. the tears still come constantly and i am trying really hard to think positive thoughts but it is still so raw.
well I am going to eat dinner now. have a good weekend.

Hugs,
sheryl

hazelharris
May 5th, 2012, 02:24
morning roo and sheryl
sun shining for a change i'm off to do my balloonsdid you get rid of the bike roo i've got 2 in my garage one of those can go on the next tip run i went to bed early first time for months suprisingly i slept the last thing i want to do is lie in bed and not sleep thats when it all goes round your head even more than in daytime it's the reason i haven't been going to bed until 3-4 when i'm exhausted been going everywhere with a hat on so i don't have to bother with my hair being a mess so i made the effort yesterday good job as well can't go out in the sunshine with my hat on
lovely to hear from you sheryl was going to send a private message because we hadn't heard from you your foot will take some time to heal properly i broke my hand in devon years ago it looked like muhammed ali's fist and for a few years when it got really cold my hand would always give me a bit of gip but it eventually wore off exercise and rest put your foot up to help the circulation when you are relaxing at home for a little while
thinking of you both jim and francis will be proud how you are both trying to cope in your sadness love hazelxxx

roo
May 5th, 2012, 02:37
Morning Hazel and sheryl,
Rain here I'm afraid, that's the last 3 years a festival is going to be ruined by the weather. Both bikes are gone Hazel, we did hundreds of miles on them and had some fun. I didn't throw the memories though!
sheryl, a broken foot would be unbearable now, my only form of self medication is walking for hours so you have my sympathy. You are not alone thinking that your other half will just walk in. I do the same and it doesn't take much to set me off weeping either. I try to not get bogged down with certain thoughts.
Take care you two, another day and we will get stronger. Roo xx

hazelharris
May 5th, 2012, 10:47
hi roo very down got home from work letter from darren from police about a crime commited against him can't get any information as police officer dealing with it is busy so i thought someone was using his name there was a tracking no so went on line seems the vultures have reported me to the police for cashing a cheque darren left me i didn't put it in the bank until my solicitors said i could how much more can they do to me waiting for the police to ring me back
just when i was getting a bit better hazel

roo
May 5th, 2012, 12:29
Sorry Hazel, what can I say? Each day seems a battle doesn't it?
A bad day all round for me as well. I can't see the end of the tunnel. I'm trying to sort out Frances's bits, but each thing is heartbreaking.
We both have to be strong. Tonight is written off for me. May tomorrow be better for us both. Take care please. Roo xx
P.S. you are better than them, you are right and and they are wrong. You will come through this. Roo

Marjatta
May 5th, 2012, 12:54
Hello roo,

I just wanted to join in and let you know that you have a lot of support from me too. I haven't been here in the forum for a while, so I'm sorry I wasn't able to be there for you when your beloved first passed away.

The kind souls in this group are super, aren't they? Some people become miserable and bitter and shut themselves away from the world when faced with terrible loss (I know I did that for a time), but eventually tragedies can bring out the very best in people too. I would have gone crazy without these folks supporting me six months ago when my soul mate went to heaven. When people reach out, even when suffering from their own grief, it warms my heart and gives me faith that life may once again be lived without such a heavy burden of sadness. It does get a little easier to bear as time goes by, and you will laugh again and feel joy again.

I'm glad you found this haven for the soul. Absolutely the kindest, most caring individuals gather here... intially seeking comfort, and without realizing it, offering incredible comfort of their own.

You will never forget, but someday you will be able to remember without such intense pain. And yes, you will smile again...

Marjatta

hazelharris
May 5th, 2012, 18:03
hi roo sorry haven't forgotten you bit of a crisis but i feel a bit better went out up the pub tonight met many old friends sorry your day hasn't been too good either perhaps the sun will shine for us tomorrow have you heard from our friend chrissie speak to you tomorrow you are in my thoughts love hazelxx

roo
May 5th, 2012, 23:22
Marjatta, thank you for the wise words. I have received great help and from people still hurting, I don't know how they do it, but I'm very grateful that they do.

Hazel, I'm pleased you sound a bit better, I went out last night but it was a mistake, there are certain moods that will only go down. But I've slept well and now looking forward to a new day.
Take care, Roo.

hazelharris
May 6th, 2012, 15:22
hi roo how was your day had a message from tom to say chrissie is working out her computer slight fault i think haven't done much bought a new bed for ashley my daughter has been round all very angry about what has happened as you can imagine played with the pups they are back to normal now and they have had a good day and now the day has nearly gone and i haven't done any work no cooking even bought a cooked chicken made a sandwich for dinner lazy day how are you love hazelxx

roo
May 7th, 2012, 01:46
Morning Hazel, the day went well-ish. Although I'm finding each day is about 40 hours long. I'm throwing dozens of magazines and trying to restore some order. Still getting out each day to walk and numb the senses.
The weather is the pits again, I think I'll have webbed feet soon.
Take is easy and take care. Roo.

sdk
May 7th, 2012, 04:04
good morning roo and hazel,

its 5:00 am and having my morning coffee before getting ready for work. Only working today and tommorrow, working 3 or 4 days a week proved to be to much right now. Going to see the baby after work and having dinner with my daughter, Speak to you tonight. Have a good day today.

hugs,
sheryl

hazelharris
May 7th, 2012, 04:34
morning roo glad your day was not too bad i lay in bed for ages not wanting to get up this morning it makes you feel worse as you lie there with all the worries going round your head made a desiition to sell the car theres no tax or mot as it's stood there for so long i think i have been living in cookoo land thinking i can tow the caravan i think if i hadn't had all this stress i may have felt more stronger about it and tried when i was at the pub the other night i was telling one of my quiz teams of all this battle i am going through and they said where's the hazel gone that used to give us all that stick when we did the quiz your not the sort of person person to give in but i feel i'm not the same any more
if in the end i win i could possibly get a static but darren and i never found one place we wanted to go back to every year and i think they charge a lot for ground rent i may look into this today
glad you have been able to do a bit of sorting out i think the main recovery advice i could give anyone after trying to come to terms with the death of a loved one is to keep as busy as possible but when we have spent a lot of time as a carer our social life isn't much and has been on hold i'm thinking of joining a history club there's a couple in town i may go down and see about them and if it's interesting enough to join in a few weeks
the sun has started to shine here so i may cut the very long lawn and do something about the million dandilions that have just sprung up out the front
got to keep busy
hope your day is not too bad roo if i lived near be assured i would come for your walk along the beach but i am thinking of you love hazelxx

roo
May 7th, 2012, 14:56
Hello Hazel and sheryl, I hope you are both well.
sheryl, I'm a early bird and have always got up early whether working or not to enjoy the peace.
I had a very constructive morning but pretty destructive afternoon.
To get over my blockage on cooking in the evening I cooked this morning and ended up having a roast dinner for breakfast...this can't go on.
I hope the old Hazel is peeping out we need the humour.
This afternoon was rubbish and I'm now reading Birdsong.
Sorry that's a bit disjointed but so's my brain.
Take care you lot and sweet dreams. Roo.

gumek
May 7th, 2012, 14:56
Morning Hazel, the day went well-ish. Although I'm finding each day is about 40 hours long. I'm throwing dozens of magazines and trying to restore some order. Still getting out each day to walk and numb the senses.
The weather is the pits again, I think I'll have webbed feet soon.
Take is easy and take care. Roo.

Hello roo saw you online, yu ok love? chrissie

hazelharris
May 7th, 2012, 15:06
hi roo sweet dreams are you going to bed youve picked the right book at last hope you like it mens reading books can be different to what women read at least i didn't say read a barbra cartland book pups have calmed down now barney's not amourously chasing everything and the curly blonde afro wigs at work are safe again good job i don't wear a wig
been doing a bit of housework today 2 of my children came for a sunday lunch i used to cook lunch at the local pub and they miss them the landlord was going mad when they told him they were coming back for lunch i had ashley take a photo of the leftovers going in the bin to take back to him
hope the day for you has been ok and i will talk to you tomorrow love hazelxxx

roo
May 7th, 2012, 23:53
Welcome back chrissie. Morning everyone, another dull foreboding day.
There is little that hacks me off more than the parasites that sell 'medical equipment' in this Country. Everything is trebled in price because they know the wheelchair, the bed handle etc is essential. They don't care if you are poor or in pain they just want your money.
I've noticed recently that people are now instead of trying to resell to the money grabbers just giving equipment to the hospice charity shop so other unfortunates can afford them. That's my mission today although the wheelchair can't go yet, it still means too much.
Chin up and I hope everyone has a cracking day. Roo

gumek
May 8th, 2012, 02:50
Shalom to Roo, Tom, Hazel, Clare, Sheryl, Paul, Dawn and all, lets all hope that today will be a better day that yesterday. Thinking of us all. x

big hugs to all, chrissie.xxx

hazelharris
May 8th, 2012, 05:19
morning everyone thats the spirit roo i quite agree and i have had a lovely message which i must reply to from js daughter thats given me a mission and i'm off to the solicitors in fighting spirit hope i return with the same the sun is shining here roo but you get up early love hazelxxx to everyone

hazelharris
May 8th, 2012, 12:13
update to all my friends went to the solicitors vultures have at last got their own solicitor have sent us a letter saying darren never loved me always wanted to leave me all the money darren took out of his account in the past year via machine i did and stole it(think thats what they have informed the police over) so they will come unstuck with that as they will be able to get recorded pictures from the machines they want my record collection the car the caravan money back from the cheque darren gave me his watch that i gave my son everything they also said my business was half darrens we hadn't slept in the same room for years had no relationship (must cheque for cameras in my bedroom they seem to think they know so much what went on in there)
we now have to reply to all this she is worried that i will have to pay out so much for little gain as no one can tell how it will work out in court she also thinks we will get no response from them to settle out of court i really need for it to all go to court as my main reason is to stop them getting anything apparently the courts will look to give the brother money as he is so much in debt and his needs are great sorry to roo i meant to put this on my thread and posted it on yours by mistake
been to the doctors she has put me on tablets but i don't know if i will take them she was so nice and was darrens doctor and she was the one who broke the news to him of his terminal illness so it was good to chat to her very emotional she said my solicitor can ask for information of darrens depression last year
not dealt with the police yet too much in one day but i will ring them tonight
thanks for all your support love hazelxxx

roo
May 8th, 2012, 13:47
A hell of a day Hazel. I hope you can get some strength from us all.
I would go to Court and have my day but you must be aware that these things can go in any direction and your priority must be to protect yourself and not waste money on legal fees if things are doubtful. Solicitors fees can be enormous. But if it meant they would get nothing and you wouldn't be fleeced then my emotions would take over, I hate parasites.
I'm hoping you are okay, watch the tablets, everything has a down side or reaction.
My day pales into insignificance to yours. Take it easy and take care. Roo.

hazelharris
May 8th, 2012, 14:17
hi roo thanks for your message sent you a private one earlier the whole day has suddenly gone and you have had a busy day not cut my lawn yet but i am still off work so if the sun shines tomorrow i will get cracking i might watch the telly for a change i put my book down days ago so if nothings on may go to bed and read i'm determined to find some sort of life beyond the grief dave's message was so right we have to find a way to fill our lives with something that will make our lives happy again and purposeful i can only gather all this strength from all my friends here it helps me try to go forward i have at times felt ashamed at being depressed with all my woes as they are so insignificant when you think of all those people still going through illnesses and cancer there's is the worst battle of all as we know from our experiences i really feel for them
have a good read roo and i will speak to you tomorrow hazelxxx

gumek
May 8th, 2012, 16:03
Hello Hazel, hope your ok love and things are getting sorted,trying to work out this new computer, nothing wrong with it, it's me, catch up with you soon, have a good sleep love.

nite nite

big hugs

chrissie. xxx:)

roo
May 8th, 2012, 23:12
Morning sleepyheads.
Hows the computer chrissie, they are always a nightmare first thing.
I got my new walking boots yesterday but they are too small, back to the drawing board. I need boots as the mud and rough trails have to be seen to be believed.
Take it easy all of you please, I will try to throw some stuff today and get some food.
Take care. Roo.

gumek
May 9th, 2012, 03:47
Hello Roo, you sound cheerful today love, every day a little better, one at a time, early days. What you up to today? I got a call this morning, my friends first granchild was born, a beautiful baby boy, mums doing well, don't know his weight yet. It is so good to hear some good news along with the sad, ya know?

I'm still looking around me in the house and still can't get my act together, there is so much to do, i clean and hoover but when Giuls was ill things got left, ya know things like washing paintwork down. The last couple of years things went bonkers, this time of year i would usualy spring clean everywhere, just can't get to it at the moment, tend to think, oh sod it. Ya know? My guest bedroom is still full of Giuls things, can't touch it yet.
The year before all hell broke out in our lives we had started to do work on the house, new windows, new central heating, cavity wall insallation and were about to do the kitchen and dining room next and so they are still in need to be done, still can't cook out there without him apart from those disgusting ready meals. Sorry love, moaning minnie today, we all need some sunshine don't we?

Enjoy ya walking today, and whatever your planning to cook, enjoy, speak again soon. Chins up.

big hugs

chrissie.xxx

hazelharris
May 9th, 2012, 04:03
morning roo and chrissie no sun again to lift us up chrissie i read you didn't do the housework like washing paintwork down etc like you used to if you could have seen the stste of my house ididn't change the bed for a good 2 months the house was disgusting it's a bit better now never liked housework anyway perhaps subconsciously it gave me an excuse to leave it
roo if your boots you bought are too small cut the toes out and use them on a
day thats not muddy or you can use them as a plant pot in the garden perhaps others here can think of other uses for them
i pray the day goes well for you all love hazelxxx

roo
May 9th, 2012, 12:36
Hello chrissie and Hazel, I tend to wake up high-ish and then slowly go down hill. Today has been no exception. The weather is killing me. I've been to the dump again and got rid of very old magazines which are not a problem but soon the easy stuff will be gone.
I think we all suffer from house cleaning and clearing. Some things I can do and others I can't touch.
My eating gets more bizarre as I try to fool myself that I'm not cooking so I cook very early in the morning whilst semi asleep and then eat.
My walking boots went back today and a replacement should arrive tomorrow. These are essential to me and my meanderings.
I hope you are all well and never forget I'm thinking positive for you.
Take care please. Roo

gumek
May 9th, 2012, 12:45
Hello Roo, saw you on line, how are you love, what you been up to today? Getting the hang of this computer, i think, ha, who knows.About to heat up me ready meal and try and eat it, what you having today? Got so much to do, just don't know where to begin. I know, make a cuppa.
Really though Roo, how ya been today, keep talking won't you?chrissie. xx:p

roo
May 9th, 2012, 22:32
Morning chrissie, dreadful night with howling gales and lashing rain. So I thought I would get up. I think because my walking has been temporary suspended my sleep is suffering, I'm just not exhausted enough.
Whilst you were having your ready meal I was having a egg banjo which is a fried egg sarnie.
I doubt somehow that I will achieve much today but will plod on.
I hope you are all well and take care. Roo

sdk
May 10th, 2012, 08:04
good morning roo,

the weather here in new york is finally improving. Has been raining for 3 days but we need the rain. my lawn is finally turning green and having all the rain saves me money because I don't have to water. But the rain does make for an additional depressing feeling. I had only 2 pieces of bread for breakfast. My trouble is I have been eating alot of ready to make meals and I am gaining weight. I am really going to have to start to cook from scratch. The ready made meals have to much salt and I already have high blood pressure. When Jim was alive we always ate very carefully becuase of his heart and kidney disease. But now I just don't seem to care.
I have been working alot and I am exhausted so much so I went to the doctor yesterday because so times I can't seem to move and I feel like I am in a fog. He took some blood and I will know the results tommorrow.
Today I am staying in becuase I am having my house cleaned. I decided that once a month I would have someone come in and clean. I just don't have the nergy or the want to clean.
When I come to the UK hopefully next year I cannot wait to meet you all. You have all been a life saver for me.
Hope you got out to walk today it seems to help.
Take care of yourself,
Love and hugs,
Sheryl

roo
May 10th, 2012, 08:52
Hi Sheryl, a hideous day in Devon, the rain just has not let up at all. However I have had a tree substantially reduced in height and that is giving the small trees I planted for Frances a lot more light.
I think 'eating problems' seem to effect us all. We are all in different stages of shock and generally just don't care what happens to us. I hate ready meals so much that I tend to snack which isn't good either but hopefully we will all buck up and slowly regain some sense.
I still can't walk as my boots haven't arrived and I need them badly in this weather.
Again, another similarity is 'no energy', but thats all linked to poor eating, bad sleeping and general grottiness. We will win though, slowly but surely!
I hope you are well and gaining in strength. Chin up, chest out and straighten that back, we all will win this battle.
Take care. Roo

hazelharris
May 10th, 2012, 10:33
hi roo not raining here in sunny northampton but a bit wet in the bedroom minnie peed on me in the night at sometime i woke up with a wet bum thought i had got incontinent in the night so today i am now washing the mattress serves me right for letting them on the bed
had a reasonably good day my caravan is in the name hazel harris on the shops computer and not the mrs sabin so it's there in my name saw the man who sold it to me he was so kind and understanding was horrified at what i was going through one thing less to worry about
rediculous i felt nervous driving the 15 miles there i used to drive at least a hundred miles a day when i was area manager for a catering company now i seem to have lost a lot of confidence. On driving back i though how stupid i was to feel that and i regained all my old bravado and was tempted just to carry on and drive the hundred or so miles to the coast so i will do it in a few weeks time wether i get to the right destination is another thing if i aim for the east coast i know i will end up in wales can you imagine what it was like in my old job i was always lost
sorry you haven't got your boots yet the walks will be even better when you get them as you haven't been out walking for days
thinking of you love hazelxxx

roo
May 10th, 2012, 12:09
Hi Hazel, good to hear from you and pleased to see you are driving around and good news on the caravan.
My boots have arrived now and tomorrow no monsoon, earthquake or tornado will stop me. I'm also NOT going out tonight that will be a novelty.
I can understand the pooch being on the bed, that's one bridge I will eventually have to cross, a big decision.
If I was you I would be staring at the sun and wondering what it is. The rain here has now stopped its just grotty.
Take it easy and take care. Roo

hazelharris
May 10th, 2012, 19:06
night roo just incase you get up in the night wondered how your day has been
saw you on line sheryl how were the doctors results ok i hope

roo
May 11th, 2012, 00:36
Morning all, I hope you are well.
Walkies for me today, with a bit of sorting to be done. I'm still finding the sorting a big problem so I'm just doing the easier stuff.
I need to progress a little today if possible as I'm already dreading winter even though this is meant to be spring. The long dark days are bad for me.
Take care everyone. Roo

sdk
May 11th, 2012, 05:20
good morning hazel and roo,

it's 6:15 am here. I was supposd to go physical therapy this morning but woke up feling lousy. have a sore throat and feels like I am getting a cold. I think I will just stay in today, exept for a quick ride to get coffee. I ran out of coffee yesterday and am now drinking tea. The tea feels good for my throat but I can not go a whole day without my coffee. I need to get better by sunday. The whole family is going to my mothers house for mothers day. It will be strained because Jim will not be there and he and my mother were very close. My mother is going to be 90. Going to take some medicine ad try to go back to sleep.
Roo, I understand what you mean by doing things slowly. I have been trying to re-organize Jim's den and all the paperwork to make it easier for me. It takes time and I have o be in the mood to do i. I stil feel I am invading his privacy.
Hugs,
Sheryl

gumek
May 11th, 2012, 09:14
Morning all, I hope you are well.
Walkies for me today, with a bit of sorting to be done. I'm still finding the sorting a big problem so I'm just doing the easier stuff.
I need to progress a little today if possible as I'm already dreading winter even though this is meant to be spring. The long dark days are bad for me.
Take care everyone. Roo

Hello Roo, how ya doing? This flipping weather, i'm sitting here listening to strong winds and the suns out one min then gone the next. This is a common one, not being able to move their things, i was always getting told off for moving things, tidying up, giuls would love it now, i just sit and stare at the things. Sheryl was prob right, we just don't want to intrude in their things. Gotta get my act together though, soon. Are you OK today, thinking of you still, wont give up on ya ok?

bog higs

chrissie. xxx

roo
May 11th, 2012, 14:02
Hi chrissie, At last I had some sun, and I've walked my new boots into mud, the sea and into oblivion.
Sheryl and yourself are spot on. Frances was a prolific writer and I am unable to deal with any of these things now, the intrusion is to much.
So today I sorted NOTHING and I don't care. I have gardened for hours and walked for even longer.
I hope you are all well and that your day went okay. I will not give up on any of you, so take care please. Roo

hazelharris
May 11th, 2012, 18:30
hi roo glad you had a good walk today and the day seems a bit better for you just spent hour trying to decypher the russian thread what a waste of time boiled 4 eggs doing it and forgot about them they were nearly at exploding point when i went in the kitchen good chef i am been trying to find an antique wardrobe on ebay to match the new bed went to work for an hour but i am back all day tomorrow night night roo love hazelxx

roo
May 11th, 2012, 23:05
Morning all, a cracking dawn chorus this morning, looks like a lovely day. Despite my exhaustion I still had a grotty sleep so a long day ahead. I keep getting reminders in the post and in the house that set me back thinking too much.
I plan to go to the rescue centre soon and lay my situation out clearly to see if I'm suitable for a young pooch. I spoke yesterday to a couple that got their Jack Russell from there and apparently theres lots of assessing me, my home and garden etc. I'm happy with that, so will see what happens.
I hope you are all well and that we all have a decent day.
Take care. Roo

gumek
May 12th, 2012, 06:18
Morning all, a cracking dawn chorus this morning, looks like a lovely day. Despite my exhaustion I still had a grotty sleep so a long day ahead. I keep getting reminders in the post and in the house that set me back thinking too much.
I plan to go to the rescue centre soon and lay my situation out clearly to see if I'm suitable for a young pooch. I spoke yesterday to a couple that got their Jack Russell from there and apparently theres lots of assessing me, my home and garden etc. I'm happy with that, so will see what happens.
I hope you are all well and that we all have a decent day.
Take care. Roo

Morning roo, good move with regard to puppy, if only we could stop thinking for just a while, just enough time for the ache to lesson a while, yes I know love. Ive made plans to take a trip up north to see family, bani's going into a cattery, won't like that but he has to have daily medication at the same time daily, has an overactive thyoride, honestly what are we like with our pets?
The sun is shining here in sunny kent, it can get very warm here in summer, if we get one this year. Are you planning on going away this year? it is a difficult thing to do without them though, isn't it? Got through giuls birthday this week, found meself talking to him, asked if he got a birthday cake there, daft. Weekends are hard, hate eating alone, will give up the crap soon i promise you and hazel, and i did some housework yesterday, if my mum were still here she would call me a dillitry slut, charming!!
Well my friend, just checking in to see how your doing, stupid question really, try and enjoy the rest of ya weekend, speak soon. god bless.
Ps i have put a thread on page re mimi, she is out of the woods and is doing well, i put it somewhere on forum, as yet i haven't found it, told ya what i'm like, hopeless. take care. xxx chrissie.

sdk
May 12th, 2012, 09:10
good morning all,

I think Francis, Guils, Darren and Jim all got together and decided we needed sunshine today because it is a beautiful warm day here in New York as well. The sky is blue and it is supposed reach close to 80 today. I am still trying to get rid of this cold and I think I will go sit on by back deck and listen to some music and try to take a nap. I got the results of my blood work and everything is fine. The doctor said the fatique is probably a combination of not sleeping and depression. So, I guess I will just have to live with it.
Have a good day everyone.

Love and hugs,
Sheryl

gumek
May 12th, 2012, 09:53
good morning all,

I think Francis, Guils, Darren and Jim all got together and decided we needed sunshine today because it is a beautiful warm day here in New York as well. The sky is blue and it is supposed reach close to 80 today. I am still trying to get rid of this cold and I think I will go sit on by back deck and listen to some music and try to take a nap. I got the results of my blood work and everything is fine. The doctor said the fatique is probably a combination of not sleeping and depression. So, I guess I will just have to live with it.
Have a good day everyone.

Love and hugs,
Sheryl

shalom sheryl,just read your good news love. i reckon their all there looking down on us and trying to cheer us all up, the suns shining here too.you may be a bit run down, my gp has put me on anti-depressents and large dose vit-c cos i have had 4 virus's since giuls went, said my immune system prob a bit low. the trouble is sheryl, i couldn't care less.i and am going to make an effort to get fit again, eat proper food, sleep and fresh air.when will it all get better? enjoy your little treasure, speak soon.

big hugsxxxx chrissie.

are you ok,what you doing this shabbat? resting i hope
my cat is being a pest, keeps asking for food and trying to walk over the keyboard, now it's got a fir coat.

roo
May 12th, 2012, 12:19
Hi chrissie and Sheryl, hoping Hazel is okay. Good news on mimi at last!
I hope you are all well, I think I have overestimated the weather effect on me as its been glorious but I just can't stop thinking of what we did on sunny days.
I guess I'm still too raw. I worked on the garden today and it looks good but then again I can't help thinking I wish she could see it.
Sorry for being a miserable git, I just need a couple of months of sleep.
I love the idea of them all looking down on us. I sincerely hope that it what happens.
Take care you lot please. Roo

hazelharris
May 12th, 2012, 16:00
hi roo can't help thinking wish they could be here to feel the sun we are usually on holiday this week we usually go for about 3 wks can't stop thinking about where we would have gone wether it's rain or sun we still seem to be down don't we had a good day at work got my mind off things for a bit did some balloon decorations for the saints thats our rugby team i'm helping to do a charity evening next week for a young footballer who died used to play for the cobblers i think he died at a match playing for macclesfield so i am going up to sixfields with the gas canister and selling balloons for them
ashleys bed arrived looks like it belongs in a stately home not in my house it's beautiful turned my spare bedroom upstais into a cherub room now so it's finished if anyone wants to come and stay pity it's not near the sea no one wants to come to northampton got another large tip run to do
hope your day has not been too bad roo thinking of you love hazelxxxx

sdk
May 12th, 2012, 20:37
hi chrissie, roo and hazel,

still have the cold but it is getting better. rested today. sat outside in the sun and fell asleep for about an hour. Got a little bit of a sunburn. was thinking about all the times I would sit outside and Jim would stay inside. He didn't really like the outdoors. I love to eat outdoors and the only time we did that was in Quebec, bermuda and in Israel. There is a little french place in a town near here that we ate outside last summer and he said he would go back there again. It took alot of talking to get him to eat there.
Hazel we had planned on going away this week as well. we hadn't yet decided where but we had talked about going away the week of May 14th. I keep thinking about all the plans we had and the trips we had talked about and now what? It sucks!!!!.
Well going to get reading for bed now. Will take some cold medicine and try to sleep.
Hugs and love,
sheryl

roo
May 13th, 2012, 01:45
Morning all, I'm trying a new approach day after yesterdays failure, I've realised that I have been watching morbid or dark films and reading similar in an attempt to eat up the hours and they have not been very good for me.
So today, in an effort to smile I will try only happy things and then walk my socks off.
We had no plans to holiday as Frances was keen to move. I have no interest in holiday at all at the moment.
I know what you mean about plans and trips sheryl, that hurts me too. Every dream shattered.
Hazel as usual you sound busy, a good idea to keep the grey matter occupied, I think that's why I walk so much so I can keep looking at different things and keep my tiny brain under control.
Best of luck with your trip chrissie I hope it all goes well. I hate eating alone as well, my one mission everyday was to cook a meal each evening and we both looked forward to it.
Onwards and upwards, hoping you all have a good day. Roo

gumek
May 13th, 2012, 02:42
Hi chrissie and Sheryl, hoping Hazel is okay. Good news on mimi at last!
I hope you are all well, I think I have overestimated the weather effect on me as its been glorious but I just can't stop thinking of what we did on sunny days.
I guess I'm still too raw. I worked on the garden today and it looks good but then again I can't help thinking I wish she could see it.
Sorry for being a miserable git, I just need a couple of months of sleep.
I love the idea of them all looking down on us. I sincerely hope that it what happens.
Take care you lot please. Roo

Morning Roo,sheryl and hazel clare and all
Roo, it will hurt like hell, still very early for ya, your not a miserable git if you are then that makes us miserable gitteses, don't it? speak spoon.

sheryl, enjoy ya sunshine love, the idea of going to Israel is growing on me.

Hazel love, will be out and about so speak later, yu ok?

clare, hope your ok too. speak soon.

shalom crystal, thinking of ya.

Toms on his way to sunnier climbs, offered to carry their cases, oh well.

god bless to all, lets try and enjoy this new day, our loves are cheering us on.

bug higs

chrissie. xxx

roo
May 13th, 2012, 13:49
Evening all, I've had a bit of luck today, after a long slog I reached a town and purely by chance met someone who deals in organised walks, the same one's I was thinking of joining. So tomorrow, if I can rest tonight I will walk tomorrow with others. Not a great leap for some but important to me as I have only the sparrows to speak to.
I'm hoping you are all well and that the sun shone on you. Take care. Roo.

Marjatta
May 13th, 2012, 14:22
Evening all, I've had a bit of luck today, after a long slog I reached a town and purely by chance met someone who deals in organised walks, the same one's I was thinking of joining. So tomorrow, if I can rest tonight I will walk tomorrow with others. Not a great leap for some but important to me as I have only the sparrows to speak to.
I'm hoping you are all well and that the sun shone on you. Take care. Roo.

That's awesome, Roo! Perhaps it was fate that you bumped into that person. I am so happy you are getting a chance to get out with other folks. And walking is such a great way to relax your mind and body. One step at a time, life will go on.

Take care,
Marjatta

hazelharris
May 13th, 2012, 18:17
hows our roo tonight did you have a reasonably good day i was thinking of you with your new boots on buying those boots caused us to have the sunshine have you got any plans for the week let us all know how you are love hazelxx

roo
May 14th, 2012, 01:31
Morning all, I've postponed my first walk with group until later as I seem to have cream crackered myself yesterday. I had a wonderful walk in woods, coves and lanes and really enjoyed it. So today I must take tons of garden waste to the dump and clear a few things up.
I hope you are all well and hoping that this blip in the weather disappears soon.
Thinking of you all, take care. Roo

gumek
May 14th, 2012, 02:19
Morning all, I've postponed my first walk with group until later as I seem to have cream crackered myself yesterday. I had a wonderful walk in woods, coves and lanes and really enjoyed it. So today I must take tons of garden waste to the dump and clear a few things up.
I hope you are all well and hoping that this blip in the weather disappears soon.
Thinking of you all, take care. Roo

morning roo, hows things love? good that your keeping busy, you must be very fit to do so much walking but you live in a beautiful place.

another weekend gotten through, hey?

you also take care.

chrissie. xxx

roo
May 14th, 2012, 13:14
Evening all, I hope you all had a decent day.
Without you all my day would be unbearable, so thank you for that.
I ached a lot today so gave my walking a rest but tomorrow I will be off again.
I plan to join the walking group on Thursday.
Trying to be busy as I sure you all are.
Take care please. Roo

sdk
May 14th, 2012, 14:21
Hi everyone,

I hav.e found this book called "Talking To God" and the following prayer has helped me alot. I say it everyday and cry while I say it but I know Jim hears it. Hope it will help and comfort my friends on this forum and others as well.

A PRAYER OF GRIEVING OVER A SPOUSE OR SIGNFICANT OTHER

I miss you every day. I miss your smile and
your company and the way you held my hand.
I miss the smell of your hair on my pillow and the
sound of your voice. I miss our conversations and
even our arguements. I miss taking care of you. Of
holding you in my arms so tight that you almost
seemed like a part of me.

The best part of me is gone. It's like a limb
that's been amputated, and I keep reaching out to
touch it, but all I feel is the cold air rushing
between my fingers. And it hurts so much.

But death cannot extinguish your memory, my
love. I thank God for the life we shared. I will
always treasure our days together. Your abiding love
is my blessing and my comfort.

May God take care of you and watch over you,
with gentlenss and with love, as you took care of me.
May God guard you and protect you until that
day when I at last find myself beside you once
more. AMEN

Love and Hugs
Sheryl

gumek
May 14th, 2012, 15:22
Hi everyone,

I hav.e found this book called "Talking To God" and the following prayer has helped me alot. I say it everyday and cry while I say it but I know Jim hears it. Hope it will help and comfort my friends on this forum and others as well.

A PRAYER OF GRIEVING OVER A SPOUSE OR SIGNFICANT OTHER

I miss you every day. I miss your smile and
your company and the way you held my hand.
I miss the smell of your hair on my pillow and the
sound of your voice. I miss our conversations and
even our arguements. I miss taking care of you. Of
holding you in my arms so tight that you almost
seemed like a part of me.




















































































































































































The best part of me is gone. It's like a limb
that's been amputated, and I keep reaching out to
touch it, but all I feel is the cold air rushing
between my fingers. And it hurts so much.

But death cannot extinguish your memory, my
love. I thank God for the life we shared. I will
always treasure our days together. Your abiding love
is my blessing and my comfort.

May God take care of you and watch over you,
with gentlenss and with love, as you took care of me.
May God guard you and protect you until that
day when I at last find myself beside you once
more. AMEN

Love and Hugs
Sheryl



shalom sheryl, thank you darling for this beautiful prayer, isn't it appropriate for all of us here? I don't have a printer at the moment, but i'm going to try to get the book. How are you love, still sunny there? Hows that little angel of yours, if you can pm me send us a picture of her and yourself. I try to imagine what we all look like, that might be a bit scarry. shalom- Tom has sent me some Jewish prayers, have been welcoming the sabbath in on fridays, a bit sad without my man though, but i enjoy celebrating it very much. Would you pm your chicken soup recipe to me, i did grow up having chicken soup, my mums was very plain but good, we all could do with some of that to biuld us all up, maybe. Spoke to hazel today she is so funny, it's good to have a laugh, she is keeping busy, we thought that our loves are arranging things up there, getting up to all sorts, just wait till we see them, i am so so looking forward to big hugs, i tell friends to say to their loves and familys that they love them every day, every minute is precious.

Well love thanks again, shalom to you and all family, speak soon.love and hugs. xxx chrissie.

roo
May 15th, 2012, 03:24
Thanks for the prayer Sheryl, lovely words and so accurate.
I'm hoping you are all well. I will try to sort a little again today and then get out to be amongst people. I've not achieved much recently and need to change something radically or the darkness will not leave me.
So, onwards and upwards, take care you lot please. Roo

hazelharris
May 15th, 2012, 03:53
morning to all my dear friends a special day yesterday had a lovely long chat with chrissie thats what made the day special worried today as i kept her talking for so long as i do chrissie at the end of the month don't despair if your bill is enormous i will organise a charity run or something to help pay for it as you have found out i can talk a lot whenever i get an occasional customer in my shop they get the life history before they can escape
hope you are feeling better sheryl after your doctors visit glad to hear everything was ok i think all your driving can make you exhausted with all you are going through it's bound to make you feel weak hope you are ok
no message from you today roo i can't believe you are having a lie in you are always up in the morning before anyone what a wonderful idea to join a walking group that will be ideal for you and loads of people to chat to i think in the next few weeks you will be telling us it's the best thing you have done recently i hope so you will know the area that well you can set up your own business as a guide to the area for all the tourists suns not out today but it will not stop your walks and thats good as it gets you out and about we hear of you keeping busy but how are you feeling are you coping any better and are you still getting up in the middle of the night i suppose like us all your up and down you know all your friends hear are always thinking of you and care for you
no recent news from clare yet but i'm sure we will hear from her soon
love to you all off to work now hazelxxxx suns peeping out

gumek
May 15th, 2012, 04:06
morning to all my dear friends a special day yesterday had a lovely long chat with chrissie thats what made the day special worried today as i kept her talking for so long as i do chrissie at the end of the month don't despair if your bill is enormous i will organise a charity run or something to help pay for it as you have found out i can talk a lot whenever i get an occasional customer in my shop they get the life history before they can escape
hope you are feeling better sheryl after your doctors visit glad to hear everything was ok i think all your driving can make you exhausted with all you are going through it's bound to make you feel weak hope you are ok
no message from you today roo i can't believe you are having a lie in you are always up in the morning before anyone what a wonderful idea to join a walking group that will be ideal for you and loads of people to chat to i think in the next few weeks you will be telling us it's the best thing you have done recently i hope so you will know the area that well you can set up your own business as a guide to the area for all the tourists suns not out today but it will not stop your walks and thats good as it gets you out and about we hear of you keeping busy but how are you feeling are you coping any better and are you still getting up in the middle of the night i suppose like us all your up and down you know all your friends hear are always thinking of you and care for you
no recent news from clare yet but i'm sure we will hear from her soon
love to you all off to work now hazelxxxx suns peeping out


Hello hazel love, you didn't talk too much, we both like to laugh don't we, through our tears. Have a great day, this flipping rain, waht is going on?

Hello Roo, sheryl, clare, crystal, paul,dawn, sorry me brain isn't in gear yet, all of our dear friends, have a blessed day.

bug higs.

chrissie. xxx

roo
May 15th, 2012, 12:04
Evening all. I hope you all are well. My day wasn't good, mainly because I had such a grotty sleep. I'm finding the isolation a pig, so I'm looking forward to my first organised walk. I'm cooking now for a change and hopefully a full belly will numb things and allow me to sleep.
I hope you all had a decent day and and have sweet dreams as well. Take care. Roo.

gumek
May 15th, 2012, 15:10
:) Evening all. I hope you all are well. My day wasn't good, mainly because I had such a grotty sleep. I'm finding the isolation a pig, so I'm looking forward to my first organised walk. I'm cooking now for a change and hopefully a full belly will numb things and allow me to sleep.
I hope you all had a decent day and and have sweet dreams as well. Take care. Roo.


hello roo, things will get a bit better for you when your out an about with new friends on your walks. Hazel and i would be round for cuppa's if you didn't live so far away. You take care too. xx chrissie.

roo
May 15th, 2012, 23:39
Morning all, a bright but freezing morning. The frost will have set back many gardens around here. Walkies today on the coast then a bit of sorting and letters to write.
I'm hoping you are all well and feeling strong. Take care. Roo

hazelharris
May 15th, 2012, 23:44
morning roo first time i have been up before you been up since just gone 4 sent chrissie a message and said off to see if roo is up long time since i was outside in the garden early and heard the birds all singing i wish my body clock was different that i could go to bed early and always be up this early in the morning what are you up to today is today your first organised walk i really hope you enjoy it if there a nice bunch of people it will make a big difference to your life have you finished the book yet the one i was reading i went into i can't concentrate mode and put it down a week ago and it's really good it's not like me to put a book down like that i can cook the sunday dinner with a book in one hand because i can't put it down but it's no good if you can't concentrate
my rubbish is still piled up outside for the tip run ashleys now cut his hand badly and so he won't be able to do it for a few more days so it will have to stay put have a good day roo thinking of you love hazelxxx

hazelharris
May 15th, 2012, 23:45
just beat you in time didn't i just saw you come on line hazel

hazelharris
May 15th, 2012, 23:50
oh no roo saw you got a message in before me while i was taking my time writing your message i was very smug thinking i was sending a message before you the early bird will have to beat you another day hazel
l

roo
May 16th, 2012, 01:28
Sorry Hazel, I tend to get up around 3am and then read the papers and blogs online before I come onto here. I love the mornings in spring/summer because of the early light but in winter I'm often up 5 hours before it gets light and that's not nice.
Better luck tomorrow. :D Take care. Roo

gumek
May 16th, 2012, 02:15
Sorry Hazel, I tend to get up around 3am and then read the papers and blogs online before I come onto here. I love the mornings in spring/summer because of the early light but in winter I'm often up 5 hours before it gets light and that's not nice.
Better luck tomorrow. :D Take care. Roo

Morning all, i didn't get up till 7 today, slept right through, yes i'm the sleepy head, read somewhere that we can't catch up on lost sleep or was that lost sheep!! Hey you lot, lets see if we can break a record and have a be:D tter day than yesterday.

This sodding weather though, ahhh!!

Roo, hazel, clare(are you ok)? sheryl, crystal, dawn and all, thinking of all today. xxx big hugs chrissie.:p

hazelharris
May 16th, 2012, 03:15
fell asleep at the computer woke up the sun is shining won't tempt fate and say it looks like it's going to be a good day but might try hope you all are enjoying the good weather wherever you are

sdk
May 16th, 2012, 18:33
hi Roo, Chrissie and Hazel,

Well the weather in New york has finally gotten nice. It is supposed to be sunny and warm for the next few days. Went to work today. Was kept busy so of course I am tired and my foot is swollen. Going to get into bed soon with an ice pack. Going to work again tommorrow.
This past few days have been not so good. Sunday night while I was watching television at 9:30 pm, I started to relive the night Jim had his stroke. I was going over ever minute of that night and the two months that followed. I keep going over and over and over in my mind what happened. I can not seem to get the images out of my head. It feels like I am starting all over. I keep saying to myself that it has been 6 months since our lives changed for ever. Even though he has been gone for 15 weeks, it really has been 6 months that my world was turned upside down.

Well hopefully the sunny days will help.

Have a good day.

Hugs,
Sheryl

hazelharris
May 16th, 2012, 19:42
hi sheryl sorry your foot is still giving you gip you need to rest it more but we don't like to sit for too long do we as that's when the grief kicks in reliving those moments is not good to think on for too long as must feel like jim is still going through it and still this minuit having the stroke and in pain he is not suffering any more i know you can't help it as it was such hell but remember that second minuit and day is gone and jim is happy in heaven so try to think what he will be doing now he is in no pain no stroke no suffering but in pure joy and happiness and with all our loved ones talking over what we have all been doing here and having a laugh it's a way of us coping to think this i know my darren with his sense of humour will be making him laugh i really believe they drew us all together on this site as they are all friends together above in heaven
thinking of you all my love hazelxxxx

roo
May 16th, 2012, 23:15
Morning Sheryl, go easy on that foot, its a good idea using a ice pack with elevation and general rest, easier said than done though.
When my brain starts to wander I need to get it on a leash sharpish or my thoughts get too sad. At home I've started to play the entire 'Frasier' series which can even make a miserable git like me laugh and when reading I now for a while read only humour. It does work for me, be easy on yourself and I hope today goes well for you.
Morning chrissie and Hazel, hoping you are both well, this afternoon is my first organised walkies, I'm hoping some of them have dogs with them so I can quiz them. Looks pretty miserable out there but I don't care any more.
I think a sense of humour is so precious to us. I know we had a good laugh at home and Frances had a particular gift of imitating people.
Hoping all is well with you and together we shall plod on another day.
Take care. Roo

gumek
May 17th, 2012, 01:51
Morning Sheryl, go easy on that foot, its a good idea using a ice pack with elevation and general rest, easier said than done though.
When my brain starts to wander I need to get it on a leash sharpish or my thoughts get too sad. At home I've started to play the entire 'Frasier' series which can even make a miserable git like me laugh and when reading I now for a while read only humour. It does work for me, be easy on yourself and I hope today goes well for you.
Morning chrissie and Hazel, hoping you are both well, this afternoon is my first organised walkies, I'm hoping some of them have dogs with them so I can quiz them. Looks pretty miserable out there but I don't care any more.
I think a sense of humour is so precious to us. I know we had a good laugh at home and Frances had a particular gift of imitating people.
Hoping all is well with you and together we shall plod on another day.
Take care. Roo

morning roo, glad your getting there, enjoy your walkies today, hope you meet some good people, Frasier is great, such a snob, have a good laugh.

Morning sheryl love, take care of that foot, hope your ok, speak soon.

Hello Hazel, make sure you have on the same shoes today, give those puppies big hugs, did you get your hair done? speak soon.

Hello clare, hope your ok love.

Hello crystal, speak later.

To all our dear friends on this forum, keep on going, try and have a better day than yesterday. xxx chrissie.

gumek
May 17th, 2012, 01:55
hi Roo, Chrissie and Hazel,

Well the weather in New york has finally gotten nice. It is supposed to be sunny and warm for the next few days. Went to work today. Was kept busy so of course I am tired and my foot is swollen. Going to get into bed soon with an ice pack. Going to work again tommorrow.
This past few days have been not so good. Sunday night while I was watching television at 9:30 pm, I started to relive the night Jim had his stroke. I was going over ever minute of that night and the two months that followed. I keep going over and over and over in my mind what happened. I can not seem to get the images out of my head. It feels like I am starting all over. I keep saying to myself that it has been 6 months since our lives changed for ever. Even though he has been gone for 15 weeks, it really has been 6 months that my world was turned upside down.

Well hopefully the sunny days will help.






Have a good day.

Hugs,
Sheryl

Hello love,me again, just wanted to say still thinking of you, it is hard and early days yet, be good to yourself if you can. xxx chrissie.

hazelharris
May 17th, 2012, 18:21
hi roo is it true you have joined the old ladies brigade a bit of advice when you go out to join them tomorrow don't forget your handbag
a bit of old ladies training will be good for you and good practice for the day things to talk about on your walk.........lavender water,creamteas,fluffy dogs, the latest mobility scooters on the market, hair nets ,how little the pensions are,the latest ginger rodgers and fred astair film,
i'm sure they will all mother you and you never know they may bring you a nice homemade hotpot for your dinner as all women think men can't manage to cook themselves a dinner i hope it's made you smile like it has me i will be thinking of you tomorrow trecking over the beaches hills and vales with your handbag
love hazelxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

roo
May 17th, 2012, 23:13
Morning all, what a nightmare that was then. That has put me off organised walks for life. I've never walked so slow or such a small distance in my life. Then to have to sit and have a coffee and half of them couldn't get up from their chairs so we left them in the cafe to recover.
On the positive side at least chrissie and Hazel have had some entertainment:D
I will re access my situation and probably get 15 dogs instead!
Can't wait to get going today I will head for the woods and coast.
Hoping you are all well, must rush and decide which handbag goes with my waterproof boots;)
Take care. Roo

gumek
May 18th, 2012, 01:50
Morning all, what a nightmare that was then. That has put me off organised walks for life. I've never walked so slow or such a small distance in my life. Then to have to sit and have a coffee and half of them couldn't get up from their chairs so we left them in the cafe to recover.
On the positive side at least chrissie and Hazel have had some entertainment:D
I will re access my situation and probably get 15 dogs instead!
Can't wait to get going today I will head for the woods and coast.
Hoping you are all well, must rush and decide which handbag goes with my waterproof boots;)
Take care. Roo

morning roo, still tickles, i told you that god has a sense of humour, i bet frances had a roar. you have gotta sort out that puppy wuppy soon. anything else funny happens, please share it. have a better day than yesterday.xxx

morning hazel, hope that your ok today, what ever is planned, enjoy love.xxx
shalom sheryl, enjoy welcoming in the sabbath, be blessed. xxx

hello clare, hope your alright. xxx

shalom crystal, speak later.xxx

happy friday to all our friends, and a blessed weekend. xxx chrissie.:)

hazelharris
May 18th, 2012, 07:48
roo i am still laughing saw your message and it got me in hysterics again best laugh i have had for months especially when you said they couldn't get out of their chairs how did you manage to supress laughing in front of them
what will you do today have a sneaky look to see which way they are heading and go the other way what if you bump into them
i am sure francis was with me and chrissie and laughing her head off i would give anything to have seen your face when you met the troop and to get a video of the whole experience thanks for the laugh and yesterday was well worth the it love hazelxxxx

roo
May 18th, 2012, 12:55
Cheers Hazel and chrissie, I've had a chortle today as well.
I ate a bowl of pasta in anticipation of a long haul and ended quivering in the pub with pent up energy.
I've had a day of definite divisions. I've collected the ashes, that has closed one chapter and opened others. I have contacted my local pooch centre and they need to poke and prod me next week to make such I'm worthy. I'm happy with that and will see what happens.
Then I had a long fast and maniac walk. That did me good but I ended up in a quiet, very quiet town for a pint and that wasn't so good.
So now I'm home and going to eat.
I wish you all well, I'm thinking of you and thank you for your support. Lean on me if you need to . Take care. Roo.

gumek
May 19th, 2012, 01:30
Cheers Hazel and chrissie, I've had a chortle today as well.
I ate a bowl of pasta in anticipation of a long haul and ended quivering in the pub with pent up energy.
I've had a day of definite divisions. I've collected the ashes, that has closed one chapter and opened others. I have contacted my local pooch centre and they need to poke and prod me next week to make such I'm worthy. I'm happy with that and will see what happens.
Then I had a long fast and maniac walk. That did me good but I ended up in a quiet, very quiet town for a pint and that wasn't so good.
So now I'm home and going to eat.
I wish you all well, I'm thinking of you and thank you for your support. Lean on me if you need to . Take care. Roo.

Morning Roo, how are you today? Thats a hard one that, another step taken, it hurts, giuls ashes are still sitting in the lounge, don't know what to do yet.
I'm not an early bird, but the birds were singing their little hearts out this morning, beautiful. Try and have a better day then yesterday, time to get that puppy wuppy.

Off out to help a friend move a sofa to her daughters today, then going to visit a disabled friend, we drink gallons of tea and have a good laugh and sometimes a good cry, it all helps. see ya. xxx chrissie.

roo
May 19th, 2012, 14:20
Evening all, I walked the longest today for years and visited old haunts, special places and put down ashes. A long long day but I'm happy with it. More to go but that's for another day.
Hoping you are all well and that today has gone gone well for you.
Now very tired and heading for bed. Take care please. Roo.

hazelharris
May 20th, 2012, 17:53
hi roo how are you today are you still coping you have not sent a message today not that you have to every day but i would like to know if your ok thinking of you love hazelxxx

roo
May 21st, 2012, 00:19
Morning, I've been sorting and that is still a big problem but I need to go forward, a bit at a time. I'm tending to spend hours out of the home just plodding around perhaps I need to get a treadmill and connect it to the National Grid then I could power most of the South coast.
Thinking of you all and hoping you are okay. Take care. Roo.

gumek
May 21st, 2012, 03:50
morning roo, how are you love? dumb question, are you ready for the big part in the play that hazel and crystal are concocting? Its good to have some fun in life, wev'e all had enough sadness to last a lifetime.Enjoy whatever your doing today, saw your post to geoff, good on ya.xxx chrissie.:D

hazelharris
May 21st, 2012, 03:56
morning roo it's so nice to see your sense of humour in grief we lose it for a while and gradually small sparks of it appear keeping busy like you do with all the sorting out and walking is your survival so keep going happiness for you will come but it's the small steps in your walk that is helping you go forward i know the days are hard but you are doing as well as you can in these early days
thinking of you love hazelxxxxx

cal821
May 21st, 2012, 14:38
Hello all just stopping in to say hi.. Hazel, Gumek. Sdk, Tom ,J'sdaughter.... Roo...

Roo it ....Looks like you have got your wonderful support team around you here .. I have been reading the posts previous and knew you were in good hands here with this lot. So that is why I haven't needed to jump in to this thread previously..


Your going to be alright Roo it's all going to work out in time... the adrenlin will slowly wear down and you will be able to get a solid nights sleep consistently.. in due time.. unfortunately that is also part of the process.. The unending drive and energy that keeps you on edge .. drives you to get things done.. and keeps you going long after your energy reserves have run out...

Roo....... Please accept my deepest condolences on your wife Francis's passing.. I wish you peace in the heartache and loneliness you are feeling now...
The pain will soon pass in time... Trust me on that... as you start to move forward it is all going to work out.. you will see..


Cal821

roo
May 21st, 2012, 22:57
Morning sleepy heads, hello Cal821, thanks for your kinds words. Your right, I do have good support and I'm very proud of them, little do they know what depths they have dragged me from, then again they probably do know.
I'm a bit of a wreck this morning, I walked through some ancient woodlands yesterday and managed to bash my knee, then burnt my head sitting in a cove then drank too much talking about DOGS at a local.
Looks like a lovely day and I am hoping you are all well. I may hobble around in the shade later:D
Take care please and have a great day. Roo.

hazelharris
May 22nd, 2012, 02:09
hi roo how did you manage to burn your head sitting in a cove now i have got a picture of you in my head sitting in a cove looking out to sea with a camp fire in front of you you slip getting up because of your bumped knee so you fall on your camp fire burning your head is this how it happened because it couldn't possibly be sun burn
how are you doing that was a nice message from dave if you read some of his threads they are really helpful intelligent and they make you sit and think
i'm off to work today and at last it looks like a bit of sunshine i had forgotten what it feels like might change my wooly jumper have a good day love hazelxxx

gumek
May 22nd, 2012, 02:10
Morning sleepy heads, hello Cal821, thanks for your kinds words. Your right, I do have good support and I'm very proud of them, little do they know what depths they have dragged me from, then again they probably do know.
I'm a bit of a wreck this morning, I walked through some ancient woodlands yesterday and managed to bash my knee, then burnt my head sitting in a cove then drank too much talking about DOGS at a local.
Looks like a lovely day and I am hoping you are all well. I may hobble around in the shade later:D
Take care please and have a great day. Roo.

morning roo,you sound cheerful today, don't overexsert that knee, really hard to get better, get a knee support till it's better. i know i'm daft but how did you burn ya head in a cove?

i'm out and about today, yuk, the dentist later, oh and i actually cooked last night, a cheese omlette, big deal hey? i have to get back into some normality whatever that is. you take care, have a better day than yesterday.

xxxchrissie.

gumek
May 22nd, 2012, 02:15
hi roo how did you manage to burn your head sitting in a cove now i have got a picture of you in my head sitting in a cove looking out to sea with a camp fire in front of you you slip getting up because of your bumped knee so you fall on your camp fire burning your head is this how it happened because it couldn't possibly be sun burn
how are you doing that was a nice message from dave if you read some of his threads they are really helpful intelligent and they make you sit and think
i'm off to work today and at last it looks like a bit of sunshine i had forgotten what it feels like might change my wooly jumper have a good day love hazelxxx

morning hazel love, howd he do that? you ok today, have a better one than yesterday. see yaxxxx chrissie

roo
May 22nd, 2012, 06:04
Sorry for the confusion, it was sunburn, it was my fault I think I caught a reflection off the water.
A cheese omlette is a big deal chrissie. My oven has only been on a couple of times, I never would have thought that would have been one of the burdens of grief, but what did I know? I know a lot more now but wish I didn't.
I've been tidying up the garden this morning, I don't think I should walk but may try cycling later.
Pleased you have got the weather Hazel and yes, 'that was a nice message from dave'. I still get the jitters when reading other people's threads and I'm am trying to help other's slowly but I have to keep some things at arm's length at the moment. Don't know if that makes sense.
Take it easy you two and get some sun on your chops. Roo.

hazelharris
May 22nd, 2012, 18:15
hi roo how have you been today did you read our bit of fun helping crystal we thought chris would write our stories and i said it would be made into a film i got sean connery to play your role hope you don't mind as i think you are years younger than him but he's suave and he did used to be james bond
got the day off tomorrow so i hope the day is hot like it was today when i was stuck in work hope you have put some aftersun on your sunburn did it keep you awake i bet it stung a bit in the heat today are you still limping
have a good day tomorrow love hazelxxxx

roo
May 22nd, 2012, 23:29
Morning all, I haven't read your story yet Hazel, I didn't know where it was, I will try to find it. I've managed to pick up my first cold for years and didn't even leave the home yesterday. I guess I was a bit run down.
As far as I can see it looks like another hot one and so I'm hoping you are all in a position to enjoy it.
Hope the dentist went well chrissie, I can't stand them.
Wishing you all a cracking day, take care please. Roo

gumek
May 23rd, 2012, 01:37
Morning all, I haven't read your story yet Hazel, I didn't know where it was, I will try to find it. I've managed to pick up my first cold for years and didn't even leave the home yesterday. I guess I was a bit run down.
As far as I can see it looks like another hot one and so I'm hoping you are all in a position to enjoy it.
Hope the dentist went well chrissie, I can't stand them.
Wishing you all a cracking day, take care please. Roo

morning roo love, yes we can be prone to all sorts of viruses, get yourself some vit-c tabs and some sunshine for your vit d, these two work well together plus iron for biulding the immune system. my doc told me all this, and when we are eating well, which none of us are at moment, we get these things naturaly. anyway, hope the cold goes quickly, try and have a good day, sorry for being so thick about the burnt face at cove. speak soonxxx chrissie.:D

gumek
May 23rd, 2012, 01:40
hi roo how have you been today did you read our bit of fun helping crystal we thought chris would write our stories and i said it would be made into a film i got sean connery to play your role hope you don't mind as i think you are years younger than him but he's suave and he did used to be james bond
got the day off tomorrow so i hope the day is hot like it was today when i was stuck in work hope you have put some aftersun on your sunburn did it keep you awake i bet it stung a bit in the heat today are you still limping
have a good day tomorrow love hazelxxxx

morning hazel love, hope your ok, try and enjoy ya day, speak again soon.xxxx chrissie.

sdk
May 23rd, 2012, 07:29
good morning Roo, hazel and Chrissie,

How are you all doing. Haven't been here for a few days. Everything is ok. Was at work yesterday and the kids and teachers keep me busy and it does serve as a distraction. The weather here in new york has been crazy. This past weekend was great, warm and blue skies. I sat on my deck and got a good dose of Vit. D. and some color. Since Monday it has been raining and it is suppossed to stay warm humid and raininy the rest of the week. This weekend I am planning to go to a flea market, antique show that Jim and I used to go to every year. I had sworn I would not go anywhere that we had gone to together. I thought about it for a long time and decided that I am going to try. I might end up crying a good part of the time but I feel I need to conquer some of my fears and loneliness. I conquered going to work where he worked so I am going to try this. I am going by myself (no one wants to get up so early on a sat. to go). I also need to get used to doing some things alone because others are not always available. I have found that what has been said is true, that alot of your friends that you had when you were a couple quickly disappear.
Well I am off to have a haircut. Speak to you guys later.

Hugs to everyone,

Sheryl

hazelharris
May 23rd, 2012, 07:44
hi sheryl glad your getting to do things again i went in a shop last week that the last time darren was with me and be prepared i had tears in my eyes but each time it will get easier i keep looking for him turning up in my shop i used to watch him leave and walk over to the car park i can remember thinking one day as i watched him leave i will look out of this door one day and he won't be there any more so i look and remember as i stand at the door and try to visualise him
glad i won't be with you at the flea market i keep buying antiques i am getting addicted to them i even tried to buy a tudor chair set last week on e bay and i was outbid thank goodness as i have apsolutely no where to put it
glad your work is going ok sorry your friends haven't stood by you we call them here fairweather friends you certernly find out who your real friends are when faced with this grief and i call everyone on this site true friends who although i have never met are always here for me love to you hazelxxxx

gumek
May 23rd, 2012, 12:13
good morning Roo, hazel and Chrissie,

How are you all doing. Haven't been here for a few days. Everything is ok. Was at work yesterday and the kids and teachers keep me busy and it does serve as a distraction. The weather here in new york has been crazy. This past weekend was great, warm and blue skies. I sat on my deck and got a good dose of Vit. D. and some color. Since Monday it has been raining and it is suppossed to stay warm humid and raininy the rest of the week. This weekend I am planning to go to a flea market, antique show that Jim and I used to go to every year. I had sworn I would not go anywhere that we had gone to together. I thought about it for a long time and decided that I am going to try. I might end up crying a good part of the time but I feel I need to conquer some of my fears and loneliness. I conquered going to work where he worked so I am going to try this. I am going by myself (no one wants to get up so early on a sat. to go). I also need to get used to doing some things alone because others are not always available. I have found that what has been said is true, that alot of your friends that you had when you were a couple quickly disappear.
Well I am off to have a haircut. Speak to you guys later.

Hugs to everyone,

Sheryl

Shalom sheryl, glad to see your ok, stepping out like that is good, enjoy ya market and have a good time, if you cry well thats something we will all have to live with won't we?

big hugs to you

xxx chrissie.:D