February 2nd, 2012, 20:27
We would have been together 4 years on May 24, 2012 and we have been engaged 4 years on Aug 30, 2012. I have never been married and no children. He was divorced and has a 23 yo daughter. Because we weren't married yet, I was left out of everything including the list of survivors. It was bad enough losing him but that was the ultimate slap in the face. Both of us were unable to hold 9 to 5 jobs so we were together just about 24/7 and lived together. We hardly ever fought. He was the love of my life and my world and I don't know how to handle it all. I waited all my life for someone to love me and care about me as much as he did only to lose him suddenly and tragically after only less than 4 years. I feel cheated and robbed. He promised to spend the rest of my life with me. Now I can't help but feel at 42 I am to spend the rest of my life alone and without him. I am devastated and beyond heartbroken. To add insult to injury, I now have to worry about a place to live that I can afford myself. It is all so overwhelming. I feel like losing him is my fault somehow so I have all this guilt that I can't deal with either. I am a completely lost and broken person and don't know if I will ever recover.
February 3rd, 2012, 10:06
Shalom in Yeshua LindaP, I am sorry to hear about the loss of you fiance. Know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.
The only thing that matters here is the love you both shared!! Nobody will ever be able to take it away or dilute it, regardless of who says what. That love continues forever and you will carry it with you.
It is not your fault that he has left and gone home. Please don't feel guilty about anything, it was his time to go. We are taught that our loved ones can hear us while they are in Sheol, so talk to him and tell him your problems as you did when you were together.
You will recover from this in time, just take everyday as it comes and be kind to yourself.
May God bless you
February 3rd, 2012, 23:08
My heartfelt sorrow for your pain in losing your beloved, especially since he is the love of your life and soul mate. You just know when something is right about someone, and any hardships are so much easier to bear together rather than alone.
Like you, I was left needing to find a new job, find a new place to live, start over and downsize to the point where I was just giving stuff away. After all, it's only stuff. Nothing will bring Shaun back and you sure as heck can't take it with you. Material things beyond a roof over my head, food in my belly, and being able to look after my cat are all I'm concerned about right now.
Like you, while we were living together, we were not married, so I was not part of the family per se. They did manage to get my first name in the obituary, however, and delicately called me his "friend." LOL I had to laugh at that.
Linda, feeling overwhelmed right now is entirely normal under the circumstances. Not only are you dealing with your broken heart and devastated soul, you also have to worry about all of those practical matters, like, "Where the heck am I going to live now?" Those are scary things to deal with, and it seems as if you can't even have the luxury of time to fully and properly grieve him when you have so many other things that demand your attention. It's all about survival right now, so please hang in there and take baby steps towards your security and peace of mind.
The last few months have been the saddest and scariest and loneliest ones in my life. The ONLY thing that has gotten me through is my ultimate certainty that he is with me all the time and keeping me strong. Some unusual things keep happening as well, really strange coincidences that have occurred when I've asked for his help the most. Yes, I pray to God, too, but Shaun is definitely there as well.
Please come here as often as you need to, Linda, and we'll be right by your side. If I can help you in any way with the daunting task of getting your life back on track and away from that "sinking in quicksand" feeling, please let me know and I'll be glad to help. You can even PM me privately if you wish.
Just know that we all care very, very much and are here for you.