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jzarend
January 6th, 2012, 16:13
We're both 49. She had a heart attack WHILE EXERCISING AT THE STUPID GYM. 5 defibs. She spent 10 days in a coma before there was no hope. I hate living.

cljm
January 6th, 2012, 16:42
jzarend,

What a loss you have suffered--- your wife, so young, and unexpected!
No words can fully express what you must be enduring.

I am glad you found this forum---and I hope you may find some comfort from what others have shared.

My thoughts are with you and your family. Just know that the forum is one of kindness---we are all here for each other. It is a common bond we have come to share through our own lossess. Reaching out to others may bring you a comfort for yourself.

"For every Joy that passes, something Beautiful remains"

hamilton
January 7th, 2012, 12:53
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. My thoughts and prayers to you in this darkest time. Pls feel free to share or reach out however you feel comfortable with.

tom-fisherman
January 8th, 2012, 05:57
Shalom in Yeshua jzarend, I am so sorry for your loss and like everyone else here want to help you with your grief. Please know I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.

We are here when you feel ready to share with us.
May God bless you
Tom

Marjatta
January 15th, 2012, 13:40
We're both 49. She had a heart attack WHILE EXERCISING AT THE STUPID GYM. 5 defibs. She spent 10 days in a coma before there was no hope. I hate living.

How are you doing, jzarend? Please know that you're not alone and that we're here to support you. Yes, my Shaun was just a few months beyond 49 when he passed away in November. How senseless is that?

My anger and rage, my despair and grief, they were tangible things that I could touch and feel. In fact, they were the only things I could feel, the only things that were real to me during those first weeks of shock and disbelief while going through the motions of his funeral, or as they like to call it these days, his celebration of life.

I sure as hell didn't feel there was anything to celebrate about life during that time. Nor did I feel there ever would be. And yes, I hated life. In fact, I wanted to die on the spot. Nothing made sense anymore and everything I had been taught seemed to be a big, fat lie. This was the reward for living a good life? Yeah, right. What other lies had I been told and believed in all of my life? My sense of right and wrong, up and down, black and white - it all went away. All I knew is that nothing made sense anymore - nothing at all.

There was nowhere to direct that rage. Whom or what was I yelling at? God? My Higher Power? The universe? Me? Him? Life?

Being rocked to the core doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when Shaun died. It felt even stronger than I imagined it felt when Mount Vesuvius errupted and buried Pompeii, turning its citizens into ashes in a senseless, violent act of "nature" that wiped out countless souls. It certainly made no more sense to me than that, and I thought my grief would also explode and pour out of me like that molten lava - mercilessly coating and destroying everything in its path.

I still feel those tremors from time to time, but they're not quite as violent now. In fact, I can feel them most of the time without my original sense of rage and despair covering up what I'm really feeling ... lost, confused, dazed, unsure, afraid, sometimes faithful and at other times completely faithless ...

Your world has been turned upside down. God, how I wish those of us here didn't have to understand that feeling so well, but we do and that's why we're here. And that's why each of us has reached out for support or at least somewhere to express and vent our confusion to others who won't think we're crazy for feeling this way.

We're here for you and will always listen and accept your feelings for exactly what they are without trying to change them like well-wishers sometimes try to do. And those of us who have experienced similar grief and are a bit further along in that journey of dealing with it do have something very precious to share with you ... something that each of us has struggled with in our own way ... and that precious thing will always remain hope.

Marjatta

biddy
January 15th, 2012, 21:00
im sorry to hear of your loss my husband passed away while i was in hospital we did not expect him to go even though he was not well the shock you have will make you question your whole life there will be all sorts of things running through your mind the what ifs ,whys ,maybes, there is never any answer i have found but i am just starting to come to grips with it and accept the fact that no amount of wishing is going to change things .the people who write in this forum have helped me a lot by just understanding that we all want to lash out, cry, scream, and then sometimes just think ,i wish you allthe comfort possible as everyone has there own way of dealing with theirloss.

Klen
January 19th, 2012, 18:10
We're both 49. She had a heart attack WHILE EXERCISING AT THE STUPID GYM. 5 defibs. She spent 10 days in a coma before there was no hope. I hate living.

I lost my wife Dec 30th.She was 50.I feel your pain.I came downstairs after dressing for a dinner date to find her on the couch not breathing. I did everything i could to save her but I could not. I am lost.

tom-fisherman
January 20th, 2012, 05:03
Shalom in Yeshua Klen, I have made a post on your own thread.

May God bless you
Tom