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Old December 18th, 2008, 22:08
wintertwilight wintertwilight is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1
Default My first Christmas without either of my parents

I'm new to this board, and never thought I would do something like this, but Christmas is coming up and I can't seem to stop crying.

My name is Kelly. I'm 25 years old. I lost my dad in October 2004 as a result of lung cancer. My mom passed away two days after Mother's Day this year, due to a diabetic coma.

It was a little easier with my dad, cause we knew for 3 days it was going to happen.

My mom was a total surprise. I had talked to her early that morning, and she said she was fine, other than her normal complaints. At 10:30, I got a call from my brother saying she had been found face down on the kitchen floor. I went to the hospital and found my brother, his wife and my sister in tears. They didn't even have to say a word. I knew.

I'd be greatful for any tips, thoughts or suggestions you have on how to cope with this time of the year.
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Old December 19th, 2008, 12:29
mrspooh mrspooh is offline
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 46
Default mrspooh

Hi wintertwillght sorry for your loss I understand what you are going through this is my christmas with out my son who I lost in sept age 27 his name was steve and he loved xmas so much ,but ouur xmas will never be the same again but i honour of him we put his tree up in his chill out room the family bought special babaules for it .our xmas day will be different we naving a buffet dinner with all steves favorite foods I lite a candle every night I put tinsel around his photo on xmas day we will all have a drink around his tree
I going to let a ballon go at mid night I havent sent any cards .the present I bought are for my other children.this is what Iam doing I think you should just do what you think you can do there will be many pepole telling you what they think you should do but go with what your heart tells you if you feel like not doing anything then thats ok on the other hand you might like to go crazy and go all out on trimmings just do what you feel is right.
You willfind great comfort here it has helped me so much its like having a comfort blanket.
take care
mrs pooh
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Old December 19th, 2008, 19:44
Rachele Rachele is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 372

I'm so sorry you have lossed both your parents at such a young age of 27. My mom died suddenly near the end of 2007. I still have my dad and my siblings but things have not gone so well for our family since mom died. Mom was the heart of the family and now she's gone. I know it must be really painful for you this Christmas. I know last year was hard to celebrate without tearing up and sobbing when people were not around. Know you are not alone. Sending you some warm hugs to comfort you heart. Rachele
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Old December 21st, 2008, 16:17
Dancer Dancer is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 200


I'm so sorry for your loss. There have been some good suggestions about coping with this time of year, like decorating your tree with special little ornaments, putting out photographs and lighting candles. We know that no matter what you do it won't take the pain away but it might just make this coming week a little easier to cope with. Take care.
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Old January 19th, 2009, 15:27
Aquarius Aquarius is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,745
Default Finding Relief By Looking Beyond The Earthly Plane

Beyond all thought and inner knowing,
Fear, anger, grief, loneliness and pain;
Beyond earthly sight, sound and comprehension
There lies a place where all souls meet again.

A world of warmth, light, love and healing,
From where each soul undertakes its earthly quest,
And returns after many trials and tribulations
To find comfort and healing, blessedness and rest.

Here the answers to all its questions
Are gently shown, with sympathy and grace.
Once again the soul knows its oneness with all life
And that there is no death and that
All worlds and beings will always be
Safely enfolded in God’s loving embrace.

Tricia Sturgeon
Edited by Aquarius
From Stella Polaris Oct/Nov 2008
Magazine of the White Eagle Lodge
New in 'Comfort for the Bereaved'
Our world is bound in darkness, until we shine the light;
You, with your own vision – and I, with my insight.

Author of ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
And the Astro Files
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Old January 20th, 2009, 09:22
Andi Andi is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 6

Hello, I am new also and experienced my first Christmas without both my parents in 2007. It was very hard. I have children so it sort of made it harder because I felt I HAD to get the tree, gifts, visit Santa, for them, when all I wanted to do is forget the whole holiday.
But I just kept remembering that my parents would want my children and me to celebrate Christmas...and carry on all the traditions that were important. They loved my children very much.
I also try to think that my father, who passed after my mom, is sooo much happier to spend that Christmas with her. He missed her sooo much and was lost for almost 5 years without her.
It is not easy...this past holiday was a little better, but you will always remember and always grieve a little at this time. Take care and best wishes...
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Old October 6th, 2010, 21:51
will.mackie will.mackie is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 1

Sorry for dragging this thread up but i'm going to be spending my first christmas this year without either of my parents.

Mum died when i was 15 and my died died a month before my 18th this february just gone.

They're the only family i had and spending christmas with friends doesn't feel/seem right.

I have a feeling it's truly going to be the worst day of my life.
I'm thinking about maybe visiting some people at an elderly home with some gifts for those in the same situation as me.
Anything to make it worthwhile i guess.

It's a few months til christmas and i'm dreading it.

Happy Christmas for then all the same.
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Old October 8th, 2010, 18:42
chrissc chrissc is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 5

Sorry my heart is heavy just reading your post. I too lost my dad to lung cancer in 2006 and lost my sweet mom suddenly in July 2010. Everything has changed. I just got married and moved into a new home...all without my parents present. Im lost and dont know what to do either. I do know that I have faith to lean on. I try to do that at least. All is can say is your NOT alone. Hopefully we can get through these "firsts" together. As they are unknown and unfamiliar to both of us.

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Old October 9th, 2010, 13:39
Aquarius Aquarius is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,745
Default A message of hope

Dear Friends – my heart goes out to both of you. My intuition tells me to share the following with you:

To the ones I love and who love me:
‘When I am gone, release me; let me go.
You and I, we both have many things to see and do.
Do not tie yourself to me in tears.
I gave to you my love and you can only guess
How much you gave to me in happiness.
I thank you for the love you have shown,
But, for now it’s time for me to travel on – alone.

So, grieve a while, if grieve you must.
But not for me, only for yourself and
For the hole my passing has left in your life.
Then let your grief be comforted by trust,
And remember that it is only for a while that part we must.
Bless the memories within your heart,
And know that no love is ever lost.
Life is eternal – it goes on and on,
Not just for you and for me, but for us all.

You and I can now come closer than we have ever been;
I shall never be further away from you than a thought.
If you need me, call and I’ll be near.
Although you can neither see nor touch me,
Know that I am there.
And when you listen inside your own heart,
You are sure to feel my love too, soft and clear.

And then, one fine day –
When you must come this way –
Alone – I shall be there to greet you,
With a smile I shall welcome you home.’

Fr. Pat Lennon
Edited by Aquarius

From ‘Comfort for the Bereaved’

With love and light,
Our world is bound in darkness, until we shine the light;
You, with your own vision – and I, with my insight.

Author of ‘The Random Jottings of a Stargazer’
And the Astro Files
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Old October 12th, 2010, 16:14
Kristie West Kristie West is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 10

Hi wintertwilight,

I'm brand new on here and thought I'd just have a look around but really wanted to reply to you after I read your post. My heart goes out to you.
My Dad died very suddenly of a heart attack just over 5 years ago. The first Xmas without him was tough. Actually it wasn't just his death. We had lost our grandmother and about 3 other relatives on the same side of the family all within 4-5 months of Dad's death. My whole (remaining) family was together...but still....there were quite a few who'd been there the year before who weren't now. All I can say is there was a lot of drinking going on! Not least of all from my Mum who started trying to hug everyone, including my brother who is just not that kinda guy.

My best suggestion to you....and this might sound a little to give yourself permission to enjoy Xmas, at least just a little bit. It's really easy going into the day expecting it to be awful but also deep down feeling like it's not ok for you to laugh or have fun spending the day with other people. That's the best lesson I learnt through that time. Yes it will be very hard but there will be some good bits too. However small, just look for them. (Your folks would want that for you).
I don't know if that helps but it helped me at the time.
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