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  #1  
Old November 26th, 2013, 15:12
Coopergirl1803 Coopergirl1803 is offline
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Default Realisation hitting 6 months on

So my mum passed away 6 months ago, aged 42 of a aneurysm. It was all very sudden, one day she was happy and healthy the next day she was gone.

A big part of me hasn't really accepted that she isn't going to walk through the door until just recently and I feel like I did when she first passed away a lot of the time now, I feel like I should be coming to terms with the whole thing and starting to build a life towards making her proud of me however all I seem to want to do at the moment is cry.

I don't know if this is natural or if this is different to what most people do I know people deal with things in their own way but it is just affecting everything I do at the moment.

my family have been dealt a rough hand this last 6 months, first with my step mum passing on, then my mum, then my nan, then my granddad all whilst my dad has been in and out of hospital, amongst other things. It all gets on top of you sometimes.

How do you even begin to come to terms with it?
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  #2  
Old November 26th, 2013, 15:54
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Hello Coopergirl1803,

I haven't posted at forum for a few months, although I've popped in occasionally to see how everyone is doing. Your message calls me to answer. I'm going into my third Christmas without my Mom. She died in September 2010.

You say you are 6 months past your Mum's passing, and you're finding it difficult to cope. Six months is still early days, if I remember my own experience. It took a very long while for me to begin to come back to the world. I've lost all my family now: both parents, brother, cousins etc. to death. I'm the only one left, so I can understand and empathize with your losses.

How do you cope, you ask. Slowly, one day at a time. Or one moment at a time, if that's what you can manage. And loss will indeed affect everything you do, every thought you have, every breath you take, for a long while. It's very personal, this moving on thing. We each do what we can, in our own way, in our own time. No one can hurry you, or bring you along to a place until you are ready to move on. You will move forward when you are ready. Until then, be where you are. Be in the sadness, if that's where the day takes you.

I can tell you from a point a few years ahead of where you are now, the sorrow does get lighter. I won't say yet that it ever goes away completely. For some of us, there will always be a corner of our heart that feels the pain of loss. But we go on, because we must. Those we've lost deserve nothing less.

I've posted here for other daughters along the way, and say again: "Those whom we love and lose are no longer where they were before. They are now wherever we are." I've truly come to believe that, and it gives a degree of peace.

Your Mum is still with you in spirit. She always will be. If what you want to do now is cry, then cry. The tears must come out first, if you are to have room inside for peace and joy. I've been where you are now, so I know your sadness. But please trust me, the way forward does get easier, in time.

For now, just be where you are and know others have been there, too. Been there, and walked on, gently forward, in time.
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Old November 26th, 2013, 16:17
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi coopergirl so sorry for your losses all so heartbreaking for you to cope with life seems so unfair especially when family we love pass to heaven in a short space of time i know i lost my 2 best friends and never realised 12 months later my husband would be taken with a dreadful illness at first it's shock anger frightening deeply depressing sad and lonely i know exactly how you feel it takes time to accept that they are gone and that part of out lives is now in the past they are our memories at first it's their passing that floods our minds reliving the moments they went as if it's still happening but know they are happy and at peace all together in heaven where one day you will meet them again it's only when we can wipe away those sad memories we pick up all the good ones and eventually it feels as if their love is beside us and helping us go forward
your mum always was and always will be proud of you her dreams and hopes everything she lived for from the day you were born was for you to be happy cry the tears you need to shed at the moment it's only been 24 weeks but when your ready in your own time learn how to smile again not only for yourself but for your mum as well her love will always be with you it binds you together for eternity
i'm sorry there is no easy way forward it does take time but i assure you that as the weeks go by you will cope better i hope your dad is in better health and you can give one another comfort and support please let us know how you are we are are sad for your loss and will be here for you love hazel xxx
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Old November 26th, 2013, 16:23
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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as i was posting i was thinking of j,s daughter wishing she was here she is a lovely lady and has such wonderful advice to people who have lost their mum i was overjoyed to see her post to you after i sent my message she must have felt her love and advice was needed and came back my wish came true xxxxx
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  #5  
Old November 27th, 2013, 07:41
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Hello Hazel,

And thank you for your kind words. I've never been far away I've kept a watchful eye on, and caring thoughts about, everyone here. Just needed a bit of time to move myself a little further along the path.

Sometimes the weight of everyone's sorrow saddens me, but then, it's our sorrow from our losses that links us to each other, isn't it? We're never truly alone so long as there is someone a few steps ahead of us, or a few steps behind, or travelling beside us for a time.

I've met such wonderfully supportive people here, people who've taken time from their own sorrow to hold a hand out to me in mine. I hope you are well, Hazel. It's good to know you're here on forum still.

Coopergirl1803, how are you doing?
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Old November 27th, 2013, 11:54
Coopergirl1803 Coopergirl1803 is offline
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Hey guys,

thank you both for your messages, they have lifted me some what to know im not the only one feeling these things at times.

I think that its all just coming to a head now to be totally honest, my mums husband is now moving on and has another girlfriend so things are changing around the house, pictures, her clothes etc are being put away so as not to offend the new girlfriend, also we have just buried the ashes which was always going to be hard.

And with Christmas coming, it just makes it that much sadder.

I am sorry for both of your loses and I wish much like I do myself that I could take everyones pain away however the world can be a cruel place at times but your right J's Daughter that you have to live in the moment!!

Thank you
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