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Old September 22nd, 2017, 02:52
Irene626 Irene626 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Default Dad passed away July 26, 2017

Hi everyone. I just lost my 77 year old dad almost 2 months ago. I am struggling to get though this. I took care of both my parents when they got older. I lost my mom 7 years ago to brain cancer. My dad was all i had left. He passed away while visiting my mom's graveside. He was putting flowers on her grave when he suddenly went into cardiac arrest. Someone saw him and attempted CPR. When the paramedics came they worked on him but he passed away on the way to the hospital. It was so sudden. He was so active and seemed so healthy for a man his age.It was so unexpected. My dad and i lived together because after my mom passed i stayed to care for him.He was so lost and lonely after my mom passed away. Now that i live in the house i struggle everyday with the loneliness of him not being here. I work but its not helping. As soon as i come home i start crying because i miss him so much.I have 3 other siblings that were not around for my parents. I did everything for them. Now that they are both gone my siblings are suddenly around trying to see what they can get from my parents and they are fighting me for things. Since i took care of my parents i was in control of all their finances.My siblings don't like that and are now trying to fight me for it. I hate them because my main concern right now is missing my dad and grieving. All they care about is money.It's causing me extra stress and sadness. I just want to give up because i feel so broken.
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Old September 27th, 2017, 11:09
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 466
Default My deepst condolenences on the loss of your parents

Irene626, my heart goes out to you at this time. I know through past experience myself how family who was never really involved in much. Come around looking to benefit for a loss. Money is the most wonderful vehicle to help us live but its downside is it also shows the true colours of people when they think there is something in it for them. People can become such true vultures when they think they will get something out a death of a family member. Its not bad enough that you cared for your parents and did everything for them that siblings would come out of the woodwork when they think they smell money. In the end you are trying to just get through each day when your heart is raw and broken from your loss. My advice just take it one day at a time.. keep breathing.. Yell, scream, rant rave go with the grief and pain. Go with the process. There is no time frame to put the financial things in order. Take care of what you need to do to get your parents financial affairs in order first if you haven't done so already. Get a lawyer or legal advice first off if you can afford it.. Unfortunately people can be like sharks that smell blood in the water when it comes to money. In the end the legal advice or lawyer will give you some direction to protect your parents assets and or divide it accordingly. Don't be bullied or put upon by your siblings. You just tell them that it will be sorted out in time but right now you need to work things out with your grief.. Its about you right now not them! don't be afraid to tell them so. when they hassle you about getting their share of your parents assets. You need to worry about starting the grieving process and mourning period for yourself. Be damned anyone else! If you bottle this up and take care of everyone else first and not dealing with your grief it will do a number on you. Sounds like the California sibling syndrome. ( Siblings come in after having little or no involvement in the family members life and start dictating their wishes or demands) .. You were the main caregiver and stable force in your parents lives. Your siblings did little or nothing to help it was all on you. I'm sure your parents are eternally grateful for everything you did for them in their final days. Please don't forget that!
Unfortunately your in for a drawn out battle with these people. My wife late and current wives both experienced the exact same issues with their parents and siblings. So I have seen this before. Take strength that you were a good daughter to your parents and when your siblings time comes they will atone for their lack of sympathy, empathy and compassion. The guilt of their lack of interest or involvement in your parents final days is on them.

As I said my heart goes out to you. And I wish you peace for your broken heart. Don't let these people cause you to suffer more than you already are. Stand you ground and look into the legal advice if you already haven't done so. Remember in the end it was you that stood by and supported your parents when your siblings did not. And it will always be about money for these people even after the dust has settled. Their type will never be satisfied they will always be after more and more. In time when you move through the process and start to cope a little better with your loss.. You will see and know you are and were what a good daughter and child should be to your parents. in the end they were able to pass on from this life knowing they were loved, appreciated and treated with respect in their final time here. which is what anyone wants isn't it.

I wish you peace

Dave ( AKA CAL821)
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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