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Old November 16th, 2016, 17:07
Sadgirl2016 Sadgirl2016 is offline
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Default Argument with friend

Hi, I am so upset right now I had an argument with a friend of mine-well not really an argument but she made a remark that really upset me. Basically I was telling her I was feeling down about my dads death and she quipped back that at least I have never lost a child-she lost a child a while ago, quite a long time before my dad and I was always there for her to offer my support. i however have had none back, she thinks because she has lost a child that she "owns" the grieving process and no one could ever feel as bad as her. I was shocked and really wanted to lay into her but I just basically held my tongue but it was obvious she was trying to bring me down even further by making a comment like that.

I think I will stop talking to this "friend"-though I see it everywhere, this competition of grief, "losing a child is the hardest thing a person can go through" etc. really who decided this? Who is to say one persons grief is worse than another? Yet society has deemed this the worst kind of grief and no one dare challenge it. I do not want kids so the worst kind of grief for me will always be losing my dad so I don't appreciate people telling me "at least i haven't lost a child" or whatever comparison they want to make and make grief into a competition. Some friend she turned out to be and that is because she is 100% obsessed with herself and her kids and that's it. Just what I needed, guess I won't bother confiding in anyone else like her again. I really feel in this world that adult children (or indeed kids of any age) are deemed to just get on with the death of a parent because it's "the natural order" or whatever, so it's almost like out grief doesn't matter because it's an inevitable life event. I find that very hard to accept.
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Old November 18th, 2016, 08:14
Rubysbaby Rubysbaby is offline
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Hello,

I'm sorry you had to have that experience with a friend that you supported during her time of grief. I learned that people can be very insensitive after I lost my mother in 2012. I used to get very angry when people would say things that only made me feel worse. Since this person has been a close friend, I wouldn't completely remove myself from her but would create some distance. If she asks why, then you can tell her how the comment came across to you and that her grief is no more valuable than your grief.
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