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Old June 28th, 2010, 22:06
littlehorii littlehorii is offline
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Unhappy Please help, I'm so upset...

Hi,
I'm 16 and in the past 2 years i've had to deal with not one, not two but three losses.
First off my Dad died of a terminal brain tumor in January 2008, when I first heard he'd died I started self harming which led to a suicide attempt.
When my life finally decided to look up around 6 months later, my Grandad passed away too which triggered off my self harm and suicide attempts once again.
A lot of other horrible stuff has happened in between all of that too and I've had counselling, psychatric help and anti depressants (none of which have worked succesfully).
I've had 10 suicide attempts in the past 2 years and I've been lucky enough to survive every one of them, I guess God's smiling down on me after all and given me more shots at life.
Then finally in December 2009 life FINALLY decided to look up and I've now been in a long term relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months now and he's been my guardin angel throughout all of this.
However, when my life is finally perfect, today my Mum had to take my (and my boyfriend's as he had part ownership of my cat too) cat to the vets but later on my Mum then got a phone call saying my beloved cat John Whiskas had passed away during his operation as he was very ill.
I'm distraught, ever since my Dad and Grandad died my cat was my only bit of company when I was home alone since my mum works very long hours and I dont have anyone to look after me properly (unless I'm with my boyfriend or best friend). He always used to wake me up every morning to let me know he needed feeding or if he just wanted cuddles. He was only 5 too, I'm so upset, he was my best friend. I don't have many friends either and I felt my cat was one of them he always used to make me smile if I was having a bad day and I always knew he would listen if I needed someone to talk to. I don't know what to do my Mum's working a long day tomorrow and my cat was my only company, my boyfriend's away on holiday too and my best friend's busy.
I'm so upset I haven't eaten properly all day and I can't sleep (its 4:00am UK time), all I can think about is my cat and how upsetting it's going to be waking up to him not being there. I know I generally live a good life but now all I can think about is losing someone else close to me too, I just seem to be the grim reaper with anything I get close too.
I have no idea what to do Where should I go from here? I do feel slightly happy and not as bad as I was when my Dad died but I just keep feeling a wave of sadness every so often and its horrible.
Thank you for reading, I know its long but I didn't know where else to post something like this
xx
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Old July 3rd, 2010, 16:09
Shell Shell is offline
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I am absolutley so sorry for all of your losses, I understand how hard it must be. The main thing you need to remember is that you have to stay positive, and keep care of yourself as best as you can. I know that's hard at times, but the ones you've lost would never want to see you harming yourself or in any sort of distress. In time the pain and sadness will become easier to deal with but it'll never fully go away. Death at such a young age changes you as a person. You'll come to accept the fact eventually and you will feel better, but you'll never fully stop thinking about it. At least thats my opinion. I'm also 16, and I lost my mom about 4 months ago to a sudden brain aneurysm. It was awful, and it still is, but each day I try to look for positives and look forward to something because it makes life just that much easier to deal with. I hope that helped, even just a little, but if you ever need to talk I'm here.
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