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  #11  
Old July 7th, 2007, 10:51
Calypso Calypso is offline
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I think it's important to remember that young kids often don't have the attention span for what adults think of as "grief," so they may cry for a few minutes, then run off to play, then come back tearful again hours later. Or, if the loss is a more distant one, they may not cry at all but will incorporate themes of death into their play. My friend's son was three years old on 9/11, and for weeks he built towers out of books and then crashed toy airplanes into them. It was the only way he could deal with the tragedy he had seen on television.

A grieving child may also regress a little. For instance, a toilet trained child may start having accidents or an older child might suddenly want a bottle. Nightmares are common as well.

I would be concerned if:
*the child shows no response at all to a very close loss
*the child begins to act out violently and can't be redirected.
*the child talks about killing him or herself (yes, even young children can be suicidal) or tries to hurt him or herself deliberately
*Grief does not appear to be abating at all after a reasonable period of time.

In these cases, the child may need the help of a professional. Otherwise, a loving, supportive family is usually enough to see the child through a loss.
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  #12  
Old July 12th, 2007, 13:24
DefyingGravity DefyingGravity is offline
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I do think that children who have gone through something which should have a grief-impact should be encouraged to work through it, to make sure they understand, and perhaps later on get counseling. I wonder if some of the twisted individuals around today, criminals and whatnot, did not deal with grief thoroughly at young ages?

I know of some situations where the children experienced loss at very early ages, and later in life sought counsel to deal with the grief as adults. In fact, I'm even doing this. It's amazing how grief and loss can affect you, even years later!
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  #13  
Old July 15th, 2007, 11:08
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Defying Gravity, you are so right. Death and loss must be dealt with somehow, if not at the time it occurs when on down the road. Often, when people stuff their feelings and won't deal with their grief at the time, the pain only gets worse until you can no longer ignore its demands to be heard.
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  #14  
Old September 16th, 2007, 19:05
riskey58 riskey58 is offline
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Default When a child looses someone special

I think it is so hard for a child to grieve. They always don't understand death and are not sure how to handle it. I think you should try to explain to them as well as you can, and let them know that it is alright to be sad and to cry. And let them know you will always be there for them no matter what.
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  #15  
Old September 17th, 2007, 08:46
joeyhyyeung joeyhyyeung is offline
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I don't get why I'm 12 and I've been to 3 funerals in just 2 years. but I still can't stop grieving. I used to ask my mother when I was 4 when would she die. She was really shocked and warned me never to say 'death' again.
My great-grandmother died when I was 10. Everyone was crying, but I didn't know why I didn't cry. Everything seemed like it was programmned in slow motioning. All I did was just listen to the Buddah monks chanting away while family and friends mourned and cried.
I used to have a dog, Creamy. But when I was 11, I let the leash go by accident while crossing the road, thinking that there weren't any cars. And a car came by and killed her. My aunt never forgave me for that. I kept on thinking I killed her, I murdered her. I'm damned and I'll certainly go to hell. I'm still thinking that I did now...
Grandpa died suddenly this year when I was 12 and I'm still 12. He died becuase he took his pills with red wine. He fainted and was found by my 11 yr old brother. He died an hour after being admitted to hospital. My brother never got over it. I really miss my grandfather. My whole family cries at night, but they never show it. My brother cries too, but only when night has fallen and everyone's asleep.
I keep on telling my godmother "I'm afraid to die, I don't want to die in pain." She's really afraid for me. I don't know why, I shouldn't grieve now. It's been a long time since these things happened. All I know is, I keep looking at the sky, as if something is gonna hit me and kill me. Or being really afraid to cross the road, I'm so scared of cars now. Whenever I walk under a sign, I'm always afraid that it'll fall and chop my head off. yikes, what is wrong with me!? I'm 12!!! I can't possibly be scared of death!
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  #16  
Old September 22nd, 2007, 03:36
turtle turtle is offline
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Joey - my thoughts on death are merely curiosity - I wonder what it will be like? It sounds like an interesting adventure. Thinking about it like that takes away much of the fear. See if you can do this?
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