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  #1  
Old June 3rd, 2007, 12:36
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Default When I child looses someone special...

I have heard that everyone should be concerned when a child doesn't display what most people recognize as grief. Sometimes I have trouble understanding this concern.

What might be the reasons for this concern?
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  #2  
Old June 3rd, 2007, 18:37
tater03 tater03 is offline
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I guess maybe it has something to do with the age of the child. I would imagine that real young children don't understand the concept of death so they would show there fears or sorrow in different ways.
But if an older child refuses to show any emotion concerning the death of a close loved one I would be somewhat concerned.
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Old June 4th, 2007, 21:24
trick-r-treat trick-r-treat is offline
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I agree - you can't expect a very young child to understand. You have to find ways to try to explain it to them.
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Old June 7th, 2007, 05:07
luciestorrs luciestorrs is offline
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Thank you all for your posts. There's an article on our site called How to help children of all ages through grief which might be useful for other people in this sad situation.
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  #5  
Old June 8th, 2007, 19:48
debrajean debrajean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luciestorrs View Post
Thank you all for your posts. There's an article on our site called How to help children of all ages through grief which might be useful for other people in this sad situation.
Thanks for the helpful links.
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  #6  
Old June 8th, 2007, 19:44
debrajean debrajean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tater03 View Post
I guess maybe it has something to do with the age of the child. I would imagine that real young children don't understand the concept of death so they would show there fears or sorrow in different ways.
But if an older child refuses to show any emotion concerning the death of a close loved one I would be somewhat concerned.
My son has attended three funerals in the last two years. He understands that they are dead and that they are going to be with the Lord. He does not fret or become overly worried. His words to me after I asked him how he was doing and how he felt about their deaths. He looked at me like I was asking a silly question. "Mom," he said, "I'm fine and they're great. They get to go to a much nicer place where they get to do anything they want all day long."
He's seven.
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  #7  
Old June 10th, 2007, 09:57
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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I think the reasons for concern when a young child doesn't show signs of grief are two. One is that they don't understand as others here have suggested. Reason two is that maybe they don't know how to show their grief or understand their grief is nature and try boxing it in. We all know how holding onto any kind of emotion or pain isn't good because in the long run it will come out and not in a possitive way.
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  #8  
Old June 10th, 2007, 15:15
moonmagick moonmagick is offline
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I guess the issue lies with whether the child doesnt understand the loss, or are they keeping their grief inside. If they are too young to understand, then we must help them understand the best we can. But if they are hiding their grief or arent sure how to express it, then it is important to help them get through it and let them know it is ok.
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  #9  
Old June 30th, 2007, 15:57
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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We lost what we considered a member of the family a few weeks ago. My daughter had a little Cockapoo puppy named Fluffy. He was killed and it affected us all. My daughter is 2 3/4 (she will be 3 in July) and she cried and cried. She wanted me to "put a stickie on his ougie." Which is what she says when she is hurt and wants a band-aid. She cried herself to sleep at bedtime and cried when she saw anything that belonged to him. She still talks about him and misses him. I don't think that it has much to do with age. But then again I am no doctor. I would think that a child not mourning could result in a major "breakdown" or depression later on.
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Old July 3rd, 2007, 16:25
harmony_mom harmony_mom is offline
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Originally Posted by cassiem0221 View Post
We lost what we considered a member of the family a few weeks ago. My daughter had a little Cockapoo puppy named Fluffy. He was killed and it affected us all. My daughter is 2 3/4 (she will be 3 in July) and she cried and cried. She wanted me to "put a stickie on his ougie." Which is what she says when she is hurt and wants a band-aid. She cried herself to sleep at bedtime and cried when she saw anything that belonged to him. She still talks about him and misses him. I don't think that it has much to do with age. But then again I am no doctor. I would think that a child not mourning could result in a major "breakdown" or depression later on.
Oh that is too heart breaking! Poor baby, 2 is so little to deal with death, but at the same time it's probably good for her to learn that reality now. I hope she is doing okay.
I think that every child reacts to death in a different way. I think that the concern over a child's grief should depend on how close they were to the deceased. For example if a child lost a parent, I would be concerned if they weren't sad about their mommy or daddy not coming home, but if it were for instance an aunt or uncle that they knew but weren't especially close to, I personally wouldn't worry all that much. Small children are naturally egocentric so it's unlikely that they would show much sadness over someone they didn't interact with on a day to day basis.
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