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  #1  
Old March 29th, 2012, 20:47
hazel hazel is offline
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Default hell is where i am

lost my beloved partner of 24 years a few weeks ago 2 years of fighting cancer that was unbearable those who have watched the illness take over your lives know the utter hell and despair that go with this and i am utterly lost without him how i have survived these years myself i will never know i prayed to God if one of us had to die with this wicked disease to take me instead i more than loved him we worked and did everything together i adored him he was the most kind honest lovely man i have ever met his chair in the garden is exactly how he left it his food rotting in the fridge and after all these weeks i can't change the covers on the bed.12 hours after he died his brother who he hadn't hardly spoken to for 20 yrs who didn't bother ringing or come to see him in his illness and his sister who after 7 yrs and who did arrive when he was ill stabbed me again in my heart with the words you are nothing to him we are next of kin don't touch anything it is all ours.they are both so different to their brother and now i know why he didn't like them he died intestate like a lot of people who live together he thought i was next of kin after living with me all these years and signed me as such on hospital documents how wrong we were but i would never had said to him in his illness write a will no one would say that to someone who is fighting an incurable illness it would be like giving up he asked me many times to tell his sister not to come but i couldn't i thought she was sorry for what she had done in the past but all the time she was listing the things in my home and they want even the things that i had payed for myself so in all my grief i have abusive phone calls even saying my partner didn't love me because we hadn't got married this is all for 20 grand which was our savings in his account i have never come across such greed and i never thought it possible that a person could treat another human being in their grief in this despicable way it is beyond understanding i want to tell him what is happening i'm lost he's not here and i feel i am in the depths of hell
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  #2  
Old March 30th, 2012, 05:25
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Hazel, Some people never cease to amaze me. You have enough sorrow with his loss and a funeral to organize without having to do something about his greedy family. There are a couple of things you have to do and do quickly.

First go to the bank and see the bank manager. If you cannot withdraw any money, have the account frozen so they cannot touch it. Have your money paid into a new account which can be set up at the same time. Then go and see a solicitor and see what your rights actually are. The law now protects common law relationships and property which are part of a 'mutually shared financial arrangement'. Don't let them walk all over you.

Remember this they will never be able to take away the love and memories you shared together. You already know what he wants, so 'will' or not do what you know he would have wanted you to do, even it than means the whole lot is swallowed up by the legal profession. Just make sure they get nothing.

He will be able to hear you, so talk to him and tell him what is happening. Do you have any family or friends you can talk too? It is important to talk. If you have nobody then talk here we all want to help you through this.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #3  
Old March 30th, 2012, 08:36
hazel hazel is offline
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thank you tom for your reply i cried so much as what you said is exactly how i feel and to know you cared so much to take time to reply to me touched my heart i have seen a solicitor and each time it seems to kill me more with their wicked demands you are so right in what you say i have to fight for what darren would have wanted it will cost me up to 10.000 to fight them in court as they will negotiate nothing with us and i would like to go to court as you said even if i get nothing at the end just the solicitors costs because they deserve nothing i realise now why darren didn't like them they are so different than he was but i never thought they would stoop this low it is cruelty beyond imagination.i have decided if i win with what is left i shall give most to the dog sanctury as darren loved animals so much to show i have fought this not for money even though i am not rich.i do talk to darren i want to tell him that i miss him tell him what has happened his picture is beside me at night when i can eventually go to bed usually about 3-4 am i can't go to bed until i am exhausted we not only lived together i helped him with his work and he came to work with me we were devoted to one another most days i can't bear to live without him thank you so much for your words of kindness hazel
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  #4  
Old March 30th, 2012, 11:15
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Hazel, thank you for your kind words.

The thought came to me while I was reading your thread that if you asked your solicitor to write to them with an very small offer, pointing out that if they insist on court action they will end up with nothing as the legal costs will swallow the whole estate after the funeral costs.

When I say small I mean 'small', something you feel is worth it to get them off your case and give you the peace to get on with life. It will stick in your throat but it I might be worth it to save you all the grief of court.

Give them 30days to respond and if they fail to reply don't do anything let them incur the costs of legal action, by taking you to court. I feel that a court would see them for what they are. It will keep your cost to a minimum and if they find for you which any reasonable person would they will be out of pocket.

Don't make any decisions until you have had time to review everything after it is all sorted out. Remember you have a life to lead and its a life worth living even it its only for Darren.

You are in our prayers this weekend
May God bless you
Tom
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  #5  
Old March 30th, 2012, 12:52
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Default OMG My Heart Goes out to you Hazel

It is such a crime that we have to lose our deeply loved spouse to only have the ^*R%(&^$&^$( pieces of ***** relatives come in hovering , demanding, bickering and fighting over items like VULTURES.. The sense of entitlement is disgusting!!!! I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and you having to go through this ***** with them.. I don't even know them but their kind makes me very angry to hear of your troubles.. I dealt with something very similar with my late wife's family 4 years ago. So I do know the hell you are talking about!

My heart goes out to you in your pain.. please know you are in our prayers..

Hang in there and it will all work out... And for the Vultures their day is coming between their actions on this earth and GOD! Find comfort for all the pain they have caused and are causing ... they will be held accountable by GOD! I really wouldn't want to be in their shoes....

I wish you peace in this horrible time for yourself and clarity of thought with all the pain raging.

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #6  
Old March 30th, 2012, 13:37
hazel hazel is offline
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dear cai821 thanks for your message i think darren and his mum and dad are looking down on all of this they must be so ashamed of them and when there day of judgement comes they will answer to them why all this cruelty for greed i always try to see the good in people and over the years thought no ill thoughts of them but i should have listened to darren he knew it's just a shame we didn't realise the law darren would have protected me from all of this.i could never treat another person in this way even if it mean't i had nothing.i am sorry you have been through the same you know as well as i what it's like being in the bottom of a pit of despair.i want to say why we didn't marry to some they think it's a lack of commitment if we had had children i would but i was married before and i had a violent husband who drank and as i was married in church i respected my vows before God for better or worse and as it turned out for worse i had to stick with it until my life was endangered. i met darren and God blessed me with this wonderful man i wanted him to stay with me because he loved me i wish we had married not because of all this battle but for the cruel words you didn't love one another as you wern't married we devoted our lives and did everything together also in our work life is empty without him thanks for your very kind support it has touched my heart hazel
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  #7  
Old March 30th, 2012, 13:58
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Exclamation Hazel I truly am sorry about your pain

I do agree with Tom though. Laws have changed in modern times now.. See if under the statutes in your country what Common Law Marriage rights are available.

If you can show contribution of assets of earnings towards the household you shared with Darren for all those years. The vultures haven't got a chance. Also they would have to prove that your Hubby Darren was supporting them through paying their rent or such to show validity of their claims to right of possessions.

Find out if what your rights are.. and I think you may have quite a few at this moment.. that you don't know about.. When you do find out and if I'm right you can tell the VULTURES " TO GO POUND SALT!!!!!!!!!)


Just my two cents worth..

Check out your rights fully I may be right

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #8  
Old March 30th, 2012, 13:58
hazel hazel is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: northampton
Posts: 34
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tom-fisherman View Post
Shalom in Yeshua Hazel, thank you for your kind words.

The thought came to me while I was reading your thread that if you asked your solicitor to write to them with an very small offer, pointing out that if they insist on court action they will end up with nothing as the legal costs will swallow the whole estate after the funeral costs.

When I say small I mean 'small', something you feel is worth it to get them off your case and give you the peace to get on with life. It will stick in your throat but it I might be worth it to save you all the grief of court.

Give them 30days to respond and if they fail to reply don't do anything let them incur the costs of legal action, by taking you to court. I feel that a court would see them for what they are. It will keep your cost to a minimum and if they find for you which any reasonable person would they will be out of pocket.

Don't make any decisions until you have had time to review everything after it is all sorted out. Remember you have a life to lead and its a life worth living even it its only for Darren.

You are in our prayers this weekend
May God bless you
Tom
thanks tom they will not respond only to ask for all of darrens assets including mine they will not take me to court it is up to me they will just take everything as they like they have gone to probate as next of kin and will be entitled to everything and as they didn't love darren it is to line their own pockets and will not do as he would have wished like they said to me i am nothing thanks for replying hazel
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  #9  
Old March 30th, 2012, 14:11
hazel hazel is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cal821 View Post
I do agree with Tom though. Laws have changed in modern times now.. See if under the statutes in your country what Common Law Marriage rights are available.

If you can show contribution of assets of earnings towards the household you shared with Darren for all those years. The vultures haven't got a chance. Also they would have to prove that your Hubby Darren was supporting them through paying their rent or such to show validity of their claims to right of possessions.

Find out if what your rights are.. and I think you may have quite a few at this moment.. that you don't know about.. When you do find out and if I'm right you can tell the VULTURES " TO GO POUND SALT!!!!!!!!!)


Just my two cents worth..

Check out your rights fully I may be right

Cal821
there are no rights for common law partnerships i can apply under 1974 provision of family act if i was a dependent but we were both working and i always earned more than darren i do not have to be dependent if our relationship was over 5 years but it's still 10 grand to fight it i did own my house and thank goodness they can't touch that as they would make me homeless. we always pooled our money me earning more was never an issue i helped him with his small business and he helped me with my shop darren looked after the money as he was more financially sensible and we both had seperate bank accounts that is the way we trusted one another i heard from solicitor yesterday they want my caravan i bought last year i saved up 6 yrs to change the one we had thanks for replying hazel
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  #10  
Old March 30th, 2012, 14:30
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Posts: 477
Default wow

Let me guess your in the UK with some of their #@#$% up laws. In My Country we modelled our judicial system after the one in UK. What a Joke... No wonder the system lets real pieces of ***** get away with murder.. My Heart goes out to you.. I feel so incensed for you and your situation ....I don't know you..wow this hits close to home for me!!

It may be worth spending the money to fight it.. Because whose to say what the vultures will want next after your Caravan( is that a Travel Trailer ?)

I definitely feel for you Hazel.. Here's hoping an airplaine's landing gear comes off and falls on them both.. %&*%)% pieces of *****. That would do the world a favor! two less heartless psychopaths in this world would be a good thing.

But it is unfortunately part of Losing someone we truly love.
In this life .....I Believe.... that we all increase our energy and our knowledge by experiencing the polar aspects of all there is to know.
Our knowledge gives us an appreciation and understanding that makes us ever more complete with each new experience.
In other words, we learn from experiencing both sides of every possibility. In order to fully understand and appreciate kindness, we must experience cruelty. In order to fully understand and appreciate joy, we must experience depression, suffering and upset.
In order to fully understand and appreciate health, we must experience sickness.
In order to fully understand and appreciate comfort, we must experience discomfort in one way or another.
To truly understand and appreciate Life we must suffer though a death of some one or something truly close to us.
And so it goes for every possible experience that exists, we experience both sides of the spectrum in order to understand and appreciate the opposite. We are meant to learn from every good and bad situation in this life. And the loss of those close to us is a driving force of change that starts us on the journey of understanding..

This also goes for dealing with heartless pyschopaths that only know how to use and abuse.. It is all part of the experience.. you will be steeled .. tempered and forged anew through the aftermath of change that is caused with our loved one's passing.

I wish you luck in your fight.. Know we are all pulling for you here.


I wish you peace.


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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