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Old June 27th, 2013, 21:14
DMDmissingmom DMDmissingmom is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2
Default Lost mom one week ago

My name is Kristin and I just joined yesterday. My mom died a week ago to breast cancer. It was an awful thing to watch her deteriorate and suffer so greatly. She was 65 years old and I am 28. I am expecting her first grandchild in January which makes this all the more difficult to handle. I thankfully have a wonderful father and brother, a loving husband, and supportive friends. I'm just not sure how I really feel at this point besides sad. Around 9 pm is when I would have called her to chat so this time of night is pretty tough. I'm sure I will post more as I process my feelings, but right now I just needed to make my introduction post. Thanks for reading.
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Old June 28th, 2013, 09:06
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406

Hi Kristin,

Welcome to the forum, where you will meet others who, like you, have lost someone very dear. I am so very sorry for your loss. I'm sure others will post here in support as well.

I lost my Mom almost three years ago. She had Alzheimer's disease. I was privileged to be with her as primary caregiver, as well as daughter, for the last three years of her life. I understand how very difficult it must have been for you, to watch, to want to help or cure the cancer, to stop your mother's suffering. And how very empty you feel without her now. I felt that way, too. Still do, these three years later, although not at all to the same depth of pain there was in the beginning.

For now, just feel what you feel. If you want to cry, cry. If you can't quite manage to get through the day, give yourself time.

You are, as you say, fortunate to have the support of your husband, father and brother. And your Mom knew a grandchild was on the way. Trust that she was, and is, happy for you and happy to know she would be a grandmother. Your Mom will be with you in spirit when your child is born.

As to the 9 o'clock phone call, and what to do now ... my mother and I quite often stopped around 8 each evening for a cup of tea or coffee. I still do that. At first I sat for a while with Mom's picture, just aching and remembering. Then I started writing to Mom. I still do that, too, though not as often as in the beginning.

You might just take a few minutes at 9 to just stop and be with your Mom's memory. See if setting that time aside on purpose helps. It could very well hurt at first, but you might come to welcome it. Just a thought.

Welcome to forum. I'm sure others will be here to offer their words of consolation and support as well. It's an international forum - I'm in Canada - so you might notice a time difference between when you post and when you receive a response. But we are here for you.
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Old June 28th, 2013, 09:22
DMDmissingmom DMDmissingmom is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 2
Default thank you

J's daughter,
Thank you for the reply. I appreciate your ideas and condolences. I am very sorry for the loss of your mother as well. What a wonderful and difficult job you had as your mother's caregiver. My father was my mother's primary caregiver, but I lived an hour and twenty minutes away and was there as often as I could. I was there with her in her last days and got to say my goodbyes, but I went to work for a half a day the day she died and walked into the hospital about 5 minutes before she passed away. I am still beating myself up about it and I'm sure I will continue to do so. I will try to take your advice and use our 9 o'clock time to do something constructive and try to talk with her or write to her. Thank you again for your reply.
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Old July 2nd, 2013, 05:04
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534

Shalom in Yeshua Kristin and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear of the death of you mum to such a terrible illness. Know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.

Watching someone die is one of the most painful experiences anyone can have. I have been present at so many, and even after years have gone by, the memory can still hurt. The best advice I can offer you is to try and focus on the happy times you shared with her instead of the way she went home. These happy memories will help the sadness subside. It doesn't happen overnight but it does subside.

Traveling to and from a hospital to see a loved one can by so draining on our own health. The last thing you need now is to start blaming yourself for not being there. This is not something your mum would want you to do so try and stop thinking this way.

My sister has already given you good advice which I encourage you to follow, but I would also urge you to talk to her as we are taught that our loved ones can still hear us. Keep talking to your family and friends and share some of her funny ways and rejoice in her life. We are always here for you too.

May God bless you
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