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  #1  
Old June 30th, 2007, 16:10
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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Unhappy Should I prepare?

My son is now 16 months old. I was told when I was 26 weeks pregnant with him to prepare for his funeral. He was born with most of his brain missing and he is very behind developmentally. He has had several surgeries and has been doing very well. Last night he had a seizure and I was once again told to "prepare for his burial".. I can't bring myself to do this simply because I feel like it is giving up.

I am starting to have a hard time dealing with this. Has anyone ever been in this position? Can someone offer some words of wisdom? I need help...
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  #2  
Old June 30th, 2007, 16:56
trick-r-treat trick-r-treat is offline
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Oh, wow, Cassie! I am so sorry!! I honestly don't think you will find very many people who have gone through what you are going through, so all we can really do is be here and be supportive of you and whatever you are going through. My son was born with heart problems and he was very sick for a long time, but it was corrected when he was 3 and he is now 16 and has not had any problems since. Even if your son survives, you will have a lot of challenges and a lot to deal with because he will never be normal. He seems to be a fighter, so it sounds like his chances are better than the doctors predict. But you will never have an easy time of it. Just stay strong!!!!
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Old July 1st, 2007, 14:19
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Cassie, my heart goes out to you.

Having lost my first born, I understand how difficult it must be, and everyone has their own ways of dealing with these situations.

Consider how you would like to say goodbye to your little one, many of us don't get the chance to plan for their departure. This is not giving up, but allowing your child to be who he truly is at any given time, and giving yourself permission to truly be his mother with all of your heart. I certainly wish that someone had been truthful and realistic with me when my daughter was dying.

Also, seek out grief counseling. This way you can access people who are experienced with the range of emotions you are going through.
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  #4  
Old July 1st, 2007, 22:50
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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Trick-r-Treat... I agree. I have found no one who has been in my situtation. I try my hardest to be as strong as I can and to care for my son as best I can without neglecting the others. I have a 6 year old, 3 this month, Sean who is the 16 month old I am talking about and a 6 week old.. Life can be challenging but as my husband always quotes.. "You roll with the punches" whatever that means... Thanks for your thoughts and offering the support as I am sure I may need it...

Sagemother.. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I just can't grasp how difficult it would/will be to deal with the loss of a baby or a child of your own after having them in your arms and loving and caring for them. I appreciate the advice from a parent who has been there and done it.. You are a strong woman to be able to discuss it with others. Thanks again..
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Old July 6th, 2007, 07:49
Taggart Taggart is offline
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Our thoughts and prayers are with you, cassiem. I haven't been through a similar ordeal, although I would have an older brother who died six hours after his birth.

I agree that making arrangements is not giving up, and I wonder if it may be easier now than later? It sounds like a difficult decision.
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  #6  
Old July 6th, 2007, 11:34
trick-r-treat trick-r-treat is offline
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I think the best thing you can do is to talk to people and share your thoughts and feelings. It will probably be better for you than keeping it all inside.
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  #7  
Old July 6th, 2007, 14:57
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trick-r-treat View Post
I think the best thing you can do is to talk to people and share your thoughts and feelings. It will probably be better for you than keeping it all inside.
I have actually decided to do just that. I intend to come here daily to discuss any new issues I may have. I did finally call a friend who works for a funeral home and got some estimates.. I might go ahead and purchase a plan since I found out that it wouldn't ever expire, it just may cost extra later..
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  #8  
Old July 7th, 2007, 01:45
DefyingGravity DefyingGravity is offline
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Cassie, I don't even know what to say that hasn't already been said, but you are very brave. I pray that you will have the strength to deal with whatever happens, and I think you've found a wonderful group of supportive people here.
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  #9  
Old July 7th, 2007, 09:40
sandmike123 sandmike123 is offline
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Cassie my heart goes out to you. I can not imagine loosing a child. I have heard that being prepared with funeral arrangements already done can make it a bit easier. Not in loosing the child but allows you to grieve without having to worry about arrangements.
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  #10  
Old July 9th, 2007, 17:02
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sandmike123 View Post
Cassie my heart goes out to you. I can not imagine loosing a child. I have heard that being prepared with funeral arrangements already done can make it a bit easier. Not in loosing the child but allows you to grieve without having to worry about arrangements.
This might be a good approach, not that any one approach is going to work for the complete experience. Having the funeral plans done will help. When Octavia died I had to sit in the funeral parlor on a donut, due to episiotomy stitches, and make arrangements. If I could have had at least a week's warning I would have never gone through it.
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