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Old June 28th, 2011, 01:55
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Question Loss of an estranged relative

I haven't posted in a long time but I'm back now, needing some advice & maybe some comforting words. My uncle passed away 2 days ago. The wake was tonight. I didn't go. He didn't approve of my husband when we got married 15 yrs ago & we became estranged. In that time I only spoke with him 3 times, 2 of those times were @ my grandparents funeral. I really wanted to go & say my goodbyes but I'm not sure how my aunt would have taken my presence. I decided to send a card & write a letter to put inside explaining why I chose to stay away & to tell her I would love to hear from her if she wants to re-establish a relationship with me. I haven't written the letter yet. I'm trying to figure out how to say everything that needs to be said. Did I make the right decision? I feel terrible that I didn't get to say goodbye with my aunt and cousin but knowing how difficult a time this is I didn't want to make it harder on them with all the emotions, good or bad, that my presence may have brought. Any opinions or advice would
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Old June 29th, 2011, 10:49
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Gina, It is a pity that families fall out, but they do and only when things like a death occurs do we have the opportunity to maybe heal the rift.

I think what you are suggesting is a very nice way of approaching the problem. I wouldn't leave it long though, speed of contact is of the essence!! The longer you leave it the more difficult it will be to address. Keep it simple and short. Leave out the disagreement and mention instead how you loved you uncle, and that you just wish 'things could have been different'.

You used the word 'wake'. Am I right in thinking that the funeral is still to take place? If there is still to be a funeral you can do your goodbyes then.

I pray that you can all put the past behind you and move forward as a family.
May God bless you
Tom
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Old June 30th, 2011, 01:57
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Tom, thank you for your response. We really didnt have an argument. It was he didnt think my husband was good enough so he stopped talking to me other than saying hello or goodbye. He wasnt a blood relative but he was married to my aunt since before I was born so as far as I'm concerned he was family. The only family on my dads side that are still alive are my aunt & cousin. I dont have alot of relatives so the whole situation broke my heart. He never met my kids & I have a beautiful 10 mo. old grandson. It hurts down to the bone. As for your question about the funeral, the wake was Monday night & he was buried yesterday (Tuesday) morning. The burial was private but he was buried with my dad & my grandmother. I'm going to the cemetary later this week. I guess I won't ever have the closure you get when you actually view the body & see the peace on their face but it is what it is. I have to live with the decision I made I just hope when my aunt gets my letter she understands why I made the choice not to go. Anyway, thank you for answering my post. Its a great comfort to me.
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Old July 1st, 2011, 11:19
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Gina, thank you for your message.

You don't really need to see the body of the deceased to have closure, if you believe in the after life. You see he will have felt and reflected on his earthly life and reconciled himself to his errors. That means he will have regretted his earthly actions and he is praying that everyone he offended forgives him.

We are taught that they in Sheol can hear our prayers. So have one last conversation with him. Tell him you were disappointed with his reaction to your husband, and then tell him you forgive him for it.

Let us know how your aunt responds to you letter.

May God bless you
Tom
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