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  #1  
Old February 1st, 2012, 05:22
hazeylove9 hazeylove9 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Default I just lost my brother yesterday

This is my first time writing here,found this forum from articel by LisaHW on hubpages.com
I heard the sad news after my mother received a call from police. She was crying as she said " Your older brother is gone."

I went to my room,closed the door and cried quietly. Only then I called my husband and told him the news. After he got back from work,he stroked my hair gently and saying my brother has been poisoned to death. His boss was looking for him after knowing him not showing up for work since last Monday. They called the police after finding his body in his apartment yesterday morning. There's vomits all over the floor police said he was badly ill,maybe because of food poisoning.

My husband did all the talking to my parents because I'm too weak to say or ask anything.I heard my grandma loud cry,saying she couldn't accept her favourite grandchild is gone now. Then came all my uncles and aunts and other relatives asking about the news. My mother keep repeating to them what happened to my brother,in tears.

My brother was working as accountant in other big city,far away from us.He lives alone,no girlfriend because he focused on his job and only going back during holiday and new year.He's only 32 years old.Last week he did call my mother saying he's feeling well and my mother asked him to come home. 3 days after that my mother called him again but he didn't pick up his phone. Then yesterday,we received the bad news.

Both of my parents already went to retrieve his body and belongings,which should be arrived tomorrow morning. The latest news I got from them this afternoon,my mother said all of his body were turning blue because of the poison. The police suspected it was the work of more than one person however there's also theory saying the cause of death was natural illness. Nothing can be confirmed right now as the investigation still going on.

My heart was breaking. I couldn't sleep last night and ate nothing until now. Is this the grief that people talking about? The pain,sorrow,sadness,anger hurt everything eating me from inside. I hate seeing my relatives coming in and out of this house,talking to my grandmother and asking how does my brother's body looked like when they found him. Oh God,I don't want to hear the details anymore why can't these people understand what we were going through? I know my brother is been murdered,there's no need to repeat how he died we all badly wounded when we heard the news.
At this time,getting through each day is hard. Each second my tears rolling down my cheeks. I can hardly breathe,my throat feels so painful I couldn't swallow tiny bite of food. This may sound selfish,but right now I really don't know to meet anybody. Not even for funeral tomorrow. I don't want to hear about how my brother died or what is the motive of the crime.It makes me sad and angry. My brother is very sweet person with good heart. I don't believe he has any enemy or know anybody that would hurt him like that.

People around me don't seem to understand. I know my relatives came to be with my family but all the talks about memories of my brother,only makes it worse. I know time will heal my pain but right now I just want to be alone.
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  #2  
Old February 1st, 2012, 18:56
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default hello and welcome

Hazeylove9

First I wanted to express a deep candolance for your loss of your brother.


Your anger at this moment must be paramount. Unfortunately not having answers is beyond frustrating... but you now have to wait for more conclusive results.. Time... Unanswered questions and Grief.. a beyond horrible nightmare combination.


In regards to the Grief:
What you are feeling is completely natural, You are being torn in so many directions at once , Angry, Confused, Frustrated, Heartbroken and many other emotions at once.. Like having a seizure of emotions all at once. Everyone reacts differently to Grief. No one is exactly the same. The pain is making you want to shut down... this too is natural... How your family reacts is going to drive you crazy... being hypersensative to everything right now is also a common thing. But unfortunately it is all part of the cycle of Grief.. and you have to go through it no way around it, under it or over it. Unfortunately in the laws of natural progression the fact grief must be faced full out is a constant... Believe it Or Not!! in time when it all settles down and you start working on the path of understanding... each horrible thing you are feeling right now, the raw pain and emotion will start to make sense why you have to go through it all in a weird kind of way..


Go easy on yourself, don't beat yourself up for feeling this way. It is unfortunately all part of the cycle. To have someone you love instantly taken away makes you feel like your heart has been torn out and smashed into a million pieces or worse..

There are many of us here that can help when you need it most. A compassionate ear to your pain and suffering. You have come to the right place though I'm sure right now your torn in anything that is happening in your life.

Please if you like read some of the posts on this site. They will bring you reason when you feel there is none. And help inspire you to get through this horrible viscious time in your life.

I wish you peace for your pain, clarity of thought in the insanity of it all right now. And wish to tell you even now as you are raw in emotion and the pain feels it will never stop. Please believe me it will.. you just unfortunately have to go through the cycle of it all. It is truly a horrible time for you. My heart goes out to you..


Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : February 1st, 2012 at 19:54.
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  #3  
Old February 2nd, 2012, 08:37
cljm cljm is offline
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Hazytlove9,

I am sorry for the loss of your Brother---most especially when there may be extenuating circumstances that leaves so much "up in the air"; it's difficult for you to get your mind around what may or may not have happened.

We all need "alone" time to just be able to digest the news of losing someone we love so unexpectedly---yet, we do understand that family and friends show their care and support by surrounding the family in comfort. Sometimes it is hard to reconcile the two---wanting and needing to grasp the loss ourselves and understanding that family and friends want to show their care.

If you need alone time, take it.....you need to do what is best for you right now. People deal with loss in different ways---some may need to speak of memories, wanting so much to share the loss in hopes that in doing so, they don't have to yet deal with that loss on a personal conscious level. Some, prefer to keep to themselves. It's an awful time for everyone, and it's easy (and human nature) to find fault with others. We lash out at others in order to deflect the pain we are feeling inside. Nothing makes sense, and all senses are heightened at this time. Everyone is hurting.

Be good to yourself----do what you feel you need for yourself right now. Share and be around others when you want to, and have your alone time when you feel that too. There is no easy way to get through this----yet we know we will.

Prayers are with you, and your family.
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  #4  
Old February 2nd, 2012, 12:29
hazeylove9 hazeylove9 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Thank you so much for the replies.

I braced myself and went to the funeral today. His body was transported via private plane and arrived at 12 pm this afternoon,everything already been taken care by his nice employer and friends. However my parents refused to open the casket for me and my other two younger brothers to see him for final time they didn't want to make us more upset. My father was crying,hugged us all then he went to his older sister,my aunt for comfort.While my mother already stopped crying,she tried to look strong. In our heart,we asking for my brother's forgiveness for the wrong that we did to him,said we going to miss him and we love him so much.
After that,me and my grandmother had to be pulled away from the casket because both of us crying uncontrollably.
"Darling let him go ok? we have to move on. He don't want to see you like this." That's what I heard from behind. Finally I lift my right hand from the casket and I told myself, goodbye brother I love you so much.
No tears during the funeral. I looked at the other way when they lowered his body to the ground. Around 1 pm it's over we all went home.

From autopsy result the cause of his death was gastric. We don't understand why the police made early assumption,calling my mother saying he was been poisoned after seeing blood vomits on the floor and found his body laid down in living room,in front of tv. Doctors already confirmed that his gastric problem went chronic causing his internal organ to malfunction. His limbs and stomach burst out from inside the body (that's what I heard,don't know how to describe it here).
When we were in high school,I remember my father brought him to hospital twice because of gastric and high blood pressure. At that time he was very skinny but doctor said he's going to be fine.
10 years later,because of job stress and not eating properly the gastric went chronic and lead to his death. They said this is very common problem with those who work in office with high stress job in big city.

My other aunt,who lives in same town with my brother told my family actually he did have a girlfriend name Mira. She saw them several times holding hands at shopping mall and when she asked about his girlfriend,he shyly said he was not ready to introduce her to my parents yet.

After knowing all this,part of me is relived because he wasn't murdered,it was natural cause. So the uncertainty and waiting which nearly killed me for past 2 days is gone.My family's only regret is to let him going through all the pain and death all by himself. My mother already worried when he called last week saying he's not feeling well,couldn't eat and he'd vomit everytime he put food into his mouth. If only..if only there's somebody else to be with him at that time,to take him to hospital.
If only we all can be with him until his last breath.

Last night I cried myself to sleep. Today,it's over and we have to accept the death. Now I try not to say,hear or see things that remind me of my brother. Good and bad memories let all begone until I can fully gain back my strength and start a new life. My father assured us that he's fine,we all going to be fine and live well. The sadness still lingers here. It's like big grey monster,whenever I think about my brother I can feel the monster's hands wrapping around my neck pressing to choke me. Then it just disappeared and I left with tears again.

I want to thank you again for all the nice words. Visiting this forum does helps me a lot it's comforting to read the replies and I appreciate the concerns. I know I'm not alone here,every second there's people who lost their wife,husband,siblings,parents,friends and relatives. and dealing the grief is not easy either.
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  #5  
Old February 3rd, 2012, 10:50
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Location: Northwest England
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Shalom in Yeshua hazeylove9, I am so sorry to hear about the death of your brother and the distress you and your family are feeling. Please know that I will remember you and your family in my prayers this evening.

When we loose a loved one we tend to think about the 'what if...or if only'. This is normal. We have all done it, but it is not really helpful because we then tend to start feeling guilty about not doing something or other, when the reality is we could not have changed the event at all.

We all have to 'go home', how we go is painful for those left behind, but we should try and focus on the re-union our loved ones have when they are greeted by our departed loved ones and friends who have gone before us.

I know you don't want to see anything that will remind you of him at the moment, but when you do start remembering him, talk to him because he will be able to hear you, while he is in Sheol.

He is gone but not forgotten.
May God bless you
Tom
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