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  #1  
Old October 12th, 2007, 10:26
atula atula is offline
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Default The doctor with a stone heart...

My sister- in law was excepting her first child 2 years back and went to the gyneacologist for a regular check up at 3 months. The doctor said that she would like to do an ultrasound to see everything was ok.

The test revealed that my sis-in law's uterus was subseptate. i.e. in layman terms there was a protrusion in the uterus that would make it very difficult for the baby to grow and survive.

The doctor instantly told her that you cannot have this child and you will definitely have an abortion.

Just imagine...this was my sis-in laws first child..She was so excited, delighted and expecting to hear so many good things at the same time when she went to see the doctor.

But what she had to bear were some blunt remarks from a stone hearted doctor.

After hearin the news she recovered from the initial shock and went to see another gyneacologist just for a second opinion.

Thankfully, this doctor studied her case carefully and said that althought her uterus was smaller than expected, if proper care was taken nothing will happen to the child.

God has been very kind to us...the child not only survivied but is 2 years old now and my sis - in law also has a very healthy second 3 month old.

My point is...we all believe doctors to be angels send by god to help us relieve from anxieties and our health problems..Was it right to say something like that to an expectent mom...
Even if her case was complicated and something disastrous was to happen...the doctor could have told her in a more subtle way...

We all know children are very special...their loss is not something that can be taken easily...so doctors pleae be more human towards those who have a faint chance....
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  #2  
Old October 12th, 2007, 15:10
shay shay is offline
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Yeah, that doctor could have said it in a more sublte way. I'm glad the baby lived though. And now she has 2!! Congrats to her! I want to have a baby, but I am on dialysis. I should be getting a transplant by the new year, so I'll be able to have a baby by the year 2009! *woot* I'm so excited about that!
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  #3  
Old October 12th, 2007, 16:57
travelforever travelforever is offline
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This is similar to my own story. I was 9 months pregnant and started to bleed. My Ob said when I went in to him that it looked like I had an incompetant cervix and I would lose the baby. I went directly to the hospital in which they induced labor. Even there my doctor said to my husband to let this baby go because he was too premature and donīt let the neonatal staff revive him as he would be 26 weeks premature and his chances at a normal, healthy life nill.

Today, he is 13, walks, talks (speaks 3 languages), is on the honor list at school and is very talented. I look at him and remember what my doctor said and realize to go with what is dealt and continue on.
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  #4  
Old October 12th, 2007, 23:31
jipmerite jipmerite is offline
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I don't think there is any subtle way to tell an expecting mother that there is a chance that she might lose her baby. No matter how sensitively you do it, it will always be a shock for the mother. Maybe the doctor did his best and did say it with as much empathy as he could. But hearing that sort of news is never ever easy and a mother would always feel it same as a shock.

When deciding the course of action, especially involving pregnancies, the doctors have to consider not only the baby but the mother as well. While the mother will subjectively think that her baby is the most important thing in the world, for the objective doctor, the mother is more important, with more responsibilities and more dependents than an unborn child.
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  #5  
Old October 13th, 2007, 01:26
azaleaeight azaleaeight is offline
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When I had the fetus die in my first pregnancy the doctor was really, really, compassionate.

When my mother was dying, though, that doctor was a complete jerk. My mother was in the hospital and had surgery. An infection set in. The nurse came and said the doctor wanted to talk to me on the phone at the nurse's station.

He was apparently calling from home because his kids were being noisy (screaming and yelling) in the background. He said, bluntly (after telling his children to be quiet because he was on the phone), "You should start saying your 'good-byes' now."

I was too in shock to make a stink about it, and I was too wrapped in my my mother's dying to be bothered following up. A long time later I really thought about how rotten a way he handled that, and I thought how if I told anyone they'd never even believe it. He was a real piece of work.
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  #6  
Old October 13th, 2007, 11:15
Calypso Calypso is offline
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When I worked in as an emergency room social worker, I often had to accompany doctors when they broke the news of a loved one's death.

There's no easy way to say it, and no matter how gently you approach the subject, the news of the death is going to be devastating to the family. That said, the doctors that tended to erect walls around themselves and behave in a manner that most would consider cold often simply didn't know how to talk about death--they rarely teach doctors about death and dying in medical school. Some were afraid of being sued. Others felt deeply affected by the death and were afraid of showing their emotions.

I started offering brief seminars about approaching the families of patients who had died, and the results were tremendous. I also tried to work one on one with the doctors who seemed to have the most trouble. It helped. I wish they made talking to families about death a mandatory subject in medical school!
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  #7  
Old October 13th, 2007, 12:59
Priscilla Priscilla is offline
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This is quite a story. The child and your sister-in-law make a very inspirational story. I'm sorry that her first doctor was such a toadstool. She showed some smart thinking to get another opinion.
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  #8  
Old October 14th, 2007, 03:17
shay shay is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso View Post
When I worked in as an emergency room social worker, I often had to accompany doctors when they broke the news of a loved one's death.

There's no easy way to say it, and no matter how gently you approach the subject, the news of the death is going to be devastating to the family. That said, the doctors that tended to erect walls around themselves and behave in a manner that most would consider cold often simply didn't know how to talk about death--they rarely teach doctors about death and dying in medical school. Some were afraid of being sued. Others felt deeply affected by the death and were afraid of showing their emotions.

I started offering brief seminars about approaching the families of patients who had died, and the results were tremendous. I also tried to work one on one with the doctors who seemed to have the most trouble. It helped. I wish they made talking to families about death a mandatory subject in medical school!
I didn't know that doctors weren't taught that in medical school. You would think it would be a part of the requirements since death is a part of life. I guess I can understand how it would be hard to do especially if they were deeply affected as you said some are. I don't think I would be able to do it kindly...I'm wayyy too blunt with my words. I'm glad I didn't go into the medical field.
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  #9  
Old October 14th, 2007, 09:10
janus76 janus76 is offline
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i really feel our sister i mean yes the doctor may have been right about wht was best for the unborn child but he didnt hav to say it like that it was cold and callous where was the compasion and sympathy tht your sis in law needed at the time at the end of the day it is a loss of a life and tht needs time to grief not just oh well get rid of it she should make a complaint about it
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  #10  
Old October 14th, 2007, 11:31
atula atula is offline
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Thanks everyone for the replies and yes I am happy to know that the feeling i had about the doctor is shared universally.

Although I also agree to what calypso said that doctors cannot be subtle when it comes o saying the facts.
Actually I know that they have to utimately inform the family as to what has to happen, but their are ways and means to say thing without being to harsh.

I mean, the doc in question could have called my brother and informed him, instead of directly telling it to my sis in law. Afterall she was an expectent mom.

And yes...Doctors..should be taught the how to share the matters of death with friends and family....
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