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  #1  
Old August 29th, 2011, 03:48
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my Mom

This is my first visit here.

I lost my mom on 06 August 2011 and yet it's like she's not gone. A lot happened before and after she had gone, she was in ICU for one week and everytime I think of her, I feel the pain she must've been feeling then, not being able to communicate with us as she was in pipes and all other machines. All I saw were tears, tears and tears. I remember telling not to cry anymore and wiping them away. I still have that pain with me and find myself crying all the time. I want to go back to the hospital/ICU lounge and just wait, it's as if she'll be there somehow. I feel so alone, so lonely. I can't seem to handle the loss very well.

I am taking (herbal) medication to help with anxiety but I still feel so lost. Yesterday was my 40th birthday, I miss her SO much, as I drove back from dinner with my 10yr old son, tears were just rolling down. I pray but my voice does not come out, I get short of breath. I miss her so much, I wish I could see her one more time, maybe get a hug & spend more time with her again. I am trying to surving for my son. I don't know how.
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  #2  
Old August 30th, 2011, 04:28
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Busie, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and the effect is it having on you. Know that I have already prayed for you to be comforted.

It has only been a couple of weeks and you are bound to feel the way you do because you are still in a state of shock. Try not to think about the way she passed over, rather remember they way she was, and the way she is now, free of pain and enjoying the company of her departed family members and friends.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Your dad or partner maybe. You need to share your feelings in order to start grieving. If you have nobody to talk to you can always speak here we are all willing to help you.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #3  
Old August 31st, 2011, 09:07
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my mom

Hello Tom

Thank you for words of encouragement. My father passed away over 10 years ago and I had only my mom. I am single parent and can't say I have a partner/boytfriend. I have friends/colleagues who have been very helpful in helping me cope but I fear that I am giving them too much burden and I try to be brave but then, the pain, the loneliness comes back and it consumes me. I have two sisters living with me who are older than I am but they too are grieving in their own way. At least I talk with the other but other than that no one is talking about it at home except my son who is 10 years old (sometimes).

It's like they think she's gone and there's no point in talking but I can't even pray at times. I find my lips move but my voice does not come out and tears just pour. I wish I could ask God when will this pain go away and when will I ever be happy in knowing she's at peace. I can't help but feel like she's not gone, that she'll be back, that she's visiting. Everytime I think back I find myself crying. It's like no one at home knows how I feel. When I think back I feel her pain deeply but at the same time, I want her back, I would've taken care of her in anyway, like I did. I miss her SO SO much. I miss buying newspaper, magazines and colleting her medication. I miss going everyhwere with her. How do I go past the pain and loneliness?

Thank you Tom listening.

Stay Blessed!
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  #4  
Old August 31st, 2011, 14:30
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Busie, I have sent you a personal message which I hope will help you.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #5  
Old September 3rd, 2011, 09:25
jas315 jas315 is offline
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I know this hurt and feeling so well...

I lost my mom so fast and you just feel absent from normal life anymore. Everything is in slow motion, and when you cry its a different type of cry, it hurts, physically and when you wake up the next day you feel like a zombie.

I know this pain. I wish I could hug you.

I lost my mom Aug. 14 2010. The 1st year just passed. I am a changed person, as we all are after something this powerful happens.
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  #6  
Old September 5th, 2011, 03:20
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my Mom

Hi jas315, thank you for responding, I agree with J's daughter, there is something between mother and daughter.

I feel your pain cos I can see the similarities in our families. On the day I lost my mom, my two older sisters changed from being these supportive sisters to people I don't know. My third sister is the only person I communication with, as per my other sisters we are mocking God if we pray but we know that by praying and asking God and the Holy spirit to intervene, He will intervene cos there are forces beyond our control that take over when death comes knocking. My two sisters do not talk to us, they don't even talk about our mom's death. They use my fourth sister to talk to us.

Yesterday I went to Church with my third sister & my son, I cried and cried most of the service as I just couldn't help myself but miss her so much. I've told myself that I am going to try and cope with grieving the best way that I can so that I bring closure to myself and my son. I told my sister about this site.

All I can say to you is you jas315 is that you are entitled to grieve for your mom as much as you can, do not shut your Dad out cos he is your Dad, leave some space for your love cos you do have it, it's just that it's lost somehwere in the midst of pain and sorrow. Do not worry yourself about the new lady in your Dad's life, let the good spirits take you on that road to recovery. That's what I am trying even though it's not easy.

I am sorry about your loss. It's not easy, I remember with my Dad, it took me over a year to go to his grave to put flowers, even then, I cried so much but I healed for his loss through time. Now I am going through the same emotions for my mom.

Thank you J's daughter for your advice, it's talking to me too. Let's all hang in there and never let go of the love we have for our moms, even when other people (dads, sisters, brothers, relatives) try to take it away from us, there's something between mom and daughter.
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  #7  
Old October 3rd, 2011, 06:04
Busie Busie is offline
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Default Losing my mom

Hi Friends

It's been a while since I opened my heart to you again. I was trying to make sure that I try and deal with my loss and find courage and strength. It's not easy still, it hurts like yesterday. I talk to Jesus through prayer and at times find myself focusing on the positive but other days I really feel her presence/spirit and it takes me back to the day she left and days prior to that.

I watched John Edward last week (SA time) and heard him give advise that we must try and not dwell on how a person passed on or what they were feeling then and why did they decide to go and so on as this will not give their spirit rest in a way. I understand it but how does one not visit that beacuse the moment the sorrow and pain come back, it hurts to think about it, it takes you back.

My mom cried a lot in her coma and as much as I assure my sister that she loved/ loves all of us and I am sure of that, irrespective of what my other sisters imply, I strongly believe and know she loved/loves each and everyone of us as we were all her children. But, I still find it hard to go pass her pain, that I saw as she kept trying to talk & tears rolling down on the side of her eyes. When I feel that pain it's like I am travelling in a time machine and I get to that very day, that very situation and I get to see why she is crying. I have no idea if this makes sense. Now that she is gone I think I understand the pain she felt when she was lying there realising that we (sisters) will never get along and she could see what was going to happen to us. How do I go pass that pain as it engulfs me everyday. My closest sister told me yesterday that she felt her presence in her (sister's) bedroom a couple of times and as she ad my mom had a bit of a stormy relationship, my sister made sure that she told mom that all is forgiven and that she loves her, needless to say we all thought mom would pull through. I am happy for my sister and mom that they finally got the chance to know they do love each other. My sister still had doubts until she felt her presence in her bedroom and it was like she told her that she should listen to me that she (mom) loved and loves her (sister).

Somehow I still want to have this closure as I feel cheated by her passing. I was sure she'd pull through, we did everythign together, I miss her, the thought of her brings me to tears. I can't even enjoy a day out or anything of that sort. I know life must go on but how.

Some day it's better, some days it's soooo painful and not to mention the loneliness. I wish to just see her one more time, talk to her, I have so much to talk to her about, to ask her. I am no longer that angry / upset but I still feel she gave up too easily. When I drive or am seated in the car and see the clouds move especially in a cold, cloudy day, I can't help feel her as her passing happened on a cloudy, rainy day. I used to love those days but I can't help but be said on them.

Thank you again for being here.

I am sure I will pull through in time, I guess I must just go through and work on my feelings and with your help I will.

Stay Blessed.
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  #8  
Old October 3rd, 2011, 10:55
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Message deleted.

Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:58.
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  #9  
Old October 3rd, 2011, 16:34
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Busie, welcome back amongst you friends and many thanks to J's daughter for the loving advice she gave you.

Busie please stop looking to fraudsters for help. These mediums just make a living out of suffering souls. When your mum died, her spirit left the body and went into Sheol. Nothing we do or don't do can affect that. Thinking about her is not preventing her from having 'rest'. I know they think they have a gift to share, but the reality is the practices they perform are totally forbidden in scripture.

Do as J's daughter suggests, talk to her. She can hear you. She will be praying for you. Praying that you start to feel better about her passing. Start to feel her love. Stop dwelling on her passing, and remember the happy times. I know it is hard, but you must try a stop wandering back to her last days. You carry her in your heart and you can carry her in a locket.

Know that I have already prayed for you.
May God bless you
Tom
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  #10  
Old October 4th, 2011, 01:35
Busie Busie is offline
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Default Losing my Mom

Thank you J's daughter. I can't tell you how much your positive response does to me this morning. I actually did that (talk to her). At first I was scared beacuse I tohught, what would I say to her but as I entered her bedroom, I sat on the edge of the bed as I always did but I couldn't utter a word, tears just rolled and rolled and it was like my mind was just empty and it was just floating until I lifted my head up and realised again that I was in her bedroom.

It was then that I started talking to her as if she were there, still tears were rolling and I couldn't even wipe them away enough but I continued and afterwards it felt better knowing I had spoken to her. I took a drive as well before that day and went to her favourite sea side & parked there and cried and spoke to her until I was okay. I went home felling like she heard me. Everytime I talk to her I get so exhausted that I just get home and get to bed but I feel better afterwards.

Last nite was one of those nights where my body was just not carrying me but I wasn't crying but I was just exhausted out of the blue and I looked at my son, my sister & my nephews and realised that I can see them but I felt like I wasn't with them. I turned and looked at my mom's picture on the wall and smiled, that was praying time. We prayed and afterwards I went and had a cup of black rooibos tea with my son. I suddenly felt better and as I was back in the room again, I started chatting to my nephews and everyone around.

I hear you J's daughter and I am trying to go past everything else and embrace her love. We used to go everywhere together. I used to even tease her and say "I won't get another husband if I constantly have her and my son on my drives to the malls and what not" and I would laugh outloud and I would tell her that I don't want another husband, she, my son and my family are just enough for me to love and we'd all laugh. I enjoyed being with her in my drives. I miss those drives, I miss her sitting next to me as I drive.

I hear you again about writing to her, that would be my best way of healing as I would tell her all that I need to tell her and it would allow me to cry all that I want and keep wonderful memories. I really MISS her. I have not had the courage to go back to the hospital but somehow I want to as I feel that this will give me the closure to know she is gone, like I will talk to her again and tell her that I love her, that we want her back home, that all will be well. I just want to visit the chapel, the corridors and touch / walk where I did during that time to close that chapter. I do still have questions about a lot of things but I know I'll get those answers when the time is right. This coming Thurday, 06 October will be 2 full months since she passed. I am asking God to help me heal each day at a time. Accept that all was God's will. Not to question too much anymore but accept what has happened. It is not easy but I will not stop trying. I ask God to help me forgive my other two sisters for the way they behaved.


To you Tom, thank you again for your wise words. I will not stop trying to heal and be a better me and mom to my son.

Thank you guys

Stay blessed.
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