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  #1  
Old August 29th, 2011, 03:48
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my Mom

This is my first visit here.

I lost my mom on 06 August 2011 and yet it's like she's not gone. A lot happened before and after she had gone, she was in ICU for one week and everytime I think of her, I feel the pain she must've been feeling then, not being able to communicate with us as she was in pipes and all other machines. All I saw were tears, tears and tears. I remember telling not to cry anymore and wiping them away. I still have that pain with me and find myself crying all the time. I want to go back to the hospital/ICU lounge and just wait, it's as if she'll be there somehow. I feel so alone, so lonely. I can't seem to handle the loss very well.

I am taking (herbal) medication to help with anxiety but I still feel so lost. Yesterday was my 40th birthday, I miss her SO much, as I drove back from dinner with my 10yr old son, tears were just rolling down. I pray but my voice does not come out, I get short of breath. I miss her so much, I wish I could see her one more time, maybe get a hug & spend more time with her again. I am trying to surving for my son. I don't know how.
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  #2  
Old August 30th, 2011, 04:28
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Busie, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and the effect is it having on you. Know that I have already prayed for you to be comforted.

It has only been a couple of weeks and you are bound to feel the way you do because you are still in a state of shock. Try not to think about the way she passed over, rather remember they way she was, and the way she is now, free of pain and enjoying the company of her departed family members and friends.

Do you have anyone you can talk to? Your dad or partner maybe. You need to share your feelings in order to start grieving. If you have nobody to talk to you can always speak here we are all willing to help you.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #3  
Old August 31st, 2011, 09:07
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my mom

Hello Tom

Thank you for words of encouragement. My father passed away over 10 years ago and I had only my mom. I am single parent and can't say I have a partner/boytfriend. I have friends/colleagues who have been very helpful in helping me cope but I fear that I am giving them too much burden and I try to be brave but then, the pain, the loneliness comes back and it consumes me. I have two sisters living with me who are older than I am but they too are grieving in their own way. At least I talk with the other but other than that no one is talking about it at home except my son who is 10 years old (sometimes).

It's like they think she's gone and there's no point in talking but I can't even pray at times. I find my lips move but my voice does not come out and tears just pour. I wish I could ask God when will this pain go away and when will I ever be happy in knowing she's at peace. I can't help but feel like she's not gone, that she'll be back, that she's visiting. Everytime I think back I find myself crying. It's like no one at home knows how I feel. When I think back I feel her pain deeply but at the same time, I want her back, I would've taken care of her in anyway, like I did. I miss her SO SO much. I miss buying newspaper, magazines and colleting her medication. I miss going everyhwere with her. How do I go past the pain and loneliness?

Thank you Tom listening.

Stay Blessed!
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  #4  
Old August 31st, 2011, 14:30
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Busie, I have sent you a personal message which I hope will help you.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #5  
Old September 3rd, 2011, 09:25
jas315 jas315 is offline
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I know this hurt and feeling so well...

I lost my mom so fast and you just feel absent from normal life anymore. Everything is in slow motion, and when you cry its a different type of cry, it hurts, physically and when you wake up the next day you feel like a zombie.

I know this pain. I wish I could hug you.

I lost my mom Aug. 14 2010. The 1st year just passed. I am a changed person, as we all are after something this powerful happens.
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  #6  
Old September 5th, 2011, 03:20
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my Mom

Hi jas315, thank you for responding, I agree with J's daughter, there is something between mother and daughter.

I feel your pain cos I can see the similarities in our families. On the day I lost my mom, my two older sisters changed from being these supportive sisters to people I don't know. My third sister is the only person I communication with, as per my other sisters we are mocking God if we pray but we know that by praying and asking God and the Holy spirit to intervene, He will intervene cos there are forces beyond our control that take over when death comes knocking. My two sisters do not talk to us, they don't even talk about our mom's death. They use my fourth sister to talk to us.

Yesterday I went to Church with my third sister & my son, I cried and cried most of the service as I just couldn't help myself but miss her so much. I've told myself that I am going to try and cope with grieving the best way that I can so that I bring closure to myself and my son. I told my sister about this site.

All I can say to you is you jas315 is that you are entitled to grieve for your mom as much as you can, do not shut your Dad out cos he is your Dad, leave some space for your love cos you do have it, it's just that it's lost somehwere in the midst of pain and sorrow. Do not worry yourself about the new lady in your Dad's life, let the good spirits take you on that road to recovery. That's what I am trying even though it's not easy.

I am sorry about your loss. It's not easy, I remember with my Dad, it took me over a year to go to his grave to put flowers, even then, I cried so much but I healed for his loss through time. Now I am going through the same emotions for my mom.

Thank you J's daughter for your advice, it's talking to me too. Let's all hang in there and never let go of the love we have for our moms, even when other people (dads, sisters, brothers, relatives) try to take it away from us, there's something between mom and daughter.
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  #7  
Old September 5th, 2011, 16:38
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:57.
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  #8  
Old September 6th, 2011, 03:52
Busie Busie is offline
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Unhappy Losing my Mom

Somehow, I was looking forward to sharing with you guys again.

J's daughter, I have read your story over and over and over again thinking to myself, how my mom passed away though in hospital but in my arms as well. It was the first time I ever saw a person take their last breath and my mom's was peaceful as well, nothing like what other people experience. Even so, my sister & I kept calling her name cos we felt she could still hear us. Yes, she did, cos she kept coming back and we could see that she heard us from so far away but at that moment, I didn't care about anything else but to have her back with us.

She as well, had bed sores and whenever we came to visit I would tell her how much I loved her and how much I needed her and that when not if, she came back I would book her in a spa to unwind and make her body heal and I remember how she put her thumb up in agreement and tears were just rolling down my face cos I thought to myself, yes, she is coming back. I prayed and prayed and believed that she was going to be better.

A lot of people prayed with us but I noticed that they were letting God decide and I was asking God to give her back to us. It hurt me to hear them say that but I understand now that it all is in God's hands but I can't help but feel like why didn't she ask for another chance to be with us? why did she give up and not fight to come back? I had been on leave for just over a week cos I couldn't concentrate at work and I don't know how I managed to drive around without causing accidents.

Everyday we (my family) would wake up to another day and go and sit at the hospital waiting to hear how she is back from her induced coma. I can't help but see her last moments in my mind, I can't go pass the tears she cried, past the pain she felt. It's like I want to take that away and want to know why she was crying. I remember wiping her tears away from the sides of her eyes and asking her not to stress too much by crying, she would try and wake up but she was tied to the bed and with all the pipes and the machines surrounding her cos she always tried to take the oxygen out so she could speak but they wouldn't let her cos it was helping her breathe. I remember Thursday, how the nurse told us that she was doing much better as she was awake and helping the breathing machine by 50% and that as soon as she could just be over that, they would take the oxygen out but Friday she was getting worse until she passed away on Saturday. It was a very gloomy weather I will never forget.

Somehow, I wish I could go back to the hospital and just sit and wait for my turn to see her, it's like she's gonna be there but my mind tells me she's not but I can't help but feel this emptiness inside me. I feel my whole body just trembles.

My third sister is battling her own difficulties with this and somehow I find myself comforting her and telling her that Mom loved her just as much as everyone of us. She has always felt that Mom does not love her but I know that she did. I know she did. It does not help that my two older sisters imply this negativity at every chance they get but we lived with our Mom and as much as she was human she was loving towards all of us. I saw that in her gestures.

I miss her so much. Today, is exactly one month since she passed away and I wish to have a chance to see her again. I remember the good times more but those very good times make me so sad they automatically bring me to the time she got sick and I can't hold my tears. I ask myself how we are going to cope during the festive season cos I drove around shopping with her, my life was around her & my son. I pray for healing, I see it's going to take longer than I thought but I pray for healing for myself, my family, my son, you (my new found friends) cos I can't concentrate even reading a magazine or newspaper.

I wrote a message for her to be read in church but it did not, I still have it and all it summed up was I miss her, how am I to cope, who am I going to buy magazines for, newspapers for, talk to when I can't sleep. I'll miss taking her to her doctor, the clinic when she got flu, when she got her pension when she wanted to buy fruits and when I got my pay and she would ask me to buy fish and chips. She loved her fish and chips. I miss her so much it hurts right down in my stomach. I cannot even explain anymore but through prayers and support, people make me believe that time will heal, it's just that when I look at it, it is such a long time to come.

Thank you for being here J's daughter and ja315. You are right if we were to meet, we'd probably say nothing to each but hug each other for a long time.

I'm glad I have you guys to talk to. I hope that we find strength in each other to come out of this stronger.
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  #9  
Old September 6th, 2011, 05:35
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua J's daughter and Busie, First can I thank you J's daughter for such a moving account of the love you and your mum shared. After I read it, I showed it to my wife, who added to the ocean!! I on the other hand swallowed the lump. Love is the most beautiful and important thing in life. It can take a gun out of someone hands, it can heal family rifts, and it never ever dies.

I have been in that place you are in. I first lost a son, 7 months old to a cot death, then two years later I lost my mum to cancer, then the following year I lost another son with a brain hemorrhage aged 11 weeks, and then a few years later I lost my dad, again to cancer. The passing of my sons set me off on a course to 'seek and you shall find, ask and you will be given, knock and the door will be opened. Well I did seek, I asked and I knocked and I was answered. Praise God!!

Busie, keep praying for the healing of your family. It will happen. We will join you. Read your message to your mum, she can hear you. You don't have to attend church to do this either, do it at home maybe with your sisters, especially the third one and your son. The old saying 'The family that prays together stays together'.

I know there will be some people who read these threads and who won't have any belief in God. Each to there own, but when I speak to people like this I find that in most cases they are at odds with organised religion. In their dislike of the attitudes of these organised religious groups they have wrongly assumed that the churches represent God's view of us, and as a result have thrown out our Perfect Creator as well. God is not the churches and they are far from perfect. He on the other hand is the one true God who knows all our needs, and if we turn to him He will heal us all. You don't need to be part of a church to do this.

I thank you both for sharing your feelings. It really helps you but it helps others more.

May God bless you
Tom
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  #10  
Old September 7th, 2011, 08:14
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:57.
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