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Old December 19th, 2013, 18:07
missysw missysw is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Default Still having trouble with loss and it's been about 5 months now.

I lost one of my best friend's about five months ago, my precious kitty Tasha. She was nearing 18 years of age when she passed, so she was a big part of my life for a very, very long time. I lost her suddenly to a stroke, and then the problem was not addressed correctly by the vet, so really she died of a heart attack from too much fluids. I suffer from guilt as I took her to the wrong vet, but didn't know where to go since I was not that familiar with many vets in the area. And this problem hit me quickly. One day she was okay, the next day she was not.

You know, I have lost other pets over the years. Those were not nearly as hard as losing my Tasha, so yes, I most definitely had a favorite. Many people say that cats are aloof or independent, or that they aren't connected like dogs are. I'd have to correct them and say that my cat Tasha was very much connected to me, and she was also very protective over me. There were things that she did that I've never seen a cat do before. She could be expressive, but it often meant something when she was.

I'm not sure I can put into words what made her so special. She was just very different from the other cats that I had had over the years. She was very gentle, caring, and attentive, and very sweet. She also had a tremendous amount of grace. Very, very graceful and smart as a whip.

I was taking a calculus class online right before she got sick. I didn't have a lot of spare time during that course. Tasha lost a few pounds within the course of a few weeks, and so I bought a different kind of food to try to entice her to eat more. I also started to weigh her on my scale. The few pounds that she had lost within a short time span was really the sign that something was wrong, and I missed that sign. So I am suffering from guilt at this point. I know that she could still be here with me right now if I had gotten her to a good vet right away. It was a few weeks after the weight loss that she had a stroke, and when that happened, I was extremely stressed out and over diligent in trying to fix the problem. Tasha slipped through my fingers in her last days. She just slipped right through my fingers. So I am still dealing with how I could have done things differently.

I realize that a big part of life is about loss, but Tasha was very much a big part of me. I think of her before I go to sleep, and think of her when I first wake up. I've got a new kitten now, and have had the new one for a few months now. That has helped a little bit but this new one is not really a lover or a comforter.

Finally, I dumped a guy right after I lost Tasha. This guy had a lot going for him, a degree, good job with the state, owned his own home, etc. Well I dumped him because two days after I lost Tasha, he said "Don't get stuck in it." He sent me flowers, but what he said was just horrible. This guy by the way is a big hunter as he lives in a northern state. He is not into animals or pets, and would rather kill them than love them.

My love for Tasha was so strong that I felt dumping this guy was the right thing to do, and really my reaction was "HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME." I sent him a final email and pretty much told him off. Told him the thought of being with him made me very sick inside, and that he's disgusting. I did that for Tasha to, because her memory is a very beautiful thing that deserves to be honored. Just wish the pain of losing her would get better.
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