Just lost my dad
I'm new. I just lost my dad last Sunday. He had a hard life filled with many terrible people who used him in so many ways and just beat him down so badly. He developed a serious drinking problem that we thought would kill him. It turns out it may have been one of the people who he so generously always helped that used him killed him. This girlfriend had a drug addiction and was violent. This is still under investigation. To get to my point, During this last few years I could no longer get through to my dad. Between his drinking and his being to busy to help those in need he failed to acknowledge my wedding, and the birth of his 2 grandsons. No card, no call, no email just nothing. I sent cards and pictures etc. It broke my heart and made me so angry that I stopped talking to him. I told him he was too busy helping everyone else and had his face in the whiskey that he could have that but leave me out. I was angry and hurt that he would help these "friends" and drink himself into such a mess that he couldn't even send a card for a birthday holiday etc. now he has suddenly died. I feel so foolish and mad at myself. While everyone was beating him down and treating him poorly, I left his side. I have to attend his funeral this week. I don't know how I am going to make it and what to say to him. Not to mention whatever I say is too little too late. I can only think of him lying there dying not knowing how much I love him. He was my everything and best friend for 37 years. I should have continued to reach out and try instead of avoiding him. He was so thoughtful, generous loyal and giving to everyone and so special to me. He wasn't always an alcoholic that was only the last few years. He was an amazing dad until then. I never had a chance to say goodbye. Any thoughts on what to say to him and if or how I can forgive myself for what I did. He deserved better.