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Old April 5th, 2015, 12:27
Confused88 Confused88 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 35
Default thinking about Dad on easter sunday...

I went to the cemetery today, which I havenīt done in quite some time.

For some reason, easter always feels more right than my fatherīs birthday or death day to come an visit. Everything is calm and itīs starting to get warm outside, maybe itīs also that it is about death but a new beginning...

I was surprised how sad I got when I saw his grave, it really took me by surprised, I wasnīt aware of that. I just wanted to come and get some "connection" but really, I came home and cried and it ended up being also about grief outlet for me today, which I guess is good and fine too.

Even though I have been doing better, a lot better, I realized that maybe I still need to talk and talk more about it. And maybe feel more too. Maybe I still lack some connection to the loss and to him.

Itīs difficult to talk about it in therapy because my therapist mainly wants to talk about my mother but I think that the loss of my father might be a bigger issue. Iīm not sure. I think Iīd like to talk more about my Dad, I think like talking about him, his person, it makes me feel closer to him, which I have started to enjoy
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Old April 5th, 2015, 18:27
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144

hi confused 88 no one gets to a day when at last grief ends it's so gradual we don't realise it's getting easier some take a long time to accept their loss others cope better I will always say that talking is the best way to coping and i think by doing this you are in a better place than when we last talked Seeing a loved one suffer our grieving is twofold we have to grieve and recover from the dreadful illness that we watched take them from us which is difficult and also grieve for the loss in your case your beloved father Today was his birthday and you call it his (death day)which made me sad to hear it called that perhaps you could try to just remember Easter sunday as the day of his birth because thats a day to celebrate all he ever was all the things he achieved in his life is because on this day he was born all you are is because he loved you and he gave you this life we must try to remember the good and thats what he would have wanted not to get lost in the sadness and the parting i know if your dad could send you only one message he would say be happy because that is everything we wish for those we love i don't know if you are a person with faith if you are at Easter we are reminded that Jesus died on the cross to give us all everlasting life in heaven your dad is at peace your love is always with him one day we will all be reunited until then live your life as full and as happy as you can make it this is how you can honour his memory thinking of you love hazel x

Last edited by hazelharris : April 6th, 2015 at 03:18.
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Old April 6th, 2015, 06:22
Confused88 Confused88 is offline
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 35

Dear hazel, thank you for your words

Yes, I suppose youīre right and grief may never end fully. And maybe it would be strange if it did. If when reminded, you wouldnīt be sad "at all" anymore, that would be strange.

O and I wanted to say, that easter sunday is neither his birthday nor his death day. He died in June and was born in October, but I meant to say that somehow, easter sunday, I always feel like going to see his grave, more than on those other days.

And yes, maybe because I feel a religious connection to the easter story.

Iīm not really religious now, but I grew up christian with the stories of easter and christmas, so I guess this is why.
Also because on easter sunday, we used to spend time with the family. Now I donīt have connection to my remaining family, but at least I can still go and "see" my father.

I donīt know, I suppose I used to push away grief very badly, now I almost feel like sometimes, even though itīs sad feelings, it still feels good and I can embrace it. It makes me feel close to my Dad.
As long as you donīt get lost in it, I think grief is a good thing.
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