The Light Beyond Bereavement Forum Bereavement StoreMovieBlogSympathy Ecards
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own...

Go Back   The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums > Loss of a loved one > Loss of a parent
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old November 4th, 2013, 09:48
ghostface ghostface is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9
Default

There's a movie called The Mortican, the story and the theme of the movie is pretty much what Iv experienced so I thought I would copy and past two parts of the interview with the main actor.


In the movie, your character the mortician he loses his mom as a child, right?
Right. And based off of that, no one ever gave him his moment to grieve. So he held that pain inside all these years. You could only imagine what kind of person he grew into, being that he had this traumatic experience as a child. I reflected on that when they yelled action. But like I said, such a complex character, the best analogy that the director gave me was ‘this guy is just cold. He’s so cold he has a ice block around his heart.’ That’s the reason why he walks like he does because it feels like the weight of that cold heart holds him down.

This is a pretty unusual role for you. How would you describe the mortician?

He doesn't have a name. He basically has a traumatic experience as a child. Which he carries with him through adulthood. So it kind of makes him more reserved in a chaotic world. He's basically a guy who wants to be left alone. He's closed himself off from the rest of the world. He has his routine, which is the mortuary. And at home, he's basically a sad soul that's never had time to heal.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old November 5th, 2013, 07:36
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144
Default

my friend please do not compare yourself to a character in a movie yes there are small comparisons we can all find them in ourselves whatever movie we watch The problem with that is the character gets blown out of proportion and gradually you see yourself more and more as the character this movie is depressing and morbid by the sounds of it and as you are suffering so much you must try to refrain from watching these types of film that will make you feel worse
I remember listening to the life story of bill odie and he has had a terrible childhood like yourself and was told to supress all feelings and it has affected him throughout his life In some way you have to alter all negativity that have been flooding your mind and replace it all with an inner peace and acceptance that the past cannot be changed it's the future and today that matter when you receive the help you so desperately need I hope you will be able to see life can be so wonderful if only you can let the past go
it's very sad at a young age you have closed the door on friendships and life that's a hard habit to break it's about time you opened that door I know its difficult but you have to take that first step each step you take afterwards will get easier
one thing you must do is forgive yourself for mistakes you have made forgive others who told you to supress your feelings they meant well and more than anything start to love yourself you are a special person unique you have value and worthy of love from others
I just noticed my pm box is full sorry if you were trying to pm me it's cleared now x
__________________

Last edited by hazelharris : November 5th, 2013 at 07:45.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old November 5th, 2013, 09:30
Whitehorse81 Whitehorse81 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 57
Default

Don't watch movies like this. They will only bring you down and depressed as you relate to them. Focus on something else. Reach out to help someone, buy a stranger lunch, sweep someone's sidewalk, volunteer at a local charity, anything to reach out and help someone.

You will learn a great lesson.

Hugs
Jacquie
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old November 5th, 2013, 10:16
ghostface ghostface is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9
Default

I didn't see the movie as a negative just I can completely relate to it and the character, the theme of the movie is what unresolved grieve can do to a person, like I said I had a life and then went through a process of isolating myself and suppressing everything and spending 15 years as a virtual recluse incapable of experiencing emotion, in my 20's if I ever did end up with a girl I couldn't feel a thing, I couldn't even remember what it was I was supposed to be feeling and the Mortician has the exact same experience, at the end of the movie he finally as his breakthrough and goes from the darkness back into the light and since I finally grieved last summer Iv been experiencing the same thing so it's like this movie was made for me and has helped me understand a lot of what I went through, but yeah I have been slipping back into depression lately but it's no where as severe as it used to be, thanks guy's for the support and encouragement, yes Hazel I sent you a pm

Last edited by ghostface : November 7th, 2013 at 11:06.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old November 12th, 2013, 10:07
ghostface ghostface is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9
Default

I don't know, I need to get thing's of my chest if only here on this forum, I'm so alone and I'm stuck in depression, the only good thing I have right now is that I'm feeling music again in a way I haven't able to experience since all this started but Iv spent the past 15 years trying to figure out why I wasn't able to relate to music in the first place and it drove me nut's and made me so angry, it's what I loved the most and what I wanted to do with my life since childhood, my Mom was a talented musician and artist before she passed and I have memories of sitting by her at the piano, she was starting to teach me how to play, she also introduced me to drawing which is something I also loved to do, always had natural talent which I got from her and was years ahead of everyone else in what I could do artistically, everything I was and everything I could do as been gone all this time and I'v had to sit back in frustration and anger watching other's with no real passion or talent do thing's musically for no other reason then to try to elevate them selves socially and attract the opposite ***.

Iv been feeling suicidal at time's lately, it's funny, when I was stuck in the dark I preyed for death each and every day but never actually felt suicidal, I spent nearly every xmas eve year after year down by the sea contemplating throwing myself in, if your incapable of experiencing joy or pleasure in life your probably gunna wish you were dead but now Iv been freed from this burden at such a late stage my life is completely screwed and that's why I'm feeling suicidal these day's, this isn't right, I didn't ask for any of this, nearly everyone that I know is somewhere in life, they did there best and got somewhere and in the process have accumulated and maintained the friendships and relationships we all need in this life but it seem's I'v been left for dead which bring's me back to a recurring dream I used to have as a child.

The dream was the planet was about to explode and everyone was getting in spaceships to escape, I turned to the people in my life I was closest to to take me with them but they didn't want to take me with them as I had done something really bad, I was completely innocent back then but now because the way Iv been the past 15 year's, the person consumed with anger and hatred it feel's like Iv done and been the bad thing in the dream and for me right now approaching 31 it feel's like the planet's exploding and there's no one there anymore to take me with them, those relationship's and attachment's that I had in the past aren't there anymore cuz I cut them off, and now when I really need someone there's no one there, I'm pretty sure the dream is a classic case of abandonment.

Anyway's, f:@k it, I don't know, I'll leave it at that for now, think I just need to put my thought's and feeling's in writing, I seriously feel like I want to end it at time's, I think most people in my situation would do the same but the difference between me and them is that I didn't end up like this due to any particular short coming or weakness in myself, I didn't have any, and for that reason alone I would actually feel justified in taking my own life, this isn't a cry for help, I'm not in crisis, just need to get these thing's out of my system.

Last edited by ghostface : November 12th, 2013 at 10:16.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old November 12th, 2013, 12:54
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144
Default

hi my friend since we last spoke i hoped you were dealing with life a bit better i can't get my head around your thoughts that at 31 life has been wasted and its too late to make new friends a contented life and even love and a family you have been affected very badly with holding your emotions at bay that is something now you are an adult you have to deal with and i know you are waiting to get the help you asked for but in the meantime you must try and realise you are very young and the future could be wonderful if only you could let the past go if you go around with a depressed outlook it shows you have to get an aura of optimism about you and it will shine on others who will want to know and befriend you out of one friendship more grows life snowballs and changes and we find happiness in others
there are many on this forum twice your age who have lost everything but they dont give up thinking they are too old to start new friendships and find hope with a new life most people never give up however traumatic and sad life has been none of us can be sheltered from sadness it happens to us all
your mum gave you many gifts the gift of life a love of music and art use it if you have a passion for these things it may be the way forward for you look for clubs in your area where people meet to enjoy music or art classes here you will find like minded people it will be a new start for you
please don't think me harsh i weep for the 6 year old boy who lost his mum but have you ever really thought about her the word mum it means they would willingly lay down their life for their child it's a love like no other all her dreams would have been for you to find happiness in life to wipe away all your tears shielded you from harm sacrificed everything she owned just for you sheltered you from your fears this was your mum and because she is in heaven and can't do all these things doesn't mean it's not still her dreams for you her love still binds you together in time when you have taken these steps and life improves i hope you can say look mum this is who i am i am happy i have overcome all sadness because part of you and your love was with me i hope you may feel her joy from heaven xxxx
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old November 14th, 2013, 11:31
ghostface ghostface is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9
Default

I know and everything you said is a 100% correct, from all of this Iv pretty much had the life sucked out of me and have developed all this negativity that was never there before, I can't really thank you enough for your kind words, Iv never really had that from anyone since all this began.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a grown man crying about Mommy been dead these past 24 years but as Iv said it's the damage that unresolved grieve as done to me and my life these past 15 years and like you said the longer you have been stuck in depression the harder its is to let ago of so many painful years and memory's, also I should include the fact that she didn't bother with chemo because she didn't want to loose her hair so don't really know just how prepared she was to put her life on the line, I think she was like me, prone to depression and probably wanted to die, I'll never know.

I'v been slipping into depression quite a lot and justifying it by my past, I didn't get out of bed till 4.30 today, since the clocks went forward there's so much darkness and during the day the sky's are always grey here, need to get my ass on a sun holiday maybe.

End of the day its up to me and know one else but it's so so hard to let go of the past, I have accumulated a level and intensity of suffering these past 15 years that would take others multiple life times to match.

Damn, I think there must be only one psychologist in my entire area as I'm still waiting.

Take care Hazel and thank you
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old November 14th, 2013, 17:07
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144
Default

hi how are you today i dont know who told you that mum didn't have chemo because she would lose her hair it might have just been said as a cover up to explain why she didn't have any treatment unfortunately some people are told from day one that chemo wont work for them they can have it to prolong life sometimes for a matter of weeks so they refuse just to have a better quality of life for the time remaining its a terrible poison to be taking if someone cant be cured and don't compare it with the treatment that's around today 25 years ago things were different she may have felt better having some quality time with you reasonably well than sick and ill not being able to do anything it's a choice many take
none of us feel so bright when the days are dark and cold and have to remind ourselves each day is a day of our lives dull and miserable its still a precious day one not to miss so we try and make the most of it perhaps after christmas when the weather gets worse will be a good time for a holiday in the sun might do you the world of good
depression is a state of mind worse an illness but they are all thoughts in the head you have to find a way to train the mind to think positive and break those thoughts at first its very difficult if you start to wander thinking sad things say stop it and try and think of something that will make you happy the more you do it the easier it will get there are yoga and meditation groups usually in health clubs these may help you i know of others who tried it and it gave them peace
sorry you are still waiting for your appointment start badgering your doctor if you don't hear from them soon
thinking of you hazel x
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old November 18th, 2013, 10:54
ghostface ghostface is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9
Default

Don't know if your pm box is still full Hazel.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old November 18th, 2013, 12:13
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,144
Default

hi no it's not full and i received your message thankyou i hope you took on board the last message i sent about mums illness and it made you think that nothing is ever as clear cut as it seems on the surface
im here if you ever need a friend thinking of you hazel x
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:00.


Copyright 2017 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at www.thelightbeyond.com